Ways of Parting - Chapter 28

He packed up his belongings in a hurry. It was fortunate that he hadn’t thrown out the business card Lim Dohyun gave him. During the call he had made reluctantly, Lim Dohyun had said he’d “spare time and visit right away” before the call came to an end. Although Dohyun said he’d allow for some leeway, even if Ha Joyoon hurried out now, he would still be late.

After roughly organizing his things, Ha Joyoon said goodbye to his colleagues and quickly left the office. His footsteps were more swift than usual as he headed towards the elevator. It was a rushed pace for him, but since his usual languor remained, to the eyes of others passing by it was only a little faster than normal.

1, 2, 3… Ha Joyoon slightly bit his dry lips and his eyes bored into the numbers as they slowly went up.

Ding— Swish—

His hasty attempt to enter the wide-open elevator was immediately blocked by a hand holding his arm.

“Where are you going?”

“Oh, Sunbae-nim.”

Ha Joyoon’s eyes widened as he was suddenly grabbed, and was met with Shin Kwonjoo standing in front of him. Since they were together at his officetel last night, this was their second time meeting after a few hours. Tap tap– a slow sound came from the elevator. Regardless, Shin Kwonjoo silently waited for his answer, looking like he had no intention of letting him go. Ha Joyoon, who was thinking about what to say, told the truth, realizing that the man would eventually know the reason for his early departure.

“I’m going for my checkup at the hospital. I made an appointment, but since my interview got postponed I had to change it to this afternoon…”

“Oh.”

Seeming to have received an unexpected answer, his straight and charismatic eyebrows raised in a slight arc before coming back down. Shin Kwonjoo was silent for a while but soon nodded and stretched out his arm to press the button of the elevator again.

As the numbers on the electronic display began to change once more, Ha Joyoon raised his head and cast a suspicious gaze at the man next to him whose expression looked indifferent. His sharp pointed nose and eyes – which were currently staring at one spot – felt a bit different today.

“Aren’t you going in?”

Despite the fact that his question wasn’t answered, he took Ha Joyoon’s arm and led him into the elevator which had reopened.

“Sunbae-nim?”

“Let’s go.”

Tap tap– The sound burst out once more along with the doors closing and in an instant, only two people were left in the small space. Shin Kwonjoo pressed the button with indifferent eyes and looked to his front, still holding onto his arm.

“Let’s go together,” he suddenly said when they reached their target floor.

“Huh?”

“You said you were going to the hospital. You don’t even have a car.”

“…I can just take the bus.”

“There’ll be a lot of people on by this time. Which hospital is it?”

“Hangang University Hospital.”

Ha Joyoon replied with a dispirited voice. They didn’t drag on for long. He knew that Shin Kwonjoo was someone who would do whatever he wanted, anyway.

“When is the appointment?”

“I just need to go before they close up for the day. The doctor was my classmate so he said he could let me visit today.”

The man looked at the time on his watch before nodding his head.

“I know a way without traffic. We’ll get there before 3.”

As the doors opened, the entrance to the underground parking lot became visible. Still holding his arm, Shin Kwonjoo took Ha Joyoon to his car. Ha Joyoon’s steps following him were also quicker than usual due to Kwonjoo’s large strides.

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“Didn’t you have work in the afternoon?”

Sitting in the passenger seat and wearing the belt, he asked the question he was most curious about. Shin Kwonjoo had an indecipherable expression on his face while he started the engine and answered casually.

“It’s not so important.”

It was a short answer that made it so he could no longer continue the conversation. In an attempt to ignore his rambling mind, Ha Joyoon nodded his head and turned to the window again. He grimaced as the now chronic migraine felt like it was pressing deeply on his head.

The car moved quickly as the man started the engine with an experienced touch and stepped on the accelerator. The vibration from the window was helping to relieve the pain for a while. As they breathed shallowly in silence, Shin Kwonjoo silently turned the steering wheel before opening his mouth to speak.

“Does it hurt badly?”

Ha Joyoon opened his eyes, still leaning on the window. The person who had asked the question was still staring to the front.

“You sometimes make pained noises when you sleep.”

Those were words he never expected. He couldn’t hide his embarrassment from his defenseless moment being seen by this man. The reason for this was that at some point, he had started falling asleep at his officetel due to exhaustion after their time together. He had been so careless. Taking a brief look at the sophisticated figure by his side, Ha Joyoon tried to speak in a cool tone.

“Oh… Do I?”

“I heard I still need to receive treatment.”

At the detached words, Shin Kwonjoo glared at Ha Joyoon with an offended look. His eyebrows scrunched, looking displeased.

“How much more?”

“…It was explained to me, but it was hard to understand so I don’t remember much.”

Answering vaguely with a mix of appropriate lies and some truth, Ha Joyoon closed his eyes again. Although their relationship had changed from one of a senior-junior to boss-employee, and now, sex partners, there was nothing more to it. He didn’t need to tell everything about himself to unrelated people.

Even if he showed everything, there would be nothing left at the end. They would be obligated to him and he didn’t want them to be.  Aside from family, even if one put their whole heart into a relationship, wouldn’t it just be futile in the end? The unforgettable sense of loss he had gone through once was enough to tell.

The other also seemed to have no intention of digging deeper and silence filled the car once more. In the familiar silence, Ha Joyoon’s gaze shifted out the window for a moment. In the middle of the day, the Han river sparkled like a well-crafted jewel in the afternoon sun. The waves of the river scattered beautiful light and decorated the autumn afternoon.

“If you’re sleepy, you can close your eyes for a bit.”

Ha Joyoon nodded slightly at his rare kindness.

“…You’re sweet.”

At the words that popped out as an auto response, the eyes looking out the window moved to the side, gaze prickly.

“I tend to be nice to sick employees.”

A sharp reply came, seeming like Kwonjoo wouldn’t allow for a sensitive explanation. When their eyes met for a short moment, he didn’t find any sign of agitation in them. There was no reason to get hurt.

“I guess so.”

Ha Joyoon whispered faintly, unable to resist sleep, before burying his face onto his palm. The dry air tickled his cheek.

“I’ll wake you up when we get there so get some sleep.”

A low voice slowly grazed his ear. The rush of sleepiness blurred his mind. It wasn’t so bad to fall deeply asleep in an abyss like this. Leaving all the complications and pain behind…

Ha Joyoon slowly hummed a song in the overwhelming drowsiness.  His flying brown hair from the wind tickled his forehead. Accompanied by his own low humming, he stared at the golden road covered with ginkgo leaves.

With the beautiful turn came the smooth flow of faded memories and emotions.

It was autumn.

***

“How’s your headache?”

His gaze at the video film was quite sharp. Looking at the heavily printed paper, Ha Joyoon was reminded of his last visit.

“Happens almost everyday. It’s a bit difficult to endure it without pills.”

“Let’s say the worst headache you had in the past was a 5. How would you describe your recent headaches with numbers under that basis?”

“7… Maybe 8?”

The other’s expression darkened as he heard the answer. “Hmm.” With the sound filled with distress, Lim Do-hyun rubbed his chin while alternating between the video film and the chart in front of him.

“To put it simply, your inflammatory level… It should have been reduced by at least a little but it hasn’t changed much. I still think we should stick to medication instead of surgery.”

Joyoon’s head was hung downwards but his face had no shock or sadness on it. He even looked calm. The one who looked worried was Lim Dohyun.

“Are you getting enough rest? You know you have to stay at home and recuperate.”

“Yeah.”

Lim Dohyun continued to speak again, resisting the urge to cast a suspicious look at Joyoon who only smiled faintly.

“Don’t do anything. Just stay at home, eat, sleep, play, recuperate, and only do some walking exercises. Don’t let there be any impact on your head. If you don’t listen to my advice, it could affect the medulla. Do you hear me?”

“Hahaha.” A nice, low laugh spread out through the office. Ha Joyoon who had been hesitant for a moment soon made up his mind and opened his mouth to talk.

“To be honest… I started work again.”

I never knew a person’s pupils could expand that much. Ha Joyoon wondered at the sight of Lim Dohyun staring at him with astonished eyes. Soon enough, there was a thunderous roar.

“Are you crazy?!”

It was enough to make his ears sting, so he leaned backwards a little and rubbed them.

“It’s just that… the situation called for it…”

“Did you listen to what I said last time? I told you to only rest and focus on recuperating.”

The wrinkles in between his eyebrows refused to straighten out. Despite Lim Do-hyun’s flushed angry appearance, Ha Joyoon only had a detached look and an inscrutable smile. Lim Dohyun was annoyed by his peaceful seeming expression.

“It felt like I would go crazy if I didn’t at least do that. I was so stressed when I just stayed at home so I wanted to do something… Would it have been better if I didn’t instead?”

“Huh? Joyoon-ah…”

At that moment, Lim Do-hyun, who was lost for words, stuttered and tapped the chart with a pen. After thinking for a while, he had a dark expression on his face as he questioned.

“Can’t you just quit? Isn’t it stressful?”

“…I can’t sleep at all.”

“What about your headache?”

“It’s so bad that I’ll need to keep taking pills for them.”

The moment he entered his room, the window opposite his was his sole living poison. The rectangular frame sometimes turned circular, and sometimes became a bizarre straight line, threatening the intruders of the room. The poison that swallowed all his longing for someone he couldn’t go any closer than 10 meters to, tormented Ha Joyoon and ate at him.

After completely breaking up with Kang Tae-jung, Ha Joyoon felt like he was in despair and couldn’t handle not being busy for a moment.

At first, it was simple psychological pain, and as time went by, the psychological pain began to surface as physical symptoms. They took the form of difficulty breathing and hand tremors. He would often wake up from sleep several times an hour and his appetite also decreased by a lot. Eventually, the headache became unbearably severe, so he took the prescribed medicine for several days and repeatedly vomited. There were times when it was difficult to even hold a camera, but that was also due to his muscles having not yet recovered fully.

Unable to handle it any longer, he chose to go to the office. When he first received the offer, they had said he didn’t need to work full-time, but when he focused on work and took pictures, he felt like he could breathe a little for a moment. He didn’t know that the bug that gnawed at his head was only taking a sweet nap at the time.

When he wasn’t so crazy about work, he messed around with Shin Kwonjoo. Unlike the initial plan of their meetings being an occasional thing, it happened more and more frequently lately. He felt like he could escape reality through their relationship, but that was all there was to it.

“Are you having a hard time?”

It was said in a worried tone, but Ha Joyoon simply smiled an indiscernible smile once more. It was because he had already known what the other would ask him. It was obvious that psychiatric counseling or psychological treatment would be recommended to him. Before Lim Dohyun could say his next words, he shook his head first.

“It’s fine.”

“What did you think I was going to say?”

“I don’t want any sort of counseling.”

“Well, don’t be prejudiced. The brain might be incredibly strong but it’s also quite delicate.”

It was just like soft tofu. With a humorous expression, Lim Dohyun poked at his head. Ha Joyoon smiled softly at the efforts made to ease the tension. Seeing as Lim Do-hyun was trying his best, he felt sorry that he couldn’t even remember his name until recently. He felt apologetic for a short moment.

“If you’re feeling that stressed, then I can’t tell you to stop. But if possible, I recommend you get general counseling even though it’s not medicine. As I just said… The brain is so delicate that it influences people’s emotions and thoughts a lot more than you think. It’s not just a simple change in a person’s state of mind but it affects their physical being as well. If it’s that difficult to stay at home and get better, then it would be best to go out. However, do promise me one thing. This is a promise between a doctor and his patient.”

Ha Joyoon slowly nodded, pushing the spinning chair while playing with his feet. He couldn’t find energy even in the slightest gesture. Lim Dohyun anxiously looked at him, noticing how he seemed thinner than when he first visited the hospital. He frowned and continued speaking.

“Do not overwork yourself, and be especially careful when it comes to your head. I’m not just saying this, so listen carefully. You’re really not in a good condition.”

The eyes Joyoon met with were filled with anxiety. He slightly tilted his head in an odd mood.

“Never hit your head. Don’t even fall back. You need to wear a helmet, dude. I’ll give you a prescription for the medicine, so if it hurts badly, take them. Take all the other pills regularly. I’ll see how you’re doing again in two weeks.”

“How can I go around wearing a helmet?”

“Don’t you know what a metaphor is? Get into rehabilitation therapy as soon as your medical treatment is over. You’re supposed to have a full two years of rehab. The fact that you’re walking around now is already crazy enough.”

“That’ll be next time.”

Lim Do-hyun’s face grew darker due to the joking tone Joyoon spoke with.

“…Are you only going to get a hold of yourself when your limbs are completely twisted and stiffened? You know you can’t use your muscles so suddenly. Make sure to promise me. Be careful of your head, get rehab and take medicine regularly in moderate amounts. Don’t overdo it. That way, you’ll stay healthy for a long time.”

“…Am I a kid?”

“I’m saying this because a child listens better than you do.”

Ha Joyoon, staring at him, also tried to pull up his chapped lips, eventually promising that he would do so. He suddenly thought that the sky he could see from the small window in the hospital office, looked like the Mediterranean sea.