The Simulacrum - Chapter 94

“Welcome, future young master, and I wish you a Merry Christmas.”

“Good evening, Melinda,” I responded to the curtsying maid a tad late, slightly baffled by the plush reindeer headband she was wearing.

Before I could ask what that was about, I noticed the sound of hurried footsteps coming my way, and just as I turned to face it, my girl-catching-reflexes activated on their own, right as Elly lunged at me with her arms open.

“Leo!”

“Whoa! Easy there, princess. You’ve almost knocked me off my feet.”

My draconic girlfriend, currently dressed in a light green dress with red hems that certainly fit the holiday décor of the foyer, let out an adorable little giggle and squeezed me even harder.

“I can’t help it! I missed you!”

“It’s been only a day,” I objected a little half-heartedly and carefully peeled her off my torso.

“One and a half days,” she corrected me, and I decided to leave it at that.

“How are things in the lounge?”

She considered her answer seriously, then said, “Unexpectedly cozy,” before she once again attached herself to me, and we started walking arm-in-arm. Melinda also wordlessly fell in line behind us, and it was only then that I realized that I lost my chance to ask about the reindeer headband.

“At first I was a little nervous,” Elly continued to speak even as we walked, drawing my attention back to her. “You don’t have parents, so meeting Judy’s mom and dad was the closest thing I had to introducing myself to my in-laws.”

“Haven’t you already met with her mother?”

“Not in official capacity,” she clarified. “It was a little nerve-wracking at first, but they turned out to be really nice and friendly.”

“Really? I figured Clarke would have some reservations…”

“He’s actually getting along really well with dad! They were talking about all kinds of manly things… I think. I was mostly with Judy and her mom, so I’m not sure.”

“Speaking of our other half, how is she?”

“Judy? She seemed fine. I was a little scared the other day, but I think her back is fine now.” She paled, as if remembering an old trauma, then after shaking her head she hastily added, “Next time it’s the three of us doing it together, we really have to be more careful. We also need to find a sturdier chair.”

“Sure, but let’s leave it at that,” I told her in a low voice and tilted my head towards the maid. “We have an audience.”

Elly let out a flat “Oh,” and covered her mouth with her free hand.

Needless to say, we had another weird noodle incident after our big Christmas date, and let’s leave it at that. Judy was getting a bit too much into this whole lewding thing, so it hopefully served as a learning experience for her. If not, I was afraid one of these days we had to hold an intervention.

But speaking of the holidays, it was the twenty-sixth today, and after spending the entirety of Christmas Eve in the company of the girls, we received an invitation for a big family dinner from the Dracis couple. Furthermore, since it was a family event, it not only involved us, but also Judy’s parents and my sisters as well.

Because of this, I’d worked my fingers to the bone on Christmas Day to get everything prepared for the big kerfuffle steadily approaching the horizon. As a matter of fact, the reason why I was late for this party was precisely due to being busy hammering out some kinks in the Not At All Nefarious Secret Plan™ and preparing contingency measures. Sure, I could’ve finished them after today’s dinner, but I figured it was best to get it done early so that I could enjoy the atmosphere without anything gnawing at the back of my mind.

If we’re at that, the Dracis mansion certainly had the holiday ambiance down pat. It wasn’t as overblown as Judy’s home, but it easily made the lack of sheer quantity up by using quality, with huge garlands and hanging decors one would normally only find in shopping malls and community centers, and every single window had elaborate Christmas wreaths with twinkling electric candles on them.

“I bet Judy’s mom really liked the décor,” I noted a touch absently, and Elly immediately perked up.

“Yes, she did! She’s been sharing tips with mom and Neige since they had arrived.”

“Just as expected… but now that you mention her, were my sisters behaving themselves?”

The princess spent an unexpectedly long time considering her answer, ultimately settling on a diplomatic, “There was some initial friction with Sebastian, but I don’t think it was serious.”

“With the old man? Well, that doesn’t bode well…”

“Hey! Don’t be like that!” she suddenly scolded me with a pout. “It’s the most wonderful time of the year, so no foreboding is allowed.”

“Yes, yes, I know…”

“Come on, Leo! Where’s your Christmas cheer?”

“I think I left it in the bottom drawer back home. Do you want me to get it?” Instead of answering, my girlfriend only pinched my side, forcing me to surrender right away. “Ow! I’m kidding! I’m stocked full with all kinds of cheer, I swear! I’m just saving it for the dinner!”

She definitely had a retort on the tip of her tongue, but it was just around this time that we reached the lounge, so we were interrupted by Melinda forcefully getting ahead of us so that she could open the door for us. On the other side, I found the familiar room about as lavishly decorated as expected, with a large potted Christmas tree in the middle. Combined with the gently smoldering stone hearth in the back and the soft glow of all the twinkle lights, it created an idyllic image right out of a postcard.

“Oh, look! Big cubbie is here!” Judy’s mother noticed me first, and she gave me a wave. She was still calling me that, while dubbing my sister the ‘little cubbies’. Anyhow, she had a nice yellow dress on her, and I had to admit it was weird to see her without any mittens or miscellaneous cooking utensils in her hands.

Following her comment, the rest of the group seated around the fireplace all turned their heads as well, and Judy practically jumped to her feet and power-walked over to me before attaching herself to my other arm.

“What took you so long?” I raised a puzzled brow at her accusative tone, and she explained, “I’ve had to spend a whole hour listening to mom and Emese discussing holiday decorations and food.” My other girlfriend let out an amused chuckle, and my dear assistant’s eyes snapped to her at once. “Don’t you dare laugh about it. You abandoned me ten minutes in.”

“I didn’t. I had important things to take care of,” Elly responded without looking her in the eye.

“Then why didn’t you take me with you?”

The princess either couldn’t answer or, more likely, didn’t want to, as she dragged her feet until we arrived at the sitting area, where the conversation naturally moved on in another direction.

“Arriving last to a family dinner is bad form, my boy,” Sebastian remarked with an insincere smile, so I gave him one of my own in return.

“I know, but I was pretty busy. Last-minute preparations for the big even tomorrow and all.”

The incognito dragon let out a soft “Hmph,” under his breath, and I took the momentary lull as an opportunity to make a headcount.

The sitting area had three chesterfield sofas arranged around the glass-topped coffee table in the middle. On the middle one sat Emese, wearing a tasteful lilac gown, with Sebastian standing behind her and playing his role as the Dracis’s steward as usual. The sofa on her left was occupied by Judy’s mom, and it was only when I came closer that I noticed that Ichiko, in her fox form, was taking a nap on her lap. The last sofa, by process of elimination, had my sisters sitting on it, wearing matching black and white dresses, and while Snowy was the same as usual, Penny appeared a little uncomfortable, no doubt thanks to being in the proverbial dragon’s den. I imagined she would take some time to completely get over her prejudices and apprehensions, but at least she was making an effort.

“Where’s Clarke and dad-in-law?”

“They went upstairs,” Emese responded with an amused smirk. “Hubby wanted to show him the trophy room. Boys will be boys, right, Gwyneth?”

“They sure are,” Judy’s mom replied between giggles.

“So, where do we sit?” I asked, a touch perplexed. While the chesterfield sofas were big, they were designed for three people, and since all of them were already occupied, we couldn’t sit down without things getting cramped. Now, logically speaking, we could always just take a seat next to our respective family members, but something told me the girls would’ve preferred sitting together.

“Just a moment.”

As if reading my mind, Sebastian clapped his hands twice, and the small servant entrance in the back opened up to let the familiar, yet still nameless, twin maids in. He gave them a few instructions, and as they left the room again, he turned back to me.

“Seating should be arranged shortly. In the meantime, can we discuss an alarming piece of news that came to my attention recently?”

“Sebastian? Is this really the time and place for this?” Emese spoke up with narrowed eyes. “It’s Christmas. Didn’t you argue with Penelope enough? How about we leave this business for another day?”

“I’m afraid we can’t exactly do that, considering the grand auction is going to be held tomorrow,” the old man rebuked her and faced me again, only to pause when the twin maids returned, carrying another, identical sofa like it was nothing. We waited for them to place it down, and only after I sat down with the girls did he continue with, “As I was saying, we just received the catalog for the auction this morning, and I couldn’t help but notice my spear on it.”

“It’s not your spear! It belongs to us!” Penny interjected, earning her a sharp glare from Sebastian.

“As I had already explained, you’ve forfeited the right of ownership when you lost it in combat. Now it belongs in my collection,” he corrected her, only to then pivot and stare at me, “Or it should be, yet it is somehow up for auction by an ‘anonymous seller’. Care to explain what’s going on, my boy?”

“What does brother have to do with it?” Penny butted it again, and while she shrank back a little when Sebastian focused on her again, she quickly recollected herself and pressed on. “I-It was taken by Bel of the Abyss, wasn’t it? Why are you asking brother?”

Once again, I had to marvel at my sister’s ability to obliviously make my life harder than strictly necessary. I considered dismissing the topic, but neither Penny nor Sebastian seemed like they would drop the topic just because I asked nicely. Thankfully, I had half-anticipated that a situation like this would arise, so I had an answer up my sleeve.

“He’s asking because I was the one who put it up for auction,” I said as casually as I could, and it not only surprised the two, but even Elly. I had no idea why, as I gave her a quick primer on my plan over the phone the last time we talked. Anyhow, I didn’t want to keep anyone in suspense, so I explained, “It’s a fake.”

“Fake?”/”Is that so?” the dragon and my knightly sister spoke at the same time, and I nodded along.

“I put it up as bait.”

“Oh! I get it now!” Penny instantly perked up and pointed a finger at me. “You made a fake Ascalon, so when that Bel bastard sees it, he will think he’s the one with the fake one, and then because Abyssals are arrogant and foolish, he would show up at the auction to check it out, but then you spring a trap and catch him!”

She was a fair bit more excited than strictly necessary, yet before I could react in any way, all of it evaporated and she hastily turned to the girl sitting by her side.

“Awawa! W-Wait, I didn’t mean all Abyssals, only the bad ones! Like that Bel guy! He’s the worst!”

“Hm?” Snowy was apparently more engrossed in the two mothers’ discussion, who decided to retreat into their own little world once it became obvious Sebastian wouldn’t listen, and it took her a second to realize Penny was talking to her. She slightly cocked her head to the side, visibly puzzled. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. What were you talking about?”

“It’s that brother is planning to entrap Bel, but then I said—”

“Kiddo, stop,” I cut in with an exasperated frown. “As amusing as it is to watch you flounder around with your foot in your mouth, there’s no need to dig your own hole just to jump into it. Just let it go.”

“… Fine,” my redhead sister grumbled under her breath, and since Snowy was getting ever more confused by the second, I sent her a glance saying, ‘It’s nothing important, don’t mind us’, and just like that, she returned her attention to Emese’s gingerbread-man decoration tips.

Meanwhile, Sebastian digested my explanation and drew my attention by raising a critical brow at me.

“So, you’re telling me the weapon on auction is but a replica.”

“Yes. A well-made one, if I say so myself, including all the superficial and useless enchantments. Nobody should be able to tell it’s not the genuine article unless they brought it to an expert artificer. Or tried to stab a dragon and it did nothing, but it’s not a likely scenario.”

We locked eyes for a couple of seconds, then he let the tension drain from his shoulders and concluded the topic with a quiet, “After the dinner, I wish to talk with you in private.”

“Sure. I have a few things to say as well.”

“Are you done?” Judy asked on the side, and slowly shook her head. “Chief, you really need to work on separating your work and your private life.”

“No, I don’t. It was just a small misunderstanding we resolved. Every Christmas family dinner is required to have at least one such point of friction by law.”

“Don’t be silly, Chief. Who could uphold such a law?”

“The Christmas Police?” I jested, and Elly let out a chuckle.

“I just imagined a policeman in a green elf costume,” she explained herself, and I decided to nod along like what she said made perfect sense.

“Those are the undercover Christmas Cops. The regular ones wear blue.”

“Do they take you to Christmas Jail if you break the Christmas Law?” the princess picked up the pace, and this time it was Judy who responded first.

“Don’t be silly. There’s no such thing as Christmas Jail. At worst, they take you into Christmas Detention if you fail a breath test.”

“Really? Did you hear that, Leo? You must absolutely make sure you don’t get caught! You don’t have nearly enough Christmas cheer in your bloodstream.”

“You’re right. We have to elevate the Chief’s holiday spirits, or Christmas is ruined. It could be potentially worse than the Second War on Christmas.”

“Hey, don’t gang up on me like that! I’m full of all kinds of cheer and merriment and whatnot, I’m just not showing it right now.”

“Why?”

Elly leveled the question at me, and lacking a better answer, I muttered, “I’m shy.”

That comment earned me a couple of skeptical looks, though as far as the parents were concerned, it seemed like nothing could break the wholesome smiles elicited by to our little skit. But speaking of parents…

“We’re back!” Papa Dracis announced from the top of his lungs, as usual, drawing everyone’s attention to the pair of fathers entering the lounge. He was in his usual ensemble, while the mustachioed man behind him wore a sharp, black business suit.

“Welcome back, sugar bear. How was the tour?”

“The trophy room was… impressive,” Clarke responded to his wife’s question a tad uncertainly, but Abram didn’t seem to mind, as he quickly made his way over to Emese’s side.

“Guess what, honey? Clarke promised that he’d show me his fishing know-how!”

Elly perked up at once.

“Really? Are we going on a fishing trip?”

“Not right now, I reckon,” I said to dampen her expectations. “It’s December, remember?”

“We can always just take a flight to a nice fishing spot around the Tropic of Capricorn,” came a sudden proposition from Sebastian, and I could swear I saw a hint of mischief in the corner of his eye. “I believe the weather should be quite balmy in Australia during this time of the year.”

“How about we think locally first before we head overseas?” I interjected to keep the discussion a bit more grounded, but to little avail.

“Leo’s right, dear,” Emese agreed with me, only to turn around and say, “We should borrow a yacht and go to the open sea.”

“A marvelous idea, honey! We couldn’t really do that before, being a sitting duck out in the open waters and all, but with the Knight problem taken care of, we should definitely try it!”

“What was that about sitting ducks?” Clarke cut in with a troubled frown on his thick brows, and Judy came forth to supply the answer.

“Elly’s family had a long feud with an organization of magical knights, and they used to try to assassinate them, but Leo mostly resolved the conflict not too long ago.”

“Assassins,” Judy’s dad echoed me, closely followed by a ‘Are you sure they aren’t gangsters?’ kind of look, so I told him, “Don’t worry, it’s just supernatural politics and such. It’s fine now. All the Knights are accounted for, and there won’t be any more attacks like that.”

“What about Morgana and Agravain?” Penny butted in innocently, so I directed a flat stare at her.

“Everyone is accounted for,” I emphasized, and even though my knightly sister still didn’t get it, Snowy thankfully came to the rescue and whispered something into her ear, after which she had the proverbial bulb light up over her head and proceeded to conspicuously pretend she didn’t say anything at all.

“I think what the Chief was trying to say,” Judy interjected, picking up my slack while I was focused on Clarke, “is that there’s no reason to have a fishing trip right now and that we could all do it in the spring, once the weather is better.”

“I’m personally more familiar with the local waters, so I would prefer to stay on the island,” her dad backed her up, and so the Dracis couple quickly gave up on their plans to buy a cruise liner just for fishing. I was also pretty sure they were just joking, as while they were certainly wealthy, they weren’t that cartoonishly rich.

“Since everyone’s here, I believe we should head to the dining hall,” Sebastian proposed, and I took the opportunity he presented on a silver platter to move things along by rising to my feet at once.

“Come on girls, let’s go. Things are guaranteed to get busy again starting from tomorrow, so let’s enjoy ourselves today. You know? Merry Christmas, God-bless-us-everyone, and all that good stuff.”

Despite my best efforts, the princess was still giving me a disapproving look.

“It’s better, but still doesn’t have enough Christmas cheer.”

“Be careful, Chief,” my other girlfriend poked me. “If you are not careful, you’re going to be put on a blacklist by the Christmas Intelligence Agency for suspected anti-holiday behavior.”

Glancing down at the girls, I took a deep breath and responded in the only way befitting the situation.

“Christmas Intelligence Agency? Bah, humbug!”

“… and that’s why it’s important that we’re all seen together in public,” I told my dear assistant and helped her set her hair bow straight. “Just smile, and pretend you’re having a good time.”

“Don’t be silly, Chief. We’re attending an event together. I don’t have to pretend anything.”

Hearing that, Elly let out a touched ‘Aww!’. As for me, once I was sure the bow was firmly in place, I lightly poked Judy’s nose.

“Leave the flirting for later, Dormouse, and focus.”

“On what?” the princess inquired with her head cocked to the side, which looked just a tad incongruous with the stately red gown she was wearing at the moment. She wasn’t just randomly overdressed though; we were just about to head to the auction venue, and we had to look the part. In particular, Judy wore a lighter yet similarly extravagant dress tailor-made for the occasion, while I settled for the same fancy coat suit Sebastian already loaned me once during the banquet.

More importantly, I raised a brow at my draconic girlfriend’s question and told her, “Focus on appearing confident, noble, and not expecting any kind of dramatic conflict to happen at all.”

“One of those things is not like the others,” Melinda noted, appearing from the next room over with a makeup kit in her hands. When she noticed I was staring at it, she asked, “Does future young master also require eyeliner?”

“Nah, I pass.”

Saying so, I turned to the standing mirror on my left and adjusted my coat’s lapels.

“You keep saying that, but you never tell us what’s about to happen,” Elly griped, but stopped once her chambermaid began working on her.

“I can’t. We need your natural reactions for plausible deniability.”

“And because you want to see us being shocked and confused for your own amusement,” Judy noted on the side, and I responded with my flattest, “I’m legally not allowed to confirm or deny such accusations. Please consult my lawyer.”

“Please, Chief. Legal disclaimer jokes are so last Friday. You really need to keep up with the times.”

“Really? What’s the new hotness then?”

“People dancing in the middle of traffic while wearing cartoon animal costumes.” She paused for a long beat, then added, “Don’t look at me like that. I don’t get it either.”

Exhaling an only slightly baffled ‘Huh’, I turned to the mirror again. I looked pretty good if I say so myself, but in all honesty, I would’ve preferred going with my usual attire. Unfortunately, the old butler would’ve never let me attend the auction like that. Something about upholding the family’s image or whatnot. Maybe it was for the better though, as I was planning to gather quite a bit of attention tonight, so I figured I might as well look good while doing it.

All of a sudden, dad-in-laws voice called out from the room where Melinda came from.

“Kids? Are you ready? We should get going soon!”

“Just a minute!” the princess replied, seemingly without moving a single facial muscle, allowing Melinda to keep working on her makeup.

“That’s rich coming from him, considering we’ve been waiting for them for half an hour now…”

While I grumbled, Judy sidled over to me and whispered, “Are we going to see Bel tonight?”

“No spoilers.”

My dear assistant clicked her tongue, but before she could say anything else, Elly twirled between us.

“How do I look?”

I stopped and judiciously inspected her from head to toe while doing my best art house critic impression.

“You’re about nine percent more ravishing than usual.”

“Only nine?”

“In my defense, you’ve set a pretty high bar by default.”

My draconic girlfriend froze for a moment, but then she let out a strange, straining noise.

“Uuu… I so want to kiss you right now, but I don’t want to smudge the lipstick…”

“Don’t worry princess, you’ll have the opportunity later.”

I flashed my winningestest smile at her, then winced as Judy unceremoniously raised her long skirt and kicked me in the shin.

“What was that for?”

“You stopped me from flirting. You’re not allowed to turn around and do it.”

“That’s… a fair point, I suppose…”

Right at this point, the Dracis parents entered the room, flanked by Sebastian and the twin maids.

“You look lovely!” Emese exclaimed with a smile that threatened to split her face, and she didn’t look half shabby either. If I had to pinpoint why I thought that, it was probably due to her taking a page out of her daughter’s book and getting her hair done up into drills as well. The low-cut black dress also helped, I supposed.

Abram, on the other hand, looked pretty much the same as usual, lionesque sideburns and all.

“If everyone’s ready, how about we get going? It’s almost four!”

The auction was going to start at five, so we weren’t late by any means, but there was a small reception planned for mingling, and dad-in-law insisted that it was fashionable to be early on occasions like this. I always thought it was the other way around, but since I had things to do before the bidding started, I had no reason to argue.

Nobody else did so either, so our little group headed out and got into the family limousine. Not the everyday limo, but the fancy one, with the white leather seats, wide-screen TV, and small, brightly lit cocktail bar in it. I waited for everyone to get comfortable, and only once the car got moving did I clear my throat.

“Do we have the catalog?”

“Obviously,” Sebastian scoffed and retrieved a folded-up piece of white paper from his breast pocket.

Papa Dracis leaned over to take a look at the contents, and he raised a single brow at it.

“Son? Is this really all that you need?”

His question wasn’t entirely unreasonable. While the list was quite long, I only had a handful of articles circled. It wasn’t out of frugality thought, but simple practicality.

“It’s only the raw materials that interest me. The rest are either curios and collectors’ items I don’t want, or artifacts, and since I have my own manufacturing base now, I don’t really need any of those anymore.”

“That makes sense,” Sebastian noted in a detached tone before pointing at the cluster of encircled items at the bottom of the page. “However, I can’t help but wonder why you would wish to bet on these pieces.”

What he was referring to were items in the ‘unappraised’ category. As far as I’ve heard, it was a tradition of the Chinese Draconians, where they would put items of unknown origin and/or utility up for auction. Since they were practically black boxes, the bidders couldn’t know how much they were worth, but that was kind of the point. It gave the event a sense of gambling, since while most of these were junk, there was a chance some long-lost, valuable artifacts, or even exceedingly rare materials could be mixed in between them, and getting one of those would be the equivalent of hitting the jackpot.

To put it in a more Doylist way, it was a classic trope set up so that the main character could get a lucky break, or if they had some kind of long-range appraisal ability, they could even sweep all the valuables, causing all the onlookers to be in awe and all their enemies to vomit blood or what have you. I had no idea why the latter was a thing. It sounded decidedly unhygienic.

“It’s just for appearances,” I told them offhandedly, then emphasized, “More importantly, do you still remember what I said about item number fifty-nine?”

“We should bid on it up to a hundred thousand Jens,” Emese responded as if she was reading from a cue card, her eyes skimming over the page in Sebastian’s hand until she found it. “It’s an unappraised stone, isn’t it? Do you really want it that much?”

“No, but it’s complicated,” I answered with my best mysterious smile, and it drew a chuckle from Elly. It was nice to have a receptive audience.

Abram, on the other hand, only shrugged and said, “Items of that sort usually sell for less than five thousand, so with that budget, we should be able to easily win the bid twenty times over! Don’t worry, son! We’ll get it for you for sure!”

Dad-in-law’s enthusiastic grin raised a bunch of red flags in my head, and after considering it for a moment, I decided to clarify things further, before he gets too fired up and buys the damn thing on accident.

“Wait. Just to be clear, I said you should bid for it ‘up to’ one hundred thousand. Don’t go any higher than that.”

“Yes, we understand, but it’s not worth overthinking. Who else would ever go that high?”

Emese sounded rather dismissive, so after another round of brooding over the issue, I chose to let them in on the hustle.

“Naoren will.” The three adults in the car looked at me funny, so I clarified, “All right, listen closely because I’m only saying this once: we are setting up a bit of a charade. I didn’t want to tell you ahead of time, because I needed you to act naturally, but I guess you have to know at least the basic outlines. In short, Naoren is going to bid for the same item, and I want you to match his bids until we reach the limit, then fold.”

“Are you trying to artificially raise the bids, my boy?” Sebastian commented in a critical voice, so I shook my head.

“Not exactly. It’s more of a show for the masses, and I’ll give Naoren his money back after everything’s over.”

My explanation only made the incognito dragon’s brow descend even further.

“My boy, are you implying that item fifty-nine was put up by you?”

“Yep. Anonymously, of course.”

“And you’re bidding on your own item.”

“Yep again.”

“And it’s all just a ruse.”

“Yep, yep, and yep.”

Our exchange was followed by a long beat of silence, ultimately broken by Judy’s sigh.

“Don’t worry too much. It’s just another one of the Chief’s nefarious, underhanded schemes of sporadic secretiveness.”

“Hey! It’s properly secretive, thank you very much,” I objected, only for Elly to suddenly snap her fingers.

“Oh, I know this one! It’s that joke when you only take offense at the last one in a list of derogatory things.” She puffed out her already well-emphasized chest and smugly added, “I did my research!”

Shaking my head, I was just about to let her down gently, but then I rewound the last couple of seconds, and uttered, “It wasn’t supposed to be that but… you’re not entirely wrong.”

Hearing so, the princess let out a delighted giggle, while my other girlfriend only rubbed her temple. As for me in the middle, I could only shrug awkwardly at the rest of the group was still looking at me funny.

“Since the young missuses seem to consider this situation par for the course, I suppose we have little to worry about,” Sebastian noted with just the barest hint of an acidic aftertaste in his voice, and he pocketed the list. “However, I recommend we get ready. I believe we are about to arrive at our destination.”

Following his line of sight, I also glanced out the windows, just as our limousine rolled into the driveway of the island’s biggest casino. As far as I knew, it was also its only one. It was also technically a hotel and a convention hall, because Timaeus’s legislation was unkind to pure gambling dens, to put it mildly.

There wasn’t much of a crowd, as while this wasn’t a strictly private event, only the people who were directly invited and their close affiliates knew about it. In practice, that only meant the various Draconian families and a handful of Assembly delegates from various Schools.

After exiting the car, we were swarmed by a small army of young valets, and under their guidance, we walked up the stone stairs leading to the main entrance. As for the building itself, it was definitely grandiose, with its red-marble-covered reception area and golden chandeliers, but not exactly to the level of something you’d see in Las Vegas. Though again, if Judy was to be believed, my measuring stick for extravagance was getting steadily twisted by being exposed to the Dracis family and their antics, so I’ll leave the description of the place at that.

“Are we late?” the question slipped out of Emese’s mouth, seeing the fairly empty foyer, prompting Sebastian to take out his fancy pocket watch.

“It doesn’t seem so. Maybe the bidders are just really eager to get the auction started.” He shrugged, and after pocketing the watch, he arranged for the hotel staff to lead us to the auction venue.

On the way, we met a few familiar faces I could vaguely recall from the banquet, but I couldn’t connect any names to them, and they seemed to give us a large berth as we reached our destination, a large hall with an elevated stage in the back. Considering the seating arrangements and the balconies around the place, it was probably not the convention hall, but more of a small theater; not the kind where a young actor would overact about how he knew poor Yorick while waving a skull around, but the kind where a magician with eighties hair would saw his assistant in half. In any case, only the stage was well-lit, with the audience area covered in a hazy twilight. On closer look, the whole place had a kind of ethereal shimmer to it, so I figured there was some kind of recognition-inhibiting magic in play to maintain a semblance of anonymity among the participants on the ground floor.

That didn’t apply to us, as we naturally had our VIP seating on one of the balconies, and for good riddance, as the only reason I was attending this event in the first place was to draw attention. Speaking of which, I glanced around and quickly found my co-conspirator. Our eyes met across the hall, and after a long beat, he began to walk towards us. I quickly gestured to the rest of our group to slow down and made sure we lingered long enough around the entrance so that he could catch up to us. He did so pretty quickly, with some company in tow.

I didn’t really mind (the more eyes, the better), but the fact that he was followed by both Zihao and Xiao was still an unexpected development.

“I was under the impression you didn’t plan to attend this auction,” Naoren said without greeting me first, his appearance even more impeccable than usual, which said a lot. His tone, on the other hand, sounded distinctly wooden.

Ignoring it, I flashed a daring grin at him and answered with, “What can I say? I never had the opportunity to throw money around without a care in the world, so I figured I might as well give it a try.”

“Is that so? Do you not feel any shame about using clan head Abram’s money around as your own?” he asked back, still sounding stiff. In retrospect, maybe we should’ve practiced this ahead of time after all.

We were only getting a few stray glances from the other attendees though, which was an unexpectedly slow start. That just wouldn’t do, so to rev things up a little, I dramatically crossed my arms and scoffed.

“I don’t see how any of that is your concern.”

“Maybe not, but I cannot condone such frivolous behavior.”

“Bah. Frivolous my ass. You’re just trying to bother me because you’re still jealous,” I responded with my voice raised.

“How dare you talk to my brother like that!” the younger brother suddenly exclaimed, turning a couple of heads our way. The little odango-girl on the other side, however, was only glancing between me and Naoren with confused eyes. For the time being, I ignored her and focused on the louder guy, and gave him a provocative smirk.

“Oh, hey there, whatshisname. I barely recognized you without my knee in your back.”

“Youuu…!”

Zihao clenched his fists while growling, and I noted with satisfaction that our interaction was now being sneakily watched by dozens of people. So far so good.

“I will not sand for such provocation!” the younger brother continued on and pointed a finger at me while simultaneously taking a martial arts stance.

“Oh, but you will. I mean, what else are you going to do?” I continued to smile my most disdainful smile at him and then took it up a notch by exhaling a small scoff. “That’s right. We both know you’re under my weight class, right, big bro?”

This time I turned to Naoren, only to nearly falter when I noticed the puzzled look on his face that pretty much screamed ‘Was this part in the script?’

Alarmed, I silently mouthed ‘Come on, man! Improvise!’, but if anything, it only made him more confused. Then, contrary to my expectations, instead of the fuming Zihao, it was the little girl who literally jumped between us.

“Stop! Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?” I blurted out, genuinely baffled by the development.

“Senior Leonard and big brother Naoren are friends! Why are you fighting?”

“We aren’t exactly friends, are we?” I directed the provocative question at Naoren, but he was still suffering from BSoD, so he only gave me an ambivalent nod. In the meantime, the little girl repeatedly stomped her feet, so I turned back to her. “You see. If anything, we’re bitter rivals.”

“Rivals?” she asked back with teary eyes.

“Y-Yeah. We are in all kinds of disagreements about things. Like Elly, and… erm, leadership, I guess. You know? Those kinds of things.”

“But you aren’t! You were so friendly the other day, and you drank tea together, and—” Things were going south fast, so in a last bid to keep things on something resembling being under control, I stepped over to her and clamped a hand over her mouth.

“Girls, support!” I whispered quite loudly and pulled the still protesting odango-girl over to our side. Zihao tried to intervene, but Elly followed up on my request without any question, and she held him back, with Judy morosely joining her to back up the princess’s brawn with her brains.

In the meantime, I gestured for the Dracises to shield us from the onlookers, but only Sebastian got the message, and he stood between us and the biggest group of gawkers with the kind of stoic detachment you’d see on a tired parent’s face when they’re playing along with their children’s whims. I did my best to ignore him and instead raised my free hand’s index finger in front of my lips.

“Psst.” Xiao gave me a hurt look, but she stopped struggling, so I took my hand away from her face. The moment I did that, it became obvious that she was pouting with the power of a thousand exploding stars.

“Senior Leonard! What’s the meaning of this?”

“Listen, it’s a long story, but the point is that Naoren and I are making a scene on purpose.”

“You… You are?”

“Yes.”

“But… why?”

I hesitated and considered my words for a while before I told her, “We want to have a big duel. You know? The kind in a Purple Zone and everything.”

“Does senior mean a Restricted Space?”

“Yes, that one,” I said with a nod. “Unfortunately, due to our respective positions, we can’t just have one whenever we want, so we came up with this solution.”

“Oh. Ooooh! I understand!” Her eyes, sparkling like a Christmas tree, opened wide at once, instantly washing away her previous sulky expression. “Senior Leonard and big brother Naoren want to deepen your friendship through exchanging blows, but you needed to have proper justification, so you are pretending to fight in public!”

“Yes, that’s the gist of it,” I whispered and put a finger in front of her mouth again. “It’s a secret though, so don’t shout.”

The little girl blinked and then covered her own mouth with both her hands, followed by a stifled giggle and a much quieter, “I understand! I will help you!”

“You will?” I blurted out in surprise, and she gave me a determined nod made slightly less reliable by the way she still had her hands covering her mouth.

Before I could say anything else, the little girl turned on her heel and, with a single leap, wedged herself between the princess and Zihao, just as the two’s argument was reaching its peak.

“Xiao Xiao, get behind me!” the hot-blooded younger brother commanded her, but she stood her ground and turned to Naoren instead.

“Big brother Naoren! Senior Leonard told me you have no virtue and that Xiao should join him before you lead her down the path of evil! Is that true?”

“Um…” The bespectacled clan head hesitated and glanced my way. I was about as baffled as him, but in the end, I shook my head, so he responded with, “No, that’s not true.”

“But senior sounded like he was really serious! Weren’t you, senior?”

This time she directed her puppy dog eyes at me, and I suddenly understood why Naoren had a hard time responding to her off the cuff.

“Well, yes. We really don’t agree on many things, and—”

“This must all be a biiig misunderstanding!” Xiao cut me off with a solemn frown and turned to Naoren again. “I don’t think this can be resolved by words alone! You two must communicate your true thoughts and feelings through your fists! It’s the only way, isn’t it, big brother?”

“Yes… Yes, that’s right!” the bespectacled man exclaimed, relieved that he finally found a familiar line in the script, and he pointed an accusatory finger at me. “Leonard Dunning! You have forced my hand! I hereby challenge you to a sacred duel, in accordance with the laws of the Feilong clan!”

“A duel, you say? Sounds nice to me!” I responded with my best daredevil grin, made only slightly more strained by the little odango-girl beaming at me with a pure smile saying ‘I helped!’.

“It would be ungainly to interrupt today’s event with our personal vendetta, and the preparations require time. I shall meet you tomorrow, in front of our hotel.”

“I’ll be there. Just make sure you won’t have any second thoughts and run away,” I responded, and Naoren scoffed back at me, thought if anything, he sounded more relieved about finally being done with this exchange than offended. Thankfully the small gaggle of onlookers we gathered by this point didn’t seem to notice, and after exchanging meaningful looks for the last time, he theatrically turned on his heels and walked away.

“W-Wait, brother! We still haven’t resolved the thing she said!” Zihao rushed after him, while Xiao only giggled and gave me a cute little wave before following after the other two.

As for our side, Emese soon let out a pent-up breath and muttered, “What even was all that?”

“The plan. I mean, about sixty percent of it,” I told her a touch awkwardly and gestured for everyone to follow the valet upstairs before I continued. “Or rather, closer to forty percent. We were supposed to have a long back-and-forth argument about Elly’s engagement and the unity of the Draconian bloodlines and whatnot, but we kind of had to improvise. It happens.”

“I feel less confident about this nefarious plan of yours by the minute, my boy,” Sebastian quipped at me, earning him a sharp glance.

“As I said, unpredictable things happen all the time. The important part is that we set up both the duel and the upcoming bidding war. As for the rest, I’ll take care of it.”

“Good. And I’ll take care of that annoying Zihao tomorrow!” Elly declared, nostrils flaring in anger.

“… Okay, what did I miss?” I asked Judy, and she let out a short sigh.

“Nothing much. Just the usual threats. Also, he called me ‘shameless’, ‘trash’ and a ‘nóngnú’. The last one as apparently an insult about my bloodline. Elly took extra offense to that.”

“I’m so going to beat him up in the ring,” my draconic girlfriend continued to fume with a glare that could make water boil faster.

After hearing that, I kind of wanted to do the same, but I not yet. I was about ninety percent sure she wouldn’t have the opportunity to do so either, considering the guy was Josh’s rival, but I still gently ruffled the crown of her head and whispered, “Give him hell,” just as we entered the balcony. Strangely enough, Judy seemed to be more amused than offended by the insults, but just to be safe, I spoiled her as well. I mean, more than usual.

Things after this point proceeded fairly smoothly, though I only paid minimal attention to the auction. My part was done, so I simply lounged around with the girls while my in-laws did all the heavy lifting. After all, this day was faaar from over, so I figured I deserved to relax at least a little bit before jumping headlong into directing our grand finale, didn’t I?

Part 3

“You’re early,” Naoren noted without even bothering to up from the table in the side room attached to his makeshift hotel-suite-office.

“We both have things to do, so I figured we should get this over with as soon as possible,” I answered nonchalantly and walked closer to him. As I did, I couldn’t help but notice a sweet floral fragrance in the air.

The young clan head let out a relaxed hum and finally turned to me, with two traditional-style Chinese teacups, their white porcelain covered in intricate, intertwined eastern dragon motifs. Stereotypical, but it was more or less expected.

“Jasmine pearls?” I asked, and he gave me an approving nod.

“I gave you a promise last time, didn’t I?”

“You did. Thank you for the hospitality.”

“I just finished brewing it, so it’s hot. Be careful.” Saying so, he handed one of the cups over, then gestured towards the sitting area of the office. Soon we were both seated face-to-face, with a crowded coffee table between us. It only took a single long sip for me to realize he wasn’t kidding about it being piping hot, so for the time being I set my cup down, making sure not to disturb the pile of various items already on the table.

They were Naoren’s spoils from the auction, and while most of them were just mundane, if rare, memorabilia, with some allegedly valuable herbs and animal parts mixed in, there was one item conspicuously set aside from the rest; a smooth azure stone the size of my fist.

“So, are you going to tell me how you got into my temporary office this time?” my host opened with a bit of small talk, and a smirk naturally came to my lips.

“It’s my super-special-awesome secret skill than lets me sneak into anywhere.”

“Still sounds like unnecessary hassle. You could have used the front door,” he pointed out between two sips, and this time I shook my head.

“No, I couldn’t. We’re going to have a big, earth-shattering, legendary duel of epic proportions tomorrow. An ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny, if you will.”

“Are we?”

“Well, no, but that’s how everyone else should see it, and if I showed up on your doorstep the night before for a friendly chat, it would send mixed messages.” After a shrug, I added, “Not to mention, it’s like a beehive down there, with everyone running around the place like headless chickens, and I didn’t want to interrupt them.”

“And you have no idea why that is the case,” Naoren remarked a tad snidely, but I took it in stride.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“So you say you had nothing to do with article number sixteen disappearing from the vault between the time it went up for auction and the time the lucky bidder attempted to receive it?”

“I’m as innocent as a newborn lamb. Just ask my lawyer,” I lied through my teeth, and my host graciously pretended he believed me. Though not without an annoyed roll of his eyes.

“Fine then, let’s discuss this topic later. For now, should we go over tomorrow’s plan again? Just to make sure it would go smoother than today’s.”

“Hey, it was plenty smooth,” I objected, mostly just on principle. “The only hitch we had was because someone was slow to improvise, and it wasn’t me.”

“I don’t remember improvisation ever being part of the plan,” he shot back with a completely unruffled look on his face.

“That’s kind of an unspoken rule. Since they never survive contact with the enemy, every good plan should have lots of wiggle-room for on-the-fly modifications.”

“So what you’re saying is that you make your plans with them failing in mind. Careful, Leonard. Your pessimism is showing.”

“I prefer to call it realism, thank you very much,” I responded as I reached for my cup again. By this time it was at a more drinkable temperature, so I could take a bigger gulp.

“If you insist,” Naoren said with an amused bend in his lips. “As for me, I prefer my plans to proceed like clockwork. There is a simple satisfaction found in watching every element and every line of the script falling in place perfectly.” He paused here, then exhaled a shallow sigh. “It’s a shame today’s performance followed your principles. I was looking forward to getting to the part where I would be calling you a beetroot in front of everyone.”

“… Wait, that was in the scrip?”

“Yes. It was line twenty-seven.” I must have looked lost, as my host’s lips curled further upwards and he explained, “It was in response to you declaring that I was unfit to unite all Draconian clans because I lack vision.”

“Oh, right. We did discuss something like that, didn’t we?”

“We certainly did. I have to say, I was a little disappointed I couldn’t say that line. Or didn’t hear you call me an ‘abominable trouser wasp’. It had quite an amusing ring to it.”

One flat look later, I told him, “That was just a generic insult I used as an example. You see, those are the exact kind of things you’re supposed to improvise in the heat of the moment.”

“Is that so? Does that also apply to calling someone a decrepit sea sponge?”

“It especially applies to that.”

Naoren let out an amused little hum that pretty much said ‘I learned something new today’ before he cleared his throat.

“Staying on the topic of plans, are you going to play the role of the aggressor tomorrow as well?”

“Nah, there’s no need,” I responded offhandedly before gulping down the last of my tea. “I was only on the offensive because we needed you to have a legit reason to challenge me to a duel. Since it was already accomplished, with the contribution of your cute little cousin, we don’t need to put up a show anymore. There’s no reason to overdo it.”

“I don’t know how I feel about you calling Xiao Xiao cute…”

One very slow roll of an eye followed, then I told him, “Please cut the protective older brother routine, we’d already done it once.”

Naoren conceded with a shallow nod, and since the conversation came to a lull, I decided to get on with the business I came over for and pointed at the item already set aside for me.

“So, how much do I owe you again?”

“One hundred thousand and one Jens,” he answered a touch dryly.

“Wow… Dad-in-law ramped it up to the limit, didn’t he?” I muttered and reached over to the enchanted bag on my belt. Normally it needed a full armor set to work, but I had already jury-rigged it so that I could operate the enchantment with my phantom limb. According to its previous owner, he could just intuitively store and retrieve items with a thought. For me, the process was a little more involved, but I soon had a wad of hundred Jen bills in my hand anyway. Then another.

In no time at all, I piled up ten of them onto the table, much to my host’s surprise.

“That seems to be a really useful artifact.”

“It is,” I replied with undisguised delight. “The storage space is fairly small, and it’s a little finicky to operate, but it’s definitely handy. Once I figure out how to reproduce the enchantment, you are free to buy one. I’ll even give you a discount.”

“Thank you, I’ll think about it,” he responded in a deadpan voice before he pointedly looked over the money on the table. “So, that’s one hundred thousand. You are still short of one Jen.”

“Erm, right… Give me a moment.” I looked into the inventory bag, then turned my pockets inside out, earning me a skeptically raised brow. “Sooo, this is kind of embarrassing, but apparently I don’t have any spare change on me.”

“That’s funny.”

“More annoying, really,” I grumbled, only to stop when I noticed the pensive look on Naoren’s face. “Are you worried I won’t pay up?”

“Not really. Trying to swindle me out of a single Jen would cause more harm to your reputation than mine, so I’m not worried the slightest.”

“… Then why do you look worried? Are you having second thoughts about tomorrow’s plan?”

“I would be lying if I said I don’t have my reservations, but no, it’s not about that,” he said with a cloudy expression. “To be frank, I still don’t know how to feel about the infamous dragon-killing spear disappearing into thin air under our watch.”

“I already told you it’s not the original, just a prop,” I pointed out, but it only deepened his frown.

“You claim that, and I want to believe you, but as far as the other clans know, we just lost one of the most dangerous weapons in existence.”

“Don’t oversell it. Anti-dragon enchantment or not, if I ever planned to hunt a big scaly magical lizard, I would pick an anti-materiel rifle over a spear any day of the week.”

“Please don’t refer to our honored ancestor so crassly. It’s disrespectful,” Naoren warned me out of the blue.

“I’m not wrong though. Trust me; dragons are much less impressive in person than you would think.”

“… You almost sound like you’re talking from experience.”

“That’s because I am,” I answered, but then immediately followed it up with, “Don’t ask. It’s a bit of a secret, and also a long story we don’t have the time for right now. In conclusion, you absolutely shouldn’t worry about the fake spear, and it’s going to surface soon enough anyway, so let’s cut that whole line of thought right here.”

“Are you leaving?” my host asked, and while I didn’t mean my words to be interpreted that way, I figured I might as well do so.

“While I enjoyed both the tea and the company, the night is short, and I still need to get a few things prepared for tomorrow’s performance.”

As I said that, I carefully picked up the blue stone. Naoren looked at me expectantly, but when I didn’t do anything with it, he asked, “Aren’t you going to store it in your artifact?”

“Nah. It can’t hold living things,” I answered off-handedly, and while he seemed intrigued by my comment, he didn’t press the issue, and instead he stood up as well.

“Very well then. I would see you off, but I have a feeling you don’t need me to. Let’s meet again tomorrow.”

“Nine in the morning, sharp,” I responded, and he nodded along.

The preliminaries of the tournament would only start in the afternoon, but I figured it was best to give myself some leeway. Or, in this case, a lot.

“Do you plan to confront grand elder Xinji?” came an unexpected question, and after some consideration, I shook my head.

“Not directly. If he makes a move and reveals his hand, then it’s another matter entirely, but accomplishing our main goal is more important. If you want to, you can deal with him internally.”

“It all depends on how he acts and his motivations,” Naoren responded a touch sourly. “I’ve known the grand elder for decades, and while we sometimes didn’t see eye to eye, I wish to give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“I think I’ve told you that I’ve already caught him red-handed.”

“And you have also told me you lack the evidence to justify pinning him down, and that you could not discern his motivations for scheming behind our backs. As far as we know, he might have had legitimate reasons for everything he did.”

“Careful, Naoren. Your optimism is showing.”

The bespectacled clan-head blinked in surprise, then shook his head with a smile.

“What is the word…? Touché, I believe?”

“Yep, that’s the one,” I responded with a toothy grin of my own and offered him a hand. “See you—”

“Big brother Naoren? Are you in there?”

We both froze for a moment and then simultaneously turned towards the muffled voice of a certain young girl coming from the other side of the main entrance of the office.

“Off I go!” I declared, and my host let out an affirmative grunt before heading towards the door. As for me, I moved over to the side-room where I first arrived before Phasing away, just barely catching odango-girl inquiring about whether or not Naoren had any guests over.

Part 4

“Gah!”

The moment I arrived, I was alarmed by a startled yelp coming from my right, closely followed by a chair falling over. When I glanced towards the source, I found Raven Boy, currently wearing a familiar tracksuit ensemble, staring at me in shock. He provided a great contrast to Hrul and Rabom in the background, who only acknowledged my presence with a lazy wave before they continued to stoically try to assemble the modular kitchen furniture I brought over in the morning. Without the instructions, of course, because real ram-men didn’t need those.

Once they managed to put it together, preferably in this decade, the backup base would be, if not self-sufficient, at least marginally more livable than it used to be. It was also warmer, thanks to a pair of spare oil radiators, though it was still far from balmy.

“What the hell was that? You scared the shit out of me!” Raven Boy complained while he set the chair upright, and I couldn’t stop snickering even if I tried. It’s been so long since I’ve got a reaction like that out of someone; it just felt nostalgic.

Ignoring the glowering guy, I set the stone in my hand onto the nearby kitchen table and looked around, missing a certain someone.

“Where’s Morgana?”

“With Pip. Restroom,” Hrul responded without looking up, seemingly too busy closely inspecting two outwardly identical screws.

Just to be safe, I Far Glanced her way, and she really was up on the ground floor, discussing how to renovate the single toilet stall in the entire abandoned dockyard building. Since I planned to use this place as a kind of black site, mainly for storing all Bel-related incriminating evidence, getting the utilities into working order was important. I had no idea why she was the one doing the inspecting though.

In any case, since she didn’t seem to be up to any malarkey, I returned to my body and turned to the table again, just in time to catch Raven Boy freeze mid-motion just as he was about to take a seat again and then jump back with another startled, “Gah! What’s that?”

Following his line of sight, I leveled my gaze on the tiny tentacled eldritch abomination sitting on the table, where the blue stone used to be, and uttered a blasé, “It’s a mini-shoggoth. Duh.”

“What’s something like that doing on the table!?”

I glanced at the one-eyed menace, and it waved its many stubby tentacles around like it was dancing to a tune only it could hear, so I faced Raven Boy and said, “Vibing, I suppose?”

He looked at me like I was out of my mind, but I didn’t really care about his opinion, so after lightly scratching the strangely endearing creature of mild nightmares behind its nonexistent ear, I reached over to the bag on my belt and produced three interlinked, partially overlapping pieces of angular metal plates, each one roughly the size of my palm.

“Here, I fixed the damaged parts, so you can reassemble your gear for tomorrow’s operation.”

He still eyed the tentacled ball on the table cautiously, but inched closer to me and snatched the armour-part out of my hand. He looked at it, then at the bag on my belt, and told me, “I want my sabretache back too.”

“And I want world peace,” I responded with a one hundred percent genuine and totally friendly smile. “The only difference between the two of us is that what I want might actually happen one day.”

“It’s mine!”

“No, it used to be yours, before you lost it due to a series of terrible decisions that led to getting your ass handed to you.”

“It only happened because I was weakened and let my guard down! If we fought again, I would not be defeated by you!”

His declaration was followed by a solid five seconds of silence, during which even the Fauns in the back paused and swiveled their ears around to listen closer. As for me, I exhaled a long, exasperated groan, then walked over to Raven Boy’s side and placed a heavy palm on his shoulder. He flinched but met my eyes defiantly.

“Say, are you listening to yourself?” I asked, irritation all but dripping from my voice, and he finally blinked.

“W-What?”

“I asked, are. you. listening. to. yourself?” I repeated, this time a little more forcefully. “You are sounding like a bloody mob character in a cheap paperback story, with zero self-awareness.”

“What the hell are you talking about? What’s a mob character?”

“It’s an extra with delusions of grandeur,” I responded and lightly squeezed his shoulder. “Now that I think about it, that also describes you pretty well.” Raven Boy continued to glare at me and tried to shake me off, but my hand was already clamped onto him, so I used the opportunity to turn him into a guinea pig by sticking one of my phantom limbs into his chest. In the meantime, to hold his attention, I lowered my voice by an octave and said, “Listen closely, you poor, miserable simpleton. Don’t mistake my treatment of you for softness. You tried to kidnap my girlfriend, and as much of a pathetic failure the attempt turned out to be, it still landed you a position near the top of my shit-list, and the only reason why you still have your head attached to your shoulders is because of grander ramifications you can’t even begin to fathom, let alone comprehend.” I paused here, as I just came to a tricky part in my unsanctioned soul surgery, but it also worked great for making him sweat a bit before I continued with, “For your interest, the last person who pissed me off this much was an Abyssal Lord, and he spent two months in bed after the incident. Unlike him, you are potentially useful to me, so I recommend you try to leverage that fact as much as you can and be a good little boy, and if you are lucky, maybe I will kindly overlook your transgression this one last time. It’s all up to you. Think about it.”

After saying all that, I finally released my grip on his shoulder and used the same hand to pat it, eliciting a stifled hiss from the guy.

I, naturally, completely disregarded that and turned on my heel.

“Speaking of Crowey, I have some things to take care of in his neck of the woods. Where’s my Bel costume?”

“Wardrobe. In corner,” Hrul told me, with the exact same two screws in hand. I nodded in appreciation and headed over to the already assembled furniture in the back of the room, and quickly found it.

On the surface, it looked exactly the same as always, but in fact, this was my Bel Gear Ver. 3.0.4, with a brand new set of multi-layered wards, various utility enchantments to regulate my body temperature and vital functions, and a new and improved mask that, among other things, hid both my eye- and hair-color. I still used a wig with it thought, because redundancy never hurt anyone.

Once I was geared up, I walked over to the table again, where Raven Boy was still frozen in place, and gestured for the tiny shoggoth.

“Come here, Pudding-kun. Let’s practice.”

“Pudding what?” the motionless Knight muttered, still in a daze, and apprehensively watched as the tentacled ball hopped over to my side and jumped onto the mask I held out. In a moment, its body shimmered, and then it seemingly disappeared, forming a thin lining on the inside of the mask.

Satisfied, I faced Raven Boy again and told him, “Also, for the record, don’t even think about betraying me.” I waited for a beat, then innocently added, “No, seriously. Don’t. Also, make sure you don’t accidentally reveal that I’m Bel to anyone either, or you’re going to regret it.”

“I know,” he spat back, though his voice was considerably less confident than just a few minutes ago. “I’ve heard your threats the first time.”

“Threat? Nah, it’s just an advice,” I said, still as innocent as thirteen popes (and one anti-pope) combined. “For example, let’s say you tried to tell Rabom over there that ‘Leonard Dunning is Bel of the Abyss’.” He was only looking at me funny, so I said, “Come on, try. It’s going to be funny.”

Raven Boy was still apprehensive, but under my urging, he finally muttered, “Leonard Dunning is B—”

Without warning, his face blanched, and his left hand clawed at his chest while the other was grasping for support, ultimately finding it in the back rest of the nearby chair.

After a few gasps, he groaned, “My chest..?” only to regain some of his color and growl, “What’s going on?”

“What? You tried to betray me by announcing my secret, so what did you expect?” I shot back with a not-at-all-self-satisfied smirk. “Also, for the record, you should refrain from writing it down, recording and then replaying it, or playing the relevant words in sequence during a game of Scrabble. I recommend you don’t even think about it, really.”

“But why are my Oaths reacting? How could you do something like that?”

“Why are you so surprised?” I asked back with a not-at-all smug grin. “After all, I.Am. Your king.”

With that, I placed the Bel mask on my face, and a moment later, I reappeared in a side-room adjacent to Crowey’s bed chamber.

…

“Was that too cringey?” I whispered under my breath, but since I was all alone, I naturally received no answer. After some further contemplation, I concluded that it was definitely a little cringey, but in my defence, when else was I ever going to use a line like that? Let’s just blame it on the Bel suit influencing me, and leave it at that.

But speaking of my getup, I lightly touched the mask, then shook my head, first lightly, then with all my might. Thanks to the patented Shoggoth Lining (trademark pending), it remained firmly attached to my face like it was glued there, and it was only a little bit itchy. Honestly, the tentacled horror collective kept proving to be more and more versatile and useful by the day, and I had a hard time deciding how I felt about it.

However, this was neither the right time nor place to consider, so I set my wig, straightened the lapels of my coat, and proceeded to Phase through the large building one room at a time.

The Inannas, against all common sense, somehow had an estate that was bigger than the Dracis mansion, with an honest-to-goodness stone wall surrounding the whole compound. I had already done a couple of scouting expeditions around the place, so I knew that beyond the walls, there was a small yet relatively modern village. All in all, with all the ‘commoner’ Abyssals and the Fauns patrolling the streets, this one castle-town alone probably had about two-, potentially as high as two-and-a-half thousand inhabitants.

That might not have sounded like a lot, but this was just a single settlement centered on a single family that had more Abyssals than I have seen Magi and Draconians combined. As far as the number game was concerned, the Abyss certainly had an advantage over the rest of the world. It wasn’t a wonder they were considered a huge threat in the past. Luckily for everyone, and especially me, they couldn’t move out into the wider world all willy-nilly without using a Mana Well.

Just like the one in front of me.

In the heart of the Inanna castle stood a single, fortified room that easily matched the defenses of Lord Grandpa’s office. Needless to say, such things meant nothing to me. The circular walls around me were covered in a web of intricate, geometric patterns glowing with a faint blue glow, barely visible compared to the fiercely shining object in the middle.

Floating mid-air over a round marble pedestal, about two meters off the ground, was a very slowly rotating object that kind of looked like a large Rubik’s cube with a black frame and only blue squares. Along the circumference of the platform, there were dozens of small, iridescent crystals emanating a thin, transparent barrier, both containing the item within and protecting it from the outside.

Looking closely, I could see a myriad of thin threads, like blue spider-silk, streaming upwards and forming a semi-transparent spiral entering into a metallic receptacle set into the ceiling. It was an oddly solemn sight that kind of reminded me of the time I first looked at the mountain in the middle of the island from the top of the Ferris wheel. There was something simple yet primal about it, and I had to admit it was pretty impressive.

I didn’t come here to just stare at it though, so I collected my wits and stepped closer to the fabled Mana Well of the Inannas while cracking my knuckles. Normally this kind of situation was calling for a subtle approach, with all kinds of esoteric phantom-limb-based finagling, but this wasn’t a normal situation.

Simply put, I was about to enact some preventative measures tonight. The next day was promising to be hectic enough already, and since I was already aware Crowey and his posse were planning to start operating on the outside again, I decided it was prudent to make sure they wouldn’t start causing any mischief just yet. Since they needed to use their Mana Well to leave the Abyss, the simplest way to sabotage their plans was by making sure they couldn’t use it. Taking the Mana Well itself was, unfortunately, out of the question, as it would spark an instant civil war, and I wasn’t a fan of volatile situations like that. Thankfully, I had an alternative.

So, let’s say we had this immensely important relic that’s both the source of the ruling family’s power and their only way of interacting with the world outside of this copy of Critias. What would happen if some dastardly ne’er-do-well sneaked into its closely guarded vault? For a start, the whole household would lose their collective minds over it, and there would be a big investigation that would result in the item being unusable for at least a couple of days. I knew, because that’s exactly what happened the last time I had sneaked in here and wrote a jaunty little limerick about the size of Crowey’s nose onto the floor using three whole bottles of ketchup.

Now, here’s the million Jen question: what would happen if someone actually triggered aaalll the defense mechanism around the relic at once? I’d reckon there would be quite an uproar and it would definitely take the Mana Well out of commission for at least a week, time enough to resolve all currently ongoing plots with breathing room to spare.

And the quickest way to do that was to simply reach out and—

“Wait, stop!”

I froze in place, hand still extended when the panicked voice of a young woman hit my ears. My body immediately tensed up, but my sixth sense didn’t warn me of any danger, so as I eased up, I slowly turned my head towards the owner of the voice.

“If you touch that… it will activate the alarms,” the short young woman in a gothic dress, with a very familiar pair of thick-rimmed glasses and an even more unique black-and-pink hairdo, warned me with a mousey voice, still keeping her distance. At first, I hesitated about how to respond to her, but as I let my outstretched hand down, she sputtered, “A-Are you Lord Bel?”

My body froze again, but my mind immediately kicked into high gear.

“‘Lord’,” I repeated after her with an amused voice and moved my hand over to touch my chin before I let out a dramatic sigh. “Such a… nostalgic word.” I could hear her audibly gulp, which was pretty funny, all things considered, so I relaxed my posture and asked, “How come I didn’t hear you come in, Lady Tajana?”

“I-I fell asleep over there, and…” she answered reflexively, only to pause and stare at me blankly for a second. “Do we… know each other?”

“Do we?” I asked back, then pretended to think hard before I shook my head. “No, I’m afraid we haven’t been introduced yet. Oh, linear time, you fickle mistress! How I loathe thee and your rigid ways. If only I didn’t need you to know when my eggs are cooked and such…” I exclaimed while melodramatically covering my face with one hand, then loudly cleared my throat and did a well-practiced scraping bow. “You may call me Bel of the Abyss. It’s a pleasure to once more finally meet you for the first time yet again.”

“Y-Yes,” she sputtered again and she hastily punched her skirt and did a clumsy curtsy, “I’m Tajana Sukkal of House Inanna. I-It’s my pleasure to make acquaintance, Lord Bel.”

While we only exchanged simple greetings, I had already dedicated all my grey matter to analyzing everything about her, from her word choices and her tone to her body language, and soon my lips parted in a pleasantly surprised smile.

Without further ado, I Phased closer to her, starling her in the process. She tried to step back, but by then I already reached out and grabbed her hand, then gently pulled her back towards me. Once I was sure I already had her marked, I let out a low chuckle, further confusing her.

“Lady Tajana. I came here today intending to retrieve what is rightfully mine, yet it seems unbeknownst to even myself, I might have come to meet you instead.”

“W-W-W-W…?”

“Ah, but the time is not right!” I exclaimed and let go of her hand before casually walking back towards the Mana Well in the middle of the chamber, only to dramatically turn around and open my arms wide. “Not yet, but soon!”

“What… do you mean?”

“By the next time we meet, you will know,” I told her with an extra playful voice, and raised my open arms even wider. “Today, I shall only request one thing from you. Tell your false liege that I shall benevolently allow him to hold onto my property a little longer. However, the day will come when I shall reclaim what is mine, and on that day, he will have to make the most important choice in his life.” With that, I forcefully clapped my hands, and just as I did that, my two phantom limbs struck the pedestal, and the enchantments on it, at the same time.

The lights in the room flickered, and a moment later a wave of raw mana washed over me, buffeting my coat flaps and giving me a prickly sensation all over my skin. The alarms sounded at once, right out of a cold war era air-raid PSA, and it didn’t take long for the doors leading into the chamber to open up, revealing a gaggle of astonished Faun guards on the other side.

I waited for another beat, just to let the situation sink in, then I added, “Tell him to choose well,” before I promptly Phased out of the Abyss altogether.

What can I say? I was many things, but someone who would refuse an opportunity for grand mischief when it was presented on a silver platter definitely wasn’t one of them.