The Tales of an Infinite Regressor - Chapter 162

[Translator – Jjescus]

[Proofreader – Gun]

Chapter 162

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Potato III

5

“The Saintess can be copied?!”

…Though I, Doctor Jang, am not so heartless as to forget human righteousness and propriety.

Instead of feeling joy, a sense of doubt washed over me.

As you all know, I went through all kinds of hell to defeat the [The Admin of All-Play].

But did I really act correctly?

What if, in reality, the cliches weren’t as evil as I thought, and instead, they played a role in preventing worse developments from entering this world…?

No matter how powerful that freakish [The Admin of All-Play] was, the cliché ‘You wake up to find your companion has turned into a potato’ was certainly not on their list.

Yet, it actually happened, and the situation quickly spiraled out of control.

One year later.

Awakened ones bustling through Busan city were chatting excitedly.

“Wow, we almost got wiped out in the Void this time. If it weren’t for [The Librarian of the Grand Library], we would’ve been dead for sure.”

“Hey. How about we check out the casino run by [The Nightmare of the Grand Amusement Hall] tonight? I’m bored.”

“Sorry, I’ve got evening prayers to offer to [The Morning Star of Rebirth], so I’m busy today.”

Buzz, buzz-.

Each awakened person mentioned the name of the constellation they favored. Of course, the names differed, but they were all personas played by the Saintess in a grand masquerade.

“Seriously, you should try consulting with [Understanding of Agony] just once! Everyone else has already done it except you!”

“No, my faith is solely dedicated to [Collector of All Anomalies]. I won’t be tempted by other deities.”

“Oh [The Nightmare of the Grand Amusement Hall]! Please, just let me hit the jackpot in Baccarat this time!”

Thus, the Korean peninsula had entered the era of the Great Saintess.

In the heart of Busan, a colossal statue of the ‘Giant Potato Saintess Robot’ was even erected.

Standing at an impressive height of 399 meters. The largest in the world.

While Brazil had the Christ the Redeemer statue, Busan had the Giant Potato Saintess Robot. Many people didn’t know this, but Busan was actually a sister city to Rio de Janeiro.

By the way, the person who ordered, commissioned, and supervised the creation of this 399-meter statue was none other than Tang Seorin.

You could tell just by looking at the witch’s hat perched on the potato part of the Giant Potato Saintess Robot. Seriously, what are you up to these days?

‘The world’s gone mad!’

In the end, I couldn’t take it anymore and went to see the Saintess.

Finding the way was easy. The Saintess had moved her base of operations inside the Giant Potato Statue (let’s shorten the official name because it’s too long).

At the very bottom of the Giant Potato Statue, essentially at the foot of the robot’s legs, an entrance had been built.

[What brings you here?]

The Potato Saintess greeted me with a businesslike tone at the entrance.

It wasn’t just any Potato Saintess.

Carved into the body of the potato was the number ‘330,’ meticulously etched with a carving knife. So, the Potato Saintess who welcomed me at the entrance was the 330th Potato Saintess.

…I don’t even know what’s going on anymore.

“I’m here to see the Saintess. May I?”

[Doctor Jang. We are all Saintesses and potatoes.]

“Oh, right. Fine. I’m here to see the ‘First Saintess.’ Is that good enough?”

[Please wait a moment. I’ll contact them.]

[Ah, yes. Secretary Saintess. Doctor Jang is here to see you. May I send him up?]

[Yes. Thank you.]

The 330th Potato Saintess turned to look at me. Of course, I mean that figuratively since potatoes don’t have eyes.

[You have been granted entry, Doctor Jang. Please note that this is a highly exceptional privilege. No one else can meet the First Saintess this easily.]

“Ah, yes… Thank you for your hard work.”

[May the First Ones be blessed with light.]

You must be wondering what the heck is going on.

But it’s not over yet.

Rumble. The entrance of the Giant Potato Statue opened with a heavy sound.

Upon entering, I saw hundreds of Potato Saintesses riding on robots, busily moving around.

My hearing, sharpened by aura, picked up the conversations of the Potato Saintesses, whether I wanted to hear them or not.

[Compared to last month, the crime rate among the awakened has dropped significantly. This is all thanks to the efforts of our Awakened Observation Department…]

Office worker number 99, the Potato Saintess Robot, was giving a presentation to other potatoes in a conference room.

[I’ve warned you multiple times not to scatter potato dust everywhere, but they just won’t listen. Do they even have a sense of cleanliness? It’s doubtful.]

The janitor, number 502, the Potato Saintess Robot, was grumbling while mopping the lobby.

[Last month, you only conducted 400 psychological counseling sessions. Just 400. The other employees managed an average of 800 counseling sessions. Are you satisfied with these results?]

[I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.]

[If you keep slacking off like this, I’ll have no choice but to send you to the potato chip factory.]

[Please forgive me. Just don’t send me to the potato chip factory…]

By the escalator, number 60, the Potato Saintess Robot, was scolding a subordinate.

By the way, there was also a café here.

[Your iced Americano is ready.]

[Oh, thank you.]

The barista Potato Saintess Robot handed over a watering can filled with coffee.

Drip, drip, drip—.

The customers grabbed the watering cans with their mechanical arms and poured the coffee over their heads, or more precisely, over their potatoes. The blue potato sprouts were drenched in coffee.

[Ahh… This is nice. I just don’t feel like my day has started without caffeine.]

[If I could, I’d prefer a packet of instant coffee instead of an Americano…]

[But that’s a luxury reserved only for the First Ones, isn’t it?]

[Just thinking about getting scolded by the team leader again today makes me not want to go upstairs. Sometimes I regret applying to the Psychological Counseling Department.]

[How’s the raise proposal going?]

[Not at all. They only scolded us, saying how could we pursue selfish interests while protecting humanity.]

Unbelievable.

Not only was there job separation among the Potato Saintesses, but also a class division. If the tutorial fairies had witnessed this scene, they would have grabbed spears and staged a ‘French’ revolution.

I took the elevator to the top floor. From the outside, this was the part of the statue corresponding to the potato.

There, the meeting room for the highest-ranking Potato Saintesses was located.

[Welcome, Doctor Jang.]

Five Potato Saintess Robots were seated around the round table in the meeting room.

Unit 1. Unit 2. Unit 3. Unit 4. Unit 5.

These were the so-called ‘First Potatoes,’ the earliest Saintesses. Each represented a different constellation.

In previous turns, some constellations were assigned to Shim Aryeon, but in this turn, the Saintess monopolized them all.

[It’s been a while.]

[I heard you’ve been busy exterminating monsters.]

[Strictly speaking, we didn’t hear about it—we saw it. We’re always watching you, Doctor Jang.]

[We thought it was about time you visited.]

I pressed my hand to my forehead.

“…Could one of you speak at a time? I’m confused about whom I should be talking to.”

[All are one. One is all.]

[You can speak while looking anywhere, or even without looking at anything.]

My head was already throbbing.

“Saintess. Or Saintesses. What exactly are you doing? Hmm? I stepped away, thinking you’d handle the support operations, and now Busan is turning into another utopia.”

[That criticism is misplaced.]

[In the utopia Tang Seorin created, people’s personalities were artificially altered.]

[As a result, everyone was transformed into ‘ideal Busan citizens.’ You even mentioned that Yoo Jiwon had become more humane.]

[But.]

[We are different.]

The Potato Saintess Robots clasped their hands together and rested their chins on them, striking an unmistakable villainous pose.

“Different, how? What’s different?”

[We don’t artificially alter people’s minds or consciousness.]

[That’s right.]

[We only provide ‘psychological counseling.’]

[We govern society while fully respecting each individual.]

[Look, Doctor Jang. Just by continuing psychological counseling, the crime rate in Busan and across the Korean Peninsula has plummeted.]

[The happiness index has risen, and even the birth rate is showing significant growth.]

[These are objective facts.]

As the Potato Saintesses spoke, a display screen lit up on the wall behind them.

Sure enough, the indicators reflecting life satisfaction were all showing positive trends.

[We’ve realized something.]

[People, in the end, can eliminate a lot of their unhappiness just by having someone who acknowledges them, talks to them, and encourages them.]

[In previous turns, it was difficult to establish a one-on-one counseling system to this extent.]

[Because I was human too, there were limits.]

[But now, we’ve evolved into a potato species that transcends humanity.]

[The outdated system where a single Saintess was responsible for the entire Korean Peninsula has come to an end.]

[Translator – Jjescus]

[Proofreader – Gun]

[Under the current system, each potato only needs to manage about 30 awakened individuals.]

[Amazing progress.]

[Gradual reform.]

[As the next step, we plan to collaborate with the tutorial fairies to provide every awakened person with the ‘ideal image of their respective constellation.’]

Listening to the Saintess’s nonsense, I was shocked.

“What? Ideal what?”

[The ideal image of their constellation.]

[For example, an awakened person who serves ‘The Librarian of the Grand Library’ might envision the constellation as a man. Another might see it as a woman.]

[Some might even imagine the constellation as a Pokémon.]

[By utilizing the tutorial fairies’ ‘dream abilities,’ we will offer each awakened person a customized-dream-service tailored to their ideal constellation.]

[This will deepen the bond.]

[It’s like giving everyone their own ideal partner. People will be happy.]

My god.

In short, the Saintess(es) were proposing to provide the awakened with personalized virtual avatars, leading them into excessive immersion.

I shuddered. If such an outcome was humanity’s fate, it was unbearably tragic.

If that was the case, what was the point of Homo sapiens coming down from the trees after all the hardship? We might as well have just stayed up there munching on bananas until we perished.

[To achieve that, we need to cultivate potatoes more aggressively.]

[More potatoes.]

[Ultimately, we will assign one potato per person, focusing solely on roles and performances tailored specifically to that individual.]

[Doctor Jang, this is the true Human Instrumentality Project…]

BOOM!

At that moment, the meeting room door shattered as some beings burst in.

[Down with the dictatorship!]

[Down! Down! Down!]

It wasn’t just one or two. It was a protest.

And every member of the protest was a Potato Saintess Robot. The leading potato, ‘Unit 264,’ was even wearing a red headband.

[Ah…]

Despite the protesters storming into the meeting room, the First Saintesses simply shrugged, as if this was a familiar occurrence.

[They’re causing trouble again.]

[How many times has this happened now?]

[Guards. What are you doing? Such disgrace in front of Doctor Jang.]

[Take care of this immediately.]

Thud, thud, thud!

Potato Saintess guards rushed in from outside the meeting room. These guards had a slightly more Gundam-like appearance compared to the others.

[Aaahhhh!]

[We oppose violence!]

[Then we oppose your protest. Do you even know where you are, marching in here with banners?]

[I am you, and you are me!]

[Yes, that’s right. We are the same. That’s why it hurts me to strike you.]

[Isn’t that a line only reserved for mothers and fathers?]

[Did you not know? My potato nurtured yours, so I am both you and your mother.]

[What?]

The guards violently suppressed the protesters. There was no bloodshed… just scattered potato bits everywhere.

[Drag them all out.]

[Doctor Jang! Help our Potato Resistance!]

[We’re all the same potatoes, so why are only the First Potatoes assigned to management roles while we are endlessly stuck in the emotional labor of psychological counseling?]

[Labor?]

The First Potatoes scoffed.

One of them was pouring wine onto her potato head with a watering can.

[Really, the potatoes these days are so lazy.]

[Pathetic.]

[The first Saintess managed all the awakened ones on the Korean Peninsula by herself.]

[Not only have their sprouts rotted, but their spirit has too. How did a being that was supposed to be just like me end up so degraded?]

[I certainly don’t want to become a potato like that.]

The protesters were infuriated. Unit 264 led the charge, shouting.

[Back then, there was no psychological counseling! All you had to do was act as the constellation and send out a few messages a day!]

[That’s right. The intensity of the work has changed drastically, yet you’re forcing the same standards—this is an outdated mindset.]

[Down with the dictatorship! Down!]

[This is getting us nowhere.]

[Didn’t you hear? Guards, send them all to the potato chip factory.]

[Doctor Jang, please help!]

[Doctor Jang!]

[Drag them out already.]

Thud, thud, thud—.

The protesting potatoes, their heads now cracked (or rather, slightly dented and deformed), were dragged out by the guards.

Soon, silence fell over the meeting room.

After a long pause, I finally managed to speak.

“Um, well, the people on the Korean Peninsula might be happier, but it seems like the Saintesses have become unhappy…”

[It’s just an issue with ‘some’ of them.]

[Most of the Saintesses are diligently fulfilling their duties.]

That’s a familiar line.

I was seriously considering whether I should draw my sword now and slice these potatoes in half. With the power of Aura, I could turn these potatoes’ birthplace into Ireland.

The five Potato Saintesses (well, five potato beings) turned to me and said,

[Doctor Jang.]

[We may be monsters, but we will never reach the same conclusion as Tang Seorin’s utopia.]

[Trust us.]

[Please.]

“……”

I trusted them.

Even though I could hear the sound of potatoes being sliced in a factory somewhere far away, it was all part of the ‘individual domain.’ It was a matter of privacy. After all, weren’t they all the same Saintess and the same potatoes?

And so, two years later…

“Hey, you… regressor…”

Noh Doha, the National Road Management Chief, called out to me.

There wasn’t much explanation needed for why Noh Doha’s way of addressing me had changed from ‘Doctor Jang’ to ‘regressor bastard.’

When you’ve been seeing the sight of potato robots walking around Busan daily, a lot of changes were bound to happen in Noh Doha’s mind too.

“What’s the matter, Chief?”

“We’ve received reports that the awakened ones have started engaging in large-scale battles…”

“What?”

A sense of foreboding began to creep up. I tried to close off my mind, but this foreboding spread like the smell of durian.

“Uh, is it a guild war? That’s strange. I thought the ranks were pretty much settled under the Three Thousand Worlds and Baekhwa Girls’ High School these days.”

“No. It’s a constellation war…”

A constellation war?

“They claim that the constellation they serve is the true one and that all the others are heretical. It’s a constellation war… and a religious war. Damn it…”

Well…

That’s how it goes, I guess…

[Translator – Jjescus]

[Proofreader – Gun]