The World Is Overflowing with Monster, I’m Taking a Liking to This Life - Chapter 178. Nishino And Goshogawara

 

***

 

Why was this ossan here?

 

To be honest, he wished to be left alone for the night.

 

By isolating himself, Nishino was thinking of clearing his mind, so this encounter was like being doused by a cold bucket of water.

 

“May I sit next to you?”

 

“…Of course.”

 

Nishino nodded, but he was secretly planning on returning home early.

 

“Yokoisho.”

 

—And with that, Goshogawara also sat down on the bench.

 

“So…why are you outside in the middle of the night?”

 

“That’s my question. Nishino-kun, why are you out so late at night? Don’t you have to wake up early tomorrow?”

 

Can you not answer a question with a question?

 

“…No real reason. I woke up from my sleep, so I decided to take a walk.”

“Hmm, a walk, you say…I see, I see. Then let’s just say that my reason is the same as yours.”

 

“…”

 

The ossan’s manner of speech was mildly irritating, but Nishino held himself back from yelling and chose instead to silently look up at the skies.

 

While sipping on a can of coffee that was in his hands, Goshogawara also looked up at the starry night.

 

“Electricity has become available again, so it’s now much brighter in these regions. Even so, it’s darker than it was before. But it’s thanks to this that we can more easily observe the stars in the skies.”

 

“…”

 

Certainly, the stars that had been hidden until now had become visible.

 

If Peony’s vines weren’t sticking to the invisible barriers of the “Safety Zone” at the edge of their field of visions, there would’ve been nothing to complain about. However, there was very little that could be said or done about this.

 

“Nishino-kun, ever since I was a child, I’ve always been fond of looking up at the starry sky. Even after I grew up and married, I often stargazed with my wife and daughter.”

 

After saying this, Goshogawara gently touched the ring that was on his left hand’s ring finger.

 

This reminded Nishino that Goshogawara was a married man with a child.

 

Has he found his wife and daughter?

 

“Every time I look up, I get a sense of how vast the sky is, and my worries start to appear trivial in comparison. Regardless of whether I’ve made a mistake at work, angered my wife, or gotten myself hated by my daughter, the stars were always there, shining above us, and whenever I saw them, I felt like trying my best again.”

 

“…How unexpected. I never knew that Goshogawara-san was a romanticist.”

 

“Hahaha, I hear that a lot. But it’s not good to judge people by their appearance, you know? Nishino-kun and Shibata-kun are good examples of this.”

“Me and Shibata…?”

 

“Yes. You two may look like delinquents, but you still follow a strict “code” of conduct. At times, you are considerate towards your friends. At other times, you demonstrate a surprising amount of passion. On a fundamental level, both of you are serious and genuine in what you guys do. The thing is, your appearance might be misleading, but people that need to understand will come to understand you for who you are.”

 

“…What you said—”

 

“—Is true. I guarantee it.”

 

Goshogawara’s voice contained a strong conviction.

 

His words carried a mysterious weight, and Nishino subconsciously turned towards him.

 

There was nothing special about Goshogawara’s features.

 

He was just an average looking middle-aged man that could be found anywhere.

That said, there was something about him at the moment that made Nishino want to oppose him.

 

“That’s simply not true. What made you come to these conclusions? Goshogawara-san, you probably don’t know what kind of instructions I gave to my friends back when we were escaping from the High Orc that raided the Home Center.”

 

Back when the High Orc and the swarm of regular Orcs invaded, Nishino gave a certain order to his friends:

Use the refugees as decoys to flee.

 

As most of the refugees remained oblivious to what he had instructed, they ended up as decoys and were slaughtered mercilessly.

Only a few of them managed to survive, and Goshogawara happened to be one of them.

 

If he had known this, he wouldn’t have said those words.

 

Nishino was positive that this was the case.

In reality, however—

 

“Of course, I am aware of it.”

 

Nishino was stunned at Goshogawara’s shocking revelation.

 

He knew? And yet he still found it within himself to praise me as such?

 

“How…come…?”

 

“How come? I’m sure that that was your best bet back then. Looking back, us refugees were nothing but a bunch of weak and selfish people. We were essentially a burden. It totally makes sense that we were cut off and discarded. Nishino-kun, you did your best to protect your friends, and no one can point their fingers at you for what you’ve done.”

 

“…”

 

Nishino wondered how he knew all this.

 

“I’ll say this again, Nishino-kun. You’re a strong boy. That’s why there’s something that I must tell you.”

 

“…?”

 

“—Stop demeaning yourself by comparing yourself to Kudou-kun.”

 

“…!?”

 

Nishino was shaken by those words as they accurately pinpointed the heart of the matter.

 

How did he notice? 

 

His expression must have given it away.

 

Goshogawara laughed softly.

 

“I’d like to believe that I have good eyes for people. After all, I was once the president of a company. Not only did I memorize all of my employees’ faces and personalities, I also made sure to make improvements based on the problems that they encountered and the complaints that they had. That was part of my job as president. That’s why I knew straight away that you were concerned about something.”

 

“…”

 

“Do you envy that man?” Goshogawara asked.

 

“…”

 

“Do you really want to be like him?”

 

“…Isn’t that natural?”

 

Nishino blurted out a response.

 

“He is strong, has various skills at his disposal, and can face any enemy upfront. Today, he even became companions with a Dragon. How can anyone not be envious of him?”

 

“I’m not. Not at all. At the end of the day, he’s—”

 

“Goshogawara-san, you can only say that because you haven’t witnessed what he can do up close!”

 

Nishino shouted, interrupting Goshogawara in the middle of his speech.

 

The stress and indignation that he had gradually accumulated exploded out in an uncontrollable frenzy.

 

“Witnessing what he could do and achieve, anyone would want to be as powerful as Kudou-san! Anyone would want to be like Kudou-san! Is this so hard to understand?”

 

“…”

 

“I’ve…I’ve been doing my best as well…but it’s just no good. I can’t protect her…I can’t protect Rikka. Ichinose made her smile, and Kazuto-san has the strength to protect her. Me…? What can I do!? Everything I do, he can do better! All I can do is come up with strategies and order people around! What’s more, when it comes to giving out commands, Fujita-san and Towada-san can do it much better than I do! They’ve overcome many situations where I would’ve had to sacrifice my friends! There are countless people that can replace me!”

 

“Nishino-kun, that’s—”

 

“I know! I know that I’m being wrongfully jealous and that my inferiority complex is running wild! I know that I’m taking out my anger on the wrong person! I get it! But…but there’s nothing I can do about it! My head understands, but my heart doesn’t!”

 

Nishino spat out all his inner thoughts while clenching his fists.

 

Ever since the world changed, this was the first time that he had revealed a hint of “weakness” before others.

 

He wanted to be as strong as Kazuto.

 

He wanted to be like him, fighting besides her and protecting her from dangers.

However, he couldn’t do this.

 

He was too weak.

 

He didn’t have the necessary skills.

 

His status was too low.

 

He wasn’t strong enough.

 

His heart tightened every time he thought about it.

 

Somewhere inside his heart, he couldn’t help but think—

 

—Why couldn’t it be me?

 

A desire which anyone would have at least once in their lifetime.

If only I could have that. If only I could do that.

Jealousy was simply a product of envy and longing.

People grew jealous of others because of their longings and because of their envy.

Goshogawara stared at him in the eyes.

 

“You aren’t Kudou-kun,” he said clearly.

 

“You aren’t Kudou Kazuto. You’re Nishino Kyouya. You can’t be him, just like how he can’t be you.—No one can ever be your replacement.”

 

With his eyes still glued onto Nishino, he continued.

 

“No one can truly replace another human being. They can at most work as substitutes at a company. Even then, things aren’t so simple. Many clients are stubborn about who they wish to meet with, and just as many business partners agree to work together because they trust the mediator. You can be envious and jealous of others, but you will always remain as who you are.”

 

“…Then what am I supposed to do? Give up?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“…”

 

Goshogawara was concise in his answer.

 

“Give up on trying to become like Kudou-kun. Nobody else can claim to be Nishino Kyouya other than yourself.”

 

“Eh…?”

 

“If you’re feeling jealous of Kudou-kun, try to catch up to him by putting in more effort. Hopefully, there will come a time when you will be ready to acknowledge yourself. Also, don’t delude yourself into thinking that no one is watching. As long as you give it your all and don’t give up midway, your feelings will definitely reach everyone, Aisaka-san included.”

 

“…Really?”

 

“Yes. In fact, I’m positive that your feelings have already been conveyed to them.”

 

“Eh?”

 

“—Nishino-san!”

 

He heard a distant voice.

 

When he turned around, he saw the figures of Shibata and his companions running at him with ragged breath.

 

“We searched for you for so long. You didn’t reply to any of our ‘Mails’, so we were getting worried.”

 

“Eh…? Ah, sorry about that.”

 

Nishino apologized.

Shibata and the others looked really relieved.

 

“Thank God. If something had happened to Nishino-san, our hands would have been tied.”

 

“…”

 

Nishino closely observed their expressions.

 

He had isolated himself to sort out his feelings, and he felt complicated seeing how concerned everyone else was.

 

“Rikka and Ichinose are also looking for you. Can you shoot them a message? They’d be more relieved if they hear from you directly.”

 

“O-okay…Rikka is outside as well?”

 

“Of course she is. Did you know, Nishino-san? Rikka was the first one to say that she would go out to look for you.”

 

“That’s so…”

 

Nishino regained some of his cool after listening to Shibata’s words.

He received a reply immediately after sending out a ‘Mail’.

 

‘—Oki. Stop making us so worried~’

 

It was a typical response from Rikka, yet this one warmed his heart a bit.

Someone placed their hand on his shoulder.

It was Goshogawara, who had been next to him.

 

“See? Aren’t all these people’s eyes on you? By the way, it was Shibata-kun who told me about what happened at the Home Center.”

 

“Him…?”

 

“It was around the time we first regrouped after fleeing from the Home Center. He apologized in his knees and asked that I don’t blame you for what you’ve done. ‘All of us students are to be blamed,’ he said, and he begged me not to criticize you the next time we met.”

 

“…”

 

This came as news to him.

He wasn’t aware that Shibata was doing such a thing behind his back.

 

“What did I tell you? Your feelings have already touched the hearts of many people.”

 

“…You’re right. I was so blinded that I couldn’t even see through such a simple thing…I…”

 

“Hm? Did you say somethin’, Nishino-san?”

 

“No, nothing important. Let’s return to our house.”

 

“Roger.”

 

As they were walking back, Nishino once again looked up at the beautiful night sky.

 

“Nobody else can claim to be me other than myself, was it…”

 

All the longing and jealousy in the world would not change anything.

He can only be himself and no one else.

His worries were yet to be resolved. His feelings were yet to be in order.

He knew for a fact that he would continue to be haunted by the jealousy and the inferiority complex that were deep within him.

—Even so, I must keep moving forward.

I will continue to fight so that I can at least stand besides her confidently. 

I will continue to advance so that I can at least catch a glimpse of that man’s true power.

 

“…Yes, I’ll make it happen.”

 

Nishino continued down the road with an unrelenting smile.

The shadow that had been clouding his face was nowhere to be found.

 

He didn’t notice that the shadow beneath his feet was quivering ever so slightly.

 

*****

 

After sending Nishino back to the base, Goshogawara returned to the park alone, plopped down on a bench, and looked up at the night sky once more.

He heaved a sigh.

 

“Yareyare. It seems like things have worked out somehow.”

 

He was really under the weather back there, but it should be fine now.

 

“As with Kudou-kun, Nishino-kun’s evaluation of himself is surprisingly low. They need to realize that they are cherished by their companions…”

 

‘No one knows you better than yourself.’

 

This was often not the case, especially when it came to people’s perception of how others viewed them.

 

“He still seems to be hiding something…but it shouldn’t be too much of an issue.”

 

During their conversation, Goshogawara had a feeling that Nishino was holding back some information.

However, Goshogawara chose to believe in him.

He should be fine by himself.

 

“But I ended up… feeding him a bit of a lie…”

 

Saying that, he took out a small notebook from his breast pocket.

It was an old diary that he kept with him regardless of where he went.

Long before the world had changed, he had decided on keeping a diary.

He turned to one of the pages.

 

“…September 3rd: My daughter gifted me with a black handkerchief. She proudly told me that she bought it with the money that she had been slowly saving. As thanks, she says that she wants a new phone. This is going to be an expensive purchase.”

 

He flipped to a different page.

 

“…October 4th: Today was supposed to be my wedding anniversary with my wife. I had forgotten about it altogether. My wife was incensed, and my daughter scolded me for a long time. I wonder how I should make it up for them tomorrow…”

 

Flip.

 

“…December 3rd: My wife asked me to go do some groceries. She said that it was urgent, so I went for a round of shopping and returned. Upon my return, I saw a huge cake on the dining table, surrounded by all my favorite dishes. It was only then that I realized that today was my birthday. Even though I forgot about it, my wife and my daughter remembered it in my stead. It’s honestly such a nice feeling—”

 

Flip, flip, flip.

 

The diary contained all his fond “memories” with his families.

 

“—I must have been a happy man…”

 

It was as if he was talking about someone else.

Well, that sounds about right.

—Goshogawara had absolutely no recollection of his wife and his daughter.

When he was talking to Nishino, he had based his story off of what was written on his diary.

He couldn’t even recall what they looked like.

He couldn’t remember any of their appearance, their voice, their smell, or their warmth.

He had no memory of them at all.

 

“Treants, huh…”

 

His daughter supposedly attended a school which was in a “neighboring town”.

Worried about their daughter’s wellbeing, his wife convinced him to rent an apartment in the neighboring town so that she could live with their daughter.

The neighboring town—yes, it was where Peony had arrived from.

Those that get consumed by Treants are forgotten.

In other words, his wife and daughter were already—

 

“I should work harder as well.”

 

He returned the diary back into his pocket and stood up.

Then, he traced the ring on his left hand with his fingers and clasped the black handkerchief which was in his pocket.

 

“…It is a sad thing that I can’t even mourn for my wife and daughter…”

 

*****

 

Dawn.

The curtains rose on the first day of the Peony subjugation plan.