Tianting Kindergarten - Chapter 7

When the Jade Emperor gave an order, Bai Ze had to carry it out. It was obviously unrealistic for these young children to learn their original skills within three days, but it was still possible for them to learn gestures.

Bai Ze asked the children to stand in a row, stroked his chin and thought about it carefully.

The old gentleman in dragon robe looked up at him, and said childishly, “I know how to perform alchemy, I don’t need you to teach me.” Saying that, he raised the alchemy furnace in his hand.

“Well, Laojun is the most worry-free.” Bai Ze touched the little head of Taishang Laojun, secretly proud of himself, looking at the three worlds, he was the only one who could touch Laojun’s head.

“I, I can too!” Li Jing, who was fiddling with the pagoda with his head down, immediately raised his hand.

“What do you know?” Laojun looked at him with disgust.

“Anyway, if you know it, I will too!” Li Jing, who was distracted, didn’t know what he was talking about just now, and instinctively didn’t want to lag behind, so he followed along.

The Queen Mother sucked a finger and blinked at Bai Ze. Tianzun folded his arms, his face expressionless, and he didn’t say a word.

After much deliberation, it was better to teach the queen mother to draw clouds first, so as to stop her from making chicken leg clouds. Well, today’s lesson was decided.

Bai Ze tore off a piece of cloud casually, and the cloud lost its moisture in his palm, turning into pieces of white paper. Bai Ze distributed the cloud sheets to the children to let them learn to draw.

“The clouds don’t have a fixed shape. If they are drawn too deliberately, they won’t be beautiful. Just scribble randomly.” Bai Ze said, using a pen to demonstrate on the paper, and the faint ink smudged on the paper, until there were many floating clouds.

The Jade Emperor said that Bai Ze could help everyone, and he was not talking nonsense. This divine beast had a strong adaptability, and he had been exposed to all kinds of things between the sky and earth for thousands of years.

Children were still very interested in this kind of drawing class, so they bowed their heads to draw carefully. Tianzun looked at Bai Ze’s paintings carefully and learned every stroke very seriously. Bai Ze was so moved that he almost cried, only Tianzun respected him so much.

Laojun held the brush, drew two clouds, and then began to draw circles. To be precise, he was drawing his elixirs, one circle and two circles, and finally gave each circle a medicinal name. After drawing, he tore off those circles and turned them into small circles one by one.

Li Jing drew villains on the paper, and many villains rushed to kill Laojun with big knives, all the way to Laojun’s paper.

“Why did you draw on my paper!” Laojun was very upset, he picked up a small piece of paper, and slapped it on the little man, “I’ll give you a bursting pill, it will blow your head off!”

“I still have thousands of troops, just wait!” Li Jing said, tore off a few villains he had drawn, and rushed to Laojun. Laojun immediately took out more small clouds and created pictures one by one. The two fought inseparably.

Bai Ze twitched the corners of his mouth and squatted beside the Queen Mother. Seeing her hanging her head, neither drawing nor playing, he asked softly, “What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t use this kind of thing to draw.” Pushing away the paper in front of her, she looked a little unhappy.

“Then what do you want to use?” Bai Ze blinked and saw the Queen Mother pull out a golden hairpin from her head. The golden hairpin looked simple, and only five-color gemstones were inlaid at the end.

Bai Ze didn’t know why, so he looked at Tianzun.

“This hairpin is called Po Yun[1].” Fu Li glanced at the two of them and said calmly. What Po Yun drew were the clouds in the thirty-three heavens, and what the clouds looked like every day was determined by this.

“Don’t rush to use this, wait until you learn it well…” Before Bai Ze finished speaking, the Queen Mother had already started drawing on the paper. Everywhere the golden hairpin went, a golden pattern would appear. She just drew a round, fluffy little beast with a lion’s body and horns, no matter how you look at it, it looked like Bai Ze.

When the line on the left was connected with the line on the right, the whole pattern suddenly glowed and disappeared without a trace. After about a quarter of an hour, a round and fluffy cloud Bai Ze appeared in the sky.

The pattern drawn by Po Yun would be passed directly to the Weaver Girl, and the woven cloud would instantly take the shape drawn by the Queen Mother. Normally, the Queen Mother just messed around casually, but now she drew it so seriously…

The Jade Emperor who returned to the Lingxiao Palace continued to worry, thinking about how many immortals were still available in the Tiangong, and when he looked up while worrying, he saw the sky. There was a white cloud floating, and after seeing it, he became even angrier immediately! This Bai Ze, instead of teaching his wife how to draw well, he actually taught her to draw other men… Well, even if the man was a beast!

So, at sunset, the angry Jade Emperor did not come to the kindergarten to pick up the Queen Mother on time.

“Woo——” A loud cry resounded through the Yuqing Palace. Li Jing and Laojun had gone somewhere to play. Fu Li, who was meditating, got a headache from the noise, and raised his hand to pop out a transparent Yinyi Hunyuan Knot, then he covered his head with it to block out the sharp crying.

Bai Ze was a beast, his ears were much more sensitive than ordinary people, the crying of the child was a disaster for him, so he hurriedly hugged the Queen Mother: “Be good, don’t cry.”

However, this usually powerful persuasion was useless, and the Queen Mother still kept crying.

“Fu Li, help…” Bai Ze put the Queen Mother against his shoulder and looked at Lord Tianzun for help.

Fu Li glanced at him, raised his finger, popped the Liangyi Hunyuan Knot off from his head, and put it on the Queen Mother’s head. The world instantly turned quiet!

When the Jade Emperor wandered to Yuqing Palace, he saw the Queen Mother with a hood on her head, riding on Bai Ze’s neck and crying non-stop with her tears flowing to her chin.

The Jade Emperor: “…”

Seeing the savior coming, Bai Ze pushed the Queen Mother over and jumped away in an instant, fearing that the Jade Emperor would say “Let the Queen Mother stay here” which would be like a lightning bolt in a blue sky[2].

Fortunately, the Jade Emperor was not unreliable enough to let his wife spend the night with others, and returned to the Heavenly Palace with the Queen Mother who was out of breath from crying. Yuqing Palace was finally quiet. Li Jing, who was hiding in the bamboo forest, took a look and took a long breath: “The disaster can be regarded as gone.”

There were also four seasons in heaven, but the immortals had magic powers to keep out the cold and dispel the heat, so they couldn’t feel the changes of the seasons. It was different now, the great gods and immortals’ mana had regressed and they could thus feel the cold and heat.

It was summer now, and the nights were a bit muggy. Without a girl present, Li Jing simply took off his shirt and ran around the yard shirtless. Laojun placed the alchemy furnace in the middle of the yard, skewered some fresh food with bamboo sticks and roasted them on it. There were bamboo shoots and shiitake mushrooms dug from the bamboo forest, and there was even a fat fish in the small bucket next to him.

“This fish looks familiar.” Bai Ze squatted on the side holding a bamboo shoot as he gnawed on it, while tilting his head to look at the fish in the bucket. The fish was very beautiful, with silvery body and red scales forming a flame shape. No matter how you look at it, it looked like a koi from the blue pond in front of Yuqing Palace.

After finishing the fire, Laojun raised his hand to fish out the koi, ready to put it on the bamboo stick. “Clatter!” The koi struggled vigorously, broke free from Laojun’s small hand, and floated in the air for a while, with its huge tail slapping Laojun’s face.

Bai Ze hurriedly patted the fish aside, holding Laojun’s blushing face to blow away the pain.

The koi fell to the ground and suddenly turned into a strong man with a height of eight feet. That brawny man had a hulking back, was wearing a silver short jacket, and his muscles were knotted, giving him a very powerful appearance. This koi had listened to Tianzun’s preaching for thousands of years in front of Yuqing Palace, and had already transformed into a spirit, and its magic power was not low.

Bai Ze immediately stood up and stood in front of Laojun. If this evil animal dared to make a move, he would become a grilled fish immediately.

The brawny man didn’t even look at this side at all, he ran up to Fuli Tianzun, who was only three feet tall, in two steps, pulled his lapel with tears streaming down his face and squatted down: “Hey, Tianzun save me! Hey, hey!”

Fu Li turned his head slowly, looked at the crying burly man, he reached out and grabbed his collar and flicked it, then accompanied by the sound of clear water, the burly man once again turned into a silver koi, and was thrown back into the blue pool.

“Cultivators, eat less meat.” Fu Li glanced at Laojun, picked up the roasted shiitake mushrooms placed on the alchemy furnace, and took a bite.

The day of chicken and dog jumping[3] was finally over. The moon was in the middle of the sky, and the children were sleeping soundly on the mat in the middle of the yard, but Bai Ze couldn’t fall asleep anyway, looking up at the waning moon in the sky like a hook. The moonlight was dim, the stars were bright, and the sky was full of stars twinkling and moving on the deep sapphire blue sky.

Bai Ze didn’t understand astrology, he just thought that the stars were bright and beautiful. He put his hands behind his head, took a deep breath, and said to Fu Li who was sitting next to his head: “Before the battle between immortals and demons, the sky was not like this. At that time, the sky was not layered, and you could touch the stars when you slept here. I remember that at that time, someone cast a spell to make the stars converge…”

Before he finished speaking, the stars in his eyes suddenly seemed to be like rain. They flew from the distant Nine Heavens, and then, like a group of fireflies, they circled and danced, gathered together, and rushed towards this side.

Bai Ze was startled, and sat up at once, then he saw all the bright starlight gathered on the top of Fu Li’s head, linger for a moment, and then scatter, slowly falling on Fu Li’s body, and bit by bit they were absorbed by him. Those that he did not have time to absorb, dissipated in the air and became invisible.

Fu Li opened his eyes, a big face appeared in front of him, too close to be seen clearly. He raised his hand, pressed Bai Ze’s forehead, and pushed the person away: “The moonlight is not good tonight, so I can only use starlight.” The essence of the sun and the moon was the key to cultivation, and the scattered moonlight was stored in the stars, which could also be used.

“It’s the same for daytime practice. Children need to sleep more.” Bai Ze felt a little distressed. As a Celestial Venerable, even if his mind had regressed, he was still much calmer and more mature than others. He was surely the same person who had cultivated to become the first god in the heaven.

Fu Li ignored the long-winded Bai Ze and concentrated the celestial power he had just collected on his hands. The short, fat hands widened and elongated at a speed visible to the naked eye, and finally turned into a pair of slender, fair-skinned hands with well-defined joints.

“Wow!” Bai Ze’s eyes widened in surprise, he grabbed those hands and looked carefully over and over again. This hand was a little bigger than his, slender and well-proportioned, very beautiful.

“You can grow bigger, what about other places?” Bai Ze looked up and down Fu Li excitedly.

Fu Li said blankly: “Where do you want to see?”

The author has something to say:

Let me explain the relationship between the Queen Mother and the Jade Emperor. The Queen Mother has been in myths and legends since ancient times.

“Shan Hai Jing” says that she is a strange bird; “Historical Records” says that she is the lord of a country; “Ji Xian Lu” is more specific, saying that she is in charge of the world’s female immortals, and is juxtaposed with the Eastern Prince.

However, ancient mythology is very complicated, divided into several systems, and each system has different sayings.

One theory is that Yuanshi Tianzun is actually Pangu, and the Queen Mother is Tianzun’s daughter.

Another theory is that the Queen Mother of the West is the head of the female immortals, and she is husband and wife with the Duke of the East, that is, the Emperor Donghua. This notion is more widespread.

But in folklore, there are many hints that she and the Jade Emperor are husband and wife, such as the legend of “Liershi”.

This book is a hodgepodge of mythological characters, and it does not uniformly use the mythological system of a certain sect. To put it bluntly…the proportion of nonsense is relatively large_(:з」∠)_Otherwise, how can Tianzun be matched with Bai Ze. Just read it for fun, don’t take this as official history, otherwise I will be guilty of a big crime.