This BL Novel Is Ruined Now - Chapter 79

Chapter 79

Translator: Yonnee

RP: Haebaragi_syk

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I like Reina.

Right now, Ethan does not deny this fact anymore.

But did his attitude towards her change a lot? Actually, no.

“I hope you are mindful enough to distinguish between private and public affairs.”

You might scratch your head and wonder if this really was someone in love, but don’t you forget this one thing. This is Ethan we’re talking about.

In other words, Ethan was the same person who had never been physically capable of expressing human emotions in his entire life.

So then, how exactly would he react after realizing that he’s in love?

Like an ordinary person, would he be delighted at the emotions and sensations that he had never before felt? Would he say things like:

‘I like you.’

‘My gaze keeps gravitating towards you.’

‘I’m going crazy because I care about you so much.’

Well, if not that, perhaps:

‘Don’t come near me.’

‘If you approach any further, I will consider that as an attack.’

Would he push the other person away while saying those things?

The answer was…

Neither.

He was an extremely rational man who had everything, and so there was never a time that he desired something.

But on the other hand, he was an adult who had lost out on so many experiences before. He felt this sense of incongruity within him with regards to jealousy, which he never had before, and an unfamiliar fear about possibly losing his first love.

So he figured, should he just push her away?

Right. That’d make the problem easier to deal with.

But… she was just too sweet for him to push away.

Whenever he was in front of her, it’s as if he was a child who was tasting chocolate for the very first time. And, unfortunately, it was the kind of chocolate that was so utterly sweet that the child could never let go.

That’s why in the end, even though he was showing signs of perhaps an allergic reaction, he did not push her away completely.

“I’m saying that there should be no nonsense at work.”

He just went on to treat her in an ambiguous manner, neither totally negative nor totally positive.

“Haa.”

A deep sigh slipped through Ethan’s lips. He was in bed right now, failing in the task of falling asleep. So he got out of bed, roughly put on a robe, and went out to the terrace.

Why did the moon, clearly glowing in the night sky, look so lonesome today?

“I’ve really gone crazy, huh.”

Like the moon shining upon the world all by itself, Reina’s face appeared in his mind, lighting up his whole world. The reason he couldn’t fall asleep was because her face kept popping up behind his eyes just before slumber came to him. His heart, too, started to ache.

Then, he’d soon recall how she would chase after him like a little sparrow, and that was enough for a smile to creep up on his lips.

But that smile subsided once again.

“Deputy Director Ethan.”

“Deputy Director, the secretary is calling for you.”

“Deputy Director, then, I’ll be going home now.”

She no longer called him ‘my love’.

“How come…”

Yeah, right. Well, he should ask himself.

He’s the one keeping his guard up so high like this, so he should ask himself.

But was that all? It’s as if she had completely given up on her feelings for her. She also stopped giving him her sweet smile.

Ethan swept a hand over his face and let it stay over his eyes, then he murmured forlornly.

“I didn’t know she would change in an instant…”

In the first place, he already knew that human beings were fickle. He didn’t really care about that before though.

But right now, it seemed as if there was nothing between them—like there was no history—and he was despairing because of this.

As if he was an active volcano, anger shot up like scorching lava.

“Absolutely crazy.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed—and sighed, and sighed again—as if the country was about to fall to ruin.

She, who changed so suddenly.

And him, who was feeling antsy because of her.

Everything’s driving him out of control.

However, the most urgent and most difficult problem in this whole mess was that her attitude towards him suddenly changed, and it was upsetting him.

“Seriously making me crazy.”

As it was, Ethan was currently and properly experiencing the throes of his first love.

* * *

Ethan’s eyes, with a look that was as deep as an abyss, turned to the busy, adorably sweet woman.

Following her movements, her unique lavender scent created a trajectory in the air, leaving behind a lingering impression.

As the scent permeated him completely, he was soon filled with such longing, urging another heavy sigh to leave his lips.

The sly words of Benedict, who Ethan met at a dinner banquet a few days ago, kept ringing in his ear.

“Love, huh? You’re a human being now. Congratulations.”

‘I’m a human being now, I’m told.’

Whispering this under his breath, Ethan continued to stare at Reina.

The fragrance of refreshing springtime flowed further as her hair fluttered behind her. Ethan felt buzzed, as though he was drunk on her scent alone.

But he came to his senses and clenched his hands into fists.

Ba-thump, ba-thump, ba-thump, ba-thump.

It’s not that he hated feeling this way, but he still couldn’t get used to these emotions, and his heart constantly pounded as if he had an illness.

Heat had started to rise from his toes all the way to the crown of his head, but Ethan slowly controlled this with deep, even breaths.

“Don’t be afraid of it.”

But how could he not be afraid? How could he not be frightened of these boiling feelings within him?

“Other people also start relationships with unfamiliar emotions and fears. And that’s a perfectly normal thing for you humans.”

Was it truly normal for humans to embrace such feelings? He once thought that human beings were no different from bugs that crawled on the ground, but… Once again, he was filled with admiration for such humans.

“Ha…”

As the heat induced by the unsuspecting Reina would not subside over time, he eventually closed his eyes. It was to trick himself through the method of keeping her out of his sight.

But that didn’t last long either.

He was so antsy and impatient and curious about whatever she was doing.

He opened his eyes again. And, there she was, smiling and moving around like a lark that was shining before his eyes.

For a moment, he wondered if he had judged her wrong.

Had she always been the kind of person who smiled at everyone?

This single question made it feel like his internal organs had become all twisted.

“……”

Now that he thought about it, she called Fran ‘my darling’. Why was she calling that whining, unimportant punk ‘darling’?

Fran’s face in his mind began to distort.

He wasn’t ugly, but objectively speaking, he was without a doubt inferior to Ethan.

And that’s not all. That guy had unremarkable looks, and an unsculpted body.

Even further, Fran’s appearance in his mind began to blur.