Vain - Chapter 72 Undeserving of Happiness

The blue sky above her carriage was clear, not a single cloud traverse through the expanse of the world overhead. It was a drastic change from a few months prior when she had taken the same trip to get to the academy, the only difference now aside from the sky was the direction she was taking. Instead of arriving at the academy, she was leaving it without a smidgen of dejection, she had not turned back even once.

Aileene knew she knew her own limits. If she was to stop herself and consider her options. She wouldn’t be able to stop herself from collapsing, she wouldn’t be able to stop her mask from cracking, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from running back to Lucian’s arms. But this was something that couldn’t involve Lucian, this was something that she couldn’t drag him into.

No matter how strong her determination had been before, even when she had come so close to confessing all she had hidden to Lucian. She could not will any of those feelings to survive after she had read the letter. It seemed that her expectations and hopes have to be dashed at every stage, the world seemed to enjoy doing so. Now that this terror of a letter had arrived at her door, to overturn all her preconceived notions and vanquish her plans. Which had always been extensive, but not extensive enough to cover a future that changed too quickly for her to calculate.

There was too much that came crashing down on her and the letter had confirmed her doubts. It must have come to remind to not be too selfish, to not wish for something that she could not have. It was telling her to not abandon her own cause and ambitions. It was telling her to fend for herself and remain alone as she had been. This small glimpse of hope and happiness that she was able to receive was an inconceivable future. People like her couldn’t dream. She wasn’t designed for her a fulfilling future. She should have just done as she could now, she shouldn’t have reached too far.

Aileene turned away from the sharp piercing blue of the sky, she could no longer look up. As she clutched the cushion of the carriage to steady herself. Her head was low and she stared at the pale blue of her dress. She didn’t know when she had started crying, but soundless tears escaped her eyes. And she held on tighter, for fear of losing herself.

Why? Why must it be like this?

Why? Why couldn’t she be careless for just a moment?

Why?

Did she not deserve happiness too?

The wet teardrops fell to her lap and dyed the pale blue of her dress darker. Had she asked for too much? Why let her dream to only wake up so bitterly?

Aileene took in short shaky breath, she didn’t want to make any noise. She covered her mouth with her other hand and her small shoulders shook. There were no ends to her tears and there was no peace to her life.

❅

The subtle reflection of her appearance in the water surprised Ruby, she looked rather pale. She wondered why? Was it because of her lacking outdoors time? It felt as if it had been years since she had set foot outside. She had been locked up in her room within the castle all this time. She was stuck with lessons after lessons and once those lessons finished she had no energy left to go outside. There was no motivation for her to leave the castle either. None of her friends were here, so she didn’t want to be outside. Afterall, she didn’t accept tea party invitations from anyone but Aileene and Xi.

As she thought of them now, she wondered how they were. Were they adapting well to the academy? Was the academy much cooler than home schooling? Ruby hoped it was, she didn’t like the lessons she had to take at all. Maybe the academy would give her a new experience. It would broaden her horizons and finally make her enjoy learning. It was a far fetched idea, but she’ll dream about it anyways. It might help soothe her worries and restless mind.

Ruby held her hands behind her back as she inspected every place in the estate garden closely. As if they might reveal to her some secret to life. She went at a leisurely pace, her few maids far behind her. Since she had asked them to not bother her. She was on a short vacation because her parents had thought she was being very diligent with her lessons. She was so diligent that they let her travel to the spring estate early to see the blooming flowers. But in the end, there was still nothing that could truly satisfy her.

Aaa, she was really bored!

There was no one to talk too, her crush wasn’t here so that she could admire him. These days, she didn’t know what to do at all. It frustrates her so, but she still didn’t know what to do. Everything bored her so quickly, what could she do to relieve this never ending boredom!

“Princess, run!”

‘Huh?’

Before Ruby could even react, a sword was heading her way. She stepped back to dodge but the sword still went through her shoulder, at the very moment she was too shocked to register the pain. But she quickly realized what situation she was in, her knights fended by the assassin and quickly surrounds her. The assassin was masked in black and his face was covered, so she couldn’t see who he was. But he was being cornered effectively by her knights.

Blood dripped down her arms and onto the flowers that she had admired before hand. A moment had lasted so long for her and Ruby still felt dazed by everything. She wasn’t sure when her maids had surrounded her, but they rushed to her side. They held onto her bleeding wound so that she wouldn’t lose more blood. She could finally feel their pressure and tears welled up in her eyes, it was so painful. God, she was in so much pain.

The cut was hot and the pain spread to every inch of her body. Her legs threaten to give out and she finally faltered in her steps, she leaned onto a maid for support. She knew she would soon pass out, whether it was from the pain or the blood loss. But she didn’t want to, at least not before the assassin was captured.

She continued to watch her knights fight the assassin, even when the maids had advised her to leave to get her wounds treated. She wouldn’t budge, Ruby bit her lip to keep from screaming because of the pain. But tears still slid down her cheek.

Aaa, when she had said that she wanted some sort of entertainment to brighten up her day so that she could escape her boredom. She didn’t mean this, she didn’t want to get injured instead. Was she some sort of masochist, of course not. She was still sane.

So who was messing with her here!