The Simulacrum - Chapter 82~ Part 2

“And remember children: the most important part of the school festival is fun!” Mrs. Applebottom exclaimed with an unusually energetic smile, and the classroom nodded along. Well, most of the class. Our little group was already neck-deep in the preparations, so we all had our own opinions about her trite advice, while at least one of the four creepy amigos was too busy swooning to give any other reaction.

Then, like clockwork, the last chime of the day sounded, ending our homeroom class, yet contrary to my expectations, the teacher remained at her desk. That was odd, considering how uncannily punctual she was, and soon she cleared her throat and added, “Also, I know you’re excited about your concert, but please make sure you all do your part and support our performers. Don’t leave everything up to Leonard and the singers.”

Our usually vacant classmates remained oddly silent at first, but soon they began to voice their agreement one by one. Mrs. Applebottom smiled again, stood up, and left the classroom without any further words.

“That was odd,” Judy noted as she arrived at my desk less than a second after the teacher was out of sight.

“A little,” I answered as I packed my bag. “The progress is slow, but things are definitely evolving.”

“You mean the place—” Elly spoke up as she looked over her shoulder, but caught herself before she finished the last word, and after conspicuously glancing around, she corrected herself by saying, “— I mean, the classmates, right?”

“Among other things,” I confirmed, and we left it at that.

In the meantime, Josh also finished packing and called out to me.

“So, do you guys have any plans for the afternoon?”

“We’ll have our measurements taken for the costumes,” Elly told him, and the guy’s eyes lit up with recognition.

“Ah, right. You mentioned that during lunch.”

“I’m also going,” Judy noted, and when I raised a brow at her, she added, “We’ll have a rehearsal first, and I’m in charge of the audio equipment.”

“Do you need help?” I offered, but she shook her head.

“Everything should be in the storeroom where we left it.”

“Now that you mention that,” Josh interjected, with his bag already on his back. “Are we going to hold the concert in the classroom?”

“Right, you weren’t there during the last practice session,” I said after rising to my feet as well. “We’re expecting a bit of a crowd, so I ever so nicely asked the principal if we could have the gym for the day, and he happily agreed.

“Oh, so that’s why grandfather was so irritated yesterday,” Ammy commented out of the blue, appearing from my blind spot as usual. At this point, I had to wonder if her ability to sneak up on people like that was a natural quirk of hers, or possibly a homunculus thing. I mean, I still had absolutely no idea about what it meant to be a homunculus, so it might as well give her secret presence-hiding powers or something.

More importantly, she was also ready to go, and after adjusting her glasses, she gave me a reproachful frown and warned me, “Please don’t impose on grandfather more than necessary. He’s already high-strung due to all the recent incidents.”

“I know, I know. I was perfectly polite. Gentlemanly, even.”

“Chief, we both know what that means by your standards,” Judy took a jab at me, and I turned a pair of incredulous eyes at her.

“What are you saying, Dormouse! Aren’t I the very model of a modern major gentleman?”

She considered my words, and then replied, “Depends. Is it a one-to-forty-eight, or a one-to-seventy-two scale model?”

I was going for more of a ‘Gillbert and Sullival’ kind of skit, but decided to take her response and run with it anyway.

“Oh, come on, Dormouse! I’m at worst a one-to-eight scale,” I moaned, and she scoffed at me in return.

“Not a chance. Isn’t that right, Elly?”

My other girlfriend blinked at us, and then sheepishly admitted, “Oh, sorry, I was a little distracted just now.” She didn’t wait for us to respond, but instead she posed the question, “Hey, so, I was wondering. If a model is a one-to-one scale, is it still a model?”

“Depends,” my dear assistant pivoted on the spot without batting an eye. “Mannequins are one-to-one scale, and they are still models.”

“Are they?” the princess asked back with a skeptical look on her face, so I also pivoted and backed Judy up.

“Of course they are. They’re the normal models, while the people on the catwalks are the superior models.”

“That’s why they are called ‘super-models’,” Judy doubled down with me, and the princess nodded along.

“But if the super-models are one-to-one scale models, who are they modeled after?” Elly threw us a curveball, and we shared an uncertain glance.

“Platonic ideals?” I ventured a guess, and Judy nodded along.

“I’m sorry for doubting you, Chief. You are indeed a modern major gentleman. You’ve information practical, abstract, and philosophical.”

“Oh, now you try to do the ‘Modern Major General’ spoof!” I complained aloud, and my dearest assistant’s cheeks actually flushed a little, which was a rare, and correspondingly precious, sight. My other girlfriend, on the other hand, let out a soft gasp and snapped her finger.

“So that’s what you were doing! I love that song! Dad used to sing it when I was little.”

“It’s also hard to improvise new verses for it on the spot,” my other girlfriend grumbled, so I lightly patted her on the back as a peace offering.

“Do you think they’re done?” Josh whispered on the side, and Ammy shrugged her shoulders.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” she told him, prompting him to look us over one more time.

“I think they’re probably finished with their thing,” he whispered, and cleared his throat to get our attention. “So, putting all that aside, we were talking about the concert, right?”

“Yes,” I responded, turning away from the girls. By the sound of it, they were trying to come up with new lyrics to the song, so I tried to ignore them. That way, I wouldn’t ruin the surprise.

“So, I was wondering, but are we going to have a stage?” Josh inquired, and the question immediately perked Ammy’s ears.

“You want to have a stage? In the gym?”

“I don’t want to, I was just curious if Leo had any plans about it,” he answered in a hurry, and I sent him a skeptical glance at one.

“Why would I?”

“Idunno. You’re the one who always overdoes things, so I figured you’d just buy a stage. And some lights. Plus maybe a fog machine or two.”

I raised the intensity of my skepticism by a notch and asked, “You put a lot of thought into this, didn’t you? Are you trying to use some sort of reverse-psychology trick on us?”

Before he could answer, Elly interrupted us by exclaiming, “Wait, that’s actually a great idea! I could ask dad if we could borrow some stage props!”

“That sounds nice in theory, but the concert is going to be indoors,” I pointed out, but it didn’t faze the princess the slightest.

“Don’t worry, these things are modular. You can disassemble and reassemble them in the gymnasium. Oh, and the boys could even help with moving the parts and setting things up!”

“Wait, what do you mean by that?” Josh blurted out in alarm.

“I don’t think there’s a way you can misunderstand what she said,” I commented on the side.

In the meantime, Elly got up and declared, “I’ll call dad.”

“Do it after the rehearsal,” Judy cut in and showed her phone to the princess.

“You’re right. He might be busy right now anyway.” She paused here and looked around. “Where’s Angie?”

“She said she had to go to the toilet,” said the class rep. “She told me she’d meet us in the gym.”

“Then we should get going,” my dearest assistant stressed as she pocketed her phone, and soon the girls left the classroom, though only after the customary goodbyes and kisses. By this time the rest of our classmates also left, so it was just me and a slightly sullen Josh.

“Well, I guess it’s just the two of us.”

“Yeah,” he spoke with a sigh and gestured for me to get moving.

It wasn’t until we already changed shoes and were just about to leave the main building when my friends spoke up again.

“Man, I really should’ve watched my mouth,” he spoke softly, and a sigh later he added, “At this rate, my school festival plans are as good as busted.”

“You had plans?”

“Yeah, obviously?” he jabbed back with a roll of his eye. “I mean, not big plans, but if Elly can really get us a stage and we’ll have to put it together…” This time he let out a frustrated grunt and moaned, “I mean, come on, man! I’m not even qualified to be a stage crew! What if I break something?”

“You made your bed, pal. Now you have to lie in it,” I jested, and he gave me an annoyed look in return.

“Don’t talk like it’s none of your business. Last I checked, you’re one of the boys too.”

“Yes, but I’m also the manager,” I pointed out.

“Ah, damn. You’re right…” he muttered, but then his face lit up with a new idea. “Hey, Leo? Can you ask the big guys for help? They like building stuff.”

“True, but they are busy with expanding the base,” I responded, and his shoulders slouched in disappointment.

“Oh, come on, man! Can’t you at least ask them? Maybe they’ll even offer their help. I mean, they always looked like they had fun when they were building or tinkering, right?”

As much as I wanted to deny Josh’s plea, he wasn’t entirely wrong about that last part. Snowy’s Faun retainers always had a knack for construction work, which was already strange for a group of magically engineered proud warrior race guys, but as of late, they’ve started pursuing some outright artistic endeavors. Karukk borrowed a lathe machine from Fred to make a knife handle, but since then he began to use it for woodturning, and he made multiple vases and other small decorations from scrap materials. Brang took up metalworking, and he’s been making fancy swords, knives, and other tools with Galatea. Hrul turned out to be a talented wood-carver, and he made his own noh theater mask for the ninja disguise, and as for Pip… Well, he started sculpting, but somehow he seemed to be getting worse at it over time. He claimed he’s just exploring impressionism, but I had a feeling that if he kept it up, he’d soon start arranging old chairs into a stack and call it a Dadaist artwork about consumerism or something.

Considering this sudden outburst of creativity came right after Snowy got her new drawing board, I had a sneaking suspicion that she might’ve been the reason behind it, but it really didn’t matter either way. The Fauns’ new hobbies didn’t really interfere with their main job, and what they did in their free time was none of my business. That said, I had a feeling that if I asked them, they might just jump at the opportunity to work on the stage. However…

“Sorry pal, but it’s not going to happen. We’re on School grounds. There’s no way I can bring in a brigade of Fauns without any of the guys underground noticing.”

“Well, damn,” Josh grumbled and let out yet another absurdly overdramatic sigh. “That’s it. My school festival plans are officially ruined, and it’s my own fault.”

“Stop being so melodramatic.”

“I’m not,” he muttered in a sullen voice.

I sent him a sideways glance, but he remained silent, so I resolved myself to just come out and ask what his deal was.

“Seriously now. What kind of plans did you have? You’re talking about this like the school festival was supposed to change your life or something.”

“Erm… No. I mean, I don’t think so, but… I still wanted to do a few important things.”

“Such as?” I urged him, and this time he was the one who gave me an annoyed look.

“Come on, man. We already talked about what the school festival is all about.”

“Food stalls, class productions, and parents coming to visit?”

“No, not those things.” He paused to see if I would figure it out, but when I remained completely confused, he blurted out, “Girls, man. You’re supposed to go around the festival with a girl. It’s tradition.”

“… Okay, I wasn’t expecting that,” I admitted with just a hint of interest. “Do you have someone in mind?”

“Erm… Umm…” Josh hesitated for quite a while, but when we reached a crossing and had to stop at the light, he finally resolved himself. “We talked about how Angie might like me, right? I mean, like me more than a friend, right?” I nodded along, and so he explained, “I was kinda planning to invite her along and… you know? Visit the stalls, a few classrooms, maybe go to the rooftop to watch the fireworks, and see how things would go. I mean, I don’t expect anything to happen, but if something would happen, it would be the time for it to happen, so we’ll see if it happens or not.”

“Calm down, buddy. You’re starting to talk in circles,” I told him, and made a mental note about that rooftop firework thing, as it sounded like a neat thing to watch with the girls. More importantly, I considered Josh’s words, and couldn’t help but note, “So you want to test the waters with Angie? Aren’t you two in a cold war right now?”

“Nah. I told you, she’s just grouchy because of the exams. She’ll get better in a few days. It also didn’t help that it’s that time of the month for her. It just makes her extra-touchy.”

“… You keep track of Angie’s period?”

“What? No! I mean, kinda, but not on purpose!” he denied my question like it was some kind of grand accusation. “I mean, we’ve known each other for ages. I just kinda figured out the pattern over time. There’s nothing weird about that.”

“I never said so,” I told him, and we both left it at that.

That said, this development kind of took me aback. As far as I was concerned, this was the first proactive idea this guy had, at least when it came to his love life. This was a development that required attention. After all, if our hypotheses about the Simulacrum running on mainly battle harem tropes was on the money, Josh getting together with any of the girls would definitely make some waves in the Narrative. It might even trigger one of those ‘routes’ Judy was so hell-bent about, and lead to some unexpected developments. Heck, we might even avoid that potential tournament arc I’ve heard about in my latest fever dream.

But let’s not get ahead ourselves. It’s Josh and Angie we were talking about here. Honestly, as much as the two of them suited each other, she wasn’t exactly the most viable candidate out of Josh’s entourage. As a matter of fact, she was the least likely, simply because, in any kind of harem narrative, the childhood friend always loses. I had no idea why; you’d think that when it came to the relationship tug-of-war, the love interest who’s been with the protagonist the longest would have an enormous head-start, yet statistically speaking, they were pretty much guaranteed to lose them to some brand new transfer student, or some long-forgotten girl from the protagonist childhood, or just your run of the mill tsundere turning lovey-dovey over time. And yes, I know just described the princess, and it wasn’t a coincidence.

Not that there were many horses in the race anymore. Besides Angie, we only had Snowy, who seemed to care very little about romance as of late, and potentially Penny, but they got along with Josh about as well as oil and water, so anything was possible. I figured I might as well sit back and watch the situation unfold.

“Listen, Josh,” I called out to my glum fiend, and once I had my attention, I told him, “I think you’re being too negative about this whole stage thing. It’s not guaranteed that Abram could just get one on short notice, and even if he did, it doesn’t mean you’d have to spend the whole day assembling it. Not to mention, Angie’s in the group, so even if you wanted to invite her, you’d have to do it after the performance was over anyway.”

“Wouldn’t we have to disassemble the stage?”

“Obviously not right after the concert was over,” I told him in the company of a subtle roll of my eyes. “Seriously, dude, don’t overthink this. Just ask her out on a date, and the rest of us will cover for you.”

“It won’t be a date,” he objected, and when I frowned at him, he hastily explained, “I mean, it’s just to see how she’d react, and we’ve already done some food stand hopping last year, so it’s not even that special. What did we call these things? Outings?”

“No. When you invite a girl specifically to have a romantic time and see if you two would move your relationship forward, that’s a date by definition.”

“Oh, maaan…”

I let my friend mull over that, and a few short minutes of walking later we reached the usual intersection where we’d part ways. I checked the time, and seeing that there’s still a couple of hours until my next appointment, I asked, “Do you want to grab something to eat? We could hit up the arcade too.”

“Nah, not in the mood,” he grumbled. “I also don’t want to run into Pascal and Sahi again.”

“I think that time was just a fluke.”

He didn’t seem particularly convinced, and to be honest, I wouldn’t have been either. I mean, how could we predict that we’d run into those two the last time we visited the place? Not only that, the ex-Arch-mage challenged us to a Street Kombat tag-team fight, and it wasn’t pretty. I’d like to say it was probably because Josh still had some lingering trauma from Sahi’s presence and couldn’t concentrate, but Armband Guy was just a straight-up monster, and he would’ve probably beaten both of us with one health bar. As for what those two were even doing in the arcade, I had no idea. Or rather, I had an idea, but it was too silly to consider.

“I still pass,” Josh decided and exhaled a pent-up breath. “I need to practice first before I’m willing to set foot in there again. See ya tomorrow, I suppose.”

With that said, he bid me farewell and walked down the road leading into his neighborhood. Wow. The guy was really out of it, wasn’t he? He even completely skipped over the food part of my invitation. I considered calling after him, but seeing how he was busy mulling things over, I figured I should let him sort out his thoughts alone, and I also began walking.

To be honest, Josh wasn’t the only one feeling slightly wary about the upcoming school festival. Or rather, it was what came after that. The Christmas ball. The part where I’d have to pick a dance partner for the evening was already a tricky one, but one that I could manage by hopping between the girls. The real problem was what came after that, and it made me uncharacteristically fretful. I just really, really hoped I won’t mess things up. Our relationship has already settled into a really cozy and fun status quo, and so I really didn’t want to upset everything by screwing up the… um… screwing part? That didn’t come out right…

While I wondered about this, my legs carried me back to our neighborhood. I could’ve Phased, but some fresh air never hurt anyone, even if it was cold as heck. If the forecast was to be believed, we’ll have a white Christmas, but so far I’ve set to see a single snowflake this year. Well, except the blizzard that Snowy made during the kidnapping incident, but that doesn’t count.

So, I just rounded the corner leading into our street, and immediately noticed something peculiar. Or rather, someone. A tall-ish young man wearing a fancy brown felt coat, a plaid scarf, and bright blue mufflers on his ears. More relevantly, said young man was standing right in front of my house and rubbing his hands, occasionally breathing into his palms to keep them warm. He looked up, and the moment our eyes met, his expression lit up and he waved to me, so I made my way over to him with measured steps.

“Hello, Leonard!” the sandy-blonde guy greeted me with a grin partially hidden by his scarf. “Thank Deus you arrived! I thought I was going to freeze to the bone out here!”

Mike, the local Celestial asset, useful Hub regular, and all-around silly person, was looking at me like I was his savior, and I couldn’t help but feel a headache coming as I greeted him back.

“Good day, Michael. What brings you to my doorstep?”

“I’m here for business,” he told me, and after overtly glancing left, right, and ever over his shoulder, he leaned closer and whispered, “Celestial business.”

“I figured.”

“Also…” He leaned even closer and lowered his voice another notch before adding, “I also need some help. It’s, um… of personal nature.”

“I’m listening,” I said, even though I had a feeling I really shouldn’t.

“Can… can we talk inside? I’m reeeeeeally cold…”

I gave the aspiring Celestial agent a flat look, but he remained entirely serious, so a quick sigh later I gestured for him to follow after me, all the while already preparing myself for either something troublesome, something embarrassing, or potentially both. It was Mike we were talking about, after all…