Vain - Chapter 54 Committed Carelessness

Aileene didn’t know when she had fallen asleep again but she had, and her rest seemed to have boosted her so much so that she was already feeling better. There were no nightmares that had struck her during her time within her own dreamland. Rather she couldn’t remember even having a single dream. For that she was glad, but it was a bit harder to admit to herself that the hand she was holding could save her so much grieve. She shifted to sit up once again, but she didn’t let go of Lucian’s hand.

It must’ve been some unconscious action of hers during her sleep, so now that she was awake and conscious. She should let go, as not to create greater confusion and misunderstandings. Her brows furrowed with a conflicted expression, but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to. For once why could she not indulge for a bit, indulge in a little harmless carelessness.

Lucian watched Aileene readjust her hand to fit his and moved to the edge of his chair. She already seemed to have improved, her fever had gone down too. So she would soon leave him and they would once again be away from one another. That’s good news, it was good for her to be better, it was good for her to return to her normal life. He didn’t want to be selfish and keep her with him, but a deep and hidden part of him wanted to. Never mind his own responsibilities, never mind his goals, never mind the future. He wanted to do whatever was needed to make her stay now.

“It’s already evening?” Aileene asked a rhetorical question, as the light that shone from the window was warm and orange, a sign of the setting sun. She sighed, she didn’t know what to say or maybe there was too much she wanted to say. She wanted to speak to him this once about anything and everything with no worries at all.

Lucian hummed in agreement and watched her changing expression with interest, it seemed as if she wanted to say something to him, but she kept considering it over and over again. And seeing her so distressed and lost in thoughts, he almost wanted to say something to her but stopped himself. It was more amusing to see her flustered face, she’ll quickly get through to him anyways. That was just the type of person she was. No matter what came in her way, she would regain her calm and push through it. It was what made her so endearing and he smiled again.

Aileene noticed her lagging speech and glance to Lucian, only to see him smiling and it brought a small smile to her face. She couldn’t remember a time after her parents’ funeral that she had genuinely smiled. From the moment her parents had died, the candle that seemed to have lit her soul flickered and vanished. It was cold within her own body and all she could think about was how the world was against her. She had felt that there was nothing left for her in this world, aside from a budding sense of vengeance that she thought was her duty. She didn’t know what happiness she deserved anymore.

But the candle that seemed so erratic till now, seemed to have settled now in the presence of Lucian. Even if the light was dimmed and the warmth still too far to feel, she could see the visible change in her countenance. Whatever light she had lost, it was slowing returning to her and she didn’t want that feeling to disappear. She wanted to be selfish and endeavor for herself this once, her parents would understand, would they not?

“What excuse should we come up with to clear our names?” Aileene pondered aloud as she looked to Lucian for inspiration.

“Why do you speak as if we’ve committed some kind of crime?”

“Is it not a crime?”

“Certainly not, we’ve just had a small medical emergency. You could not have gone to class in your state, it would have injured you more.” Lucian stated a matter of fact and Aileene’s smile froze.

“I’m not that weak, this is actually the first time I’ve gotten sick in a while. Who told the weather to suddenly create a blizzard?” Aileene complained as she remembered the events of the night prior. It seemed so far away now, the snow and the state she had been in and what led to it all.

“And you decided that was a good time to get in a light evening walk?” Lucian asked incredulously at the utter confidence in her voice. He raised his eyebrow and a sheepish expression came over Aileene’s face.

“It wasn’t a light evening walk—I…” She tried her best to come up with a reason, but with Lucian’s eyes bearing down on her, she couldn’t think of a good one so quickly, so her voice was stuck in her throat. Which seemed to have humored him greatly, since Lucian started laughing and she only paused to watch his delightful expression. It brought a bright smile to her face and she tightens her hold on his hand. As if she was afraid that he would leave her and that this moment would end and that everything would return to the way it had been before.

Lucian’s laughter slowly concluded when he felt her hand and he looked up to see a reluctant sadness in her eyes, and he didn’t know what to do. Had he ever felt this helpless ever before?
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Aileene’s dazed ended and she could see Lucian’s concern for her, and her resolved faltered. She couldn’t stop herself now, there was no path left for her to return to. If she had never given herself even a small sliver of hope, would she not regret it her whole life?

And so she threw whatever caution she still had left and raised her hand to touch Lucian’s cheek. He was surprised by her sudden action, but before he could say anything. She leaned in and pressed her lips to his. She closed her eyes and savored the warm feeling that came over her. Her cheek was red and she felt flushed with tenderness. As it only took Lucian a moment to catch on and return her kiss with vigor, she felt his hand holding her back and she wanted to melt in his embrace. As she slowly losing oxygen and any reason left in her body.