There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns. - Chapter 188: School's Out

With thundering steps, Beta returned, her body brimming with a dense aura as she strode into the now towering mushroom flesh castle that rose into the hellish sky, absorbing the occasional burning sulphuric cloud. Once again, she approached the rising mound of fungus and began to climb the uneven stairs, her body floating inches off the ground as invisible energy platforms formed before she touched the ground.

System purchase: Qi Ladybug streams are more controllable!

When jets of water and air tried to push her off the stairs, her body turned immaterial, allowing her to climb higher while ignoring the sprays

System purchase: Increase the power of your Gheist intangibility power.

When parts of the flesh wall tried to snag her arms or body, her fingers turned to burning fire, causing them to burn black and retreat.

System purchase: Develop your fire elemental form further.

When gravity doubled in an attempt to make her fall, Beta became lighter than air itself.

System purchase: Your cloud rabbit form gains more power.

It had only taken her twenty minutes to make a dent in her system points but in that time, she had come to learn something very crucial. She hadn’t even been tapping into her full potential, not by far.

That potential had scared the parasite. So much that it stole Beta, stole who Beta was… reducing her to some attack dog.

Space warped in front of her when Beta was a single step from the empty core pedestal. Beta touched it and her fingers began to bend and warp. Stopping for a moment, Beta tried to see if the ‘voices’ had become any clearer and was disappointed when she listened. The madness of the voices of this place had grown so fast that they had become a constant warble of overbearing nonsense.

Eyeing the space warping of the air, Beta watched as her fingers turned to crystal that was almost black, but gleaned a dark ominous purple as she turned her hand to the light.

She had gotten upgrades for that.

System purchase: Your Gravity Golem form has double resistance to space warping attacks.

Her wrist and arm bulged as they turned to a deep purple rock then the space vortex before her ruptured like a balloon. The sound would have burst a normal person’s eardrums but the benefit of simply ‘not having ears’ as an option was always nice as a shapeshifter.

With the last line of defense gone, there was nothing left, allowing Beta clear passage to the heart of this place. The rising central pillar is missing its crown piece.

“Now that I’m here… I have no clue what to do,” Beta admitted aloud. She had never consumed a Dungeon Core in her many years of eating things weird and wonderful. She frowned and tried putting her hands on the empty round indent where something thick and round should have been set.

The moment Beta did, the thing seemed to both reject her and tried to adapt to her. The differences were just too much but Beta held on. Her fingers curved into talons as the pedestal tried to reject her. With some quick thoughts, she began trying to shift her form into something more suitable. She went through Ore Golems and Mineral Monsters, finding they were better suited but they were still missing a crucial ‘something’.

—

Back on the Flat World, Delta stumbled on her Fourth Floor, plummeting into the ocean as her body felt a little ‘prodding’ of something else. The feeling was alien and she felt her head swim as the approaching hell portal connection suddenly shuddered and pulled back as if something else was calling it. The being on the other side had to be the ‘stand-in Core’ the System had mentioned but it felt too different to be a Dungeon.

In fact, it felt annoyingly familiar, like a memory that was only half returning due to a sudden scent. A memory that did little more than inform Delta that it existed.

Delta could only reach out across the vast distance, as if she could take the hand of the not-stranger.

“Hello… it’s nice to meet you… again, I think,” she spoke gently.

—

“I don’t know you,” Beta stressed as her fingers, hands, and parts of her wrist turned to ‘base’ form. A pale red gelatinous material that was Beta’s base form. The flesh was speaking to her, using her power to boost some sort of ‘signal’ across the void.

There was a pause.

‘Then we can get to know one another’ the woman’s voice said as if this was a good thing. Beta let out a derisive snort.

“Nobody wants to get to know me. They all get disappointed when they see all that I offer,” Beta said with a scoff as more of her flesh continued to form a half-sphere in the pedestal that was becoming redder by the second.

‘I don’t expect anything, so how can I be disappointed? The only thing to disappoint me would be if you gave up without trying’

Who did this lady think she was? A shrink? Some saint? Beta wanted to sneer, but half of her face was beginning to melt.

“Everyone wants something. A pet, a fighter, a toy, a pawn, and whatever else. You’re no different. I’m just here to pay off a debt,” Beta warned and was almost done forming the sphere.

‘I guess I do want something’ the voice admitted and Beta shook her head. Of course she did-

‘I just want to say thank you for helping me. You’re a really nice person. You didn’t have to do this’

“I’m paying off a debt,” Beta said, holding the reason up like a spiked shield.

‘And you agreed to do this particular job. Isn’t that praiseworthy?’ the other woman asked and Beta rolled her eyes.

“That is such a bullshit-”

‘Cowmuck!’ the voice corrected her and the both of them froze as the memory of a classroom flashed before them over the connection. Beta knelt down and tried not to let out a whimper.

“I don’t know you. I don’t want to know you. I don’t want anyone I know to be in this world. No one else I know can have gone through what I did… I don’t want that,” she said, eyes squeezing shut as her sphere began to wobble and drip.

‘There was once a classroom where a teacher was considered a failure because she didn’t chase exams marks or mind handling detention. She did weird science experiments and accepted cases that no other teacher would’. the voice began to say slowly.

“Stop it. I don’t want to hear this,” Beta warned, trying to focus, but her ‘core’ was bubbling dangerously now.

‘One of the students didn’t really get jokes. He took everything so seriously and the other kids treated him cruelly, even if he didn’t notice or mind.’

A flash, a confused quiet boy who looked at her as Beta offered him gum aggressively.

“Are you stupid or what? Take it before I shove it up your nose!”

‘Another student treated everything like a joke because if they took it seriously, it would be too much to bear.’

Beta’s head pulsed as she saw a memory of a girl in a boy’s uniform painting Beta’s nail, but it had to be black because Beta would punch the girl if it was pink.

‘And there was another student I think. A boy that I can’t remember but I remember I loved him because he was my brother.’

Beta did have another memory but this was of a loud noise. A screech of metal and the boy sitting at the front with the teacher, he looked back seconds in panic. The road dipped as blackness spread across the road, causing a truck to veer into the car.

Beta couldn’t remember what he looked like. Not really.

‘Then there was you. You treated every conversation as a battle. Nothing was simple because no one was simple. Every act of kindness was a trap. Every gesture was a deception to hurt you. The world had hurt you and you bled in defiance. But before it all went wrong… you did one of my homework assignments. You only got a few marks but you did it. I kept it on my desk. It was worth gold to me.’

“Shut up!” Beta screamed and the tower of fungus shook due to her power.

‘And you’ve been alone for so long. I’m so sorry, Beatrice.’

Beta stilled and her flesh rippled. All along her form, a school uniform began to form, her body shrunk, shaving years off her face as her hair grew to her neck with red highlights.

Beta looked down at her hands, the young skin looking only slightly calloused.

This was… not her true form, not anymore but this was her original body. It felt like a favorite t-shirt she had found after so many years. It just felt… right.

“Miss D…” she whispered but then the voice in her mind began to radiate a sense of deep pain.

Beta snapped back to reality. The towering mound of mushrooms were using Beta to grow much faster and she hadn’t even noticed. She grabbed the pedestal and poured her form onto it.

She stopped trying to be one thing or a special kind of thing. Beta poured everything she was into the slot because in her truest sense, Beta was growth and potential. She was unlimited works of art and horror.

Beta was the next best thing to any complete project.

Beta was ever a work in progress, but Miss D?

Miss D was the only one to ever give her a fair shot of faith and Beta wasn’t going to let some dank mushroom pit of hell make her teacher cry.

Not hell.

Not the world.

Not the siblings.

No one.

No one made her teacher cry. Beta had committed arson for less and she saw no reason to stop now.

—

Delta Proxy Entrance closed. Connection severed.

Structure to be repurposed as Monster Gate.

—

Delta sat up abruptly and headbutted Nu’s screen who flashed like a smacked television, flickering with static as the both of them groaned. There was a distinct lack of ‘connection’ to the other mana and the Abyss.

“No! Nu, I need to send more Mana to hell! I need to do it now! I left Betty in hell!” Delta said in panic as Nu continued to stumble in a daze.

“Who is ‘Betty’?” Nu mumbled.

“She’s one of my students! And I left her in hell!” Delta said with a slight shriek. Nu looked around the core room as if searching for inspiration.

“We don’t have any influence in that. We don’t even know how it happened in the first place other than you being ‘you’,” Nu pointed out slowly and his words were not ‘I know how to help’ and Delta glared at him.

“I can make utterly terrifying creatures by accident, but we can’t figure out a way to open a door to the demon world on purpose? Betty is going to be… well, not terrified or scared but really annoyed!” Delta said as she stood up, feeling a lot better which made her feel far more guilty.

“Why don’t you ask the live-in demon?” Nu said in what could have been sarcasm but the idea had merit.

She moved so fast she created minor ripples at sonic speed as she arrived outside Runilac’s smithy and began banging on the door with enough force the space shook. He opened the door and saw her serious face. His own smoldering one crumpled as if the prospect of a quiet day just flew out the window.

“How do I get to the demon world?” Delta asked quickly.

“Sell your soul and die or perform a massive summoning ritual with one of the few remaining demonic names inscribed on tablets. We demons have been trying to cut your world off for ages ever since you started summoning us out of boredom. You get the name of a powerful demon and promise to return it, you’ll get a door to the demon world. Before you ask, I don’t count. I’m a prisoner,” Runilac tried to close the door but Delta stuck her face in between the door and its frame

“Is there a demon around here that I can ask? Do you know one?” Delta said as her cheeks became squished and she spoke through puckered lips.

Runilac gave her a pained look as if talking to another living being was physically painful for him without a drink in hand.

“I only know of one,” he admitted.

—

“And thus that’s why I decided the Common Durence Squirrel is the rarest monster around because it doesn’t attack you for your blood but to defend itself, thus it has the purest quality aside from its skull which can be made into boots,” Deo read awkwardly from a script as he held up three squirrels that seemed glued to his face with mad chittering.

“Love,” he concluded and the class stared at Deo as Mr Jones steepled his fingers.

“Mr Brawndo, this is the fourth time you’ve done your presentation of monsters on the local squirrels,” Mr Jones said very slowly and deliberately.

Deo just blinked back at him.

“But I wrote a new script!” he said and held up a piece of paper that just said ‘fluff and love’ in big letters.

“Pass with minimal marks,” Mr Jones said after a moment which made the boy beam and three more squirrels to emerge from his shirt collar with squeaks. He turned to the next student and mentally prepared himself for a whole other sort of trouble.

Grim strode to the front of the class, looking exceptionally pleased with himself. Deo sat down and gave Poppy a wide grin as the girl seemed to have accidentally grown squirrel teeth in a fit of teenage jealousy. The girl tried to play them off as ‘Sabretooth’ fangs, a rare monster with swords for fangs.

Hormones were so amusing to witness as a teacher.

“I have decided to do my talk of monsters on a most rare and horrific creature,” Grim declared with enough drama to make a thespian roll their eyes.

Mr Jones was ready to make a remark if Grim produced a picture of Deo again but to his surprise he indicated to the door where the clack of heels on tiles was loud.

“I am not getting paid enough for this,” a woman scowled as she entered, her long legs leading up to a set of well-maintained light cloth armor and a staff in one hand.

“…Women?” Deo asked curiously as Grim looked smug. The dark teen twitched then waved a hand dramatically.

“Humanity!” he said with a red face. Grim turned the woman who was making Mr Jones’ teacher senses go haywire.

“And you’re not getting paid, Estal, because you snuck into the Dungeon and got caught. You must be Ecstatic to be of help to me,” Grim said and there was a pause in the classroom before Grim took a long deep sigh of suffering.

“Sir, why are her legs naked?” a student asked.

“For mobility,” Estal said quickly.

“Why is her armor only covering up to her shoulders?” a girl also raised her hand.

“For temperature control,” Estal snapped.

“Why does she seem like such a cool and powerful mage!” Deo cried in amazement.

“Because I- wait, no, that was an actual compliment! What’s your name, sweetie?” Estal said to Deo and parts of her hair began to frost over as Poppy’s skin turned dark blue.

“Technically, humanity isn’t classed as monsters,” Mr Jones coughed, feeling very strange around Miss Estal. Something about her was upsetting his sensibilities as a teacher.

“Technically, squirrels for the fourth time shouldn’t be a pass mark,” Grim said back in a flat tone.

“…Carry on.”

“I decided humanity and its many fellow race-beings are indeed the greatest monsters of this world. I know of no other creature that would profit off imprisoning their own kind,” Grim said and Estal examined her nails.

“Fairies, they legitimately get power ups by contracting their enemies into eternal servitude,” she pointed out.

As a demon, Mr Jones could only think very impolite things about the Fae. They and demons stepped on each other’s toes a lot.

A custody battle in court was nothing compared to when a demon and a fae both stake a claim on the same human. He and Ghu had to give each other a wide berth or they broke out into hisses at each other on the street, it was very unprofessional.

” Seahags imprison others of their kind and turn them into meat farms. Sometimes Goblins can get pretty nasty-” Estal continued to list.

“Anyway,” Grim said through gritted teeth.

Estal looked around the classroom and instead of boredom or amusement, Mr Jones was alarmed to see that Miss Estal instead had a look of pain and loss which she hid quickly behind a veneer of vapid boredom.

…No, the boredom was also real, but that didn’t matter.

A space of learning had scarred this woman and that was causing the unease in Mr Jones.

As Grim continued to talk about adventurers and their bloodlust for treasure, Mr Jones casually asked Estal something in a quiet tone.

“Did you graduate from a magical institute?” he asked and to his relief, she nodded. If she had also flunked then Mr Jones wouldn’t be able to help but chain her to a desk and help her with vigorous lessons of the world.

“Full honors, but I didn’t chase higher academics due to… personal issues,” Estal said with a curled lip of something dark in her eyes.

“Besides, I’m glad I left. The road taught me a lot more than old books,” she mused and Mr Jones was pleased to hear that. Learning was always import-

“How to apply lipstick on horseback, the correct heels for swamp dungeons versus skeleton crypts, and how to tell a one-night stand bard from blossoming heroes who want to turn me into a woman that he’ll never actually romance but will string me along as he marries another woman and has ten kids. That last one was a hard lesson,” Estal admitted.

“That was harsh. Love can be a tricky thing to navigate,” Mr Jones managed. Life skills were important and he had to cling to that as he felt the urge to weep.

“It’s fine, I think this other girl actually grew up with him and had the same problem. Way worse for her,” Estal said with a long look into space.

“And how did you find your school years?” Mr Jones asked and Estal’s expression turned stoney as she eyed the teacher as if just ‘fully’ noticing him.

“If I could burn memories in a brazier and warm my father’s corpse over it like a spit roast, I would,” she said succinctly and Mr Jones reached for a pen.

“What is the name of this ‘institution’?” he asked, feeling a flicker in his old bones that hadn’t risen in a long time.

Every Demon of Knowledge valued learning and facts. Such places that freely gave knowledge and housed it were akin to places of worship to Knowledge Demons. To think that such a place could cause such distaste in a clearly talented student was watching a temple priest push children down stone steps in an effort to impart ‘wisdom’.

In fact, the reason Mr Jones was even ‘here’ in this world was the fact he was so offended by one act of stifling education that the facility became a propaganda machine. Jones has sold his name to that…monarch to have binding laws put in place.

All that had really cost Mr Jones was the location of the ‘sword of the gods’ and he was free to go, but never go home.

Mr Jones was pretty sure his ‘name’ was still somewhere in the queen’s old chambers like so many other crimes.

“No point in going, you’d need approval of the Archmage whose personal power provides protection over it. You need the miserable old man’s permission to even set foot in the place,” Estal said with a sigh.

But… the Archmage wasn’t a miserable old man. That was a fact and now? Mr Jones knew it was true!

The power of Knowledge Demon was to know the truth of a matter but it was a little binding in the fact Mr Jones couldn’t ask himself the truth of any matter. He was a watcher and fact-checker, not the asker.

He just needed to find someone to casually talk about the new Mage in charge…

His classroom opened and a pair of goblins stood outside. Estal let out choking noises as they looked around the classroom as if it was a personal place of torment for small creatures.

Pulling out what looked like a card, one of the goblins began to read.

“‘By the request of the Great-no wait, humble, yes humble, Delta! The one known as Mr Jones, at least it’s not Doctor Jones because I don’t want that song stuck in my head, to come visit my abode, no wait that sounds smarmy, my little home. Please come very soon, better to be vague, and understand this is an important matter, like very important, so I beg of you to come soon. Shut up Nu, I told you to record this and you better not miss a word,” the goblin finished.

“Hi Gob and Hob!” Deo waved.

“The mushroom queen has come for my marbles,” Estal rocked back and forward on her heels with wide-eyes.

Mr Jones was curious and wanted to go right away but he couldn’t just…

An idea!

A wonderful and delicious idea filled his mind.

“Deo, fetch the School wagon. We’re going on a field trip,” he said, standing up suddenly. Deo stood and looked confused.

“The one pulled by the bulls who can only be seen if you’ve suffered second-hand embarrassment or the one that pulls itself but its wheels moan like people in pain?” he asked after a moment.

Mr Jones smiled.

“The third one. It would be a shame to waste Grimnoire’s hired help,” he said and Deo looked wide-eyed as the class sat up.

“What’s the third one?” Estal asked slowly and Mr Jones’ smile stretched his face and the reality of the classroom shifted to something darker for a moment.

“We call it the ‘Lunch Lady’.”