Undesirable Marriage - CH 8.2

“Are you sincerely apologising to me?” The Dean confirmed again.

“Yes.” He replied in a low voice and just as he was about to bow his head again, a clear and sharp voice burst out.

“What are you doing?!” He turned his head to meet Mo Chuan Ya’s grim face. She stared at him, her posture aggressive demonstrating her readiness for a fight, like the war goddess that she was.

He could see her unyielding spirit reflected in her eyes and knew that she could never apologise to the dean in person. To prevent the situation from worsening, he  pulled her away from the scene for the time being.

The two of them went to the roof of the hospital and looked at each other by the twilight haze.

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For a long while time seemed to stand still, and slowly, inch by inch, etched with the thoughts of the lovers, it began to tick again.

“What were you… doing?” she asked in an uncomfortable voice.

“Couldn’t you see?” He wryly smiled. “I was apologising.”

“Ebu pbswze usw yrszstkpl? Rv’p dsv usw obs sqqldele vblx. Rv’p xl!”

“Fs usw’al tskdt vs yrszstkpl vs vblx?”

“Ebu pbswze R yrszstkpl? R’x dsv yrszstkpkdt!” Fbl bkpple qklanlzu, bla lulp cwadkdt okvb kdektdyvksd.

“Rq ps, R’zz yrszstkpl.” Tl bye lmrlnvle vbyv ydpola yde alvwadle bla tygl okvb pkdnlal oyaxvb.

Fbl nswze dsv pll vbyv oyaxvb bsolhla, sdzu bkp pkzbswlvvl csokdt esod vs rlsrzl. G pbyeso, zkjl y elxsdkn nwapl, cwadle ellr kd bla lulp.

“Gal usw naygu? Psd’v usw jdso vbyv vbspl rlsrzl zywtb yv usw clbkde uswa cynj? Mblu pyu usw alzu sd dlrsvkpx, vblu pyu usw..!” Fbl blze cynj vbl kdpwzvp pbl bye shlablyae. “Ebu pbswze usw cso vs vblx? Mblu okzz sdzu zssj esod sd usw lhld xsal!”

Fbl oyp ydtau yde ytkvyvle qsa bkx, cwv bl oyp kdekqqlaldv yde eke dsv vyjl svbla rlsrzl’p raykpl dsa nakvknkpx vs blyav.

“R xktbv byhl nyale ycswv clkdt zssjle esod wrsd clqsal, cwv dso R esd’v.” Tl pxkzle nyzxzu. “R jdso obs R yx yde ds sdl lzpl nyd xyjl xl qllz kdqlaksa.”

She was surprised to hear him say so and looked at him in amazement.

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He had changed. He used to be rough and witty, but now he had mellowed quite a bit. Before, he not only did not like to laugh, but also not cared to, yet now, he had learned to.

“Is it because… of her?” She asked in a small voice, her heart growing cold and her body shuddering.

“Who?” He couldn’t understand.

She smiled forlornly, suddenly feeling so foolish and lonely.

“Chuan Ya?” He looked at her expression worryingly, his chest twisting in pain.

“You don’t need to do that.” She stared at him, her eyes hollow. “I’ll …… apologise, you don’t have to bow down to anyone. You don’t have to do that.” He was her husband, the man she loved most, and in her heart he was the man who stood tall, always number one, and should not be bowed down to anyone.

“Chuan Ya, what’s wrong with you?” Dai Xingren asked worriedly, not understanding the bitterness in her heart.

She looked at him indifferently. He shuddered and was shocked to suddenly found that she seemed to have lost weight. It was not her body shape, not in her cheeks, but her lips, which should have been plump and ruddy but thin and no longer smiling as they used to.

She doesn’t smile anymore, why?

“Chuan Ya…” he wanted to ask. He wanted to embrace her, to caress those thin lips lovingly, and ask her why she couldn’t smile. But he didn’t dare to overstep his bounds. Her eyes were too cold, her posture too distant. There was a time gap of five years between him and her.

“Anyway, don’t apologise. I will.” After the statement, she twirled her body, her beautiful figure like a wandering soul, her feet not touching the dust.

He followed anxiously. “Where are you going?”

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“Don’t follow me.” She raised her voice to stop him.

“Chuan Ya!”

“Don’t!”

_________________

Still he followed, secretly, far away, trailing behind her. Even if she hated him and didn’t want to see him, he wanted to see her. After five years of not seeing her, he wanted to take a good look at her and imprint her figure deeply in his heart. Because he was not sure how long he could stay around her, he had to cherish every minute and every second.

Dai Xingren followed Mo Chuan Ya. She walked steadily ahead and he followed behind, slowly and soberly. He remembered that she used to look left and right when she walked, and he used to scold her for not paying attention, but she said it was a journalist’s instinct.

As a journalist, of course, one has to keep an interest in the world, in all its diversity!

And now that she no longer was a journalist, had she lost her curiosity too? Why did she stop looking when she walked, looking straight ahead her way, almost indifferently?

He didn’t like her indifference… no, it wasn’t proper to say he didn’t like it, but it made him feel uneasy.

She no longer was the sweet, romantic girl she had been five years ago; she used to smile, but now, she always wore a worried frown on her face.

Was he the cause of this? Did his decision of aborting the baby she so loved made her fall in such a despair that she could no longer feel mirth so easily? Was it all his fault? At this moment, Dai Xingren hated himself so much. He knew he had hurt his wife badly, but he thought she would heal with the years, but it seemed that the wound had not yet closed.

“I had hoped he would have had your eyes, your nose, but he had to love to smile more than you do. I wanted him to live a happy life and didn’t want him to suffer even a little…”

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Over the years, her words echoed in his mind over and over again. In his dreams, he could feel her strong motherly love for the baby.

“I thought that even if you were busy working these years, at least I would not feel lonely if I had the baby to keep me company.”

It turned out she still felt lonely when they were still together, because, as a husband, he had always been away when she needed him most.

He felt sorry for her…

“I’m sorry, Chuan Ya, I’m really sorry.” Dai Xingren looked at his beloved wife’s back and murmured regretfully.

Apart from apologising, he could not think of anything to say to her and he could not even find a chance to say this apology in person.

What should he do?

When he visited grandmother Mo that afternoon, he sincerely asked the elder for advice. He said he had been wrong and had yet to take on the responsibility of being a husband. He had not put his wife first.

Instead, the old grandmother spoke to him at length. “I don’t think Chuan Ya is asking you to put her first, however.” Then what was she asking of him? Grandmother said that it was up to him to find the answer. He had always been too clumsy when it came to love, however, be it in the past or in the present, it was the only thing  that had not ever changed.

Thinking of this, Dai Xingren pulled his lips bitterly. He focused on his wife’s back. She  had turned into an alley, as if alarmed by some sound, and walked purposefully.

He watched as she knelt down beside a small cardboard box that lay under a tree on the sidewalk and looked on its insides.

What was it?

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He looked at the scene curiously, but could not make sense of it until Mo Chuan Ya reached into the box and carefully pulled out a small, purring thing.

It turned out to be a newborn kitten.

“What’s wrong with you? Why are you here alone? Where is your mother?” He heard her ask in a gentle, soft voice.

He slowly approached and watched as she stroked the skinny kitten lovingly, rubbing its round little nose.

A wild kitten like this might have some diseases, and she shouldn’t get too close to it. He wanted to stop her, but didn’t know how to say it.

“Did mummy not want you?” She lifted the kitten slightly and looked into its wide eyes.

“Then I’ll take you home, okay?” she said while trying to nuzzle the cat again.

“Don’t do that!” Finally he could not help but raise his voice.

A long time passed with her stunned before she was able to slowly turn around. She was shocked to see him there. “Why are you here?”

“I’ve been following you.” With a guilty smile, he took the kitten off her hands and put it back in the cardboard box.

“What are you doing?” She glared at his behaviour.

“Don’t touch it, it might have some illness.” He explained gently.

“It’s a baby, how could it be sick?” She tried to grab the kitten back. “Give it to me, I want to take it home.”

“Chuan Ya!”

“Give it to me!”

She looked at his face as if he were some great villain who had snatched her child off her.

Dai Xingren thought sternly. ‘In a way, he had to admit that he was bad, and it was true that he was the one who signed the consent form for the abortion in the first place.’

“I’ll give you the kitten, but shall we take it to the vet first?” He tried to negotiate with her.

“To a Veterinary hospital?” She frowned.

“Even if it’s not sick, it can be vaccinated first.” He coaxed her softly, insisting that he carry the carton.

“You’re a doctor, how many patients do you come in contact with every day? Why are you so nervous?” She was annoyed.

“I can touch it, but you can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want you to take risks,” he said honestly.

Mo Chuan Ya was stunned, and suddenly realised his kindness towards her, and a corner of her frozen heart warmed up.

“Let’s go.”

They went to a nearby veterinary hospital, where they had it examined by a kind doctor who told them that the cat was not in good health and that although it was not seriously ill, it was very weak and should be kept in the hospital for a few days for observation.

“When it has recovered, you can come and take it home.”

Mo Chuanya thanked the doctor and lovingly played with the kitten for a while before leaving the veterinary hospital reluctantly.

He offered to take her home and this time she didn’t refuse, letting him accompany her. They walked together along the red brick road, both slowing down their pace, in a tacit agreement to prolong their rare time together.

Dai Xingren smiled at her much cheerful figure. “You seem to like cats?” He remembered a time when they were newlyweds and she had found a kitten on the road, only to end up being scratched by its mother.

“Well, a long time ago, I had a cat, too.” She whispered in response, staring at her fingers in awe, as if she was remembering the same memory as him. Then, she raised her eyes and looked at him. “At that time you also said that the kitten might be sick.”

“You remembered?” He was surprised.

“Yes.”

Their eyes met and, for a moment, they were both shaken by the memories they had shared together, despite the five-years barrier that had separated them.