Undesirable Marriage - CH 8.3

She faced away first, trying to calm the rhythm of her over-excited heart. “Why wouldn’t the kitten’s mother want it? I thought the kitten’s mother, like everyone else, would be reluctant to leave her child.”

When he heard this, his face turned ashen white and he hesitated for a long time before forcing his voice out. “Chuan Ya, are you still… still thinking about the baby?” The baby that had never been born into this world.

She didn’t answer, but he clearly saw the deep sadness in her beautiful eyes, and clenched his hands hard.

“So what if I am?” Finally, once she answered, in a high voice, what she had to say was heartbreaking, however. “With a body like mine, it’s already dangerous to get pregnant, and if I have another miscarriage, I don’t even know if I’ll ever have a chance to be a mother again…”

“Of course you can!” He interrupted her impatiently, his eyes, brimming with hope, held locked onto her. “Listen, Chuan Ya, once you’re pregnant, I will do everything in my power to ensure you give birth smoothly and the child grows up healthily.”

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She looked at him uncomprehendingly. “Is that the guarantee of a… cardiovascular surgeon?”

“Yes.” He nodded. “You can trust me to save your heart and your child and to not put either of you in danger.”

She believed, of course she believed. As a doctor, she believed he was good and brilliant, and that if he put his mind to it, he could do anything.

Jwv pbl oypd’v bkp ryvkldv, yde pbl eked’v oydv vs cl bkp ryvkldv.

Ys Ubwyd Zy ckv bla zkr byae. “Ohld kq vbl nbkze kp dsv uswap?”

“Ebyv?” Tl qasgl.

Fbl pvyale yv bkx yde pryv swv osaep qasx bla zkrp. “Ohld kq vbl cycu kd xu clzzu kp dsv uswap, okzz usw pvkzz rasvlnv wp?”

Gv bla osaep, Pyk Dkdtald’p nblpv vktbvldle yde bkp xkde clnyxl y fwxczl sq vbswtbvp.

Rv bye dlhla snnwaale vs bkx vbyv pbl xktbv cl raltdydv okvb ydsvbla xyd’p nbkze. Zlp, bl bye vbswtbv vbyv kq pbl oyp kd zshl okvb ydsvbla xyd, kq ydsvbla xyd nswze tkhl bla vbl byrrkdlpp bl nswzed’v yqqsae, bl oswze cl okzzkdt vs tkhl bkp pkdnlal czlppkdt, cwv vbl vbswtbv bye yzoyup clld y qzllvkdt sdl, dlhla vyjkdt nsdnalvl pbyrl.

Ebyv kq pbl eke qyzz kd zshl okvb ydsvbla xyd? Ebyv kq pbl xyaakle psxlsdl lzpl yde tsv raltdydv okvb psxlsdl lzpl’p cycu? Ebyv pbswze bl es?

“R okzz…” Tl tygle yv bla kd pbyxczlp, vaukdt vs qkzz vbl tyrp kd bkp nblpv okvb yka. “R’e rasvlnv usw yzz vbl pyxl.”

It didn’t matter who she married or whom her heart belonged to, he would always protect her.

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“That’s my promise. You can trust me.”

But she sneered, disdainful and wounded. “I don’t want the promise of a doctor!”

“Why?” He asked perplexedly. “Don’t you believe me?”

She didn’t explain, her eyes fixed on him for a long while. But he was unable to understand the emotions contained in those eyes..

“When are you going back to America?” She asked all of a sudden.

“Who said I’m going back to America?” He carefully phrased. “I’m not going back.”

“Why?” She was surprised. “Aren’t you doing well in America? Will the hospital over there let you go?”

Of course they didn’t want to let him go, but if he was determined to leave, who could make him stay?

Dai Xingren pulled his lips lightly. “As I said, which hospital doesn’t want a doctor like me? But I just want to stay here.” Stay with her.

She heard his overbearing tone and asked in disbelief. “Is… that really enough for you?”

“Is what enough for me?” He wondered.

“If Grandma hadn’t been sick and asked for you to come back to operate, you wouldn’t have come back to Taiwan, would you?” She spoke sharply, as if she were resentful. “Don’t you want to go back to the United States and talk with those brilliant doctors and professors? Do you want to practise in a backward country again? Zhu Xiang Lin says you two have a common vision, don’t you want to achieve it with her?”

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Why would he want to achieve his ideals with other women?

Dai Xingren frowned. “Did you misunderstand something? Xiang Lin and I are just good friends,” he said.

“Since when have you known how to be friends with the opposite sex?” She mocked.

“You’re laughing at me for not knowing how to be friends even with same-sex colleagues, aren’t you?” He laughed bitterly, accepting her mockery openly. “I’m not the same Xingren you’ve known from before. After I went to the United States, I made a few friends. Although I’m still not good at socialising, they are very considerate of me. We learn from each other professionally. Privately, they also invite me to dinner or play balls. We are not close friends, but at least colleagues. As for Xiang Lin, we met in South America. At that time, there were only both of us Chinese doctors, so we naturally got close. She was very talkative and easy-going.”

Very talkative and easy to get along with?

That was his comment on Zhu Xiang Lin, was that all? Mo Chuan Ya stared suspiciously at the man in front of her. He looked straightforward and she couldn’t see any ambiguity with the female doctor, or perhaps he was too slow to understand. Either way, it meant that their relationship was not as intimate as she had previously thought; they were not lovers, just friends. Moreover, he wasn’t going back to the US, he was staying in Taiwan, in the “He’en Hospital”, in a place where he could see her every day.

He would stay by her side…

Mo Chuan Ya was indisputably aware that her heart seemed to be warming up, and a bundle of sweet and sour thoughts coursed through her. She wanted to cry, her throat inexplicably strained, but she wanted to laugh again, her pink lips almost curving shallowly, but she held it all back.

She would not cry or laugh, especially not in front of him; she would punish him, punish him for not understanding her delicate heart.

“But compared to me, anyone should be quite easy to get along with, right?” He added a self-deprecating comment, his mouth curving in an almost humorous way.

She looked at the light curve of the smile, and an uncomfortable sweetness melted away. “How can you… be like this?”

“How?” He looked at her with surprise.

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“How can you laugh all the time?” She was indignant.

He was dumbfounded for a moment, then raised his voice hoarsely. “Isn’t that what you taught me? You said there were far more things to laugh about in the world than I thought.”

“So you smile at everyone?” She was furious, a mysterious flame of anger burning in her chest.

“Even towards the journalist, even towards that overbearing dean?” And worst of all, he smiled at other women!

Dai Xingren staggered, was it because she had changed? Or was he becoming less and less aware of women? Why could he not understand why she was angry?

“If you don’t want me to smile then I won’t anymore.” He had no choice but to appease her like this. In fact, there were many times when he didn’t smile sincerely, and it would be good if he didn’t have to smile.

“What?” Mo Chuan Ya snorted and looked at him suspiciously. Looking at his reaction, it was as if she was an overbearing woman, although she was.

She gritted her teeth quietly, her cheeks hot with embarrassment.

He didn’t know she was embarrassed and was intent on coaxing her. “Chuan Ya, can I stay at He’en? In fact, I came today to discuss this matter with you.”

She was silent.

He thought she didn’t agree and became anxious. “I know I’ve not been a good husband. I’ve always left you alone. I’ve left you to face loneliness, and you have every reason to hate me, but…”

“You say I hate you?” She interrupted him abruptly.

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He was stunned. “Don’t you?”

She did not answer, biting her lip hard, her eyes blinking while staring at him strangely.

“At least you blame me, don’t you?” He reached his own conclusions. “It doesn’t matter. I can understand. In fact, I’ve always wanted to apologise to you face to face. I’m sorry , Chuan ya.” He finally said it and finally apologised to her. What would her reaction be? Would she forgive him?

Dai Xingren waited nervously, like a prisoner hanging on a cross, waiting for the final judgement.

“Apart from apologising, don’t you have anything else to say?” She did not say whether she would forgive him or not, but only asked him for more.

He panicked and hated himself for being dull and not understanding the meaning of her words. Did she mean she did not want to hear his apology? But what else could he say aside from apologising?

“I’m sorry about the baby!”

“Stop talking!” She choked coldly. “I don’t want to hear.”

‘Then what do you want to hear?’

He looked at her surprised. She saw through his thoughts and raised her lips subtly.

“You are still a fool, Dai Xingren.”

She said he was stupid? He frowned, expecting her to give him a reasonable explanation.

But she wickedly refused to point it out, tossing her hair and facing him with a proud stance. “If you want to stay at He’en, then stay! You’re right, you’re a rare talent and the hospital needs you.”

‘What about her? Does she need him?’ He frowned ruefully.

She still wouldn’t give him an answer, but suddenly she laughed. A clear bell-like laugh that rattled his heart, a laugh that hid a certain mockery he couldn’t grasp.

She turned away from him, leaving him bewildered, and stepped out into the misty night, her silhouette illuminated by the street lights, creating a most mesmerising sight in his eyes.

She walked away from him until she was sure he couldn’t hear her, then she whispered quietly to herself. “You still don’t know how to let yourself fall in love. You’re still as stupid as ever.”

She tilted her head to gaze at the moon, her smiling cherry lips curled with a touch of caution, a touch of resentment, and a touch of unspeakable pixie-like mischief —

“But this time, I won’t teach you anymore. You have to learn by yourself.”