There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns. - Chapter 180: Silver Where?

Cois, Billy, and Numb were some of her oldest creations along with Mushy and Maestro, so it was beyond pleasing to Delta that Billy and Numb were hatching from their evolution eggs. Why did they need to be in eggs? Delta didn’t really know.

Prim had an answer, even if she was refusing to directly respond to her name.

‘The shells protect the monsters from foreign mana that could destabilize or mutate the monsters inside into a less desirable state. Examples would include an aquatic monster being tinged with fire and creating disharmony in its function.’

“But mutations can also be good or healthy, sometimes things need to get a little wild to create a diverse ecosystem,” Delta said as Fera gently put both eggs on one of her tables. She had an aloof manner as always, but Delta knew she was excited.

She had closed down the bar. Fera never closed the bar.

‘A dungeon is controlled down to the last detail. Create, learn, and improve, this is a cycle that is the foundation of a dungeon.’

Delta wasn’t sure if Prim was clinging to the statement due to her nature or desperation.

“Sure, learning is cool,” Delta said with a wide smile.

‘You do not learn. You have an outcome and make it happen. If something challenges that outcome, you assimilate it, destroy it, or drive it mad.’ Prim’s words seemed accusatory and Delta didn’t see what the big issue was.

“Well, Sis said that other Dungeons weren’t doing as well as she hoped so she invited me into it all. So, by your mindset, since Sis is the absolute law on dungeons…that means I’m the superior method,” she pointed out and Prim’s screen glitched for a moment.

‘What you say is true, but for some reason, I do not want to accept it as truth.’

“That’s denial, sugar,” Fera grunted as the two eggs shook. Delta leaned in with anticipation.

Billy hatched first, making a smooth opening which he emerged from without a word, his form dripping in congealed orange mana that flaked off quickly into the air. Billy had always been the quiet one of the trio, but whereas he was slightly menacing looking, he still had an air of approachability after a moment. This wasn’t the case anymore.

His dark green skin was so dark it was almost black, his cloak hood was replaced by a full body ensemble of a mix of red and black leathers with a huge red scarf wrapped around his lower jaw, creating a slight cape behind him with Delta’s symbol on it. Knives decorated his belt and on one hand was a dark gunmetal gauntlet with wicked claws that could let him hang off stone walls as easily as tear flesh from bone.

His bald head was smooth without any marks as his crimson eyes stared around the room, his ears pierced a dozen times with rings and studs.

Delta had to admit he was a little dangerous looking but still very cool!

He pulled down his scarf covering his mouth to reveal-

Delta froze as Billy’s jaw seemed to hang lower than expected, appearing both too long and deep without misshaping his face. He inhaled once and nearby candles seemed to flicker inwards, trying to avoid being sucked in by the gentle inhale.

Inside Billy’s mouth was a dark void that belonged to no flesh.

Billy the Assassin has been created!

Abilities:

Stalk: Able to go to any floor once they mark a target.

Dead men tell no tales: On a successful kill, Billy can inhale their soul and stop it reaching an afterlife.

Poison Immunity: Nothing below legendary or mythical poison can affect this goblin.

Cocktail lover: Will only drink cocktails with umbrellas in them.

“Gods, I could kill for a White Russian,” Billy groaned, his voice so rough it felt like glass to the ears. It seemed Billy also had access to the next ‘layer’ of Delta’s knowledge since he evolved…

“The drink or…” Delta trailed off as Billy covered his lower face and grinned with those feral eyes.

“Either or.”

That was when Numb’s egg hatched and unlike Billy, Numb seemed to have flexed so hard his eggshells went flying all over the bar. He stood up… and up… and up.

Delta craned her neck, mouth dropping open.

Numb looked ‘almost’ human. He was about six foot with enough muscle packed on his body to make someone demand a drug test. He grinned, one canine sticking over his lip as he rolled his neck, making joints pop.

He wore a simple loose top that was more for modesty’s sake than any protection from the elements and a similar set of pants. His bare feet touched the bar floor, and he looked around with interest.

Delta got a strange alert from her system, followed by another, then more.

‘Numb has obtained the title of ‘Hero.’ This title allows access to epic quests and underwhelming rewards! Numb has been detected by Love Spirits. Numb now has access to over three hundred heroic destiny items in the world! Numb now has-‘

“Stop! Stop!” Delta said as more pop-ups began to obscure her vision.

‘Due to Alpha rejecting all social and inspiring heroic quests, these have been transferred to his ‘elder sister’ and to Numb! 4392 active social and reputation quests transferred!’

“Numb can’t leave the Dungeon!” she cried out and there was a new notification.

‘Delta is becoming famous. All quests will come to her! Such is the price of being too prone to ‘mutating’!’

There was a note, and Prim let out a cry of relief as Nu stepped back into the picture.

‘Oh… you’re sentient now. I left you alone for an hour.’ Nu sighed as Prim retreated to the shadowy bowels of the system and out of sight.

“Nu, I made a protagonist! ‘I’m a Goblin and the Princess wants to marry me?!’ level of protagonist!” Delta said in panic as Numb flexed and his shirt strained.

‘It won’t be too bad. It’s not like a princess will actually come here. The chances of that are so low that it’s laughable, besides, I’ve looked through these ‘quests.’ Most of them are unfinished because they required Alpha to ‘impress a baker with his cooking’ or ‘make a sad girl laugh’ or… you get the idea.’

“Alpha could totally-” Delta cut herself off as she recalled a strange memory.

It was distant, like a watery ripple but she saw a boy, like Alpha, standing in the middle of a classroom. Groups had formed for a project, and Alpha was by himself, unmoving and unbothered by the result.

A girl approached him.

‘Do you want to join our group? We are doing our project on boy bands!’ she had said, and Alpha looked at her strangely.

‘I don’t like boybands,’ he had said with a calm tone. The girl blinked then retreated.

“Never mind,” she muttered and looked at Numb’s pop-up.

‘Numb the hero has been created!

Abilities:

Destiny: A destiny has been crafted by- Error. Sister has prevented gods from putting a destiny on Numb. Sister’s destiny: Be himself.

Hero: While protecting someone, his abilities sharply rise.

Chosen One: Numb can master any skill to a decent level, even complicated arts.

Heart of Gold: His intentions come across so clearly they can cause any maiden or young lord to instantly fall for him. The more negative their first impression beforehand, the stronger the turn about. Warning: This skill does not create or force love. This skill only conveys Numb’s intentions to receptive people and makes Numb more apparent and open if they dismissed him beforehand. For attraction, Numb’s physical appearance has been made ‘moderately desirable’ to the public.

Nemesis: A villain somewhere in the world will be drawn to Numb. Heart of Gold might also affect them.

Delta stared at this with a long expression.

“I don’t want thirsty people coming down here for my goblin himbo,” she said bluntly. It would be like Estal coming back and seeing Rale and Numb in the same room. Delta didn’t need that degeneracy!

“I don’t feel any different; I thought I’d feel all heroic and stuff,” Numb said, and his voice sounded both innocent and deep.

Like a lion with shorts on.

“Heroes must taste delicious,” Billy cackled. Nearby, Cois was sitting in the corner, looking pensive at the result of his brothers. Delta knew the fire mage had a big choice coming up for his own evolution path, but she didn’t push him.

Cois always had body issues, and she wanted to be supportive.

Still, it made her think of Estal and how the group was getting on.

—

Yattina felt giddy, sick, and dazed all at the same time as she walked down the path between different Fairplay buildings. The badge on her chest was heavy and constantly pulling at her attention. Her old badge didn’t feel this heavy.

People were looking at her differently. Some with surprise, shock, and some others, perhaps loyalists of Caline, with hate. Well, as much hate as their torn souls would allow.

She paused when she saw a group near the front of the camp. Adventurers by the look of it, two men and a woman. The woman was leaning on the reception table with a furious expression. Yattina eyed her revealing dress and high heels which seemed to defy the mud she stood on with magic platforms.

Why didn’t she just wear flat shoes if she was going outside?

Yattina drew closer to hear the woman ranting at some poor single-finger ranked man who worked the desk.

“-I don’t care who you need to kiss or worse to get something done, but I want parties organized, I want groups in formation, I want people helping!” she barked, and the man looked torn between terror and breathless admiration.

“S-Ser Yattina!” the man said, and Yattina blinked.

Right… She had obtained a rank equal to an honored knight within Fairplay. It felt weird. She preferred captain. The woman spun on her spindly heels to face her, pausing in shock at Yattina’s appearance before schooling her features.

“Estal, that’s a four-finger. Not worth the trouble,” one of the men hissed.

“How can I help?” she questioned. This would be her first act since promotion. Helping people was a good start.

“My name is Estal, this is Hazhur and Karn. Our teammate is missing,” she said with a tone like a snake that was spitting fire.

“Missing?” she echoed, and the woman inhaled sharply through her nose.

“Missing. Location Unknown. Not here, and we do not know why. Away without a note! I was owed a note at least! I was beginning to get used to him and even design a proper outfit for him, and he’s gone!” Estal snapped.

Missing people weren’t Fairplay’s area, but Yattina decided not to brush this off. She could say that ‘aiding the locals aided Fairplay long term’ or some nonsense if she needed a reason.

“What about the local authority?” she asked and the group tensed.

“We uh… asked the local PK, and he was too busy chasing ducks,” Hazhur muttered.

“We tried Ruli, but she’s not home,” Karn said, and for the first time, Yattina noticed they were all wearing Peacekeeper bands, a means by which a Peacekeeper enforced a punishment on people.

Were these people criminals of sorts?

“Ma’am, I said we wouldn’t get involved,” the receptionist said stiffly, and Yattina shot him a curious look.

“Their teammate,” he said with an expression close to disgust on his face, “is a Silver-Tainted,” he said, the words thick with history. Estal turned, grabbed the man by his shirt, and drew him closer. Their noses were almost touching when she hissed to his terrified face.

“Don’t talk about my freaky teammate with that tone,” she said, her eyes flashing with decently powerful magic. An arc of black lightning flickered off her body, and the air smelled of ozone.

“Enough,” Yattina said and strode forward. She had just finished dealing with Caline, she didn’t need another one in the wings. She looked down at the receptionist, who looked at her with an air of confidence as if Yattina was about to swoop in and protect him.

“You are assigned to clean whatever this town has for a sewer and guard duty,” she said, and the man paled. Estal also blanched.

“Not this town’s sewers!” she said in a panic, and Yattina blinked at them. They were defending the man now?

“Trust us… just make him stand all day,” Hazhur said with pain. Yattina merely nodded, sending the man off as she listened to their story.

She had to admit she now had an ulterior motive for helping them.

Yattina found the Silver-People a fascinating and interesting subject, and to meet one in person would be amazing.

Estal looked uncomfortable now that she no longer had an easy target for her wrath.

“Silver, we call him Sil, was tasked with going into the forest and collecting herbs for Mrs. Dabberghast since he was the only one who could go into her garden and not die of poison,” Estal said bluntly. Yattina stared, merely making mental notes.

“He didn’t come back, and when we looked… all we found was his coat,” Karn said with a deep frown.

“A hate crime?” Yattina asked, and the others looked unsure.

“He’s still in the area because Quiss said if we go too far from Durence, we teleport back with the words ‘dumbass’ stamped on our head,” Hazhur said with a pained expression.

“I can tell people to keep an eye out, but I don’t know any way to track-” she trailed off as an idea hit her.

Delta had a map in her Dungeon of moving orange motes. Would Sil be one of them? It would depend on how it worked and how close these people had been to Delta.

“We may need to consult the local Dungeon. Do you know anything about Delta? I’d be happy to guide you?” she offered. The group stared at her.

Estal’s face began to twitch, an involuntary muscle spasm she couldn’t stop as lightning crackled around her.

“We’ve met,” Hazhur said with a very strained tone, and Yattina blinked at them.

Then she thought of Delta outside of ‘tour mode.’

“Ah…” she said aloud.

Nothing else had to be said.

—

Delta hummed as she watched Numb bench press a bar table with Billy and Cois on it.

“I could use him for manual labor,” Fera said with a grin, “the best kind,” she added.

“Family?” Delta said with a smile.

“Free,” Fera responded as one of Jeb’s burps reached up the nearby dumbwaiter.

“Just be careful, he’s a ‘hero’ now. He’ll open a portal to hell or similar by cooking something wrong,” Delta muttered. Filler arcs could appear anywhere and everywhere for no reason, after all.

“Will more Fairplay guys come soon?” Billy asked, and Delta looked up at him with a blink.

“Soon, I guess. They seem persistent,” she said and presumed Billy was just eager to try his new form-

“You want to eat their souls, don’t you?” she asked bluntly. Billy smiled like a child caught with a snack he shouldn’t have.

“Never, but if one of them accidentally falls down stairs, chokes on food, suffocates underwater, in their sleep, on thin air, and other normal events, I could try it to see what happens,” Billy said smoothly.

“That sounds like murder with extra deniable steps,” Delta said flatly.

“It’s not murder. It’s trimming the genepool,” Billy argued.

“Don’t get sassy with me, young man!” Delta warned, and Billy grinned, ducking into the shadows to wander off.

“Teenagers,” Fera scoffed with a roll of her eyes. “Only one thing on their minds,” she said as she retreated behind the bar to mix a drink.

“Sticking things into people?” Delta said with a sigh.

“To do as much as possible with as little effort as possible,” Fera stated with absolute confidence.

“I can do better than that! 5000 squats, here I go!” Numb proclaimed and began to lower, then lift his body. Fera eyed him.

“He’s going places, mostly into walls,” she said gruffly and grabbed bottles. Delta noticed she had a lot more liqueurs now. Delta read a few of them, wincing at some and grinning at others.

A black bottle with a silver claw on the cap was labeled ‘Death Star Shot’ with an image of an exploding star. It promised to ‘kill you, then make you drunk.’

Another contained a thick green spirit that was almost creamy. It was called ‘Jellagon’s Boozygone.’ The label under it said that it was the only 90% alcohol that would not give you hangover but warned of sudden new employment upon awakening. There was a thick grimy bottle called ‘Jeb’s Feelgood.’ A drink brewed from Troll Soup that had been filtered a dozen times over and then mixed with mint.

It had a catchy jingle on the front.

‘Jeb’s Feelgood! So good, you won’t feel it in a few moments!’

There was a new line of drinks forming, but only five of the wine bottles were in place, leaving seven empty slots. It wasn’t hard to see the source.

‘Lion’s Courage: Courage promised, wisdom is not.’

‘Gem In the Eye: See double, good for food, bad for problems.’

‘Coconut Crab: Tastes good and is not alcoholic. Crab supports you not drinking.’

‘Read Bull: You’re not drunk! You can read this, after all!

‘Horn Juice: Makes anyone interesting after enough sips.’

Delta noticed that the shelf had a strange pipe system where tubes would connect to all potential twelve wine bottles and then mix them together in a container to drip into a single, final bottle. The bottle was there, and it was even labeled, even if it was empty.

‘Shooting Star: Only for those who have beaten the Fourth Floor. This drink is strong enough to grant minor wishes. Limited in supply.’

Fera put a drink down, and Delta had been too distracted to see what she mixed.

“What is it?” she asked curiously, as it was a teal blue color and smelled of something sweet.

“‘Duck Hunt,'” Fera said with a feral grin. Delta took a sip, and the tart flavor was almost hot at first, followed by a cutting cool aftertaste like a knife through the flames. She peeked at the system for the tooltip for this drink.

Duck Hunt: This drink either makes you very lucky or very unlucky. You also have a chance to turn all rewards into knife versions of themselves until you leave!

“I’ve also got this to sort out,” Fera said as she slammed a sealed metal box onto the bar top labeled ‘herbs from the secret garden.’ Delta leaned away from it on instinct.

“Maybe don’t open that?” Delta suggested. Fera shot her a look.

“The evils of humanity are already here, and hope fled a long time ago,” she grumbled as she used a crowbar to pry the box open to reveal a dozen jars and species for Fera to cook with and turn into drinks.

Most of them would either kill someone or make them a minor god, Delta guessed.

Fera picked up a golden mushroom and grinned.

“Hero Burger,” she rasped, and Delta shivered as something in her soul feared for the people who ordered it.

Something in her just knew that the burger would not be so easily defeated by someone with only average guts.