Ways of Parting - Chapter 34

“Ah…”

Large palms covered his ears and cheeks. Unable to overcome the arm holding him down, his face was deeply buried in the sheets. “Hmmm…” A thumb entered his lips that groaned helplessly, skimmed his teeth and tongue, and withdrew once more. The saliva-stained fingers sometimes tickled his earlobes and sometimes swept down his neck, teasing his warm body. His pale eyelids trembled at the feeling of being thrusted into. When he managed to open his half-closed eyes drunk with a sense of weakness, he caught sight of the man looking absorbed in their act. Contrary to the expectation that he would close his eyes, his eyes met directly with the black eyes that shone violently.

“Ahng…”

“Hnh…”

His body lost strength and was drenched in sweat as another body firmly hugged his, body contorted as it was weighed down by the tall figure on top of him. “Sunbae,” The faint plea disappeared without a trace through a deep kiss. Their skin rubbed together in heat and between that, they could hear the clear sound of each other’s heartbeats.

“Turn your head.”

“Ngh!”

The man’s straight forehead frowned at the strong tightening sensation, and he thrusted in once more. His heart jolted at the unfamiliar yet bare sensation.

Eventually, the man impatiently grabbed the cheek of the person underneath him and turned it forcibly toward him. Half-closed eyes blinked slowly as they couldn’t resist the coercion. His light colored irises continuously shown and disappeared between his numerous eyelashes

A short kiss between the cheeks and lips was repeated a couple of times, and hot breaths flowed through the slightly opened gap between them. Their scent mixed with the scent of skin lotion was making them dizzy. Ha Joyoon felt the sensation of fingers scattering between his sweaty hair and suddenly recognized the coolness he felt on his scalp.

A ring…

As their bare skins rubbed against each other, Ha Joyoon slowly reached for his head and carrassed the man’s hand that was on it. The veins on the back of his hand, his firm wrist and the feel of his long fingers were clear to the touch.

“…Why?” The other spoke with a voice two times lower than usual.

“This…”

Fingers soaked with fluid scrambled to touch Shin Kwonjoo’s hand. At the clumsy gesture, the man, who was holding his waist with his other hand, stopped moving and stared quietly at the pale hand groping around at his wrist and the back of his hand.

“What are you curious about?”

“Hngh.”

“What are you so curious about?”

When he stopped moving with a deep thrust, there was a sound of groaning from crushed teeth. The man watched everything with slightly curved lips. “You have to tell me or I won’t know,” He whispered low, lowering his upper body and putting his face close to his ear. Ha Joyoon thought the voice sounded ill-natured and distressing and closed his eyes tightly at the sensation when he deeply penetrated his insides. The stream of sensation came in and swept away at him. Fragments of his heart towards someone also climbed to the surface and quickly disappeared. And it all happened in a flash.

“Drink.”

“Thank you.”

When he returned to the bedroom after taking a shower, Shin Kwonjoo dressed neatly in his indoor clothes and handed over a steaming mug. It was a scene he got used to seeing after their act at the officetel.

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The interior, which had a simple yet classic feel, and the small coffee mill with the strong aroma of coffee, and the man who naturally harmonized in it, were now quite familiar to him. He was also getting used to coffee made by the man with messy hair and comfortable clothes which he couldn’t see at the office. In the beginning, it was only once on weekends, but at some point, they came here frequently to share cold warmth with each other when they had time on weekdays as well.

That’s not good.

His hand holding the glass was weakly strained. He was afraid that he had become a young, inexperienced bird who had taken too many steps without realizing it. But above all, there was also a feeling that he was escaping from reality.

Clack-

Shin Kwonjoo followed the path that connected his bedroom to the balcony and pressed a button that made the warm-colored wooden blinds automatically go all the way up. With a simple movement, the space that had been completely blocked from outside had now become an open space. Due to the clear sky, the countless stars which he usually never saw, shone brightly around the moon.

Ha Joyoon swallowed the deep-flavored coffee and stared at the universe-like night for a long time. The black and blue sky resembled the night he had seen in the desert where the cold wind once blew. It resembled longing and memories. The thought of wanting to go back suddenly penetrated deep into his mind.

But where?

Collie, Where should I go?

The question without an exit was soon shattered by the sound of familiar footsteps that followed. As a shadow drew closer, a large hand wrapped around his cheek. His head gently tilted and their lips met. During the short kiss, the lingering scent of the coffee he drank a while ago was delivered to the other.

“Dry your hair properly.”

A soft-feeling towel was placed over his still wet head. Ha Joyoon pulled down the towel that blocked his view and quietly stared at the man sitting on the console table. Shin Kwonjoo frowned when he noticed the gaze toward him. Then he soon realized that his ring was at the end of the gaze and let out a despondent laugh.

“Does it bother you?”

He asked, swinging his hand back and forth. Ha Joyoon swallowed a sip of coffee again and nodded after thinking.

The thick eyebrows curled further with questions. Ha Joyoon, who used to choose the right words and expressions, soon gave up and conveyed his feelings to the other in his own way.

“It kept touching my head.”

“…You worry about pointless things,” He picked up his mug, answering in an obnoxious tone.

“When did you get married?”

It was a question he didn’t expect to be answered, but he had become so curious that at some point it slipped out of his mouth without him realizing it. Contrary to the expectation that he would be serious or angry, Shin Kwonjoo lightly scanned Ha Joyoon’s face, as if the question was unexpected, and put down his mug on the console table.

“Three years ago.”

Three years. It was a time that didn’t exist for Ha Joyoon. In an empty time with nothing to remember or infer, someone got married, someone broke up, and someone opened up to a new love. He tapped the corner of a stool with his fingertips and breathed evenly. There was nothing more foolish than thinking of other’s love life to cover up his own. A dry smile shadowed Ha Joyoon’s lips.

“What about divorce?”

“It’s probably been a year.”

He made a complex expression for a moment and tilted his head with his arms crossed. Shin Kwonjoo’s patience lasted longer than he thought. No one in the company knew about his marriage and divorce. That showed just how strict he was at managing his privacy, but on the other hand, it also meant that no one had crossed the line with him.

He scanned the books that filled all sides of the cabinet. The teak wood with careful finishing harmonized with the simple patterned wallpaper, giving off a still atmosphere, and the books in it were of countless varieties from recent publications to old books that seemed to have traces of old times. It was a rich space with a long history. Sometimes he saw books that were similar to the ones he had and his eyes were wet with yearning for a moment.

“I thought you were married because you kept wearing your ring.”

When asked why he was wearing the ring, Shin Kwonjoo burst out laughing and loosened his arms again.

“There’s no huge reason for it. If I suddenly stopped wearing it after having it on, I’d get questions just like yours. Or people would simply wonder but never ask. And when their curiosity is not satisfied, they’d probably make up absurd stories. I keep wearing it because I’m not obligated to be understood by others or explain things about my private life to them.”

He answered clearly, sweeping his soft drooping hair in the direction he lowered his head. Unlike the tone that became softer than usual, the words that came from his mouth were all cold, and the incongruity made Ha Joyoon’s heart throb.

Ha Joyoon suddenly felt a sense of deja vu at the other’s expressionless face. The stifling midsummer evening that Kang Taejung had told him he wanted them to break-up, the love in his eyes gone. The emotion that came up through his throat lingered at the end of his lips. In a short time, he hesitated several times to either swallow the words down or say them out but eventually looked for words to make out impatiently.

“Sunbae, if that’s the reason you still wear it… won’t the other person feel hurt by it?”

Just like Kim Taejung’s coloring which had been the same for over ten years, the fact might’ve been that it was just continuing for nothing. The expectations in his mind were brutally trampled on and became a pathetic illusion, which made him feel like he was going to be laughed at. His horrible and bitter feelings surfaced.

“Did you even love your spouse?”

A tone of reproach was mixed into the new question without him realizing and he noticed the look of annoyance that quickly flashed over Shin Kwonjoo’s face.

“Why do I have to tell you about something so personal?”

“…”

“Are you asking because you’re really curious? Or is it unnecessary empathy? Do you suddenly feel sorry for my ex-wife? Do you feel like you relate to her?”

“…I’m sorry.”

Ha Joyoon quickly admitted his fault when he tried to cross the line drawn by the man. The clumsily intertwined bond was quickly destroyed. It was a glaring mistake. His monotonous talk about the problems of his marriage and divorce made Ha Joyoon feel abandoned. It felt like he had become a piece of tissue that cleaned out discharged liquid and was tossed to the floor. It was quite ridiculous.

“Ha Joyoon.”

The low voice spoke the three syllables of his name softly. Contrary to his previous sharp reaction, Shin Kwonjoo’s expression was relaxed and calm as usual.

“I quite like this relationship. I think we’re more compatible with each other than I thought, your personality itself is not bad, and I like your photos more. I think you’re a very satisfactory person in many ways. It’s a pity that the normal relationship between colleagues has been broken.”

As he admonished, he explained the limitations of their relationship quietly. His brown eyes glowed coldly as they stared at the other with a subtle smile.

“If possible, I want our relationship to last a long time. From experience, if we continue this way it’ll be a mess soon, so let’s be careful with each other.”

‘If possible.’ Ha Joyoon smiled feebly at the abstract definition. It was just an artificial familiarity created by sleeping together, but he hadn’t known at the time. He suddenly had a realization after drinking the rest of his coffee and putting the empty cup on the console table. He never asked anything about him unless it was related to photography. Aside from sex, they were really nothing.

As his thoughts reached that point, he established his relationship with Shin Kwonjoo in his head once more. It wasn’t like he didn’t know, but his heart still stung slightly. It was clear that his perception of boundaries was ruined by their recent frequent relationships and the attitude of a man who had slowly become friendly. Wanting to keep his hand busy, Ha Joyoon held onto the collar of his shirt and nodded with a calm look.

“…I made a mistake. I’m sorry.”

Shin Kwonjoo’s gaze was mixed with indistinguishable emotions as he looked down at him. His tightly closed lips also moved slightly. Of course, Ha Joyoon, who was immersed in his own thoughts, did not notice his reaction.

“Come here.”

“…”

As Shin Kwonjoo hesitated because he didn’t know what to do with his disorganized feelings, he persevered and called Ha Joyoon’s name. Shin Kwonjoo stared at him, an unusual and vague energy in his eyes, as Ha Joyoon stood still in place and stared blankly. “Ha Joyoon.” Once again, the voice pressing at his vocal cords rang low.

Ha Joyoon laughed at the impatient voice. Impatience. there was no word more unfitting for him than that. Before his thoughts deepened, he was easily pulled closer by a light grip of his wrist. In an instant, the back of the neck was gently caught in a close distance, and his head tilted naturally.

“Don’t lower your spirits by thinking about all that alone.”

“It’s not like that.”

“…My words were a bit too mean.”

At some point, one song ended and the turntable quickly turned again. The brass needle, looking for another shroud of life, wandered on a shiny LP record. The round plate rotated quickly and considered what kind of notes to present to its guests in the room.

“I’m sorry, too. I’ll be careful.”

“I didn’t mean that for the future as well. You know I’m not saying you shouldn’t ask or be curious about anything, right?”

“I didn’t think that way.”

“Your expression doesn’t look that way.”

“I just don’t feel good.”

He stared at Ha Joyoon. A complex and subtle expression crossed his face and disappeared. After a short thought, he grabbed his chin, turned it to him and kissed his cheeks and lips briefly.

“I’m not sure what to do at a time like this, either.”

A whisper mixed with fatigue tickled his ears. It was gentle skinship, that he realized was limited and temporary affection when it came to the person he slept with.

There was a disorderly atmosphere in which warmth and coldness coexisted. When the tip of the pointed pin reached a certain point, new music that permeated through the breathtaking silence spread across from the expander.

He couldn’t think of anything at that moment. Not photography, Kang Taejung, or the man with him. It was simply a night filled with music that tickled the soul and a view of the distant sky. He couldn’t be more relieved.