There Were Times When I Wished You Were Dead - Chapter 20

Chapter 20

“What, when did you get hurt?”

“It’s nothing.”

It was apparent that he was injured when he was hit by the collapsed ceiling while protecting Lilian. Kal frowned when Lilian looked at him with an indecisive face.

“It’s because I’ve been failing since it’s slippery, really.”

“Come on, don’t lie. It must have gotten worse because you fell. We need to apply some medicine.”

Lilian couldn’t figure out why he was doing that to his body after being so respectful of other people’s wounds.

No, he said that those who ignore their wounds are not healthy. You idiot!

Even after seeing Lilian grunting, Kal didn’t care about his body at all.

The children, tired from the rain, hid in a cave. Near the cave’s entrance were flowers swaying dangerously from the rain and wind.

“This looks like you.”

Lilian, who was applying medicine at Kal’s back, looked at Kal pointing to a wildflower that bloomed at the entrance. Lilian simply frowned, not knowing how he looked at the white flowers, and it reminded him of Lilian.

If he wanted to compare someone who looked like the flower, it would be him rather than Lilian.

“It’s the first time I’ve ever seen it bloom outside. What was in my pala… house was forcibly lit by magic, so the color wasn’t like this.”

Lilian shrugs her shoulders. Instead, isn’t the flower blooming with magic more colorful? Karloi didn’t seem to like the magical flowers.

“It’s hard to make wildflowers bloom the same way with magic, according to the gardener’s words. No matter how similar it is, there’s still something different.”

She didn’t ask, but seeing the way he talked, it seemed that Kal liked flowers.

Lilian’s expression became a little grim as she recalled Denise. Kal, who was looking at Lilian’s face, asked quietly.

“Do you not like flowers?”

“Not like or dislike, I guess I like it?”

“It’s good to see them. It… helps me stand up. No matter how much I lose, if I watch it keep blooming…”

Kal’s speech gradually faded over what he was thinking. Lilian tried to change the topic in a bright voice.

“My mom likes flowers, too. She said her wish was always to have a big garden. She even wants to make a small flower bed.”

“There was a big garden in my pala…house. If you see it, you’ll probably like it, your mom as well. I’m the only one watching the place, but I’ll definitely show you someday.”

Lilian smiled unknowingly, his face that looked as though he wanted to invite her over was funny.

Though as her clothes started to dry, she felt chilly, and a cough flowed through her laughter.

She coughed up from her blue lips, and Kal asked Lilian.

“How much more do we need to go?”

“A little bit. If you pass this place, you will see Markia Delansi. It’s a safe place, and it’s not with the duchy, so we’ll be okay.”

“Markia? Is that a…”

“What?”

“It’s nothing. Then, you wait for the rain to stop here and go back to your house.”

“What about you, Kal?”

“I can go alone.”

In fact, a part of Lilian’s mind was focused on her mother. Aunt Mariel is a good person, and she is a person who does as much as she received, but still.

Kal placed some of the food and other items that Lilian had brought that were slightly wet down.

Lilian looked at him with anxious eyes, but somehow Kal’s face looked calm.

“By now, they would probably have noticed that I’m missing.”

“Why does that matter? They’re going to give up, thinking you are dead anyway.”

“You don’t know the Duke. If he finds out that things aren’t going his way, he’ll destroy all of the people involved or even the whole town.”

Lilian’s face turned white. The child that helped him was terrified by these words, Kal felt strange.

There were many people other than Lilian, but none of them helped him.

There were many people taller and stronger than Lilian, but none of them offered to save him.

There were many people who have known him longer than Lilian, but no one had been protecting him.

Kal slowly caught the little saviour, who suddenly appeared in front of him, examining her from head to toe.

A skinny, malnourished body, non stop coughing, and matted hair.

Still, she looked at him straightly, as if she was worried about him, with her sparkling green eyes. The emeralds scattered in the Imperial Palace seemed to be less shiny than those eyes.

“I can’t do anything right now because of the heavy rain, so I don’t know when it’s going to be risky. You need to get back to where you live quickly. Your mom will be worried as well. If you go, leave the duchy immediately.”

“Leave?”

“If you can, you can go to Markia. Did you sell the brooch I gave you? You would be able to get gold coins that would last for a few months. Then… I’ll find you soon.”

“You, what about you?”

“I can go alone from now on. I’ll just borrow some gold coins, just in case.”

Kal grabbed a few gold coins and put the rest next to Lilian. And that was not enough, he even took off his coat and covered Lilian.

“Are you crazy? If you wear such thin clothes in the rain, you’ll freeze to death.”

“The rain that will stop in two days. You should get some rest here and go back when the rain stops moderately.”

Lilian grabbed Kal’s hem’ without realizing. He looked down at her little hand for a while and smiled for the first time.

It was the warmest, most beautiful smile that Lilian had ever seen.

It was awkward because she felt like he had become someone else. So, maybe that’s why Lilian’s face started feeling hot.

“Lou, you did enough. You did more than I could ask of you. Now, I’ll do it myself.”

It was the first time that Kal called her name. As Lilian’s hand felt weak, Kal gently wrapped it around his.

“Thank you. I’ll come find you when I come back. I might not be able to find you right away, but… knowing what I’m doing will put you in danger. I will find you as soon as possible.”

It’s a dangerous place. Lilian suddenly regretted her plan to return Kal to a place that was too reckless.

“I had never had anything I wanted to keep or protect…”

“Kal?”

“When I go back, I will definitely find you. I will never forget that you saved me. Even if I want to, I will never forget.”

“You should stay here for a while, too. It’s still raining a lot.”

Kal bit his lips. He had never been so regretful that he had nothing with him.

He’d like to give her something, anything. However, the brooch had been sold, and he had nothing, really, nothing right now.

“I have to go as fast as possible. If you stay with me, you’ll just be in danger. It would be fine if they find you alone.”

“Kal.”

“Really, I promise you, Lou.”

She didn’t know what he was promising. His resolute expression forced Lilian to simply relax her hands.

“My name, Lilian Lou. Lilian Lou.”

Kal, who thought to ask what the boy’s name was, just laughed.

“Your name is pretty. Lou suits you better, but it’s a name that reminds me of rain.”

Lilian was embarrassed and looked up at Kal.

‘What do you mean?’ Laughing at the golden eyes, Lilian finally realized. Hey, you knew I was a girl.

“When the hell did you know?”

Kal continued to laugh at Lilian’s question. He released Lilian’s hand and once again tightened the coat on Lilian’s shoulder.

“I’ll come back alive.”

Lilian thought Kal’s words were a little nasty.

“Lou, I’ll make sure you don’t envy anyone. I’ll protect you.”

No, it wasn’t a little. It was terrible. It was really nasty to behave so kindly only when it’s time to separate, after being blunt all this time.

Separating was not easy. Now, he even says her name. Rather, she would have told him to go without regrets if he had not been kind like the first time.

However, his expression and his hands were warm, so Lilian couldn’t open her mouth easily. The sound of the rain filled the silence.

As if trying to engrave it into his eyes, Kal came closer to her and stared at Lilian for a while.

“So, you have to be alive, too. Don’t forget about me.”

The words rang in Lilian’s ears like a spell. His cold lips touched her forehead. Lilian felt like crying for some reason.

It’s strange. He was a boy who she has known for ten days. In just two weeks, Kal seems to have grown from a child to an adult. Lilian barely nodded her head.

Kal finally got up from his seat, determined. After looking back at the cave entrance for a while, Kal eventually left the cave and started running.

Lilian held the flower in her hand and looked out for a while, now, seeing nothing.

She thought that when the rain stopped, everything would disappear together as though it was a dream.

***

As the rain stopped, Yvonne Delois awoke from her dream.

What she could see was not the rough ceiling of the cave but the splendid ceiling of the Imperial Palace. The masterpiece on the ceiling caught her eye.

A picture of an emperor and an empress, who died together because they loved each other so much.

With the blink of an eye, the picture became clear, and her mind returned.

Her initial thoughts were complex. She couldn’t believe how she could have forgotten her mother and made such a frightening gamble. On the one hand, she thought she eventually lived again.

After blinking a few more times, the person next to her came into her sight.

“…Your Majesty. Why are you here.”

It was Karloi. The face that she continued to see in her dreams could be seen after waking up. Her dizzy head became more confused.

“…The Empress was sleeping and muttering about a Kal.”

Her heart sank with a thud. On the other hand, it was selfish. What kind of idiot would completely forget his name when he was the one who told her not to forget about it first.

She thought that if she answered harshly, he would disappear, but unexpectedly, Karloi suddenly grabbed Yvonne’s hand.

Yvonne’s heart jumped anxiously. It was as if the distant warmth felt in her dreams became reality.

“…I was worried.”

Yvonne’s heartbeat harder from those words. She couldn’t even believe what she was hearing. Maybe she hasn’t woken up from her dream yet. This might be another dream.

However, Karloi’s hands on her skin were too hot. Are dreams this vivid?

Her heart jumped anxiously. Yvonne Delois was no longer Lilian Lou. Everything about Lilian Lou died inside Yvonne. There is no Lilian Lou.

Her heart continued to pound with an emotion of either fear or excitement.