The Simulacrum - Chapter 82~ Part 1

“The ninja maids are really into the holiday season, huh?” I spoke softly, just loud enough for the girls to hear.

“Christmas is just a few weeks away,” Elly told me as she nuzzled closer to me, her arm already entwined with mine as we walked the morning streets. Judy, on my other side, let out a small huff.

“If you keep using that term, don’t be surprised when your actual, non-theoretical ninjas misunderstand you and start dressing accordingly.”

“In my defense, the ninja maid hypothesis came way before Kage clan showed up on our doorsteps, but it scares me that I can’t deny the possibility of what you just said.”

In the meantime, Elly let out a soft giggle, and when I glanced at her, she hastily explained, “Sorry, I just imagined Rinne in a maid outfit, and it gave me a chuckle.”

“Don’t jinx it,” my other girlfriend warned her with a tiny frown. “We mustn’t let the others learn about the Chief’s maid fetish, or he might be tempted.”

Now, I could once again point out that I definitely didn’t have that, but I knew that she was just trying to push my buttons, so I pointedly looked away and ignored my dear assistant in favor of drinking in the scenery.

It was still early in the morning, so it was fairly dark outside, but that only made all the lights and decorations pop even more. There were blue and yellow Christmas street lights in the shapes of shooting stars on every lamp post, the fronts of most buildings were covered with twinkle lights, garlands, and wreaths, and there was even a life-size Santa Claus statue at the street corner. This wouldn’t have been all that surprising, except for the fact that all of these appeared literally overnight. It’s all thanks to the night-shift ninja maids, I tell you.

“Should we also start decorating?” Snowy chimed in, and I looked over my shoulder to glance at her. Since my girlfriends already reserved my sides, as usual, she walked behind us, which was our customary formation when going to school as of late.

“I don’t know. Isn’t it a little early?”

“Tell that to my mom,” Judy grumbled. “She put up the holiday decorations in the middle of November.” She paused, recalling something, and she tugged on my shoulder to get my full attention. “Speaking of mom, she told me to extend a dinner invitation to you.”

“When?”

“Friday,” she told me a tad wearily and added, “Dad just learned we’re going out, so it’s non-negotiable.”

“Am I also invited?” Elly chimed in, and my dearest assistant let out a weird noise in response, so I came to the rescue.

“Judy’s dad is a little overprotective, so we might have a hard time just getting me accepted. Let’s leave the polyfidelity talk for another occasion.”

After some consideration, Elly nodded, though she was obviously a little disappointed, considering she wanted to introduce herself to Judy’s family for a while now. Thankfully, she understood that rushing this was counter-intuitive, and after a long beat of silence, Snowy broke the ice by tugging on the back of my coat.

“Yes, sis?”

“So… I was still thinking about the decorations. Do we have any at home?”

“That’s actually a good question,” I murmured, but then shrugged. Knowing my house’s track record, I wouldn’t be surprised if we had an entire pile of the things tucked away somewhere in plain sight, but just to be sure, I answered, “Let’s check around first, but in case we don’t, we could always just go and buy some.”

I’d have to go on a shopping spree soon anyway, as I had to prepare gifts for a whole lot of people, but since Snowy was on the receiving end as well, I’d obviously have to do that one without her. Still, going to the local shopping center together, especially now that the place was undoubtedly covered in festive decorations, sounded like a nice group outing. A date even, depending on the company.

On a related note, I couldn’t help but notice how insistent my sister was about this topic, so I inquired, “Did you also have Christmas in the Abyss?”

“Hm? Oh, no, not really. The only holiday we had was Emperor’s Day, but it doesn’t have any garlands or gifts.”

“Is it a national holiday? Like a founding day?” Judy inquired, and my sister gave it quite the consideration.

“It’s something like that, but it’s complicated. It’s less about celebrations and more… uuu… I want to say it nicer, but it’s really more about everyone coming together, fasting, and swearing vengeance.”

“On whom?” came the next question, this time from the princess.

“Mostly… um… Everyone, I think?” Snowy told us, and then she whispered, “It’s not a fun holiday.”

“Based on what you said, I think I prefer Christmas,” I commented, and her face lit up at once.

“Me too! It’s so much more colorful, and I really like the ornaments! Oh, and the Christmas trees! I always wanted to make one!”

“Well, then I guess we’ll have to buy a really big one for your first time,” I jested.

“Um… I’m okay with a medium-size one,” Snowy responded while making weird gestures with her hands, like she was showing how big of a fish she caught, drawing a light chuckle out of me.

We kept discussing our decoration plans until we reached the school gates, and as we crossed the threshold, I was suddenly hit with a strange sensation, like something was missing. Or rather, someone.

“Where’s Josh and Angie?” the princess voiced my thoughts as she craned her neck, and so I Far Glanced around until I found them.

“Oh, they’re already in the school.”

“That’s unusual,” Judy noted and glanced at her phone. “We’re already a little early.”

“Eh, they probably had an ‘event’ or something,” I said with a shrug. “We can ask them once we’re inside.”

“I second that! It’s cold out here!” Elly added and doubled her pace, pulling me along.

Oddly enough, the entrance hall was also unusually deserted, with only a few placeholders loitering around the shoe lockers. On the other hand, there was quite an audible commotion on the first floor, so after changing our shoes, we all made our way up. It didn’t take a detective in a deerstalker hat to figure out the cause of the bustle, as the crowd piled up in front of the large notice board near the stairwell was hard to miss.

“Oh, hi everyone,” Ammy greeted us from the mass of placeholders when our eyes met, and she carefully pushed her way through to come over to us.

“Morning, class rep,” I greeted her back and gestured towards the clot of placeholders with my head. “What’s this all about?”

“The exam results came out,” she told us like it was obvious, but seeing our confused expressions, she soon resolved herself to explain in detail. “After the exam period is over, and all the papers are assessed, the results are put up on the notice board.”

“For everyone?” Snowy blurted out in surprise, sounding a little apprehensive, but Ammy shook her head.

“No, of course not. Only the top ten students of each grade. It’s something of an honor, so everyone is curious if they made it onto the list.” She paused here and, after sending a glance at Judy, she sheepishly added, “I’ve got the second place this time.”

“Really? Congrats. Who’s number one?”

Hearing my question, she stepped aside and pointed at the crowd behind her.

“See for yourself.”

Honestly speaking, I probably could if I squinted hard enough, considering I was about a head taller than everyone in front of me, but that didn’t really help the girls. As such, I handed my bag over to my sister, rolled up my sleeves, and loudly declared, “Ice-breaker coming through! Make way!”

I didn’t get too much of a reaction from the placeholders at first, so I drilled my way into the crowd, the girls following behind me in a single line. I’ve got a few annoying glances here and there, but I didn’t let them stop us, and we soon made it. Standing right in front of the notice board, and pushed a few more people around to make space for the girls, and only then did I take a look myself.

“Oh, look at that!” I exclaimed as my hand lightly landed on top of Judy’s head, more or less by reflex. “You’re number one in our year, Dormouse. Congratulations!”

She responded with a curt ‘Thanks’ and she awkwardly escaped my head-rubs, probably feeling bashful due to all the eyes surrounding us.

“Congratulations!” Elly echoed me, but her eyes were still scanning the notice board even as she spoke. All of a sudden, she raised a finger and exclaimed, “Look, I also made it! Number five!”

“That’s also pretty respectable,” I told her and tousled her hair in turn, eliciting a couple of giggles.

“What about you, sis?” I turned to Snowy next, but she shook her head. “Oh well. Don’t feel too down. It’s not a big deal at all.”

She nodded along, and true to form, she didn’t seem to care too much. Considering she transferred late, and that her education in the Abyss was spotty at best due to her dick of a brother keeping her down, I was perfectly happy so long as she didn’t fail any of her subjects. Not to mention, even if she did, the midterms were mostly meaningless anyway. That said, since I already rubbed my girlfriends’ noggins, it was only fair that she would also get a customary big-brotherly head pat. She found it a little embarrassing, but didn’t complain.

“B-Brother! What are you doing!? You’re in public!” a new voice called out to us, and when I turned in the direction, I was met with a pair of bright green eyes glaring at me between the shifting crowds.

“I don’t see any problem with that,” I told her and gestured for her to come over. My provisional sister (I still wasn’t entirely sure how to treat her) was reluctant, but at long last, she made her way to us, though she remained tense as a piano wire. I couldn’t necessarily fault her, as she was still acclimating to Elly and Snowy, but the way she conspicuously avoided even looking their way was just a tad melodramatic.

“The fact you can say that with a straight face is a huge problem,” the red-headed knightess grumbled as she came to a stop by my side. “People are going to think you’re flirting in the open.”

“She’s not wrong, you know?” Judy chimed in, but I didn’t react to her comment.

“I wasn’t though, and even if I was, what’s wrong about flirting with my girlfriends?”

“Erm… right. You are dating them both. I still can’t get used to that,” Penny murmured, but then her brows descended into a frown and she pointed at my other sister, whose head I was still rubbing even as we spoke. “But what about her?”

“She’s family. Since when’s showing affection to one’s family outlawed around here?”

“It’s not, it’s just… Ugh… You’re incorrigible!” she fumed with her cheeks puffed out, once again reminding me of how the princess used to act in the past. It brought back some fun memories, but it also tickled my teasing instincts a little.

“Oh, I get it now!” I exclaimed and theatrically lifted my hand off Snowy’s head. “You were feeling left out, and that’s why you’re so grumpy so early in the morning.” At this point, I flexed my fingers, and flashed her the most big-brotherliest grin I ever big-brothered, and she instantly figured out what I was about to do.

“Eeeeep!”

And just like that, she dashed away like I was about to eat her or something, knocking a bunch of placeholders away, and opening up a gap in the crowd in the process. I was about to turn back to the notice board, but before the hole in the circle around us could close, someone familiar took advantage of it and replaced Penny in the blink of an eye.

“Wow! Like, what the heck is wrong with everyone this morning?” Sahi started complaining the moment she came to a halt, but then she straightened her uniform and flashed us a huge grin. “Hi, guys!”

“Hello,” Snowy greeted her back, followed by the girls.

The brown girl let out a silly giggle and put her hands on her hips. By now she was fully accustomed to both her younger body and her environment. In fact, with her braided hair, makeup, and the plethora of sparkly accessories she had on her bag, she was a blonde dye-job away from becoming a gyaru archetype. Speaking of which, did gyaru girls use surfer lingo? Probably not, considering it was a Japanese thing, but by this point I wouldn’t be surprised.

“So, like, what’s the deal with the redhead?”

“Just some brotherly teasing, nothing serious,” I told her, at which point she cocked her head to the side.

“Oh, right. She’s, like, also your sister, huh?”

“More or less,” I said with a shrug, and I could see a familiar, impish glint in her eyes.

“Hey, can I also become your little sister? Like, where’s a place for two, there’s a place for three, right?”

I sent the ex-Arch-mage a disparaging look, but she only kept fluttering her eyelashes at me.

“I’m not going to adopt you,” I told her flatly, and she responded with a long string of throaty giggles.

“Just kidding, just kidding!” She wiped the corner of her eyes, with the back of her hand, and then cleared her throat. “So, like, how did you guys do on the exams?”

“Judy got first place,” Elly answered her in my stead. “I’m fifth!”

“Really? That’s wicked! Like, I’m not even sure I passed all my tests… Not that it matters, but it, like, hurts my self-esteem? Just a little.”

“To be fair, it’s not like these exam results really mean anything to us,” I noted, only to get poked in the side by my dearest assistant. “Ow! Hey!”

“Chief, we’re already over this: don’t overlook your grades just because you’re rich.”

“I’m not!” I protested as I rubbed my side, though as usual, it was just an elaborate act. Judy was as bad at inflicting physical violence as usual. “I’m just saying that Sahi won’t really be affected by her grades, since she works with Lord Grandpa already, and she might even get her old position back with time.”

“That’s right,” the subject of our conversation nodded thoughtfully and even raised a finger to her lips. “Like, I’m mostly just here because I never got to go to school the first time. It’s, like, totally unnecessary, but it’s kinda fun, so I’ll keep attending until the novelty wears off.”

“You see, Dormouse? Even she says that—”

“Hold it right there, traitor!”

My words were abruptly cut off by an angry shout, and the sea of placeholders once again parted as someone came over to us, stomping her feet each step on the way.

“Wha—?”

The obvious question never left my mouth, as I was roughly grabbed by the collar and pulled down. Well, okay, technically I was the one who leaned over, but same difference.

“How could you do this to us?” a certain friendly neighborhood Celestial hissed right into my face and she shook me, though it once again required my assistance.

“Could you be a little more specific?” I asked back while maintaining a deadpan façade, ever while Angie was shaking me back and forth, her face a mixture of outrage, grief, and indignation. Not necessarily in that order, and not particularly convincing either.

“You were supposed to be one of us! Our comrade in arms! Our leader! How could you betray the dum-dum club like that!?”

“The what?” Elly blurted out in my stead, earning her Angie’s attention in the process.

“This has nothing to do with you! Your kind has no right to meddle in the affairs of the hopeless!”

It was around this point that Josh also managed to elbow his way through the wall of students as well, and he followed it up with an exasperated grimace.

“Angie, you’re going overboard.”

“Don’t you defend him!” the Celestial girl scoffed, and shook me again, for good measure. “We of the dum-dum brotherhood are supposed to be a close-knit clique! Closer than family! How could you betray us like that?”

It was around this time that I figured out this skit was going nowhere fast, so I grabbed hold of Angie’s shoulders.

“Okay, time out. Before we go any further, could any of you explain what she’s talking about?”

“We’re talking about how you betrayed our dum-dum alliance,” she grumbled, so I turned to her childhood friend, hoping for a more reasonable answer.

“She’s mad at you because you made it onto the list,” Josh told me, and even he sounded disapproving of it.

“Wait, I did?” I turned around and skimmed the notice board again, and my eyes opened wide. “Holy crap, guys! I actually got the tenth spot.”

“Really?” Elly exclaimed after me and scrutinized the board as well. “Look, Judy! It’s there! Leo’s name is really there!”

“I saw at first glance,” my other girlfriend uttered in a tired tone. “I was waiting for you to notice it on your own.”

“If you noticed, then why did you heckle me about school performance just now?”

“On principle,” Judy told me with a straight face, followed by a simple, “Congratulations, Chief.”

“Well, th—”

“You were supposed to be one of uuus!” Angie cut me off again. “How could you do this to us, Leooo? Hooow?”

“All right, I think that’s about enough,” Josh grumbled as he peeled the overdramatic Celesial off my collar.

Honestly, I was quite flabbergasted at the moment. Sure, the tenth place meant I barely qualified, but I never expected to do so at all. I’ve studied quite a bit to catch up to our curriculum, and I’ve done my best during our group cramming sessions, but I didn’t think I did that well.

“Wow. So, like, you’re the type that’s totally smarter than they look, huh?” Sahi chimed in.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She stuck out her tongue in response, but before I could say anything to her, Angie drew my attention again by letting out a hoarse groan and slumping her shoulders in defeat.

“It’s over! Having Ammy around was bad enough, but now that Judy, Elly, and even Leo made it to the honor list, I’ll never hear the end of it! Mom’s gonna kill me…” At this moment, our eyes met, and she pointed an accusing finger at me. “You! If only you did a little worse, then I could point at you, but I can’t even do that now!”

“How would that even help you?” the previously silent Ammy asked with one hand on her glasses, on the border of going into full-blown authority mode at any moment.

“Right,” I added in a hurry. “Also, if you really want to point at someone, there’s always Josh, isn’t there?”

“That’s no use! Nobody expects him to do any better!”

It was at this point that Josh slowly shook his head and grabbed his childhood pal by the scuff of her neck.

“Sorry about this. She’s just suffering from post-exam stress syndrome. Should be back to normal in a couple of days.”

“Unhand me, collaborator!”

“Stop making a scene! Just come along for now. I’ll treat you to a soda or something.”

The Celestial girl’s mood switched so abruptly, it only needed a record scratch sound effect, and she glanced over to him with the world, “Can I get raspberry?”

“Sure,” Josh conceded, and the two of them soon disappeared into the crowd.

“Wow,” Sahi broke the non-silence (considering the background noise) and turned to me. “Those two are, like, totally close.”

“Well, they are childhood friends,” I pointed out, but she shook her head at once.

“Nah, it’s more, like, they’re totally close.”

“You just said that.”

“No, the second time I meant totally totally!” she argued back, and I figured there was no point getting trapped in her pace.

As such, since classes were about to start, and we’ve already read the notice board, I gestured for the girls to follow after me, and we dug our way out of the crowd. Once in the open, we bid a not at all teary farewell to the incognito ex-Arch-mage, Judy and Elly went to the restroom, and I accompanied Snowy to her classroom before I headed for the second floor. Maybe because the placeholder classmates were still gawking at the list, only a few of them lingered in the classroom, plus Ammy, who somehow got here ahead of me.

I took a deep breath and made my way over to my desk. Sitting down, I couldn’t help but reminisce about the first time I came here. It’s been three months since then, but it felt like it was only yesterday… yet at the same time, it also felt like it’s been years. It was quite a peculiar feeling, but understandable.

A lot of things happened in this short time. Amnesia and Chimeras, giant robots and mad scientists, highly visible ninjas and foxy mikos, talking swords and dastardly knights… So many weird things happened to me in such a short time, and I didn’t even count stuff like my relationship with the girls. I couldn’t help but wonder; will my life ever become simple, or was I doomed to live a life of constant headaches and complications?

While I was thinking so, our classmates returned to the room one by one, signaling that the lessons were about to start. Oddly enough, Angie came back alone, and her body language said she was furious about something. I didn’t have to wait for long to find out why, as not much after her arrival, Josh also walked in and sat down behind me with a lethargic groan.

“Hey, buddy?” I called out to get his attention and turned around in my seat. “I have a feeling that you have a tale to tell.” He only gave me a wry look, so I ventured a guess. “Angie?”

“Yeah,” he griped and rubbed his face. “Also, the new girl.”

“Which one? Penny?”

“Yeah,” he answered, the word turning into a drawn-out sigh by the end.

“So? Do you want to talk about it?”

“Maybe after classes,” he answered after thinking, then added, “I know I’ve already said this before, but man, girls are weird.”

Shaking my head, I turned around to face the blackboard, and soon came to the conclusion that as hectic and annoying my life could be at times, I could always take solace in the fact that at least I wasn’t a harem protagonist.