Ways of Parting - Chapter 22

When I was your man, The First

Didn’t you know that no one sympathizes with the pain of half of your life falling apart unless you’re the person involved? It was like a new feeling all over again. Ha Joyoon remained silent as he struggled to control the feeling of sinking into the ground.

“Ha Joyoon-ssi, you weren’t like that, were you?”

“Sorry?”

Suddenly, his eyes glazed over at the question directed at him. The cubic pin on the employee’s head shone like a diamond under the light of the store. Memories also passed by at the speed of light, bringing him back to a time when their love for each other shone like a jewel.

“But I don’t think Journalist Ha seems like that kind of a person. Not sure about Nam Hyunwoo-ssi though. Our Ha Joyoon-ssi seems more like a heartbreaker than the heartbroken, no?”

“Why drag me into this again? Ah I’m totally cool in my own way!”

The aforementioned man cried out. The mischief mixed in each other’s voices maintained the appropriate boundaries and created a pleasant atmosphere. Except for one person who just couldn’t mix there.

“I hung on quite a bit actually.”

“Oh, uh…”

“…Maybe I shouldn’t have?”

Ha Joyoon asked softly as he quietly set the glass down on the table. Questions were entangled in his brown eyes, which became brighter in the light as if he really didn’t know. Those who had been laughing and talking about other people’s love like cheap gossip stopped when he asked  seriously.

“I did it because I didn’t know what else I was supposed to do.”

There is no accusation or anger directed at anyone in the quiet brooding tone. It was just that no one really knew what to do completely, and no one could give a hasty answer.

“Oh, uh… I mean… it’s not like that.”

“That’s true, Journalist Ha. It’s not necessarily like that…”

Time had flown by despite the daily suffocating pain. However, it seemed that his ability to forget had been broken, and as each day passed, the separation with Kang Taejung became clearer and clearer. His expression, his voice, his scent, everything is killing me. He didn’t even know how much time had passed. Even though he knew that his family was worried about his poor condition, there was no way to solve it, so all Ha Joyoon did was simply neglect or quietly kill himself every day.

“Reporter Ha…” Ha Joyoon smiled awkwardly at the sound of someone’s pity, and wiped his firm eyes with his fingers.

“I’m just asking because I didn’t really know. Please don’t mind me. I seemed to have ruined the fun.”

“Oh no, I’m sorry, Ha Joyoon-ssi. We spoke too carelessly.”

“Me too. I didn’t mean it, but I’m still sorry, Journalist Ha.”

Despite the clumsy apologies, the atmosphere that had already blown off had no hope for recovery. As people were wondering how to break the tension in the room, a new question popped up from a distant table to break the chaotic atmosphere.

“By the way, what kind of person is your wife, Director?”

It was a strange thought. Like a dissonance inserted into an peaceful song, the question suddenly entered Ha Joyoon’s ear. Even with the sudden question directed at him, Shin Kwonjoo skillfully offered and received alcohol from the opposite party without any surprise or embarrassment.

“Why?”

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“That’s your wedding ring, right? I don’t think you’ve ever talked about your wife.”

Ha Joyoon glanced down. His eyes paused on his favorite sneakers. Unrelated thoughts floated through Ha Joyoon’s head. There was a big difference from the shoes crafted with skillful workmanship. He was a different person from me in many ways, the distance being just as far as he sat from me. Suddenly, he rubbed his face, remembering how he was slapped by Kang Taejung and his cheek was tingling. He rubbed the painful heat with his palm.

“Is it important for work?”

He asked back, still smiling. He was polite, but his voice was as cold as the north wind. The employee finally noticed the awkward situation and only then did he lean back a little.

“No, I was just…”

“I have no intention of opening up my private life for personal curiosity. I’m not interested in other people’s private lives either.”

It was a firm answer as if someone had to hear it. Shin Kwonjoo’s seriousness caused a commotion on the table. He stood up from his seat after emptying his half-filled glass. Sharp eyes met Ha Joyoon for the first time. The deadly expression in his eyes was like flames just before evaporation past the ignition point. But even that soon dissipated like smoke. After removing his gaze, he looked down at the watch on his wrist for a moment and said indifferently.

“I have another engagement to attend, so I’ll be leaving first. Finish it well so you can make sure to be at work tomorrow.”

“Um, Director…”

“Director, please stay a little longer.”

“That’s enough.”

Nothing could hold him back. As if the cold atmosphere was no longer his concern, the man grabbed his jacket and walked out of the store. “Director” – “Director” – The sound of the employees trying to hold on to him echoed in the store in vain. The exit was just as sudden as when he had entered. The employees, who had been staring at the place from where he left, began to murmur one by one.

“Oh gosh, the mood has totally changed. This is why I told you to be careful”

“Is he angry?”

“Doesn’t seem to be more than usual? I don’t think he cared much.”

“What to do…”

The female employee who asked the last question lowered her face with a sullen expression. She blamed herself for ruining the mood in the beginning. The awkward atmosphere gradually entered a state of a lull as the group divided, with people comforting her and some returning to their own topics.

After listening to the conversation for a while, Ha Joyoon poured alcohol into his empty glass and drank it again. The pungent and potent liquid slowly seeped into his body, paralyzing the pain for a while. He knew all of these were only temporary measures. Resorting to such a dirty treatment, rather than properly treating the wound, out of desperation to hide and cover it up, will one day cause it to the wound hidden beneath it to fester and rot.

Tap.-

He carefully set the glass down and stood up. Though he staggered a bit, it wasn’t too much.

“I need to use the bathroom.”

“Go ahead.”

Ha Joyoon briefly greeted his colleague who was waving at him, and left the store. Ring.- A cool night breeze blew as the door opened with a small bell. It was the wind that heralded the beginning of fall, carrying some of the persistence of the sweltering heat of midsummer.

Even though he knew it was meaningless, he still took out his phone and checked the messages. It had become a daily routine of his. Even after being despised and notified of a complete breakup, Ha Joyoon sent Kang Taejung messages from time to time. He knew this wasn’t the proper way, but he had no idea how he should convey his feelings otherwise.

The small screen was full of all sorts of clingy words.

Let’s meet one more time, can you please reply back to me, I still love you, I was wrong.

Now that he knew that this was something no one paid attention to and rather regarded it as something despicable, his lingering feelings of regret still caused him to cling to him in such an ugly way. It was absurd.

Honk- Honk-

The headlights of vehicles running frantically on the road mixed with neon signs, created beautiful light shadows. It was a lovely group dance of light.

While he was distracted by the swarm of lights, the strong smoke stimulated his sense of smell. A familiar yet unfamiliar, refreshing scent of skin was also included. Ha Joyoon, still keeping his gaze fixed on the dance of light on the road, spoke quietly.

“I thought you left already.”

The owner of the scent glanced at him as he talked calmly. Burnt ashes were entangled in the embers, at the end of the cigarette between the man’s long fingers.

“It was getting noisy.”

Huu. Cigarette smoke spread in a long trail along the sound of slow breathing. The border of a strange space where discomfort and ease coexisted was drawn.

“Did you drink a lot?”

He listened to the low-pitched voice and shook his head.

“A little bit. I only drank to the point where I felt tipsy.”

“That’s a relief. I don’t like taking care of drunks.”

Shin Kwonjoo’s gaze was directed far away. It was a serenity that proved that the mind was not here. He was a cold observer, who would draw a line with you even if you were to reveal your vulnerability and see only that. However, ironically, that made it all the more comforting. Even though it was evident that the other person was annoyed and held contempt.

A bitter, poison-like smile drifted across Ha Joyoon’s lips.

“Sunbae, your advice. It didn’t work at all.”

“……”

“He just got angry.”

The dark eyes drew a relaxed curve. Ha Joyoon smiled quietly with implicit eyes that held several meanings and sat with his back against the front window of the store.

I couldn’t bear to look at you when your eyes contained so, so much aversion.

Just when he recalled that terrible moment when he decided to face his inner desire, he heard a low laugh. It seemed he realized now.

“He’s a good person.”

The man who stubbed off the half-remaining cigarette said calmly.

“Is that so?”

“It’s better than saying okay to it.”

“That’s right… yes… A really nice person. He’s a kind and warm person…”

A quiet reply left a trail through the air. Honk- Honk-. A red car driving along a rough curve roared to announce its existence. The steps of the people walking around also drew a consistent line towards their destination. Their eyes met again. Suddenly, he thought that avoiding his night-like eyes was one of the most difficult things to do. This time as well, it was Shin Kwonjoo who turned his head first.

“Do you always leave trails like that?”

“Sorry…?”

Ha Joyoon slightly frowned at the words he did not understand. Meanwhile, the man who took out another cigarette from the corner, bit and lit it quickly. Click- Tens of thousands of malicious substances and the thin paper wrapped around them began to burn. A certain emotion resembling nervousness was buried in the action of sucking and exhaling faster than before.

“Things like emotions and inner thoughts.”

“…I’m not sure what you mean.”

He stared at the road that Ha Joyoon had been looking at a while ago, with his mouth firmly shut.

“I’ve said this many times, but I think you need to learn how to hide your emotions. If you’re unlucky and you meet someone bad, you’ll be completely taken advantage of.”

“……”

It was still something that didn’t make sense. Ha Joyoon tilted his head as he swept his messy hair that was on his forehead following the wind. The flushed face due to drinking was clearly visible under the moonlight.

He held in his words for a moment, then tucked the completely untied tie into the pocket of his pants and sighed a little.

“I’m not interested in what others have used and thrown away. Sometimes they can be rotten and make you sick.”

It was disguised as a metaphor, but in reality, it was a naked expression. Ha Joyoon’s face turned pale when he realized what Shin Kwonjoo was saying by inferring it as a whole. However, the man’s eyes looking at him were so calm that he seemed bored. Shin Kwonjoo, after thinking for a while as if he was choosing a suitable word to express his thoughts, continued.

“There’s something that’s begging to be picked up.”

“……”

“I’m thinking.”

“It’s bothering me by constantly being in front of me.” His way of speaking as he spits out each word was indifferent. Shin Kwonjoo’s face, reflected under the splendid night lights, looked like that of a confused painter. Suddenly, he raised his left hand and turned the back of his hand and the palm of his hand repeatedly. A wedding ring that had been seen many times showed off its presence. The man was conscious of the other person’s gaze and paused for a moment before adding.

“It’s not something to attach any meaning to. I don’t need to go into details with you, but…”

The expression of concern passed by his eyes. And after a long silence, he finally opened his mouth. A deep voice resembling the sea penetrated through the air lightly. “Though I’ve never done it with a man before.” He stared straight at Ha Joyoon as he mumbled to himself.

“Ha Joyoon-ssi, would you like to sleep with me?”