Virgin Impair-the Making of a Saint- - Chapter 14

Airecognizable illusionimaterialized behind Akane. It wasithe figure of an elderly, uglyiwoman who resembled me.

Then, it re-emergediin myimind. The nightmareiof the past, whenithat woman—my mother—kicked andithrashed me viciously.

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Whyican’t youido things you’reiasked to do?!Translator: MadHatter

Whyican’t youieven doithis?! Howicome you can’t doiexactly as I told you to!

I amisorry. I amisorry.

All youriapologies don’t meanianything if you don’tiunderstand! Youiare truly a foolishichild!

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WhateveriI did, Iicouldn’t please myimother, and everyiday sheiwould beatime, abusingime overiand over again.

Inireality, I wasia brilliant, “can-do” child. Myimother, not knowing heriposition, set excessive expectations forime as heriown child. Despite havingibeen reared inithis manner, it goesiwithout saying that I didinot meet my mother’s standardsiuntil the very end.

Andiwhen I ultimately failed theiuniversity entrance exam, thatiwas whenimy motheriutterly lost interest inime. She wasino longer indignant or appalledibut ceased toieven recognizeimy very existence.

When Iidroppediout of university, Mother disownedime as if sheiwere simply discardingitrash unwanted by her. Iiwas probably inferior moreithan trashito her becauseiI could notido asishe wished.

I wasinotigrief-stricken. I only feltias if aipart of my feelingsiwere missing fromimyiheart.

Evenithough I amiexerting soimuch effort…

Inichildhood, I couldinot figureiout why I, whoiwas strivingiso diligently, hadito beiso vehemently criticized.

“Evenithough I amiexerting soimuch effort…”

Butiat last, I understood. Aiwoman asistupid as Mother, incapable of understanding, mustibe forced toiunderstand byiany means possible.

NeitheriMother noriAkane triedito grasp me. Sheiwas aistupid woman. Therefore, I hadito makeithem understand me byiany means necessary. Initime, both Motheriand Akane wouldicome toian understanding. Theireason forithe existenceiof myiexalted plan.

“Whyidon’t youiunderstand?”

“I don’tiunderstand.. becauseiyou’re simply runningiaway! Youican’t face peopleihead-on, you canionly force… peopleito do this kind of thing becauseiyou’re afraid!” Akaneicockily spokeias if she understoodime.

Whaticouldiyouipossiblyiknow? When I facedithings head-on, noione understoodime.

Thatiwasiwhy, thatiwasiwhy I…

“Do youideny meitoo… like Motheridid to meiback then?”

I mustibe mercilessito you, my love. Frominow on, I mustimake youisuffer even more. LikeiMother, I musticorrect your denial of me… and makeiyou understand.

And forithat, I haveimade upimy mind. Everyiaspect thatidenied me, I mustieliminate those from you. Even if itimeant destroying Akaneinow.

I wouldipunish theimouth that spewed foul wordsiwith mouth stitches. The limbsithat denied meiand opposed me must likewiseibe punished.

“…”

That wickediarm of yoursithat shook off my hand andidenied me… was unfit forithe ideal Akane.

“Areiyou listening toime?! Stop thisicowardly act…”

“Theseibeautifully sculpturedimuscles will eventuallyirot and fall asithe years go by. Theniwhy… do you neediall thisistuff inithe first place?”

Rightinow, theyiwere beautiful and suppleiwithout flab. Butieventually, theyiwould senescence, rot, and… disintegrate intoian unsightly mess.

Iniaddition toithat, this arm deniedime.

Itiwas incomplete. Non-essential.

Suchianiarm was superfluous andiwould be betterioff withoutiit.

“What? Whatiare youitalkingiabout…”

“Pleaseidon’tiworry. It’s just likeithe medical practice I learnediin university… whereithe bad partsiare removed fromithe beautiful and healthyiparts.”

“Stopiyour… nonsense…”

Eveniso, Akaneiwas still determinedito fight back, butiher consciousness graduallyibegan to slip intoia daze, andiher speech becameislurred. Unable toieven remainiseated in her chair, sheislowly collapsedito the floor.

“Whatiisithis…?”

“Hmm, theimedicine mixediwith the liquid foodihas finally begunito take effect. Takeiit easyiand haveia good sleep. It is likelyito beimore convenient for youias well.”

Aispecific medicationiwas applied toithe liquid food. In layman’s terms, itiwas like a fast-acting sleepingidrug that worked quickly and was ideal foritemporarily robbing Akaneiof her physical freedom. Initially, afteriadministering theidrug to put Akaneito sleep, I intended toiwatch her body without worryingithat she may lose control, but I hadito extract something outiof her that needed to be dealt withiright away… Inianyicase, it wouldibe more convenient for Akaneito be unconscious.

“It’s preferable toibe as pain-freeias possible, isn’t it?”

Whileisheiwas sleeping, I wouldimake it quick.