Unrequited Desire[Complete] - Chapter 3

Looking at the wall I feel like banging my head against it but I don’t.

Walking into the room they put Sage in, I don’t know what to say or really how to feel. It’s been two days since the accident and the doctors said the brain damage was minimized due to him not hitting anything but the doctor said that this doesn’t explain why his skull was cracked.

He’s wrapped in bandages just lying there and here I am sitting next to him. We’re supposed to be best friends, be there for each other but I wasn’t and now he is laying here unconscious while I’m perfectly fine.

A knock on the door caught my attention.

Looking back its one of the officers from before. Walking out, we spoke.

“I’ve brought the video of Mr Clark’s actions before his accident from the inside dashcam,” he says as he taps on the screen of the iPad in his hand.

“Ah, thank you,” I say not really sure.

He clicked play and I watch as Sage runs to his car and sits inside it. My heart tightens as I watching him hyperventilate and hear him scream. I pause the video and look around remembering where I am. The nurses are looking at me with a frown.

We go outside and I press play. I pause the video after I watch him bang his head against the steering wheel. Pressing play I see him look into the rearview mirror with dull eyes as he drives off still crying. The police chase after him and a slight smile played on his lips as his eyes sparkle with light just before the car drives off the cliff and the smile stays.

His head and body jump around in the seat belt but he is safe. When it stops, he looks around the car with tears still streaming down his bloody cheeks. He leans his head against the seat and looks into the camera as if he is looking right at me.

At this moment, he smiled while looking into my eyes and says, ‘I love you, Ethan.’ His lips, I read it… it’s like I could hear him say those words? Why is that his last words? Why is my heart beating so fast? Why the fuck do I feel like it wasn’t the usual I love you and it meant more…

“Mr Demetri?” the officer calls pulling me out of my thoughts. Looking at him I blinked back my tears and hand him the iPad back. Clearing my throat I wiped away my tears, “W-what did he say before he closed his eyes?”

The officer looked at me with pity and I don’t know why, “We had a specialist take a look and the words that he could make out is,” he says as he takes out a paper from his pocket and hands it to me.

The words on the paper make my legs numb but I catch myself before falling as he helps me up. I thank him and walk back to the room where Aunty Sandra is on the opposite side of Sage. She looked up at me with a weary smile, “What did he say?”

Clearing my throat I answer, “He showed me the video from the inside dashcam.”

“Does it show anything that explains why he would kill himself?” she asks looking at me hopefully.

Shaking my head, “No but it shows the reasons behind the skull fractures… Sage… he hit his own head against the steering wheel before he left the parking lot.”

Her breathing hitches and she covers her mouth with her hands. Looking at her son she burst into tears again and quickly makes her way to the private bathroom.

Pulling a chair to the bedside, I sit down leaning my head against his hand that is covered in a bandage with a needle and tube pierced into it. Opening my eyes I looked at his slender fingers, thinking of possible reasons why he’d commit suicide.

Moving my head closer I kiss his left hand’s middle finger and take its top part into my mouth gently. Running my tongue along the side of it I force myself to let go before I bite on it.

Sighing I lean my hand against his hand again and look down at the folded paper in my hands, unfolding it slowly I read it to myself, ‘I’m sorry Ethan, I can’t watch you be happy. I betrayed our friendship and fell in love with you instead, not really since I’ve loved you since the day we first met. I love you, Ethan, always.’

My eyes water at the thought of me being the reason why this all happened, I don’t want that to be true and I hate this. I’ve had my suspicions about it and was waiting for him to say something be he never once did so I naturally forgot about it.

Running a hand through my hair I get up and let Aunty Sandra know that I was leaving – this is getting too much for me I need to get back to work.

*

Standing before the door of his apartment I looked at it blankly. It’s been a week now and I need to at least clean up this place… it feels like forever since I was last here.

Typing in the passcode the door clicked and I opened it. Walking in, I was bombarded with a dry smell. Opening the windows and tidying up the couch pillows, I make my way to the kitchen to empty the trash can and fridge.

There are no dirty dishes nor is the apartment dirty since he tends to clean up after himself. After sweeping, I made my way to his home office. I empty the trash can at the door into the white bag and dust off the bookshelf.

Sitting behind his desk I stack the papers and files neatly. Leaning back into the chair I look at the frames on his desk. These two frames, a silver frame with a picture of him and I smiling when we were younger, it’s the one taken on the day we first met twenty years ago… the second frame is a white vintage-looking one that has only one person in the picture – me.

Frowning I quickly get up and jog back to the den because I noticed something but didn’t pay attention to it. Stopping in my tracks I look to the walls and on the walls, in the picture frames hanging there, it’s just the two of us.

Last time I was here there were only a few of him and me together… when was that? Looking down at my hands I counted – three months.

My eyes widened in shock. I know that both of us have been busy and the few times when I wanted to come over he refused and just went over to my place instead. My heart pounds against my chest so fast and hard – it tightens.

Walking slowly back to his office I stared blankly at the ceiling, this is too much to take in really! He’s loved me, he loves me, Sage… and he’s gay?

Rubbing my face I sigh, I switch his desktop on and I am the desktop wallpaper. There are many files and folders and one specifically that catches my attention, a file named ‘The Reason for my Broken Heart’.

Clicking on it, I whimper as the folder opens. My tears fall as I scroll through all the pictures of him and me. I blink my tears away that is making my eyes burn.

Closing my eyes I drop down on the bed and pull the pillow near me placing it under my head. Taking in the axe scent in the pillow and on the grey silk sheets I pull it closer to me – is this what Sage smells like? It’s calming.