The Simulacrum - Chapter 85~ Part 1

As I slumped down onto the barstool in front of me, I was met with a wide grin and a chipper, “[Do you require any refreshments?]” from the elderly Faun casually shining a shot glass on the other side.

“Please stop pretending to be a bartender and give me a bottle of soda.”

“[Thine words carry quite the oxymoron,]” Brang told me with a chuckle, and it took inhuman willpower to stop myself from groaning.

“I won’t even question why your language even has the word ‘oxymoron’, so could we just skip the banter? It’s been a tiresome day.”

“[Aye, I have seen it with mine own eyes.]” As he was saying that, he opened the minibar, took out a bottle of cold coke, and filled up two clean glasses.

I was just about to ask, but the question became moot when a spirited voice exclaimed, “Thank you, Brang-san!” right next to me, and a pair of small hands grabbed one of the glasses.

“Welcome, little one,” the old Faun said with a toothy smile, and the tiny miko returned the gesture from her seat on top of the barstool right next to mine.

“On your own?” I asked, and Ichiko nodded at once. “What about the others?”

She waved for me to wait, downed her drink in one go, and only then did she tell me, “Judy-sama’s group accompanied the knight-sans to their barracks, Josh-san and Angie-san left to visit the kitchen, Snowy-sama and Penny-sama are playing with Penny-sama’s watch, and Elly-sama went to the quarter of the wise men to talk about signing papers, because they are too scared to come out.”

“They are the last thing I’d call ‘wise’,” I grumbled. “And what do you mean they are scared? Scared of what?”

“Ki-hi-hi! Not what, but who!” a new voice joined us, and by the time I faced the newcomer, our atypical bartender already placed a stein of chilled beer onto the counter in anticipation of our chief mad scientist, in all of his flannel-shirted glory. “Thanks, general!”

“Welcome.”

The two of them completely ignored my disapproving squint, and Fred blithely started on his drink. “Bottom’s up!” In the end, he only finished a little less than half of it before he put the jug back down and uttered a bewildered ‘What?’, inciting a torrent of uncontrolled giggles from the girl on my other side.

“First off, you have a foam-stache, so wipe your face. After that, I’d appreciate it if you’d explain your previous comment.”

“Oh, sure, boss.” Like clockwork, Brang handed Fred a paper towel, and after cleaning his upper lip, he told me, “Ki-hi-hi! Of course, they’re afraid of you, boss. Who else?”

“You know that this place is filled with people much scarier than I am, right?”

“Maybe, but none of them can threaten their budgets like you can,” Fred countered with a triumphant grin, drawing even more giggles out of the peanut gallery.

“Maybe if they stuck to the safety protocols like I told them to, I wouldn’t have had to threaten them,” I shot back, and the man shrugged like it was none of his problem. “Seriously, just how hard is it to keep those tiny shoggoth things in their kennels?”

“Surprisingly so,” he noted before taking another gulp from his jug. “They aren’t called Autonomous Inorganic Material Recycling Organisms for nothing.”

“That’s still a mouthful, and it didn’t answer my question at all.”

“But, ue-sama?” Ichiko called out to me while tugging on my elbow. “Is it really bad if they are outside? They aren’t hurting anyone.”

“That may be, but they’re still creepy flesh-balls crawling over the furniture and ceiling. Imagine how the Knights would’ve reacted if they saw the place!”

The tiny miko was obviously unconvinced, but didn’t press the issue, and I took the momentary lull in the conversation to get started on my own drink before it went completely flat. Truth be told, she wasn’t completely wrong. While the micro-shoggoths looked a touch disturbing at first glance, they were practically harmless, and for some reason they really liked me. Or rather, ‘it’ really liked me. They were something of a hive-mind, if their creator was to be believed, though I wasn’t entirely clear on the details. Also, for the record, I wasn’t talking about Fred, but one of the newcomers; it was the woman with the modulated voice who looked like she used a Tesla coil instead of a comb in the morning.

I, in an innocent folly of youth, gave her the remains of the Chimera for experimentation, without much oversight, and the next day I came over, the whole place was crawling with the tiny buggers. They were apparently designed to eat waste, from dust and communal trash to the debris resulting from the expansion of the underground complex, and turn them into uniformly sized building blocks, which was admittedly a noble goal.

Too bad they were practically impossible to keep locked up, because they were crafty little runts, and quickly learned how to open locked doors in their free time. On the bright side, at least they were both docile and capable of following commands, so I could gather them up in just a couple of minutes and then pretend that nothing was out of the ordinary while I introduced the Knights to the base.

Once the basic introductions were over and they stopped gawking at the Fauns and the Kage ninjas, I laid down a few house rules of cohabitation, and let them loose to explore their new home for the foreseeable future. There might’ve been a few other events I skimmed over, but let’s not sweat the small details. In the end, I ended up here, with a half-ram muscleman pretending to be a bartender, a tipsy mad scientist, and a pouting little miko. As usual, my life was weird as all hell.

“Ki-hi-hi? So, what’s the plan, boss?”

Fred’s question jolted me out of my thoughts, and it took me a moment to recollect them again.

“The plan, huh? Well, originally I wanted to introduce the Knights to the world during tomorrow’s banquet, but considering the circumstances, it’s probably best to leave it for later and test the waters first. I couldn’t finish their Uniformers in time anyway, so this gives me some leeway to catch up. For the time being, hand their armors back to them. I believe you said you’re already done experimenting on them.”

“Experimenting never ends, but yes, we have reached a point of diminishing returns.”

“The undersuits?”

“Ki-hi-hi! Version two-point-seven-point-two is already under production. Verne was coincidentally working on something similar before he joined us, and his insights gave a huge boost to the project.”

For the record, Verne was the kid with the steampunk gear and the top-hat. In any case, this was certainly good news. I could never have too many hidden cards up my sleeve after all.

“You know, boss, I’m curious about something too. How is the progress on the new equipment transposers? You said you couldn’t finish them on time, but I’m pretty sure I saw your sisters with one.”

“That’s just the second prototype. The two of them worked together when designing the uniform, so I cooked up a beta version so they could see how it looked on her. It doesn’t have the wards yet, only the Oath interface and the exchanging enchantment.”

“Ah, that reminds me!” Fred snapped his fingers and pointed at me. “Wells is interested in the Oaths. He’s been researching artificial mana injection in the past, but ran into a wall, so he wanted to know if you could help him restart his research. Imagine that! Being able to freely grant the ability to use mana to anyone you want! It will completely upend the common sense of the world of Mystics!”

“That’s not exactly a good thing, nor part of my short-term plans,” I responded flatly while I tried to remember which one of them was Wells. Since I couldn’t, I moved on and told him, “Still, if he has some experience in the field, he might be able to help me with our Oath bottleneck, so tell him I’ll sit down with him one of these days.”

“Bottleneck?” Brang uttered on the side, unexpectedly interested in our conversation. Even Ichiko looked curious, so I figured I might as well oblige them.

“The Knights’ Oaths have to be taken in sequence, and it involves a ritual that carves a new port into their Astral Body one at a time. It’s quite traumatic, and the receiver requires several months of recuperation between each Oath. It wasn’t a huge problem for them, because they only had so many sets of armor lying around and there was plenty of time to nurture the next generation, but if we tried to make all the Squires get the full set of Oaths, it would take them out of commission for up to a year. If we want to expand our organization at a non-glacial pace, we really need to come up with a better method.”

“So… does ue-sama also have these… um… port-things?” the girl on my right inquired while Brang refilled her glass, and I nodded. “Did it hurt?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember.”

My amnesia was more or less an open secret at this point, so I didn’t beat around the bush.

“Oath, broken? Hurt?” came the next question, this time from the Faun general, and he really sounded like he was struggling to get his question across, but didn’t use Faunish for the benefit of the others.

“Also can’t remember, but Penny said it should. Breaking one also permanently reduces the amount of mana a Knight can circulate, so one of these days we’ll also have to look into repairing the any broken ports.”

“So if ue-sama broke an Oath, it would break the port? But… why?”

“You mean, why the connections are tied to actual oaths? I can only guess, but it’s probably some kind of safety measure the Celestials set up in case of the Knights going rogue. It obviously didn’t have the desired effect.”

“[It was the work of the Winged Ones of Elysium?]” Brang blurted out in surprise, his sudden growling startling Fred in the process.

“The Brotherhood was originally set up by them to harass the Draconians, and their initial equipment also came from them, so that’s my best educated guess.”

“Devious. As expected.”

“In any case, that’s another thing we have to look into. While these Oaths are nice for some chivalric roleplay, they are too big of a liability to just let them be.”

“Ki-hi-hi! Just another reason to work on a replacement! Wells is going to be over the moon when he hears about this!”

“We’ll see.”

I was content to end the conversation there and have a brief spell of silence, but my expectations were dashed when my sisters came over.

“Brother, listen!” Penny exclaimed the moment she arrived, and she opened her arms wide, probably to show off her uniform.

As I mentioned, the two of them created the design the last time she came over to my house. I needed one because, unlike with the original Magiformers, I couldn’t just copy our school uniform with some small modifications and call it a day. At first I requested a more practical military design from Snowy, but it was vetoed by Penny, and her current outfit was the end result.

It consisted of a short, white dress coat over a long-sleeved shirt of the same color, matching trousers, and flat-heeled boots, also white. The coat had some black hexagonal patterns one the collar and the cuffs, and around the chest area, there was a stylized unicorn logo embroidered into the fabric, derived from the one on the back of the phone case I gifted her. The whole outfit was form-fitting, but fairly modest, and had the general air of a simple dress uniform without the rank insignias.

Anyhow, Penny was still holding her arms open, as if waiting for me to respond, and I did so with neutral, “I’m listening.”

“So, I tried moving around in these clothes, and while I admit the way I can just transform into them is really cool, I have a few suggestions.”

While Penny was beaming with confidence, the way Snowy was fidgeting told me that whatever she had in mind, I probably wasn’t going to approve.

“I’m still listening.”

“Great! So, I’ve discussed this with Neige, and we both agree that the boot should have a higher heel.”

“Really? And why exactly do you think so?”

“It would help me look taller and more imposing!” my newer sister declared with absolute confidence, as if her reasoning was foolproof.

“I don’t think a few extra centimeters are going to increase your chances to intimidate anyone, but it’s certainly going to make it easier for you to break your ankle,” I pointed out, much to her disappointment.

“I told you he won’t agree,” Snowy whispered on the side, but Penny remained steadfast and whispered back with gusto.

“That’s why we started with this one, so the rest are going to seem more reasonable in comparison. It’s a basic negotiation tactic brother taught me.”

“But if he taught you, then he’ll know what you’re doing.”

“He would if he still had his memories. Trust me, I’ve got this.”

I… really wanted to point out that I could hear them, but it was nice seeing them getting along even better than before, so my brotherly heart couldn’t bear disturbing them until they finished.

“What should we bring up next? The stockings?”

“No, we have to soften him up with something easy first.”

“Leo likes things that are practical, so… the belt?”

“Good thinking!” Once they came to an agreement, Penny turned back to me and raised the flaps of her dress coat. “Listen, Brother. Even if we are supposed to wear these in public, we still have to hang our weapons somewhere, so can you add a sword belt to the uniform?”

“Could make shoulder belt,” Brang noted on the side, and while Penny was slightly startled, as if she just noticed the enormous Faun on the other side of the bar, Showy perked up at once.

“Do you mean a baldric?” She made a gesture as if she was tugging on something hanging from her shoulder, and Brang smiled. “I have a few prototype designs for that as well.”

“Sounds reasonable enough. I’ll add it to the next iteration.”

By the looks of it, Penny was still a little lost, as it took her a second to realize I gave my approval.

“That’s neat too, but I would prefer a simple belt. Might look good on Duncan though. Oh, but more importantly, can I have a hat?”

“A hat?” I repeated after her. I recalled snowy showing me a couple of early sketches with those flat top hats worn by police patrols, but they looked pretty silly with this outfit.  “I thought we already ditched the idea.”

“But I’d still like one! Specifically, a beret!”

“It would still fit the theme of the uniform,” Snowy backed her up, and Penny doubled down.

“Yes! And then, we could all have our own emblems on the beret too! It would look so cool!”

“… Fine. Give me some references later, and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Yesss!” Penny raised her hand for a high-five, but it took Snowy several long seconds to realize what she wanted and to give her a limp slap. Not that she minded, as she turned back to me with the same enthusiasm and declared, “Let’s talk about the trousers next!”

“Let’s. Is there a problem with them?”

“Not a problem, but more of a…” my youngest sister murmured, and… now that I think about it, I never asked Penny about her age. Well, whatever. I was about ninety-five percent sure Snowy was about a year younger than what her fake ID said anyway, so youngest it is.

“They’re easy to move in, but you know I run a lot, right?” A nodded with the intent ‘That’s an understatement’ in it, but she remained blissfully oblivious. “So, I was thinking: since the coat reaches down to my thighs anyway, why don’t we replace the trousers with something lighter, like long socks?”

That made my brows descend at once, as I had a sneaking suspicion about where this was going.

“How long are we talking about?”

“About this high?” Penny placed the edge of her palms against her legs, about a palm under the bottom of her coat. When I didn’t respond right away, she looked back up and uttered an apprehensive, “What?”

“And you wouldn’t be wearing anything else.”

“I would still wear underwear, obviously. Or maybe hot pants?”

“Spats would be more appropriate,” Snowy pointed out, and my other sister agreed with a nod.

“No, they wouldn’t,” I cut in and brought all the weight of my disapproving big-brotherly frown to bear. “You are not going to have zettai ryouiki on your official uniform.”

“Oh, oh! I understood that!” Ichiko interjected with an excited glint in her eyes than clouded over when she asked, “But what does ‘absolute territory’ have to do with clothes? Is it some kind of ward, or shield?”

While I vacillated over how to explain this to the oldest and yet somehow most innocent person around the bar, Fred let out a derisive chuckle.

“Ki-hi-hi! Don’t be silly! Zettai ryouiki refers to the bare skin showing between a girl’s skirt and stockings. It’s exceedingly common in mangas.” It was at this point that the slightly tipsy mad scientist noticed the look I was giving him, and he immediately went on the defensive. “What? I have hobbies too, you know! You can’t expect me to be all science, all the time!”

After some consideration, I realized this was a rabbit hole I didn’t want anything to do with, so I promptly ignored the fuming guy and turned back to my sisters and their pleading eyes. Well, Penny’s at any rate. Snowy looked more embarrassed than anything.

“Pleeease?” I maintained my disapproving silence, so she soon gave up and raised her hands into the air in surrender. “Fine, whatever. Forget about the leggings, but listen! This uniform is comfy, but a little thick. It’s okay right now, but it’s going to be a paaain during the summer.”

“What are you getting at?”

“I mean, we were wondering if you could make a lighter version? You know? Short sleeves, short pants, or maybe a skirt? Oh, and if we’re on the topic, could you make the coat shorter?”

“… How short are we talking about?”

This time she put her fingers just under her rib cage, making me doubt my eyes for a moment.

“You want a combat uniform that shows off your midriff,” I channeled my inner Judy, but she didn’t get the message, and nodded with a sweet smile.

“Does it really matter? There would be wards to protect me, so what if it shows off just a little bit of skin?”

“Wards or no wards, you’re not going into battle with your stomach exposed. That’s non-negotiable.”

“Oh, come on! Pretty please?”

“Don’t even try to be cute, it’s not gonna work,” I warned her, and when she switched over to pouting instead, I let out a long breath and asked, “Why would you even want something like that?”

“Of course, you wouldn’t understand!” she burst out and even stomped her feet. “You’re a boy, so you don’t care about these things, but do you have any idea how it felt for me to wear my armor all the time? Especially during the summer? All the heat and sweat and urgh! It was so icky! Is it really that unreasonable for me to ask for something more breathable for a change?”

“Well, no, but…” My objection was countered by an enormous pout before it even had a chance to coalesce, so in the end I took a step back and told her, “Fine. So long as you can give me a design, you can have an alternative uniform for summer. However, if I catch even a glimpse of a belly button on those sketches, they are out. Did I make myself clear?”

“Yes! You see? I told you he’d come around!”

“The short coat is off the table though,” my other sister responded a touch dourly, but it did nothing to her enthusiasm.

“It’s a compromise. So, can I rely on your help again? Please? I’ll buy you another pie in the cafeteria!”

“Y-You don’t really have to. Drawing these is good practice and also fun.”

“No, I insist!”

“In that case… maybe a slice?”

I had to try hard to keep a dopey smile from spreading on my face, as I apparently wasn’t the only one who found the sight wholesome.

“W-what are you laughing at?” Penny raised her voice and pointed a flustered finger at the little miko, currently holding her third glass.

“I’m not laughing. I just think it’s nice that ue-sama’s sisters are getting along so well.”

“W-Wait, don’t jump to conclusions like that on your own! It’s… not like I like her or anything.”

“You don’t?” Snowy blurted out in surprise, and after freezing up for a second, Penny frantically turned to face her and waved her hands in a panic.

“No, that’s not what I meant! I mean, I don’t dislike you at all, it’s just that you’re a Seducer and I expected something completely different but then it turned out you’re nice and you helped me and even lent me your notes and I wasn’t expecting you to be so nice and… Auuu… This is sooo awkward!”

“So do you like her or not?” I proceeded to tease her a little. “Because from where I’m sitting, it sounds like you do.”

“Argh! Okay, fine! A little! I like her a little! This much!”

She illustrated her point by showing his thumb and index finger like she was holding an invisible egg. I was tempted to point out that when using that gesture, keeping your fingers that far apart meant more than ‘a little’, but I never got the opportunity. At this point not only Ichiko, but even Brang and Fred were chuckling, so my beet red sister let out a frustrated groan and grabbed Snowy’s hand.

“Let’s go! There’s no point staying here when they’re just going to make fun of us!”

I was fairly sure nobody did that, but she followed along anyway, though not before giving us a timid little wave.

“Ki-hi-hi. Never a dull moment in your life, eh, boss?”

“You can say that again,” I replied a touch wearily and turned in my seat to face the bar again, only to stop when my feet landed on something soft with a ‘Nyu!’ sound.

I glanced down and after the obligatory roll of the eye, I reached over and picked up the little critter.

“Three questions: why are you here, why are you looking so happy that I stepped on you, and why on Earth are you purring?”

The one-eyed meatball didn’t give me an answer, but instead it redoubled its purring efforts and dangled its many appendages like it wanted to get onto my lap.

“Aw! He really likes you!” Ichiko chimed in between giggles, and while I couldn’t disagree with her, her affectionate tone made this whole situation even more surreal. I had a sneaking suspicion that she was feeling some kind of kinship with the little buggers, as they were both ‘born’ from the flesh of the dead chimera, but the way she was looking at the thing in my hand was still a tad incongruous. Insert a tasteless joke about Japanese girls really liking their tentacle monsters here.

“Ah, you found it!” a familiar voice exclaimed from nearby, and by the time I looked over, Rinne was already right next to me. “My apologies, Leonard-dono! I thought we gathered up all of them, but I was just notified that one was still unaccounted for.”

“Well, here it is.” Saying so, I lightly tossed the mini-shoggoth over to her, and she not only expertly caught it, she held it to her chest, probably so that it couldn’t escape her grasp.

It was giving me a classic ‘abandoned puppy in the rain’ gaze, which was impressive, considering it was a meatball with only one large eye. It was also marginally effective.

“Fine. I’ll play with you in the evening, so behave yourself.”

I wasn’t sure how intelligent this thing was, or whether it could understand the spoken word, but it did have some effect. Namely, it started purring again. Then it let out a loud meow.

“Excuse me, but what?”

“Ah, I must return this yokai to its home! Until we meet again, Leonard-dono!”

And just like that, Rinne walked away with a suspiciously hurried pace, leaving us in just a touch baffled.

“A dull moment. Never,” Brang echoed Fred’s previous sentiment, and I could only manage a tired sigh before ordering another drink. And to think that this morning I imagined this would be a just straightforward, sensible day serving as the calm before the storm of tomorrow’s conference…