The World Without My Sister Who Everyone Loved - Chapter 14

Sienna was dreaming. Most of her dreams were based on her old memories. Therefore, most of Sienna’s dreams were nightmares.

In her dreams, Sienna saw herself during her pathetic days, who tried to help everyone in any little way she could.

After spending the summer at Loreina’s house, Sienna was often anxious.

Originally, she felt unqualified to stay in Nacht, but the guilt of secretly sharing her sister’s mana and deceiving others gradually ate into Sienna’s conscience.

Loreina often pretended to soothe the anxious Sienna, but changed her attitude after several similar exchanges were repeated.

“Sienna, you looked so anxious. I was thinking of you, but… Was it too much for you?”

Loreina, who blinked her bright green eyes as if she was disappointed, looked very upset. Sienna had no choice but to shake her head, saying, “I’m not”, in a hurry.

After that, she began to calm herself down and to not worry Loreina.

From then on, Sienna suffered from terrible nightmares.

‘How dare you!’ 

You’re such a disgusting bastard!’

‘How lovely Loreina is!

‘Parasite!’

After the ceremony, geometric patterns remained on the bodies of Loreina and Sienna.

Sienna trembled with her clothes sticking to her skin, thinking about how she stole Loreina’s mana. She had dreamt of leaving behind traces which would lead to her being found out.

I couldn’t adapt to seeing the same dream hundreds and hundreds of times. As time went by, I would wake up with a cold sweat every time.

The guilt of stealing from my sister and deceiving our benefactors.

Time passed and she turned 18, but the guilt only grew greater and greater. Rather than disappearing, it was crushing Sienna.

To forget that feeling of guilt, Sienna worked tirelessly. She tried to do whatever she could do.

While receiving the same support, she unilaterally served Loreina as a maid. In addition, Sienna tried to do her best for Grand Duke Nacht and his sons.

Even though all she could do was very little.

Making a harness to help them go out to the battlefield every time, heat up a cloth to cover their wounds…

“At most, you act just like a maid, you’re barely a guardian.”

“Well, that’s not enough, actually. It’s impossible to be an employee of Nacht if you’re an orphan with an unclear origin.”

To be a servant of a noble family like Nacht, one had to be a person whose background, growth and survival could be estimated by his or her immediate family. Of course, there should also be a letter of recommendation from a reliable person.

An orphan who couldn’t even dream of becoming a maid. Sienna tried to understand exactly where she was and be humble. Sometimes she had put in more effort than she should have. [P/N: “where she was” as in her position.]

It was the same with making magic tools. Loreina gave away, or to be precise, left a very small amount of magic behind for Sienna to make low-level self-defense tools. While Loreina herself made grand items for the Grand Duke and his sons.

Even that required self-studying for a long time due to her lack of proper education, and there was no one to guide her, so it had to go through trial and error until it succeeded.

Mana is a force that can be used by both magicians and guardians. The difference was in the way that power was handled. Guardians born from stagnant mana, and only a few other people were allowed to possess and deal with it.

In short, that can be called “the talent to become a sorcerer”.

Anyway, the nature of magic was chaos, and it was a power that was easily stained by greed. Sometimes humans could turn into demons when their power became completely dominated by their greed.

To use magic, that is, to become a magician, means that you are exposed to the risk of being stained by darkness. And that you are always at risk of turning into a beast, or going crazy.

Speaking of prejudice, sorcerers are quite the closet lunatics. For them, self-defense tools act as their pain reliever, just like panadol is for migraine sufferers.

However, the Grand Duke of Nacht, who was a magician specialized in healing magic, which was also known as purification magic, had no need to be paranoid about being stained by darkness or have a need for self-defense tools.

It was Loreina who encouraged Sienna, who could discern that much. [P/N: Sienna could discern that the Grand Duke doesn’t need her low-level self-defense tools.]

“Sienna, I thought you were doing the best you could, but you really don’t have anything else to do, so wouldn’t it be better for you to show some sincerity? You’re in a position where you’re indebted to the Nacht family.”

They were words that subtly pricked Sienna’s heart, that was racked with guilt.

‘My sister was a person who knew exactly how to strike a person’s heart.’

In hindsight, I started to see things I hadn’t seen before. (P/N: the Sienna now could tell what Loreina was trying to achieve back then, i.e. guilt tripping her, making her feel useless…)

Anyway, since then, Sienna steadily had more self-confidence.

After all, self-defense did not seem to deviate much from Sienna’s personality.

Even though most of her efforts didn’t produce fruit, Sienna spent days and days to make things right.

Especially if you knew the ending of that life.

It was not pleasant to watch the days of that sincere idiot who would never give up. (T/N: She is calling herself the idiot)

After a while, the scene changed and Sienna was standing in front of Ashiel.

“Your Highness…”

No, I was standing. There was a little bit of a gap between them. It was because Ashiel, who led a group of his men, went straight past her.

He didn’t even pretend to know, let alone say hello, but she couldn’t tell whether he had not seen Sienna, or he had ignored her while he was busy.

“Oh, Miss Sienna! There you are. Would you please clean up Asie’s room when you have time?” (T/N: Asie is Ashiel’s nickname.)

Sienna, who had no family and was now a noble’s guardian, was more reliable than the average employee.

And Sienna was trying her best to become a guardian bride, that she had left a gift under Ashiel’s desk everyday. (P/N: in case y’all forgot, guardians often become the spouse of their benefactor’s kids.)

“……”

‘….You were mistaken.’

Sienna, who brought trash and amulets, climbed the stairs helplessly. I saw it.

“Michael-nim.”

“Good for you to be busy.”

Sienna held back a sigh, and smiled as if it were plastered on her face.

“Because it’s something I can do.”

“Is this something no one told you to do?”

The boy stared.

Ashiel didn’t show any signs of disrespect for her, while Michael clearly hated Siena.

“Why don’t you get out of here if you think you’re humble enough to take away the maid’s work?”

Sienna quickly lowered her head, wondering if she was showing that her feelings were being hurt.

“…I will be careful.”

“Well, that can’t be true. I’m having a false dream that doesn’t fit my personality, and I can’t miss the chance to stay close to you.”

I seemed to have some ridiculous misunderstanding, but I didn’t have the energy to answer.

‘No, it’s actually a misunderstanding.’

I didn’t want to bother you.

Sienna didn’t want to do anything but eat in this house like a plant and remain on her own.

I wanted to do something that I could do even if I was struggling.

I don’t even dream of being loved or recognized. If I could be a little useful, that would be enough.

But is even that an unreasonable dream?

Michael probably wanted to say that, Sienna thought.

“…I’m sorry.” 

“How brazen.”

Michael left with words of contempt for Sienna, who repeatedly apologized.

That was the situation for Sienna at that time.

“…..”

Maybe it was because I had such a dream, and thus fell asleep for two days.

Sienna barely opened her stiff eyes because she had been suffering for a long time. It was past midnight.

No wonder I thought my dream was harsh, I was lying on Loreina’s bed again. Surrounded by lavishly soft and fluffy bedding, Sienna sighed with disdain.

I simply fainted and woke up. I had no energy at all. My back was wet with sweat and my eyes were very stiff.

In fact, two days had passed since the dinner incident, but Sienna didn’t know that yet.

Looking around, the fireplace was burning warmly, and Mrs. Deborah was dozing off in an armchair next to it.

“…… ”

Sienna came down from the bed carefully. She didn’t want to sit in Loreina’s bed after that dream.

Even after considering that it was now Sienna’s.

It was amusing just imagining it.

With or without Loreina, nothing was Sienna’s.

…Nothing.

Sienna just walked towards a bed where she could sleep without having nightmares. A fluffy carpet hid the sound of Sienna’s little feet.

Unlike the previous room, which was warmed by expensive coal in a fireplace and tangpa, the bed in the small room was cold. (P/N: a tangpa is like a bed warmer, see picture list at the end of the chapter.)

Sienna dragged herself into the cold bed, laid flat, sniffing the familiar smell of dust.

And fell into a deep sleep again.