There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns. - Chapter 170: The Shattering

Quee was a fascinating creature. As a humanoid spider he had the agility of a spider, but the thumbs of a person. Truly, a deadly combination. Yattina could see it was an intelligent design, and to her excitement, this monster was already proving to hold massive evidence for one of Yattina’s personal favorite hypotheses in the Dungeon study circles.

In a paper titled ‘The Monster King and I,’ the famous monsterologist Lady Ettenborg had a theory that monsters in Dungeons would eventually reach total sapience with wants and desires.

Quee had all of this and more.

“And this is how I ‘vague,'” Quee announced, back against the gate while flashing his hands around his head in a strange hypnotic dance.

“It’s ‘vog-” Alpha tried to correct, but Quee just vagued away, not listening.

“Vague! Vague!” Yattina said, trying to match the movements. She was sinking herself into a new Dungeon culture!

“Quee, we should be moving on,” Alpha said, and the teen spider turned with a smile.

“Will you be swinging past Master Maestro?” he asked, and Yattina made note of that name. Perhaps some leader man-spider?

What could a spider man do?

“Other way, Delta wants to show off the second floor to someone willing to listen, and I’ve to explain things,” Alpha said, and Quee winced.

“Alphie, I love you as much as family can, but you put the yawn in ‘kill me now,'” Quee said, fingers snapping once.

“There’s no yawn in that sentence,” Alpha said with a frown.

“Perhaps two guides, then? Science thrives on multiple points of data entry,” Yattina said brightly. Quee leaned back and put his arms behind his back.

“You sure you don’t want some private tour guiding?” he asked, flexing to show a scrawny torso. Yattina smiled weakly.

“I’d feel bad about brushing Alpha off,” she tried to let him down gently. It never ended well when someone tried to put the moves on her.

Yattina was ‘attracted’ to people’s souls. She saw the physical flesh as something to look past. It hurt when good people felt like she didn’t like them because nothing ‘happened’ when they tried to do something.

She stopped trying to explain how it wasn’t their lack of beauty, but it was her lack of interest in such things.

“I’m not upset. I’d prefer it if you told me you wanted to go off on your own,” Alpha said bluntly.

“So, this gate, how does it work?” she asked loudly, needing to move the flexing boy-spider and indifferent young man onwards before she upset someone.

“Oh, it’s really neat. It’s pretty tough so it can take a serious beating, but to open it,” Quee said and led her to the main part where a bunch of cipher dials were placed.

Different lengths and different letters too. As far as Yattina could see, there was no reference to the code sheet on the walls or the gate.

“You need to know the names of the monsters on the first floor to open the gate,” Quee said, and Yattina blinked.

“They all have names?!” she asked, in awe of the idea that they’d all developed so far!

“I’ll do this one,” Quee said quickly, flicking one near the left until it spelled ‘Maestro.’ The thing didn’t lock itself in as he was done so Yattina could see that just spinning the dials would do nothing.

Yattina noticed something

The way the name plates were laid out reminded her of something. She hadn’t explored the entire first floor of course, but she had seen incomplete maps from different scouting parties.

“Are the name plates arranged so that if you put them over a map, they would overlay where that monster was on the floor?” she asked curiously, and Quee paled and spluttered.

“…Don’t tell anyone,” he moaned, and Yattina could see that he was a little disappointed that his gimmick had been found out.

“I still don’t know their names,” she said soothingly.

Quee rapidly filled out the other names, and Yattina saw ‘Fran,’ ‘Fera,’ and partially ‘Boa.’

The spider emblem on the gate slowly pulled its legs back and then climbed upwards, lifting the gate.

“That’s the gate, he sleeps all the time,” Quee said simply.

Yattina hadn’t even seen a hint that the gate itself was also a guardian. She tried to hide a nervous gulp.

Walking down the tunnel, Alpha and Quee discussed things about monsters that even Yattina struggled to keep up with. She was content to just listen until they exited the tunnel out into a large cavern.

She came to a stop as she stared up at what she thought was a brilliant night sky for a split second until she saw dozens of mushrooms were twinkling soothingly all across the cavern. Some had slow pulsating lights, while others danced in time with their neighbors.

“It’s beautiful,” she said without thinking. The two teens shared an odd look before Quee smiled and walked on, hips swinging. Yattina thought she heard a woman screaming in panic in the far distance, but chalked it up to the wind fluttering through the tunnel behind them.

She spotted a massively extravagant tent that was lit up from within. Streams of color connected from its very top to all corners of the cavern. A sign nearby declared it as a ‘circus.’

“You have a circus?” she asked, and Quee walked over to her, holding pieces of rather golden popcorn.

“You don’t?” the spider boy joked. Yattina thought back to her camp with Blades arguing over loot possibilities while Scouts tried to avoid paperwork, leaving Yattina drowning in barely legible reports.

“A different kind of circus,” she said faintly. Quee stuck his head into the tent and spoke with someone. Yattina could only catch snippets of conversation, but it weirdly felt like only Quee was speaking.

“Guest… no hurry…yeah I can see the OSHA warnings…got it,” Quee was saying.

“The Circus of the Damned is run by a Ghoul named Renny,” Alpha explained, and Yattina blinked.

“Ghoul? Those are not common this far west. You find those sorts closer to rural graveyards,” she said slowly.

“Renny is a contract and…he’s a good person,” Alpha said awkwardly. Yattina made a note of that, and she frowned as her fingers kept writing the ‘Damned’ part with a capital letter. Something snuffled at her hand, and Yattina petted the circus animal, expecting fur or leathery skin.

Her hand felt cold, solid ‘wood.’

She looked down at what seemed to be a skeleton of a small farm animal, a goat perhaps.

“Oh, you recycle,” she said pleasantly.

“Only the animals who wanted to stay are animated. They get all the milk they want,” Alpha said, eyeing the creature softly.

It seemed Alpha was more easygoing around animals than people.

“Renny said he’d love to show the circus off, but they’re in the middle of cheer practise, and two of the skeletons have their vertbrates mixed up,” Quee said casually as he rejoined them and handed Yattina one of the popcorn kernels.

Yattina popped one into her mouth, knowing that if they meant her harm, they didn’t need poison. The taste was subtle at first.

A nice tang of salt and butter, followed by a rush of pleasant memories of growing up with her sister, followed by the sheer joy of knowing life had so many things to give and Yattina had so much time to see it all and share it.

There was so much science and love!

Love science!

She gently used a finger to wipe away the tear that fell from her eye.

“I shall limit myself to a single piece for now,” she told the two, who nodded kindly.

Something in the far end of the cavern moved, and Yattina stared up at a giant gorilla-like beast.

“Hey, Willy, just passing by,” Quee said simply, and the gorilla sniffed once and went back to sleep, his silverish hair looking far too soft to be real. She stroked his back as she passed, and it was like petting air.

So soft…

The gloom of the cavern soon gave way to a bright light that Yattina could swear was sunlight, but that was… unlikely. Skybox abilities were extremely hard for Dungeons to get correct without tons of references-

A beautiful sky loomed overhead with wide blue spaces, fluffy white clouds and a sun set in a near noon position. A near emerald green jungle spread out for a massive distance with birdsong and insects giving it life.

“Welcome to the second floor, the theme of this floor is vast vegetation growth-” Alpha began before Quee interrupted.

“Welcome to the Jungle of Life!” he cried. Yattina bent down and touched the grass growing near the cave entrance.

This was amazing but also a little scary. Second floors shouldn’t deviate so hard from their first floors. She had a moment of concern that perhaps the village had force fed the Dungeon so many jungle-theme items to force a change, but she didn’t think they would do that when that giant woman Ruli guarded the door so seriously.

She turned, and a giant fuzzy orange thing was buzzing around her feet. The size of a small dog, the fuzzy thing danced around flowers with a carefree attitude.

“What’s that?” she asked excitedly.

“A bee,” Alpha said simply.

What? No, bees were little cute things, and this was-

It turned, showing its feelers and little stinger butt. Yattina gently put her hands on either side of it and placed it under her arm like a carrier bag.

“Uh miss?” Alpha asked, uncertain.

“This brings me much joy,” she declared. The bee buzzed.

“Sorry, Bzzztzt, she’s new here,” Quee said politely, and the bee just settled into being carried. That was when Yattina saw a second bee.

She had two arms!

If she taped two to her legs, one to her front, and one to her back, she could die happy!

“Your tour has bee-n diverted,” Quee announced. Alpha shrugged.

“It doesn’t sting as much as you think,” he countered.

Something moved in the underbrush, and Yattina froze as a pink little shape emerged.

What… was… that?

She needed all of them.

—

Lim walked in, bow drawn as he was followed in by the two guides. Deo and Poppy were their names.

“I need to get to the second floor as fast as possible,” he told them, and Poppy eyed his bow with a long, raised brow. She was a bit taciturn, not someone Lim was sure he could befriend easily.

Deo, in comparison, befriended Lim without his permission.

“You don’t need a weapon. If you’re just here to collect something or see someone, we just declare ourselves as visitors!” Deo said brightly. Lim blinked at him. He was slightly loud, but not unbearably so.

“I don’t quite follow,” he admitted.

“Visitor status lets you move through the Dungeon without hassle. You should try it…nyeh,” Poppy muttered as she walked past, and to Lim’s surprise, her book floated on its own to shudder.

“Back again, are we?” the book asked, and Poppy gave it a small smile.

“Showing someone the ropes. Can you tell me how Silver’s battle led him to the seal of the gods, Iustus and Lusus? I think this is going to be a long stroll,” she asked, and the book huffed.

“All you do is ask. I’d like a tale one day,” the book complained as they vanished down the tunnel, their voices fading.

All Lim heard was the book beginning his tale.

“Silver, in his rage, traveled east in some unknown manner, following Mana veins to track his object of madness…”

Deo patted his shoulder.

“Poppy is shy, don’t take it personally,” he said with a bright smile. Lim couldn’t help but smile back.

“You’re really doing me a solid, Deo. Most people didn’t want to help because I was Fairplay,” he admitted.

“I already made friends with Gus, so I don’t mind!” Deo promised, and Lim didn’t know anyone called Gus in Fairplay…

He shrugged the comment off and followed Deo to the spider room, in which the webs moved of their own accord to form a clear path through. Lim stared at the ease with which Poppy moved on without hindrances.

He turned and nearly screamed as a phantom spider moved down the wall and approached them. Deo waved, and Lim desperately wanted his bow. With quick movements, the spider put two knitted caps on their heads made from fine silk.

“Oh, this will be lovely for the winter,” Deo exclaimed.

Lim wasn’t going to make it to winter if his heart didn’t stop beating so hard.

—

“I have something I wanted to ask you, Seth,” Ruli said as the man brought her lunch and a drink from the pub. The handsome fellow tilted his head, and sometimes Ruli wanted to chill with Seth, and other times she wanted Quiss to waltz by so they could shoot barbs at each other.

“My answers are yours to pilfer,” Seth said with a small bow. Ruli sipped her beer, remembering how innocent children were coming and going out of the Dungeon. She did not want to face Isanella after Deo walked out and saw Ruli showing Seth how fluid she was in tongues.

“Your kingdom, it’s down south, right?” she asked, and Seth translated her words in his head before responding.

“It is,” he agreed and sat down on a nearby stone to join her for a moment.

“In the Shattered Left?” she pressed and Seth hummed.

“My home is… complicated,” he said slowly.

No shit was it complicated.

“I skipped history lessons, but why does ‘most’ of this world speak one language, but the Shattered Left has like sixteen unique languages?” she pondered. Seth stared at her, and he seemed to decide she wasn’t being malicious or cruel, relaxing slightly.

“The Shattered Left… is not… just simple. Not physical alone. When the old home was cracked, the people broke too. Pieces of some went one way, ideas and words another. We were a shattered nation,” Seth explained, trying to keep his tone as elegant as possible.

“What, people’s words got shattered? How the hell did that happen?” Ruli asked as she slowly ground a stone over her sword’s edge. Magma was getting rusty from boredom.

“Too many ‘Josuk,’” he said and frowned, trying to think of the right word.

“Too many Star-born.”

“Gods?” Ruli blinked.

“Yes. One tribe needed sun, bring a god. One wanted rain, brought god. Another to control rivers. God. Arguments appeared, gods used to settle. Villages went to combat, gods used to end,” Seth said, looking down at his hands.

Ruli just stared at him, not even eating her leg of lamb.

“People couldn’t resist. People uses heart and body will to call gods who were king of gods. Killer of gods. Gods of gods,” Seth’s voice went somber.

“I… sorry, but what happened to all those gods?” Ruli asked, engrossed now.

“The ‘Kelin’ emerged and struck them down. Home was taken from us to heal the wound in the sky flesh,” Seth said sadly.

He saw her puzzled look and waggled a finger at the sun.

“We do not send thoughts of soul to them, but they are, as you tell, gods. This land’s gods,” he said, and Ruli nodded slowly.

“The Sister came, kicked ass, and took your words away?” Ruli frowned.

“Must have. With words, we call more gods. Know the right tongues and promises. We go to death in combat again,” Seth said bluntly.

“So, you can’t have any gods down there? I don’t see the appeal in them, but I’m not against them, well, until now,” Ruli admitted. Seth smiled at her awkward phrasing.

“Some. We united a little, formed new words. Home only has small gods approved by many agreements or refused by the same people. Gods agree to be… like trees. Come early, fade in the cold winter,” Seth said with a nod.

“Oh, that’s nice. So, you like gods?!” Ruli asked, and Seth’s eyes darkened.

“No. Old actions repeated do not perish easily. A tree must heat death, and a town must suffer much water,” Seth said with a hard voice.

“I know about the ‘tree’ from Quiss, but what’s this business about a town?” Ruli questioned as she downed her beer.

“Gods are not supposed to stay. I will not give my permission for another Shattering. If town will not admit their crimes…there will be no more town. More words will be washed away. No more shattering,” he said and stood up.

“I thought this town was close to the old world tree; how does it have anything to do with the Shattering?” Ruli also stood up. Seth eyed her and hesitated for the first time.

“The pretender of wood is not right for his crown. To wear it, the tree uses other josuk, gods, to get power of might. Only for a short time… only for a little time,” Seth said quietly.

“Gods come, but they do not leave. They do not live, but they do not die. Their stars do not fade,” he finished and turned to leave.

“Seth?” Ruli hesitated, and the water mage looked back at her.

“Wouldn’t the new gods sense a trap? Why would they come?” she wondered.

“They no longer do. The fake crown has a beast of many forms to bring him fresh food. The beast believes she is saving the world by killing star-born. She is a fool,” Seth said flatly.

The man looked down suddenly and looked heartbroken.

“My wise teacher… she was used to draw a god of magic in. Used like cattle and thrown to the worms when it was done with her,” he whispered.

“What’s this town called?” Ruli asked, eyes narrowing. Seth looked to the sun for a moment, then answered.

“Eden.”

—

Yattina was in an orange paradise. A pile of bees covered her and were vibrating cheerful tunes. Alpha had put her on a piece of large bark and was using a magic rope to simply drag her along as Yattina vibed.

“To the left is a tree that looks slightly bigger than the one to its left, while on the right is a nice rock,” Alpha intoned, and Yattina could imagine it.

Damn, what a fine boulder.

“And now we’ve arrived,” Alpha said suddenly, and the bees began to float away,

“My fluffy tomb!” Yattina cried. The bees joined an astounding number of others as they toiled around waterfalls of delicious looking honey that pooled into large lakes around a massive central stone plateau.

Streams of red, blue, green, yellow, orangey-purple (oruple), and more made the scene magical as fields of flowers grew in between each pool with vibrant hues.

She read one of the signs near the pools.

“Red makes you hyper, yellow makes you see things, green soothes, blue excites, purple-orange invites creativity, and white honey is only taken with permission of the queen. Ignoring this advice may lead to you sleeping with your co-workers, dancing to songs no one likes, being annoying, being barred from the Dungeon, having a midlife crisis, crying, missing the boss fight, running late with toast in your mouth, and/or potentially exploding. -Nu”

Looking at the back of the sign, she read another note.

“Or do what you want, I’m just a sign. -Nu’s Signpost #45”

“The honey is sourced from local bees, who produce anywhere between endless and a lot of honey,” Alpha gestured to the hive of activity.

“I like the term ‘buttload’?” Yattina offered as Quee swam in the green honey with a sigh.

“A buttload of honey. The leader, Queen Lizzie (first of her name) is the one in charge and has been known to host honey sample contests for the locals. Judges include the Druid Devina, Old Elder Frog, Giant, Rale, Luna, Renny, Bob once, and more,” Alpha said with a final nod.

“What does the white honey do?” she asked, and Alpha smiled a little.

“It allows you to be content with yourself for ten minutes. It’s made from the golden popcorn and distilled to a purer form,” he warned.

“How content?” Yattina made notes.

“Rumors say strong enough to make you feel no shame in awkward teenage year memories and even able to smile a little,” he said, and Yattina eyed him.

She didn’t feel any shame in those years.

Shame required other people to even consider her worth thinking about at the time.

Still, this was so much fun! The bees filled a little case with three samples of the pools, and she collected it from the gift shop they had with a picture of a bee in a witch’s hat.

It was called the ‘Spelling Bee.’

“Where next?” she asked excitedly, and Alpha thought about it.

“Let’s go see Bob. I like Bob,” he decided.

Yattina couldn’t wait.

“Is Bob more family? An uncle?” she asked excitedly as she put her honey samples in a safe bag.

“He’s something,” Alpha agreed with an odd smile.