The Simulacrum - Chapter 84~ Part 3

“Judy’s dad is a policeman?”

In response to my sister’s question, Judy exhaled a long sigh and told her, “It’s complicated.”

For some reason Snowy glanced at me at this point and let out a giggle, but before I could ask why, she returned to fluffing the cushions on the couch. I didn’t know why; our guests were only going to stay for a few minutes before we moved on. Maybe she just wanted to be a good host as an extension of her maid hobby? It would also explain her habit of offering drinks and snacks to anyone who set their feet inside our house. More importantly, my assistant looked downright downcast, so I sidled over and pulled her into a hug.

“Cheer up, Dormouse. Who knows? Maybe my Schrödinger’s Dad hypothesis was right all along.”

“I told you Chief, my father’s not a quantum particle,” she grumbled, but still leaned into the hug.

She took the fact that she never realized his father was on the force hard, as she prided herself on her amazing memory and observation skills. This, consequently, also meant that this either wasn’t a retcon, or it was somehow different than what I did to the mug, as she didn’t experience any retroactive memory consolidation.  As far as she was concerned, her father was just a slightly overprotective office worker at a nondescript workplace, and she never pried into his job any further than that.

As for why she didn’t, I considered the possibility of her getting her perception filtered, so that the states of ‘he’s a simple office worker, because she said so’ and ‘he’s a policeman, because he has a gun’ could exist in parallel, and therefore keep the world consistent. That is, until I collapsed the wave function. She didn’t find that funny, but at least I was trying.

In any case, this was yet another entry on our growing list of things that needed to be investigated, but with the Draconian conference coming up, both my time and my mental fortitude was already portioned out, so there was a bat’s chance in hell I could try and peek behind the curtain of reality in the near future. Seriously though, the fact that I was using the same mental reserves for Phasing, messing with enchantments, and doing reality-warping shenanigans was becoming more of a bottleneck with every passing day.

“Ah! You guys are so cute!” Angie called out as she came downstairs and caught us hugging, so I did the boyfriendly thing and held my girlfriend even closer with a not-at-all smug grin.

“Showoff,” came the next comment from Josh following after her.

The two of them arrived not too long ago, just a little after lunchtime, and they just deposited the excited Celestial’s tennis gear in my room. She had club practice in the morning, and Josh somehow got roped into it. On a more upbeat note, she finally got over her post-exam funk, and the two of them have been having multiple ‘events’ like that in the past couple of days, meaning the rom-com train was still happily running in the background regardless of the supernatural stuff occupying most of our time. How does the quote go? The more things change, the more they stay the same?

“Where’s Ammy?” the happy-go-lucky Celestial inquired the moment she reached the ground floor.

“I last saw her in the kitchen,” Judy answered in a muffled yet still deadpan voice, her face buried in my chest and apparently feeling comfortable enough she saw no reason to let go just yet.

“Did someone call?” the class rep arrived with a question of her own. Unlike the others, she was already in her Magiformer uniform, and she had an open bag of biscuits in her hands.

“I was just curious,” Angie answered, and then shamelessly reached into the bag and snatched a piece.

“You could’ve just asked,” Ammy grumbled, and the other girl flashed a toothy girl at her.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve trained her better before I took her out in public.”

“What am I, a dog?” Angie grumbled between two bites, but didn’t seem to mind the comment too much. Maybe another inside joke? Anyhow, after a short pause she continued with an overdramatic, “Oh, woe is me! You’ve completely shattered my poor feelings! How are you going to take responsibility?”

“I’m not taking any,” Josh answered with a tone flatter than a desert road.

“And that’s why you don’t have a girlfriend,” she concluded with a knowing nod, while Josh defiantly crossed his arms.

“Since when are you an authority on this topic? Last I checked, you don’t have a boyfriend either.”

“Not for the lack of trying, I tell you,” she answered in a huff.

“Okay, break it up,” I cut in. “Could you two please take your UST somewhere else? The others are coming over.”

“You still haven’t told me what that even means,” Josh griped, but when I didn’t pay him any heed, he soon let it go and glanced out the window. “Are all the Knights coming over?” When I nodded, he let out a lung-rattling sigh. “So that means she’s coming too. Marvelous.”

“Looking forward to meeting with the new girl again, aren’t you?” Angie commented on the side, and for once I could distinctly sense some barbs in her words.

“Why would I?” the guy asked back, obviously flabbergasted by the mere suggestion.

“Because you’re getting along so well,” our resident Celestial responded with a voice that was clearly displeased, and even Josh must have picked up on it, because he gave his full attention to his childhood friend.

“You might want to get your eyes checked, because there’s no way anyone with a working pair would mistake us for getting along.”

“Oh sure. Just brush me off. It’s not like I’ve known you for ages and could clearly tell when you’re having fun.”

“When did I ever have fun with her?”

“Every time I see you two together.”

“We’re never together! I don’t even like Penny!”

“Then why are you calling her that?”

“That’s her name! What next? Should I call her by her full name to show that we don’t like each other? That would be hella awkward, considering she’s Leo’s sister. At least, I think.” He paused their argument to glance at me and ask, “She is, right?”

“Yes,” I admitted, as by this point even I couldn’t deny that she firmly took the unoccupied spot of ‘rebellious little sister’ in my mind. “However, I think I just warned you two about spreading your UST around like that.”

“I still don’t know what that even is!” Josh complained aloud, and normally this would’ve been the point where Ammy would’ve entered into ‘authority mode’ to scold them over making a ruckus, yet she remained entirely silent. In fact, she’s been really silent as of late, and even now, she was spacing out, so I ignored the bickering childhood friend duo

“Hey, class rep?” She blinked in surprise and turned her attention to me. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes. I’m just a little tired. I was up late last night.”

“Paperwork?” Judy guessed, still attached to me like a baby koala.

“No, I was… um… Texting.”

“With Mike?” I guessed, and she weakly nodded. I saw no reason to pry any further, so I adopted a reassuring smile and told her, “Neat. I’m happy to hear you’re no longer buried under School paperwork.”

“… Thanks?”

She sounded a little taken aback by the way I closed the topic, but she obviously didn’t want to disclose her personal life, so we tacitly left it at that. Not that there was any time for further discussion, as we both noticed a line of black minivans coming to a stop on the street outside.

“The Knights arrived!” I announced, and Snowy immediately headed towards the front entrance.

“I’ll go make sure they won’t get stuck on the wards!”

In the meantime, Judy detached herself from me and headed outside as well, which left only the arguing childhood friends to deal with before the others came in. Or so I thought.

“Let’s ask Leo!” Angie exclaimed the moment I turned back to them, and she held an imaginary microphone under my nose. “In your opinion, if you eat a strawberry crepe after a savory crepe, does it count as dessert, or not?”

“… Where the heck did that come from? Weren’t you just arguing a moment ago?”

“That’s ancient history,” the energetic Celestial declared and shook her invisible microphone. “So? What’s your answer?”

“I have no idea. I don’t even like crepes that much.”

“Heresy!”/”Heretic!” the two echoed in perfect unison.

“Let’s go ask Elly. She looks like a crepe person,” Josh proposed, and Angie agreed with almost religious zeal.

In conclusion, childhood friends are fascinating, yet unpredictable creatures that are best observed from afar. That’s it for today’s nature documentary, please tune in for our next episode as well. Same Leonard channel, same ‘what is this I don’t even’ time.

So, after ignoring these two, I focused my attention on the newcomers trickling into the house. The procession was led by Elly, and once inside, she didn’t even bother to take off her coat; the moment she kicked off her boots, she dashed over to my side and glomped me.

“Hi, princess. You didn’t have to rush this much, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Judy said she got an awesome hug!” she exclaimed and opened her arms wide. “I want one too.”

“I don’t know what’s especially ‘awesome’ about it, but sure.”

While I fulfilled my boyfriendly obligations, the Entitled Knights entered the house, with Penny leading the group. They were dressed in their own casual clothes, and all of them had at least one duffle bag with them holding the rest of their things. My sister had three. I had no idea how she could carry them all at the same time, but she somehow managed.

“We’ve arrived!”

“So this is Brother Leonard’s home,” Arnwald spoke absent-mindedly, his hands busy trying to get his frazzled sideburns under control after he took off his scarf.

“It’s as utilitarian as Penny said,” Roland commented on the side, while Mr. Minotaur remained stalwartly silent. They both walked over to the sitting area to put their bags down, probably so that the rest could come inside as well.

Said others were the barely-side-character Squires, and they all entered in single file, wearing the same tracksuits as usual. The reason behind that was quite mundane: they didn’t have any other clothes. By the looks of it, since they were not supposed to be important in the grand scheme of things, and only serve as mooks, the Simulacrum didn’t generate any of the obvious background elements for them, including their own clothes beyond their twenty-four-seven armors. Considering this world’s track record with absolutely baffling ‘optimization’ methods, we weren’t even surprised.

I waited for everyone to come inside, and after Snowy closed the front door behind her, I loudly cleared my throat to get everyone’s attention.

“Before we do anything else, Judy, please stand there.” My dearest assistant directed an odd glance at me, but when I urged her with my brows, she gave up and followed my instructions. “Good. Now, Penny, please come over here.” She obviously wanted to ask why, but I cut her off by adding, “Also, put your bags down for now.”

Judy subtly rolled her eyes, so I once again used my facial muscles to signal her not to break the script, and she grudgingly played along. Once my second sister was in position, I cleared my throat again and loudly asked, “Is everyone here?”

There was a moment of silence in the room, and Roland looked like he was just about to come forward when the target of my question finally got her cue.

“Everyone’s here!” a high-pitched voice called out as Judy’s shadow rippled and a rotund fox shot out of it like she was launched from a catapult. Then, while still in mid-air her body flashed with colorless light, and a little girl wearing a shrine maiden outfit landed with a beaming smile. “Welcome, Penny-sama!”

She, incidentally, landed right in front of my sister, and the girl let out a startled ‘Eeep!’ and jumped back to hide behind Mr. Griffon. However, even though all of that unfolded in a single second, it would be something that would last forever thanks to my foresight in taking a photo of her reaction with my phone.

“Chief, your hobby is getting worse over time,” my dearest assistant grumbled, but I didn’t mind. One day, when we’ll be old and wrinkly, she’ll learn to appreciate my collection.

“W-w-what is that!?” Penny called out from behind the Griffon Knight, and even he was giving the still beaming Ichiko a curious look.

“I already told you about her,” I answered with a satisfied grin and put my phone away.

“Ue-sama! Did I do well?” The foxy miko came over with expectant eyes, so I gave her a thumb up, and she let out a delighted yip. She’s been doing that even while in human form as of late. Was she spending too much time as a fox?

“There will be more than enough times for introductions later. The most important thing was already accomplished, so let’s move location.”

“But we just arrived. If we are moving again, we should have stayed in the cars.”

Hearing Roland’s comment, I couldn’t help but smile mysteriously.

“We’re not traveling by car,” I said and gently nudged Elly to let me go. Once she reluctantly did so, I gestured for everyone to follow after me. “Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to my teleport closet, version two.”

The gang was already used to this, but the Knights looked more than a little confused by my words. However, it wasn’t either of them who spoke up first, but the class rep.

“Oh? It actually looks much better now,” she noted after poking her head inside the dark closet. “What makes it version two?”

“It can now take two people at the same time,” I told them, and when I only received weird looks in return, I clarified. “I mean, excluding me.”

“Oh, that makes more sense,” Josh noted on the side. “But couldn’t you already do that?”

“Yes, but now it’s much more stable. Don’t ask about the details, it’s technical,” I answered him with the unspoken implication that he really shouldn’t nitpick at the cover of my Phasing ability, and he quickly picked up on it.

“You have a teleportation circle in your own house?” Penny also stuck my head inside, and after looking around for a while, she asked the obvious question of, “Where does it lead?”

“To a secret base!” Ichiko exclaimed, making her jump and hide behind me this time.

“… I know you were startled by our prank, but it’s kind of hurting your gallant knightly image if you keep getting scared by a little girl.”

“I’m not scared, just… She’s weird!” she declared, making the foxy miko blink.

“Ue-sama? Am I really weird?”

“No, you’re not. Don’t worry about it.”

She nodded like my words were all the proof she needed, only to be suddenly captured by Angie.

“Ichiko! It’s been so long since I last saw you! Quick, turn back into a fox!” She did so without any further prompting, and Angie immediately threw a biscuit into the air. The tiny fox once again fired herself up like she had springs for legs to catch the treat, and on the way down, she was caught in the Celestial girl’s arms.

“Just when did she…?” Ammy muttered as she glanced at the bag in her hand. Meanwhile, Penny tugged at my sleeve, demanding my attention.

“Seriously, brother! What is she?”

“I told you. She’s a sword who’s now a little girl. And a fox. And a ninja. Oh, and technically she’s also a Chimera, but that part is questionable at this point.”

By the looks of it, my sister was about to suffer from a blue screen of death while trying to comprehend my words, so Arnwald cleared his throat and looked across the room.

“I must admit, Brother Leonard, I did not expect your companions to be so…”

“Odd?” I ventured a guess.

“I wanted to say lively, but your adjective also certainly applies.” His eyes momentarily lingered on the Celestial girl, joined by Snowy and Elly, playing with the fluffy little menace, and he let out a grandfatherly chuckle that suited him much better than it ever did Sebastian. “It’s certainly not a bad thing.”

“Ye talked aboot a base, didnae ye? Whit’s that aboot?” Duncan entered the conversation with a voice that said he’d rather stay silent, but wanted to get things going.

“You’ll soon see it with your own eyes.” For emphasis, I tapped on the doorframe leading into the fake teleport point. “Form into pairs, and I’ll take you there.”

What followed was about twenty minutes of rapid back-and-forth Phasing between my house and the base, the boring details of which shall be omitted. This time I didn’t have to leave anyone behind on housesitting duty, as we had not one, but two Kage ninjas stationed in the house. They were holed up in the attic, as we lacked the stereotypical ceiling paneling behind which stereotypical ninjas could do their stereotypical skulking.

In any case, I managed to make the rounds and transport everyone over, and it only resulted in minimal nausea. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I felt like I was getting much better at Phasing. In the past, this many round trips would’ve left me woozy for about an hour. Was it practice? Or was it the result of my recent reality-bending activities? I’d be damned if I knew, but it was certainly a welcome improvement.

Speaking of welcomes, the newbies were still busy exploring the base’s reception room, so I clapped my hands to get their attention.

“Gather up, gather up. I would like to officially welcome you to our secret base.”

“Are we underground?” Roland cut in.

“As a matter of fact, we are. What gave it away?”

“The air.”

“Very observant of you. Indeed, we’re underground, and for the next couple of days, I want you to stay here and familiarize yourself with the place and the others. You’ll be provided with free lodging and three meals a day. If you require anything else, you can fill out a requisition form and get it delivered. Any questions?”

“Who are these ‘others’ you speak of?” Penny asked the moment she got the opportunity.

“Good question.” While answering, I walked towards the metal door leading into the main hall, and the Knights followed on my heels. The gang, on the other hand, was already used to the place, so they lagged behind. “Some of you have already met a few of them during the time you were unconditionally invited to the Dracis mansion.”

“That’s… a unique way to put it,” Arnwald whispered under his breath, and Duncan agreed with a grunt.

“Besides them, you’ll also have to meet our newly formed research division, consisting of freelance Research Society members and their assistants.” I paused as I put my hand on the door in front of me and added, in a firm voice, “They might look strange, and their interests might seem peculiar, but I’d like you all to have an open mind. In fact, that applies to everyone on the other side of this door.”

“This does nae bode weel…”

I ignored Mr. Minotaur’s negativity and opened the door, only to freeze in place, and close it back up. I took a deep breath, and adopted a poker-face as I turned over to the suddenly tense group behind me.

“Excuse me, but it seems like we’re having some technical difficulties. Please stay here until I call for you.”

“O-Okay.”

Penny sounded apprehensive, so I flashed her one of my brotherly smiles I usually reserved to Snowy and opened the door again, just wide enough so that I could slip through, and immediately shut it behind me. I took a deep breath to get my temper under control, but just as I was about to succeed, something touched my foot.

I glanced down, and found a small, pink hemisphere, no bigger than a soccer ball, tapping at my shin with its many stubby tentacles, its one oversized eye staring at me with an affectionate gaze demanding attention. With the breath still trapped in my throat, I reached down and grabbed the critter. It was surprisingly light and squishy, and as I held it up upside down, it flailed its tiny legs and short tendrils.

My eyes glided over the main hall, and once I had to sadly conclude there was no way this could be quietly resolved, I let out the mother of all bellows, fueled by all the indignation of a ruined first impression.

“Which one of you bloody mad scientist bastards let the mini-shoggoths loose again?!”