Vivian’s Circumstances – R19 - Chapter 31

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“Where are we going after the meal?”

 

While eating, Vivian suddenly wondered about their next destination.

 

“It’s my first time here today, so I’m going to take a quick look around then go to the mansion.”

 

This was your first time?

 

At those words, Vivian swallowed the food and asked coldly.

 

“Sir Knight. Will you come back at a later time?”

 

“I don’t know. I might be able to get a clue about the appearance of the Demonic Beasts, so I plan to come back a few more times as needed. In the first place, it has to look like I came to inspect the land.”

 

Vivian nodded and looked down at her almost empty bowl.

 

“I think I’ll come with you when that time comes.”

 

In case he asked why, Vivian added hastily.

 

“I don’t know, just like you said, I might find unexpected clues here.”

 

Roger blinked his eyes as if her decision had come as a surprise. Then he nodded his head with a smile on his face. Vivian stood up, ignoring his expression. As soon as he finished paying for the meal and walked out of the store, they saw an unruly crowd.

 

“Hey!”

 

Vivian turned her head at the scream she heard right behind her. Roger was holding a woman. He seemed to have helped a beautiful woman passing by with a load in her arms, who was nearly swept away by the crowd.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Roger asked in a tone that was too indifferent as if he had not saved her. The woman who was holding his shoulder, lifted her head and looked at Roger. She was mesmerized. The woman held her hands to her face and hurriedly slipped out from his grasp.

 

Roger bent over and picked up the luggage that had fallen at the corner and handed it to the woman. Meanwhile, the woman’s eyes moved blankly, following Roger’s movements. The woman, who looked about the same age as Vivian, no, even younger than her, came to her senses when she saw the luggage that was held in front of her.

 

“Oh, thank you.”

 

“There are a lot of people, so be careful.”

 

Vivian’s eyes widened at Roger’s advice. The woman nodded her head and took one step closer to Roger.

 

“I… Are you from this town?”

 

The woman asked Roger carefully. The woman’s eyes gleamed towards the reliable Roger. The moment she saw those eyes, Vivian was indescribably annoyed. Roger looked down at the woman for a moment and then shook his head. “Somehow,” the woman added straight away.

 

“Then, may I ask for the Knight’s name? Since we met here for the first time.”

 

As she knew his identity, in that very short period of time, she must have been spying on him intently. It was so ridiculous that Vivian let out a silent laugh. But neither Roger nor the woman cared about Vivian. In the situation where Roger and the stranger faced each other, Vivian was a complete third wheel. She felt like a stranger whom he had nothing to do with.

 

‘Why are you asking for his name when all you needed to do was just say thank you?’

 

Vivian thought to herself and looked at Roger. Aside from the woman’s behavior, she couldn’t understand Roger’s attitude.

 

‘The crazy dog was said to have a bad personality. But why are you being so welcoming to her?’

 

She couldn’t believe that he was gentle and only a little rude. It was even more absurd that there were rumors about him being a crazy dog.

 

At the moment when Vivian’s stomach was drying up, Roger glanced at Vivian. With a single glance, Vivian flinched as if she had exposed her inner feelings to him.

 

“My name is….”

 

Looking at Vivian, Roger’s mouth slowly opened.

 

“It’s difficult to tell.”

 

After refusing the woman’s question, Roger nodded at Vivian. It meant to come closer to him. As soon as Vivian, who had been one step away from them, approached Roger, he turned around. Before the woman, who couldn’t take her eyes off him, could say anything more, Roger put his foot through the crowd. Vivian hurriedly followed after Roger, leaving the woman with a blank expression on her face.

 

As he walked diligently, Vivian thought that he probably did not know why she was looking at the woman and why her annoyance grew.

 

‘If anyone else had seen it, they would’ve been able to tell that I was jealous.’

 

Vivian, who was thinking this as if she was helping herself, stood still. In the midst of the bustling crowd, her bewildered expression stood out quite a bit.

 

‘…… Jealousy?’

 

As she moved her eyes, she saw Roger’s broad back ahead.

 

‘Ah….’

 

For the past three years in her dreams, it became a familiar sight, but even more so now in reality.

 

‘…….’

 

Vivian burst into laughter at the absurd familiarity.

 

At one point, Roger turned his head. He found Vivian right away without having to look around the crowd. His gaze trembled, but he reached Vivian at once without any confusion.

 

Roger frowned at Vivian, who remained standing there. He gave up on going through the sea of crowds and returned to Vivian.

 

“What are you doing not following me?”

 

Vivian looked up at Roger with a confused face, like the woman he had helped earlier.

***

Vivian returned to the mansion and went straight to her room. She quietly closed the door and sat down at her desk and spread white paper in front of her. She picked up a quill that was placed on one side. Contrary to her curious grasp of the quill, Vivian couldn’t get her writing down.

 

Sometimes, Vivian would sit quietly and write down her thoughts when her head was cluttered. It was easy for her to figure out why her head was messed up and to come up with a solution. In doing so, her head, which would have been throbbing the whole time, would eventually get better.

 

But today, she couldn’t write anything. She didn’t know where to start looking for the cause of what she’s feeling. After a while, Vivian laboriously moved her hand and scribbled one word.

 

 

 

[Jealousy]

 

 

 

The emotion she assumed she felt.

 

Vivian stayed still, writing that one word on the white piece of paper. Not long after, Vivian began to write with a dull face.

 

 

 

[Very embarrassed.]

 

 

 

The starting point for her to find out the cause. It was when she first met Roger.

 

 

 

[I thought he would be like the rumors.]

 

[A side of him that was the same as what they said.]

 

[But he had another side.]

 

[There were many surprising things about him.]

 

 

 

One by one Vivian listed what came to her thoughts. They were the things Vivian felt after she met him.

 

 

 

[The rumors seemed to be wrong.]

 

[Sir Knight is kind.]

 

 

 

After a moment’s pause, Vivian drew two straight lines over the sentence about his kindness. Then wrote a new sentence next to it.

 

 

 

[You may not show it to others, but you are kind to me.]

 

 

 

You are kind to me. Vivian remembered the night before as she read this. Last night, when the moon rose, he silently stayed there to take care of her.

 

In fact, that day, Vivian wanted him to stay, contrary to her telling him to leave because he might get sick. The dreary moonlight permeating the room reminded her of the constant lonely nights in Hiddenca. The nights in Hiddenca caused her own loneliness. She could still see the sunlight during the day, but at night, there was nothing but the cold moonlight that made her bones shiver.

 

However, yesterday, she was not lonely at all. It was different from her nights in Hiddenca.

 

His presence felt so great. She could feel that someone was watching over her while she was sick.

 

Just as she had hoped he would stay, Roger held his seat until she fell asleep.

 

 

 

[He treated the other woman kindly.]

 

[I was annoyed.]

 

[Jealousy.]

 

 

 

The enumeration that started with jealousy eventually ended with jealousy. Vivian set the quill down and skimmed through what she had written. The moment the last word came out of her mouth, Vivian had no choice but to admit it. She confirmed today that the emotion she felt was jealousy. And one other thing at the same time.

 

 

‘I don’t want him to do the things he does for me to other women.’

 

 

She didn’t want him to be kind to other women.

 

It was ironic. Vivian was always wary of Roger due to the rumors surrounding him. The rumors said that Roger was rude, picky, and obnoxious. But Roger was indifferent, not rude. He was meticulous, not demanding. Above all else, she never saw a crazy side of him.

 

Vivian wanted to change the rumors about him. Roger was actually a sweet, kind man.

 

But when she saw him being kind to another woman, she couldn’t stand it.

 

‘Only me… I want to be special.’

 

She wanted her to be the only one special to him. She wished she was the only one he treated kindly. Just like in their dreams where they only focused on each other, she hoped to do the same in reality. Just the two of them with everything around them as the background. Being aware only of each other, wanting the other to be their only one.

 

Vivian put her quill down and grabbed her face. She couldn’t believe the conclusion she had drawn with the method she used.

 

She wanted to be special to him.

 

‘…… Do I like him?’

 

She wasn’t certain if her heart felt love. To her, Roger was a man who meant a lot to her.

 

The most important out of all these was probably stability. He was the only shelter in her desolate academy life. In the daily life where she missed out on a lot and had no spare time, she was comfortable only in her dreams with him. He was a man who gave familiarity in a place where she was alone and nothing was familiar.

 

But did that really equate to love?

 

Vivian was engulfed in confusion for a moment.

 

She was puzzled.

 

While Vivian couldn’t control her own feelings, she heard a knock. Vivian’s shoulders shook violently in surprise. The door opened and Hamel appeared.

 

“Hamel, what is it?”

 

“My Lady. A letter has arrived.”

 

Vivian jumped up at the words that there was a letter. Right now, there was only one person who could have possibly written to Vivian. Vivian hurriedly unfolded the letter from Hamel.

 

“….. What?”

 

There was something written on the white paper, but she couldn’t recognize it at all.

 

“What the hell are these earthworms… What?”

 

The letters on the paper were hardly recognizable. Vivian looked down at the paper that had scribbles more complicated than the ancient language, then checked the back of the letter. She had already expected that he had bad handwriting, but still. Seeing that ‘Gray William’ was written on the sender’s name, it was clear that it was a reply from her mentor.

 

“This is why I always told you to improve your bad handwriting…”

 

Vivian mumbled and grunted with a frown on her face then leaned her head on Hamel. In the end, the questionable letter could not be interpreted.

***

After dinner, as usual, Vivian came up to her room. Her mind was complicated, and she did not know in what spirit she was able to finish her meal. For some reason, she was afraid to lay down her tired body, then the lack of sleep poured in. And, like always, she woke up within the dream again.

 

The affair always began naturally and skillfully, like water. It felt awkward but there was nothing she could do because they had been mixing bodies with each other for three years.

 

Vivian groaned at the actions of the man who licked her lower lip strangely.

 

If she were to be honest, what Vivian was most familiar with was the Roger in her dreams and not the one in reality. Perhaps, the person who caught her heart, and has sprouted seeds, was the Roger in her dreams instead of the one from reality. So Vivian pondered what kind of face she would see in the dream.

 

But the worries were of no use. She was still in the dream, and the relationship, as always, was suddenly kindled.