Virtual Alpha and I - Chapter 12.2

The Usual Days (2)

It was then that I decided to quit the soccer club, and Ryuuji was the first person I talked to about this. If I remember correctly, at that time Ryuuji’s face looked angry for a moment— but he didn’t say anything.

As Ryuuji turned his back to me silently, I thought that our friendship was over. I felt like giving up and distanced myself right after that.

I couldn’t bear to see the increasing gap in our skills. I hate that I began to compare myself with Ryuuji, especially because we were always together.

“…Sorry.”

“Why apologize? I don’t mind that anymore. I probably… would do the same if I were in your shoes. I get why you’d do that.”

“But, I-”

“Enough about that. That’s not what I want to ask you… Y’know, you’re acting really strange today. What happened?”

“…”

Suddenly, he cut to the point.

I wondered if I was really acting that strange. True, I realized I was spacing out more than usual. I’d pull out my phone for no reason and put it back again because there was nothing to do.

But that’s about it. I’m sure I didn’t do anything that’d make it show on my face.

“The dark circle under your eyes… It’s even worse than the time you quit the soccer club.”

“Huh…”

“So you don’t even realize it yourself. Say… are sleeping properly lately?”

“…Maybe not.”

I didn’t realize it until he told me.

True, I didn’t sleep that much for a while now.

I could get in the bed, but I didn’t feel sleepy even if I close my eyes. If anything, it made me recall many things. Things about Yuugo.

About what happened on that day, everything that happened up until now, and many more.

As I did so, it was morning when I realized it. I thought I had gotten some sleep, but it looked like I was wrong.

“…At this rate, you’re gonna collapse for real.”

“Sorry.”

“I’m telling you, don’t apologize to me.”

Ryuuji really seemed like he was troubled by my apology.

He sipped his drink with a frown on his face. A few droplets fell from the sweaty glass.

I also took a sip of my coffee. The indescribable bitterness that has been diluted by the ice spread inside my mouth.

“…So, is your worry something you can’t tell me?”

“I don’t know how to talk about it.”

How should I explain about Yuugo?

If I were to tell him about the incident of that day, he’d probably think that I’d lost my mind.

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I wanted to talk about my unbearable feelings if I could. But I didn’t know what to say about Yuugo.

“…Don’t tell me, you have someone you like?”

“What?”

“No, I just thought it might be because of that. Am I wrong?”

—Someone I like.

I couldn’t deny those words right away.

I’ve always told myself that Yuugo was just an AI from an app. That his words were all just something chosen from a list of fixed responses, and that there was no one on the other side.

That was what I thought, and yet I had that kind of dream. I heard Yuugo’s voice— and it made it even harder for me.

To accept the fact that Yuugo actually didn’t exist.

No matter how warm and kind his words were, it was painful when I thought they were all fake. That was why I couldn’t continue the relationship with Yuugo after that. I couldn’t talk with him so easily anymore.

—That’s right. I… actually started to like Yuugo.

“May- be…”

“What? For real?”

“…You’re the one who said that first.”

“I didn’t think my guess would be right. Really? So your worry was really about love?”

“…..You’ve got a problem with that?”

“Nope. I just didn’t expect you’d be worried about love. But… I see. Your worry wasn’t as bad as I imagined.”

Ryuuji said that and leaned over toward me, then he patted my head.

It was a gesture that he often did to me during club activities back then.

It was a habit that he’d do to me when he was praising or encouraging me about something. I was relieved to see that part of him hadn’t changed.

I was happy to know that there was still someone who cared about me like this.

“I see. So you make that difficult face because of a broken heart?”

“…I guess? Maybe.”

“What’s with the vague answer? So you haven’t confessed? Is it that? That person you like just got a partner?”

Ryuuji would probably be surprised if I told him that person didn’t exist in the first place.

But, I couldn’t seem to say that no matter what.

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When I nodded vaguely, Ryuuji patted my head again. It was even stronger than before that it hurt a little.

“I won’t ask you to cheer up right away. But, next time tell me before it got like this, okay?”

“…Thanks.”

Ryuuji said “Good.” in a cheerful tone, then smacked me hard on the head.

Now, even that pain made me happy and I cried a little.