We Should Have Slept While Only Holding Hands, And Yet?! - Volume 3 Chapter 6

Chapter 6

“Oh my, why if it isn’t Jaro. What brings you here?”

It was the afternoon. I ended up meeting Saeyeon’s mom while I was on a walk through the neighborhood. I feel like it’s been a really long time since I last met this person. At the very least, it has actually been a very long time since just the two of us had a talk.

How should I say it? After that day in the summer, when I found out about Saeyeon’s death, I had no idea how I should face this person. Nevertheless, it can’t be helped if we meet coincidentally like this.

“You got off work early today, huh?”

“Work ended early for a change. Recently, I’ve been working overtime every day because of the amount of work that was piled up, so I haven’t been able to go on a vacation with my husband, so this is good.”

Saeyeon’s mom grinned brightly as she got out of her car. Her body must have been feeling stiff as Saeyeon’s mom stretched before displaying her usual peculiar smile.

“In any case, it’s been a while since I last saw you, but you look terrible. Did something happen? You’re also just standing here by yourself.”

“Well······. I was on a walk because I wanted to think about something.”

“Is that so? That’s different from what Saeyeon and the two Jaims told me.”

That teasing grin felt like it was pressuring me right now. I averted my gaze slightly. Saeyeon’s mom watched me as I did so and put her arm around my shoulder. It was the first time she’s done this, so I was surprised. This was similar to what Saeyeon’s mother used to do, after all.

“Then, since I have some free time for a change, how about we have a pleasant chat between a mother and her son-in-law?”

“No, I······.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. This old lady will even buy you something to drink. You can use this opportunity to complain about your wife and your daughter to me. It’s not often that you can speak ill of your wife with your mother-in-law.”

“I mean······.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry about it. Now then, let’s go. There’s a cafe nearby that makes really good cakes, so let’s go there.”

I tried to refuse, but I couldn’t just flat out shake her offer off, so I wound up being dragged away. I thought this was weird as well. I wonder what’s different about Saeyeon’s mother and Saeyeon’s mom. I thought she was more of a deep thinker and not self-righteous like this.

In the end, I got dragged to a small cafe in the shopping district of the apartment complex. It was a place that middle-aged women would often gather in, so students would rarely show up. Should I call this place antique? The European-style interior decoration which is probably favored by middle-aged women was impressive.

“Did Saeyeon ask you to do this?”

I asked that the instant an employee brought us a cake and gave me a cup of coffee.

“I wonder. Why do you think that, Jaro?”

“Earlier, you said that that was different from what Saeyeon and Jaim told you, didn’t you? What? Did they say that I’ve been acting weird lately?”

“You’ve been acting weird throughout the entire summer break, haven’t you, Jaro? Don’t underestimate this old lady too much. You also have a daughter.”

She has a point. There’s no way that this person wouldn’t know. Saeyeon’s mom had a bite of her cake and glanced at me.

“Moreover, I felt like you were in quite the terrible state since you were taking a walk through the neighborhood in the afternoon and not spending time in your room or your club room.”

“I know how to take walks as well, you know?”

“Ahaha, that was a funny joke.”

“······.”

She’s even pointing at me as she laughs. I get what she means, though. Saeyeon’s mom raised the corners of her mouth once she noticed my frown.

“In any case, that’s why I thought it would be better if you were able to receive some counseling from this old lady. I’ve been wanting to talk to you anyway, so I decided to bring you here since we were able to meet coincidentally. Let’s talk while eating. This place makes some really delicious cakes. The coffee is nice as well. It almost feels like a waste that it’s a small cafe in the neighborhood.”

Saeyeon’s mom spoke while pointing towards my share of the cheesecake she had recommended, but I didn’t really feel like it. I wasn’t really in the mood to eat something sweet, after all. Of course, I didn’t intend to receive counseling either.

“Are you not going to listen to me?”

Saeyeon’s mom continued to smile brightly even though I hadn’t budged an inch. That overbearing posture was reminiscent of Saeyeon’s mother. However, I didn’t feel like being an obedient, good boy right now. Saeyeon’s mom put her chin on top of her clasped hands and spoke.

“Are you still worried about the fact that you’re going to break up with Saeyeon in the future?”

“······.”

Even if I told her she was right or wrong, it would be a lie either way, so I took a sip of my coffee instead. Saeyeon’s mom shrugged her shoulders.

“Jihye said so as well, and that’s probably why Jaim came to you, but······. It’s a bit hard to understand for this old lady. If you know it’s going to happen, then can’t you avoid it? You no longer hate Saeyeon, right? You’re even going out with her.”

Those two words which she had strategically squeezed in nonchalantly. Saeyeon’s mom smiled slightly at me.

“Which part are you reacting to?”

“······That I no longer hate her. You knew?”

But, last time······.

“I told you earlier, you shouldn’t underestimate this old lady, you know?”

Saeyeon’s mom winked in response to my stammering words. While my mouth wriggled as I couldn’t figure out what to say, Saeyeon’s mom smiled bitterly.

“Despite my looks, I’m Saeyeon’s mom. I can immediately tell if someone likes or dislikes my daughter. That’s why I know that you genuinely care about Saeyeon now, Jaro.”

Her tone and gaze were serious, so my expression stiffened even more.

“Or is there something else bothering you? The fact that Saeyeon is a bit ditzy at times? I thought you would be understanding of that since you’ve known her longer than I have.”

Saeyeon’s mom continued to smile brightly despite having seen my expression stiffened and narrowed her eyes slightly as she continued.

“If that isn’t it either, then······. Is there something more that I don’t know?”

There is. There’s a lot. It isn’t just one or two things.

“You can talk to this old lady about anything······ would saying this be a bit irrational? You aren’t telling me because you aren’t able to do this, right?”

A peculiar smile. A piercing gaze.

Saeyeon’s mom might have figured it out on her own. Even if I didn’t say anything, she knew that Saeyeon and I were going to break up. Moreover, she probably knows that I wouldn’t have crumpled down this much until now if that were the only reason. Because she’s an adult. Everyone says that my thoughts are written all over my face. Because I’m a kid. Because I’m simple. That’s why I’ve been trying to smile.

“······Why did you leave Saeyeon in my care?”

That’s why I decided to ask this.

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“Normally, people don’t leave their daughter in the hand of a boy who’s the same age as their daughter. For several years, at that. More so, when they know that the boy doesn’t like their daughter. Even if I’ve known her for a long time, you even went as far as to say that you had something up your sleeves······. What would you have done if I actually did something? ‘I believe in you’, is it something like that? Or is it just as you said a long time ago, when you said that you had a hard time dealing with Saeyeon, so you’ll leave her in my care?”

I know that I was talking in a sharp tone. I also know that I sound as if I were blaming her. Nevertheless, as always, I can’t take back the words I’ve already said. It’s not like I said something that hasn’t been brewing inside of me.

Once I uttered those words, Saeyeon’s mom laughed out loud. I didn’t particularly like that reaction.

“Ah, sorry, sorry. It just seemed like you really have been having a hard time.”

“You’re going to say that while laughing?”

“That’s why I’m laughing. It felt like you were still a kid. Jaro, you simply want someone else to blame, right?”

“······.”

I’ve always felt this way before, but this person is really hard to deal with. Are all adults like this? Do you automatically know everything?

“Jaro.”

With a motherly smile on her face, Saeyeon’s mom looked at me and spoke.

“I told you before, but I’m truly grateful to you, Jaro. Certainly, this old lady used to have a hard time dealing with Saeyeon, and that also plays a role in why I left her in your care. I honestly admit this.”

At first, Saeyeon didn’t welcome her new mom.

She missed her birth mother, and it got to the point that when she was told she was going to have a new mom, she declared that she’ll never refer to her as ‘mom’. If you consider the fact that it was the kind Saeyeon who had said that, I shouldn’t have to explain how much she didn’t want it.

Her beloved mom who would always welcome her.

Saeyeon believed that if she referred to her new mom as ‘mom’, then her birth mother would disappear.

And as this was during the time I was simply jealous of people who had a family, I didn’t want Saeyeon to think that way.

I wanted even that.

That’s why I told her that her new mom wasn’t taking her mother’s spot. She was just getting 2 moms. Isn’t it great that she was going to have two moms?

Afterward, I referred to Saeyeon’s birth mother as ‘Saeyeon’s mother’, and called this person ‘Saeyeon’s mom’ in order to engrave the fact into Saeyeon that this person was her mom, her family.

I did this when I was little, but I still believe it was a cruel and twisted thing to do. There was probably a better way of handling it. However, I believe that it’s a good thing that Saeyeon started to call this person ‘mom’ later on. Because I’m a twisted human being.

“Nevertheless, I believe that’s what Saeyeon wanted. To spend time with the boy she likes as if the two of you were a family. That’s also why I gave you that job and left Saeyeon in your care.”

Job. A long time ago, looking after Saeyeon was my job. A job to cover living expenses. A job I didn’t need any more or any less of.

“I messed up a bit, though. I’m glad that I was able to prevent you from escaping Saeyeon, but that also made it so that you couldn’t open yourself up to her.”

“Prevented······ me from escaping?”

Saeyeon’s mom smiled bitterly as she continued.

“This old lady is rather selfish. I want to do whatever my daughter wants. Even if that may have scarred you, Jaro.”

It definitely scarred me.

The fact that Saeyeon had the family that I didn’t, the fact that Saeyeon had a family that worried about her, and the fact that despite all that, I had no other choice but to stay next to Saeyeon in order to get by.

And the fact that I was only able to think this way until now and that I had wasted my time when I could have been cherishing Saeyeon and being with her.

“But since you have a strong sense of responsibility, Jaro, I thought that you wouldn’t be able to get far away from Saeyeon if I did this. Also, Saeyeon has a bit of a dense side to her, so she needed a boy to be next to her in order to protect her.”

“······In the end, it was all for Saeyeon and Saeyeon alone.”

“That’s right. That’s why it’s fine for you to resent this old lady.”

Saeyeon’s mom looked straight at me as she spoke.

“If you regret meeting Saeyeon, creating this deep of a relationship with her, and need someone to resent, then instead of resenting yourself or Saeyeon, you can resent me.”

I wonder if this person knows that it becomes even harder to resent her when she says that with that expression and tells me to resent her. She probably does.

“Then why did you say you had something up your sleeve?”

Once I let out a deep sigh and asked that, Saeyeon’s mom chuckled awkwardly.

“I had to say that to prevent you from doing something weird.”

It must have been troubling to say as Saeyeon’s mom poked at her slice of cake with her fork and spoke with a sheepish look on her face.

“Mm, should I call it an insurance? Of course, I doubt you would ever do something weird to Saeyeon, but who knows what could happen if a boy in his prime is all alone with my daughter, right? That’s why I figured you definitely wouldn’t do something weird if I said that. You’re like a frog who never moves according to other people’s wills, after all.”

“······.”

“······Jaro?”

I don’t move according to other people’s will, is it?

Yeah. I’m someone who lives however they please, after all. I’m selfish, self-centered, and willful. That’s why I never move however others want me to. Whether it be maliciously or out of kindness. I was that sort of person, wasn’t I?

Thus, therefore, I couldn’t resent anyone but myself.

“Jaro? What’s wrong? You have a grave look on your face all of a sudden.”

I managed to shake my head once I heard the worried voice of Saeyeon’s mom. I didn’t want to drag this topic on any longer.

“It’s nothing. In any case, please understand if I’m a little under the weather lately. Some stuff happened, after all.”

“······All right, I understand. Then it seems preparing this place to talk was needless.”

You’re the one who dragged me here by force. Even though she probably knows why I’m behaving like this. Saeyeon’s mom spoke sort of regretfully.

“Did I choose my words badly······? Honestly, I half thought that you had done something, so I was going to tell you to take responsibility. I thought that if I said this, then you would immediately declare, ‘If you thought I wouldn’t, then I’ll go do it now!’.”

“······What?”

“If I look at Jaim and the older Jaim, then you and Saeyeon, mm······. Well, it’s already certain that you two do it when you grow up, but I guess it’s a mother’s intuition that it should be okay if you two did it a bit earlier? Saeyeon is dense, so I want to connect her with a reliable man.”

“······I feel like your mother’s intuition is wrong.”

“So what? She’s just getting a job early. There’s a saying: ‘It’s a girl’s job to get married as fast as possible and a boy’s job to get married as late as possible’.”

“I’m a boy, you know?”

“And this old lady is a girl and also Saeyeon’s mom. In any case, seeing as you aren’t refusing it, you really have opened up more, huh, Jaro? That’s good.”

I didn’t say anything more towards Saeyeon’s mom as she nodded her head as if she truly thought this was a good thing. I did let out a sigh, though.

It’s better if she doesn’t know. It’s better if she only has a hunch. Hunches are fine. It’s fortuitous that she doesn’t know the truth. How much of a blessing is it to not know the future?

I might be getting punished. For everything.

For being mean to Saeyeon, for learning about the future, for trying to turn back time in the future, everything.

I understood Upperclassman Nabom now.

This is how it felt, huh?

She spent her entire time here feeling like this.

She spent her time watching Saeyeon, Jaim, and I like this.

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“Ei! Ei! Why aren’t my combos working?!”

“Fufu, this is why you’re still just a kid. You can’t win against me with just grappling moves. Now then, since my gauge is filled, this big sis will show you her power······.”

“Ah! That’s the technique that was banned in official tournaments!”

“If it hasn’t been patched yet, then I can still use it. It’s hard to pull off anyway.”

“······.”

The two of them really have gotten along now, haven’t they? Seeing them yell at each other as they play together definitely makes them appear like a pair of sisters.

“By the way, what game is that? It’s my first time seeing it.”

There was an energetic-looking kid and a kid emanating a somewhat menacing atmosphere on the screen. I just saw the energetic kid get smacked by the menacing kid and shout ‘Unya!’ as she was sent flying. What’s up with this game? When I saw the character select screen earlier, I saw a character wearing a white china dress, a character with a talisman on her head, and a girl wearing stockings that suited her nicely. It was hard to believe that all of these characters were little girls. There was also a maid holding a pair of scissors. I have no idea what sort of concept this is. More importantly, I don’t recall ever buying this game. Once I asked that while watching blankly from the couch with my hand on my chin, the two Jaims turned away from their fighting game to look at me.

“Oh, this? It’s a new game called ‘Ultimate Clash, Noen Sisters’ that came out this month. It’s a game where the heroines from this company come together and clash. It’s quite the hit in the future. Its sequels are still coming out.”

“I gathered my allowance and bought it. That’s why I haven’t been buying plastic models lately. Oh, do you want to play as well, Dad? It supports up to 4 players.”

“I’ll pass.”

“I thought you asked that because you wanted to play.”

“It isn’t often that you can play a game with your two daughters, you know?”

“I’m fine. Start wrapping up soon. Everyone will be here soon.”

The two Jaims ignored me and went back to choosing their characters. I knew they would do this. I guess it’s fine as long as they stop insisting that I play with them. I turned my head and looked towards Saeyeon and Jihye who were whispering to one another. It seems to be something they planned to use during the festival, but they won’t tell me what it is. Though, I didn’t particularly want to ask either.

 

It was currently Saturday afternoon. The festival was going to be held next weekend. In order to make our final preparations and also wish for the success of our exhibition, we decided to hold a small party at our place. Of course, everyone was invited. Upperclassman Nabom’s single person room was too small and the school definitely wouldn’t allow us to do something like this on school grounds, so we, therefore, decided to do it at our place.

It can’t be helped. I felt like running away today as well, but if I did something like that, then everyone would start doubting me more. And they’ll have to live their lives with the memory that I had run away. I can’t run away all the time.

I can’t always run away from home, after all.

Ding dong—the sound of our doorbell ringing resonated. Saeyeon turned her head towards the sound. I also came back to my senses. Saeyeon and Jihye got up to get the door.

“Welcome. You sure came quickly, huh?”

“It’d be better if the total amount of time we hang out for were longer, right? Here’s a gift.”

With his usual, characteristic smile, Nanda handed the plastic bag in his hand to Saeyeon. Why’d he buy something like that? Jihye received the plastic bag and smiled after seeing its content.

“I see you’ve brought snacks. I did prepare some myself, but the more the merrier. Thank you very much, Mr. Shin Nanda.”

“I wasn’t able to prepare any gifts. Pardon me.”

Standing next to Nanda, Upperclassman Nabom smiled apologetically. She had a red scarf around her neck.

“You came early as well, Big Sis Nabom? That’s a pretty scarf! Did you come here together with Nanda?”

“We met in front of the apartment. Although it was a bit hard to come up here together since Underclassman Shin Nanda had even brought a gift.”

“Haha, I’m sorry. I may just be visiting a friend’s place, but I felt like I shouldn’t come here empty-handed, so I bought something simple.”

A cordial conversation. It almost felt like they were here for a housewarming party. I’ve never experienced one, so I don’t know if I’m right.

For some reason, I felt like I was in an awkward place.

There were the two Jaims who had paused their game and stood up to greet the guests, and there was everyone else who was smiling and chatting as they went to see what the two Jaims were playing. I simply watched them in silence.

It felt like I was off in the distance by myself.

“Master?”

“Ah, huh? What?”

I turned my head in response to Jihye’s voice. Seeing her worried look, I must have been standing here with a blank look on my face. Jihye hesitated for a moment once I responded before shaking her head.

“No······. It’s nothing. In any case, since the two have arrived, let’s finish the preparations for the festival. We’ll be able to enjoy the party peacefully if we get the work done beforehand.”

There’s no way that it was nothing, but I decided to simply nod my head. Jihye still looked a bit doubtful as she looked at me, but since I’ve already been receiving these sort of gazes until now, oh well.

Upperclassman Nabom’s eyes met with mine, but she quickly averted her gaze.

“Nanda Oppa just got here, didn’t he? How about resting for a bit first?”

“Now then, don’t be like that. As Jihye had said, we gathered together like this to make preparations for the festival, so we can play a bit later. You can teach me how to play that game later. Okay?”

“Okay! Ehehe······.”

Jaim grinned happily. Jayeon pulled on my collar. Jayeon spoke with a bitter smile on her face.

“Be understanding, Dad. Don’t look so sulky.”

“······I’m not particularly sulking. I understand as well.”

I lightly pulled away and answered her after freeing my collar from her grip. Once I did that, Jayeon continued to smile bitterly at me.

We decided to first sit around the living room and have a meeting about our current progress. Upperclassman Nabom, Saeyeon, and I sat on the couch. Everyone else sat on the floor. The dining table wasn’t big enough for the number of people that were here. At any rate, we had a large group of 7 people, after all.

“Now then, I’ll tell everyone what was discussed at the meeting yesterday.”

Upperclassman Nabom spoke while taking out a small notebook from her handbag. Yesterday, there was a meeting between the student council and the club leaders to discuss the preparations for the festival. Well, it was closer to being a meeting about attendances. Honestly, you can tell how much our school doesn’t care about the festival if you consider the fact that this meeting was held only a week before the festival itself.

“For starters, our club is not going to use our club room. It seems they want to handle everything within the school building if possible.”

“Well, they always have. They normally borrow some classrooms.”

We’re probably the only club that has a club room anyway. Other clubs usually borrow a classroom a day before their club activities and move the desks and chairs before setting things up. Upperclassman Nabom nodded in response to Nanda’s remark and continued.

“Here’s some bad news, though. We’ll be on the 2nd floor and not the 1st floor. Fortunately, we’re right next to the stairs, but this will definitely lower the number of people who come to us.”

“People usually only look around the first floor before leaving, after all······.”

Saeyeon smiled sadly. She’s right. There aren’t a lot of people who would willingly look around the festival properly, so on average, people would take a glimpse around the first floor before going home. They’ll probably gather somewhere else first and play before going home, though. That’s why the 2nd floor was an isolated place. There’s normally only uninteresting exhibitions there.

“We don’t really need a lot of people to come, but why were we pushed up?”

“It seems that we were pushed up since we’re technically an ‘exhibition’ as well. I asked if we could be moved down since we have a lot to prepare, but they didn’t listen. I feel like it also has to do with our small number of club members.”

Upperclassman Nabom smiled bitterly after I said that. It might have also been due to the fact that she had spoken while vaguely avoiding my gaze. Upperclassman Nabom shrugged her shoulders as if it couldn’t be helped and spoke.

“Well, it would be irrational to try and change something that has already been determined, so we have no other choice but to proceed like this. As Underclassman Jin Jaro had said, we actually don’t need a lot of people to show up.”

“Still, everyone worked hard to prepare for this, so I feel like it would be disappointing if that happens. If we have a lot of people show up, then the school would probably also leave the club alone next year.”

Once Nanda said that with a wry smile, Upperclassman Nabom chuckled lightly.

“Actually, I have something in mind for that.”

“You have something in mind?”

“Underclassman Ja Saeyeon, Miss Jihye, how are your preparations on your side?”

Once I asked back about something I knew nothing about, Upperclassman Nabom spoke while looking back and forth between Saeyeon and Jihye. It seems it was related to what those two have been whispering to each other lately.

“Don’t worry. We’ll have it prepared before the festival.”

“The Missus has excellent sewing skills, so she’s been a big help. We should be finished soon.”

“······?”

Sewing? Finished soon? It bothered me that the other two were reacting to those words as well as Jaim squirmed as if she were embarrassed and Jayeon giggled teasingly as she poked Jaim’s side. Upperclassman Nabom disregarded my confusion and continued.

“The good news is that the content of our exhibition has been accepted. It seems they had no problem with the demonstration of inventions and allowing people to try them out. Now we just have to proceed as we’ve planned.”

“Then did they also allow us to take an entrance fee?”

“I didn’t even bring that up.”

Everyone gave me a weird look as Upperclassman Nabom tilted her head and replied. What? What’s so wrong about receiving money for displaying the inventions I worked so hard to create? Handling our living expenses has become even more of a struggle ever since the number of mouths to feed had increased by one.

Upperclassman Nabom closed her notebook and spoke.

“This was everything that was discussed at the meeting. Do you have any questions?”

It’s highly unlikely that anyone would have any questions. Once Upperclassman Nabom confirmed that no one had anything to ask, she nodded her head.

“Now then, let’s start. I told everyone before, but I’ll be returning to the future after this festival.”

I was the one surprised by that news. She already told everyone before? When? Saeyeon might have been informed, but did Nanda even know that Upperclassman Nabom was from the future? However, she must have been telling the truth about having already told everyone, as they all simply looked at her with sad eyes.

“I’m sorry for having hidden this for so long. It was fun being with everyone until now. There’s probably a lot you all want to say to me, and you may have these and those sort of emotions, but I would like it if you continued to treat me as you always have until the end of the festival. I won’t be here afterward, so you can say anything about me then.”

Upperclassman Nabom glanced at me for an instant as she smiled widely. It seems she was directing half of that to me. How could she want me to treat her normally despite having told me that? Although I thought she was brazen, I didn’t let it show on my face. In the end, it was my fault this time as well.

“Now then, since this will be my last memory here, I would be grateful if you all did your best to make this a pleasant festival. Okay, let’s begin.”

Upperclassman Nabom looked, a bit like a club leader, as she said that.

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“Are you not going to reveal your true identity in the end?”

Once I asked this while aiming for a moment where we were alone, Upperclassman Nabom smiled brightly and responded.

“I still haven’t gone back to the future yet. You already agreed that you would let me do as I please, so please wait patiently.”

I sat on the other side of the table where Upperclassman Nabom was sitting. Upperclassman Nabom turned her head and looked at the two Jaims and Nanda who were playing video games, and Saeyeon and Jihye who were watching them play from behind. I gazed at Upperclassman Nabom.

Not a lot of time had passed since we finished our preparations for the festival. After we finished, it was simply time for everyone to play. In truth, we didn’t have much to prepare in the first place.

Honestly, it just feels like they came over to play, but since we had snacks, drinks, and the simple food which Jihye had prepared, and since we’re also going to play games and watch a movie together, this might be a party. Although it’s hard to tell since I’ve never been to a party before.

“It’s troubling if you keep looking at my neck like that.”

Upperclassman Nabom smiled furtively as she gently shook the end of her scarf which she had continued to wear this entire time. It was autumn so it didn’t appear that weird, but.

“Or what? Do you intend to kiss my neck?”

“······Don’t say weird things. You’re making it harder for me to respond.”

A long time ago, these sort of passes would have sounded like teasing or flirting, but they didn’t feel like that anymore. Upperclassman Nabom chuckled at my remark.

“······Is there still a mark left?”

Upperclassman Nabom smiled wryly in response to my cautious question.

“I already knew that Underclassman Jin Jaro had a good grip. Well, it isn’t severe. A week has passed, so it’s only slightly red. I put this on anyway, just in case.”

“······.”

“Don’t make that face. I know that you aren’t sorry.”

“I’m not that much of a piece of trash.”

I snapped back at her chuckling remark, but I realized that I had rebuked myself the instant I said that because of what I had done. Upperclassman Nabom had a regretful look on her face as she looked at me clench my teeth together.

“······I don’t know if this will give you any sort of solace, but I understand.”

“Don’t tell me you understand. This isn’t something that I want to be understood.”

“Is that so?”

Upperclassman Nabom then nodded her head as if it couldn’t be helped.

“Regardless, I still forgive you.”

As if she wanted to make me feel better by even the smallest amount.

Even though she knows I can’t forgive her or myself.

Even though she knows that I’ll hate her even more for saying that.

“······Do you like being disliked by me that much?”

So I inadvertently wound up blurting out those words.

Upperclassman Nabom laughed while touching her nape.

“It’s easier for me like this.”

“······.”

I held my breath because of her somewhat doll-like, emotionless smile. Instead of getting upset at her, I averted my gaze. If she says something like this with that kind of smile and in a situation like this, then I can’t possibly say anything back.

“······I’m sorry. It seems like we won’t be able to make the time to go hang out somewhere with everyone like you requested before.”

Once I managed to barely utter these words, Upperclassman Nabom smiled slightly.

“It’s fine. I simply wanted everyone to get together like this and spend time together. And this also counts as going somewhere to hang out.”

Upperclassman Nabom turned her head and gazed at everyone else as they were happily chatting.

“It seems that side has gotten a lot closer. Though I remember Miss Jaim detesting the other girl quite a lot in the beginning.”

“Jayeon doesn’t latch on to me as much as she did before. The two started getting along ever since they played together with Heyeong. Well, they’re still······.”

Sure enough, while I was in the middle of talking, Jaim got upset because of something that happened in the game, Jayeon poked at Jaim’s cheek teasingly, Jaim got mad and tried to attack her, but Jayeon got on her back and pushed Jaim up with her feet and lifted her up into the air like an airplane as if she were treating Jaim like a baby, so I let out a sigh.

“······They play like that.”

“Fufufu.”

It seems Upperclassman Nabom found this scene to be humorous as she covered her mouth with her hand and laughed. It probably would be funny to see your young self and your even younger self messing around with each other like that. She probably wouldn’t find this to be fascinating all of a sudden.

“······If you wanted everyone to get together and spend time together, then why not go and play with them? You should know how to play that game as well, right?”

A bitter smile appeared on Upperclassman Nabom’s face as she shook her head.

“Similar to how you’re acting like this here, it’s impossible for me as well.”

“······Is that so?”

I now understood what those words meant. Rather than understood, I was flat out in the same situation as Upperclassman Nabom.

That’s why I’ve been avoiding the house recently. Since I’ve declined their offer to play, even though I want to play with them, even though I don’t want to avoid them, it’s difficult for me right now. Furthermore, it’ll probably continue to be like this.

I thought that things would become a bit easier if I knew everything. Of course, I would feel tormented, but I thought that would be better than knowing nothing. The reality was the complete opposite. Of course, I would have probably regretted it no matter what I decided to do. People don’t know what could possibly happen next, after all. They don’t know what paths haven’t been treaded.

“······Can nothing really be done?”

Excluding her rubbing her neck over her scarf, Upperclassman Nabom answered my frustrated question without showing any agitation.

“You should know the answer, Underclassman Jin Jaro.”

“But, if we can change things little by little, then surely······.”

“Underclassman Jin Jaro, think about it.”

Upperclassman Nabom spoke while looking straight at me.

“If you could truly travel back in time and change the future, then why has no one been able to do so until now?”

Without getting worked up, she spoke in a calm voice.

“Some time has passed since time machines were commercialized. It’s also been a long time since the Time Defence Force was established. A countless number of people have attempted to change the past until now. Similar to you, Underclassman Jin Jaro, there have been people who traveled back in time for the sake of their own personal desires, and there have also been people who traveled back in time under the pretext and aspiration to prevent a tragedy. They all failed.”

“Then why was something like a Time Defence Force established? If you can’t change the past, then what purpose do they have?”

But I was slightly worked up. I wanted to hear at least a single word of hope.

“Were they not established since you can change the past a tiny bit? Have they not been protecting all of time in order to prevent that?”

And Upperclassman Nabom gave me an answer which I didn’t want.

“The Time Defense Force’s main task is the withdrawal of people who are afflicted with information contamination.”

“······People with information contamination?”

“As I told you before, information contamination occurs when one’s memories are different from the past. If you try to change the past, then there’d obviously be a difference between it and your memories. You can think of it as a byproduct of that.”

Upperclassman Nabom continued to talk in a calm tone.

“Between an individual’s actions and the overall progress of the world, the world’s progress obviously has a larger influence. Therefore, a lot less energy is required to adjust the smaller side. This is the concept we’ve been working around.”

“······So you’re saying it’s an individual time paradox.”

Yeah. She said this before as well. Time paradoxes only happen to the individuals. The world doesn’t change, the individual does.

 

Yeah. She said this before as well. Time paradoxes only happen to the individuals. The world doesn’t change, the individual does.

“In comparison to changing the entire world, a smaller amount of energy is required to change a single person’s memory.”

“······You’re talking as if the world has a will of its own.”

Upperclassman Nabom chuckled at my mumblings.

“There’s no way it would. You’ve read too many manga. Does gravity put everyone’s situations into consideration first before taking effect? The world has no interest in you, Underclassman Jin Jaro, myself, or anyone else. It’s simply that sort of system.”

Probably. I don’t believe in things like God or an absolute being with a will.

However, nevertheless······.

“······There’s definitely something out there that’s tormenting me.”

If this weren’t the case, then it’s impossible to explain everything.

“······I see. There probably is something that’s tormenting Underclassman Jin Jaro.”

Upperclassman Nabom smiled bitterly.

“However, even if that were the case, you can’t do anything about it, Underclassman Jin Jaro. Or will you choose only one side?”

“There’s no way I would······!”

I managed to hold down my voice in the middle of my outburst. Before I knew it, everyone was looking at me. They were all looking at me with wide opened eyes. My mouth moved as I tried to give an excuse, but no words came out.

“Is something the matter, Jjaro?”

Saeyeon looked at me and asked that with blinking eyes.

That gaze made me feel even tenser. I wanted to get up and run away. I don’t know why I had continued trying to stay here. The desire to talk and the desire to stay silent collided against one another in my head.

The instant Saeyeon was about to say something, Jayeon shrugged her shoulders and smiled wryly.

“Are you playing a weird prank on Dad again, Big Sis Nabom? That’s mean. Everyone is watching, you know? More importantly, since when have the two of you been alone over there?”

“What do you mean by a weird prank? I was simply speaking with Underclassman Jin Jaro as I normally do. We were talking about how people may gather if Underclassman Jin Jaro were to crossdress for the festival.”

“There’s no way I would do something like that! What exactly is going through your head?!”

I instinctively shouted in response to Upperclassman Nabom’s joke which she had said while glancing at me. This was a normal reaction, but this was a bit too much to simply play along. In any case, that was an appropriate selection of words. She isn’t actually planning on making me do this, right?

Fortunately, Saeyeon simply giggled at our exchange.

“Ah, that might be fun too. Why not give it a try, Jjaro?”

“No! Do you guys want to see makeup on my face? Who would even want to see that?!”

“I would. I feel like it would suit you, Jjaro. Also, it’s the festival, so everyone will probably enjoy it.”

Due to my usual retort and Saeyeon’s remark, the worry on Jihye and Jaim’s faces also disappeared as they smiled.

“That’s right, Dad. What’s so bad about it? Think of it as a good memory. Ah, I’ll even take a picture!”

“Then since Master likes maids, should I lend you my backup maid uniform? I’ll also help you with your makeup.”

“Put those away! Also, why are you laughing like that, Nanda? It’s creepy, you know?!”

Whatever. I finally laughed. I can laugh if it’s like this. I can laugh even while seeing Upperclassman Nabom and Jayeon’s bitter smiles.

Of course, it’s hard to endure this and I wanted to run away, but if I did that, then everyone would start to worry. If they worry, then I might end up confessing.

However, as I thought, this might be difficult and risky.

Because of Saeyeon’s happy face as she saw me genuinely laugh and chat with everyone for the first time in a long while, I······.

Ding dong⎯⎯⎯.

I barely managed to hold it back thanks to the sudden chime of the doorbell. I quickly turned my head and hid the glow that was in my eyes.

“Who is it?”

“Ah, I invited another guest.”

Saeyeon answered my question. Another guest? Did we know anyone else we could invite to our place? Did Saeyeon invite her mom? While I was tilting my head and trying my best to push back my tears, Saeyeon went past me and opened the door. I couldn’t see anyone in the spot I expected to see someone. I discovered who the guest was after I lowered my gaze very slightly.

“Hello······.”

“Welcome to our home, Heyeong. I’m glad you could come. Now then, come on in.”

Saeyeon welcomed Heyeong with a bright grin on her face. Once Jaim saw Heyeong come in, Jaim proudly held out the package of the game which she had recently bought.

“You’re here? Heyeong, look at this! It’s the new game that came out!”

“Wow, you bought it? I also wanted to get it!”

Seeing as Heyeong smiled brightly the instant she saw the game must mean that it’s very popular with the kids. Nanda and Jihye also welcomed Heyeong who was staring at the game package with sparkling eyes. Saeyeon and I met eyes as she followed behind Heyeong and Jayeon came over to me and Upperclassman Nabom as if she were trading places with Saeyeon. Jayeon grinned as she watched Heyeong stare intently at the TV with the controller in her hand and Jaim who was sitting next to her and teaching her how to play.

“As I expected, it was a good idea to invite her. It seems both Heyeong and Jaim are having fun.”

“You invited her?”

“It wouldn’t be fair if only you and Mom invited your friends, right? Jaim and I need a friend as well. What, do you not approve?”

“I didn’t say that.”

I genuinely have no reason to disapprove this, and, if anything, I was grateful to her because she came at the perfect timing and removed everyone’s attention from me.

Jayeon chuckled as if she expected I would react this way and turned to look at Upperclassman Nabom.

“Then let’s go, Big Sis. You know how to play the game as well, right?”

“······Me?”

Upperclassman Nabom asked back with blinking eyes.

“Do you think I’d call Dad, ‘Big Sis’? Heyeong is also your friend, isn’t she? She may be a childhood friend, but wouldn’t it be fun for you as well if you we all played together? That’s also why we bought a 4-player game.”

Jayeon grinned at Upperclassman Nabom whose eyes were wide open in surprise and stuck her hand out towards her.

“I honestly don’t like you and I know you don’t like me either. Nevertheless, we’re going back to our own time frames after the festival, so, as you said before, I don’t mind if we have a temporary cease-fire until then. What do you think?”

However, Upperclassman Nabom couldn’t grab that hand and hesitated. While simply staring at Jayeon’s hand waveringly, falteringly, and fearfully.

“All right.”

So I grabbed Upperclassman Nabom’s hand and put it in Jayeon’s. I pushed Upperclassman Nabom’s back as she turned to look at me. There must have been no strength in her body as she took a staggering step towards Jayeon and everyone else.

“Go play with them. Your eyes have been overflowing with yearning since a while ago.”

“But······.”

Despite this, Upperclassman Nabom didn’t take another step forward. Instead of telling her off, Jayeon simply stared at Upperclassman Nabom. I let out a small sigh and did my best to smile.

“I’ll allow it as your dad. Go play with them, the two of you.”

Numerous emotions brushed past Upperclassman Nabom’s face the instant I said that, but I decided to ignore them all.

Honestly speaking, I’m a failure as a dad, a failure as a human being, and I don’t want to watch them have fun. It can’t be helped, I’m this sort of person, after all.

Regardless, it couldn’t be helped right now.

There’s that scarf she won’t take off even while indoors.

So I decided that I would be the only one to suffer right now.

“Now then, let’s go.”

Jayeon took the weak Upperclassman Nabom and went to the others. Upperclassman Nabom looked at me for a moment, but she smiled bitterly and sat in front of the game console in the end.

This might seem cruel if you think about it. Similar to how I didn’t intend to join them till the bitter end, Upperclassman Nabom must have also wanted to stay here.

Should I call this a small revenge?

This thought went through my head while I observed the three Jaims start the game with the blissfully ignorant Heyeong next to them and Saeyeon, Jihye, and Nanda watching them from behind.

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It was the night after everyone had gone home. Only Jayeon and I were working on the repairs today. Jaim must have played too much today as she went to her room saying that she was going to sleep. Upperclassman Nabom offered to stay and help, but I refused.

“She acted as if she didn’t want to play at first, but she became a completely different person the instant the controller was in her hand. Of course, I figured she would be better than me since she’s older, but I didn’t think I would be that outmatched.”

She sounded as if she were complaining, but there were some satisfaction and happiness mixed in there as well. I simply chuckled.

“Ah, what’s up with that reaction? Are you unable to praise your middle daughter who paid attention to this and that so that your three daughters could play together happily?”

“Yeah yeah, good job, good job.”

“Ehehe······.”

It wasn’t until I stroked her head did Jayeon narrow her eyes and smile in satisfaction. This might be my first time hearing this girl do this laugh.

“So, how’s the repair progress?”

“Mm, I should be able to go back around the same time Big Sis Nabom leaves. You’re going to be so sad, Dad. Two of your daughters will be leaving you soon.”

Jayeon gazed at me as she laughed teasingly. I wonder. I may feel sad, but I’ll also feel refreshed. I’m not going to tell her this, though. I don’t know how she interpreted my bitter smile, but Jayeon furtively held on to my arm. She hasn’t done this lately.

“Are you that sad? Because your adorable and charming daughter is leaving?”

“I’m planning to definitely raise Jaim No. 1 in a different way from Jaim No. 2 so that she doesn’t have a father complex.”

“Ei, even though you like this. You also prefer an adorable daughter like me over a daughter who always complains, right?”

“Don’t say that while poking my cheek. Don’t take my glasses off and wear them yourself either. Why can’t you ever stay still? Are you mentally unstable or something?”

“That’s because I like you when you’re younger, I mean, your childhood self. We don’t have a huge gap in age either. Isn’t it interesting to have a dad who’s only 3 years older than you?”

“I have a daughter who’s 3 years older than me, but it isn’t really interesting.”

“As I thought, you prefer larger breasts, don’t you? I don’t really like a dad who lusts over their own daughter. Aren’t you being a bit too devious?”

“Seriously, you say whatever you want.”

I grabbed Jaim’s head as she was pressing her chest against my arm and pushed her away. Jaim let out a grunt because I had pushed her by her forehead. I do admit she’s cute, though.

“Didn’t you say that I treat you well in the future? Latch on to him once you get back to the future. Stop latching on to me as if you’re emotionally deprived.”

I could tell that my voice sounded annoyed, but what can I do about it?

“······Seriously, there aren’t a lot of daughters who actively stick to their dads out of affection like this, but why do you keep kicking your own luck away?”

“······I wonder about that myself.”

Those words which I had uttered without much thought stabbed into my chest. After rubbing her forehead, Jayeon let out a small sigh and spoke.

“I don’t know if I should be happy about your single-minded devotion towards Mom, or be sad······.”

Those words struck another nerve. This girl should already know. I wonder if she’s acting like this because she thinks I don’t know. Even still.

I turned my gaze towards Jihye who was on top of the worktable. As usual, Jihye’s eyes were closed and she didn’t budge an inch as if she were lifeless. Her cover was open, there were cables sticking out of her, and I had been looking through her insides, so you could immediately tell that she wasn’t a living thing and was simply a machine. Jihye made me feel that sense of difference.

Since when did I start becoming unphased about seeing Jihye like this? Since when was I able to joke around like this? It hasn’t been that long since then.

Jayeon distanced her chair slightly from mine as if she weren’t going to latch on to me anymore and asked a question.

“More importantly, what about on your side, Dad? Do you understand it a bit?”

“Understand what?”

“What do you mean ‘what’? I’m talking about the principle and structure of time machines and robot maids.”

Jayeon looked at me with blinking eyes as if she were asking me something obvious. She looked somewhat hopeful.

“You were able to understand it a bit since I explained it to you, right?”

“I don’t know······.”

I smiled wryly and shook my head. There’s no way I would know.

Robot maids and time machines.

Both things were a scientist’s dream. They were dreams because they were hard to accomplish. Existences which people could only dream of. There’s no way that a high school student like myself would be able to comprehend these sort of things. Honestly, the fact that I was going to make these things in the future still felt like a lie.

Robot maids which looked human, thought like a human, and could replace humans. This was an achievement that was at the level of ‘creating man’. This was different from a simple mannequin. Not only could they move around like a human, but different from a normal, simple computer, they could think for themselves and make their own decisions. An achievement which modern science says is impossible.

Do I even have to talk about time machines? Being able to travel back in time means that you’ve conquered time itself. Something that has never happened since the creation of the universe itself. An act the world had restricted and everyone believed was impossible. An achievement that was only possible in one’s imaginations.

However, it seems my future self manages to achieve these two things. The three Jaims and Jihye had assured me this. How impressive.

“Work a little harder, Dad. The faster you invent a time machine, the more opportunities we’ll have. I’m cheering for you.”

Jayeon sent me a wink. Jayeon brought her hands together and continued.

“I’ve been praying almost every day for you to save Mom, Dad. For the day we’re able to live happily like this again as a family.”

“Praying, huh······? Is there a religion you believe in?”

“No, I don’t have anything like that. But there are times people pray for something anyway, right? Have you never done it, Dad?”

“I don’t do things like praying.”

Jayeon grinned in response to my remark and spoke.

“Why? Does it go against your chuunibyou tendencies? Or are you an atheist because you’re a man of science?”

I shook my head in response to her somewhat teasing tone.

“If you bring your hands together to pray, then both of your hands aren’t able to do anything. There’s no problem out there that can be resolved if you yourself don’t do anything. A problem like that shouldn’t exist either. I’d rather move my hands instead of wasting time like that. In order to make the situation even a tiny bit better. There’s nothing you can achieve by praying.”

“What, so you’re just an atheist in the end.”

Jayeon shrugged, but she soon grinned again.

“Nevertheless, I believe that’s a good mentality to have. Mhm, you’re cool, Dad.”

Whenever I heard these sort of words, previously, I would feel uplifted and my heart would feel warm. It felt like I had been acknowledged, after all.

Past tense, because this was no longer the case.

When you can’t do anything other than pray, and praying doesn’t achieve anything, then what else can you do?

“······Dad?”

Jayeon called out to me cautiously as my head was lowered.

“If possible, I didn’t want to ask this, but······. Did something happen recently, Dad?”

I heard the sound of Jayeon approaching me. She rubbed my back and shoulder while my head was still down. Her hand was soft and warm.

 

I heard the sound of Jayeon approaching me. She rubbed my back and shoulder while my head was still down. Her hand was soft and warm.

“You know, what happens, don’t you?”

I wanted to hold it back, but the touch of her hand on my back coerced the words out of me.

“The previous me found out around this time, didn’t he?”

“Did Big Sis Nabom tell you something again?”

She only sounded worried, as if she didn’t know what I was talking about. I see, is that how it is? If I think about it, then there’s no way the previous me would have told everyone the truth. If Jayeon doesn’t know, if she doesn’t know that I know the truth right now, then is there a reason for me to go out of my way to tell her? Wouldn’t it be better to just keep it hidden? Even the fact that I knew the truth.

Jayeon spoke in a gentle voice that resembled Saeyeon’s.

“Tell me, Dad. I know everything that you’ve heard and are worrying about. It’s fine. No matter what it is, I understand everything you’re going through, Dad.”

And those last words, stabbed at my chest.

She knows everything? She understands everything?

What’s making her so confident?

Is it because she’s my daughter? Is it because she resembles me?

 

I took in a deep breath, raised my head, and spoke while looking at Jayeon.

“Upperclassman Nabom told me the reason why Saeyeon dies.”

“⎯⎯⎯······.”

Only the sound of breathing came out of Jayeon’s mouth. I turned my head.

A momentary stillness fell over us. I couldn’t hear anything.

“She, told you······?”

Jayeon barely managed to stammeringly say those words. I nodded my head silently. Jayeon made the same expression which Jaim and Upperclassman Nabom had once made before. The same look that appeared as if she had lost all hope. However, it didn’t end with that. After clenching her teeth together, she did her best to smile. Her smile was similar to the way I’ve been smiling recently.

“I-It’s okay, Dad! We’re working hard like this now and in the future in order to change that future, aren’t we?”

“But the previous me wasn’t able to avoid it in the end, right?”

Once I said that, Jaim No. 2’s smiling face stiffened again.

Yeah, it’s probably like that. That’s probably why Jaim No. 2 is here acting like this after coming here while testing the time machine. I know. Jaim No. 2, Upperclassman Nabom, and I know that the future can’t be changed. We’re forcing ourselves like this because we don’t want to admit it.

“······Regardless, we can’t give up.”

So Jayeon raised her head again. She wasn’t smiling anymore, but she was staring at me with an undaunting gaze instead.

“Because you didn’t give up and fall into despair, I was able to come here like this on the time machine you made. In order to change the future. There must definitely be a way.”

Jayeon continued while rubbing my shoulder.

“Dad, you’re the prodigy scientist of this era, a mad scientist who’s going to conquer the world one day, aren’t you? You’re smart enough to create a time machine like this, right? So······.”

“I’m not a genius!”

Jayeon must have no expected me to shout as she flinched and backed away. However, I couldn’t stop my mouth which had already opened once.

“The prodigy scientist of this era? A mad scientist? Those are all concepts! A chuunibyou delusion! I’m well aware of this! I’m better aware of this than anyone else!”

I’ve admitted this several times already. I didn’t want to admit this, to admit something like this, but I did. I had no other choice.

But even though I’ve given up, even though I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not what I’ve constantly said I was, why?

“There’s nothing impressive about me! There’s nothing special or great about me! I’m just your average Joe! I don’t have the power to change the future! I’m just······ a normal person······!”

I couldn’t endure the trembling in my hand and my boiling emotions that I wound up throwing the spanner which had been in my hand. A pure metallic clang resounded the instant it hit the wall. The unexpected loud noise made Jayeon flinch in surprise.

“You know as well, don’t you?! That there’s nothing amazing about me!”

Jayeon stammered as she tried to calm me down as best as she could.

“B-But, you really are amazing, Dad, aren’t you······? You already have several patents at that age, and in the future, you create robot maids and time machines······.”

“You’re talking about that other guy! The guy who isn’t dense and is capable of those things! I can’t do that! I don’t know anything! It’ll be the same no matter how many years pass! My abilities aren’t that impressive! I’m dense and I’m only all talk!”

I have no idea how time machines work and how to change the future. I don’t know what I should even do to figure that out.

“If I were a genius, if I were truly a genius, then I would have figured something out by now! But I’m not! I, I just······!”

My head dropped as Jayeon gazed at me blankly.

“I just wanted to believe that I was a genius, that I was an impressive person······.”

I simply wanted to be something special.

Someone that people couldn’t disregard. Not an existence whose presence was trivial, but a unique existence. A special existence who everyone needed.

The world is overflowing with people and people have no interest in the majority. People with fleeting presences who no one would miss if they were gone. There were only trivial people.

Like me.

Even my family didn’t need me. Since no one liked me.

That’s why I needed an assurance. That I wasn’t like that. That I had to be here. That I was special. That it was all right for me to be in the world. That there’s a significance to my existence.

The protagonists I would see in the manga, games, and animations I would play and watch when I was a child had those types of reasons. A hero to save the world. Someone with a special ability. Someone needed by someone else and is liked by everyone.

I envied them. I wanted to be like them.

That’s why I started to copy them. I imitated them. I mimicked them. I acted as if I were a special existence. That I was a genius. I went around saying that I was amazing.

Because I wasn’t confident about myself, about the words I’d say, about my actions.

And, because I was lonely.

People with the same interest are able to talk to each other. They would utter, ‘Oh, that!’ as they talk. Even if it’s nothing major, they simply hope that the other had seen the same thing as they did.

I’m not an uninteresting person. I’m not a person who you should show no interest in. Similar to how I would purposely do exaggerated things in order to not let others know that I was lonely, I would pretend to be cheerful in order to prevent others from knowing that I wanted to be alone and that being alone also made me lonely. I went around bluffing.

While not hoping for the attention of others, while wanting the attention of others.

Even though I would only despair the more I did this.

Even though I knew this, this was all that I could do.

Eventually, I gradually stopped caring about this. Because I found out that there was someone who liked me and needed me. Because I found out there was someone who was looking towards the same place as me. I no longer had to imitate others. I no longer had to work hard to obtain the comfort of talking to someone who understood me. I had Saeyeon, Jaim, Nanda, Jihye, and Upperclassman Nabom. It wasn’t a lot of people, it was a number you could count on one hand, but finally.

But for me to lose the most important person.

If I truly were a genius, an amazing person like this girl had said, then.

I stood up. I opened the door. Jayeon reached her hand out to grab my sleeve, but I shook her off. I closed the door behind me. At the very least, I didn’t want to face her right now.

I took out my cellphone instead. I pressed in a number. I was soon connected.

“······Do you want to play basketball?”

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Ο

He must have made his way here the instant he told me he would be here soon as Nanda arrived before much time could pass. The nights have been starting to get chilly as of late, so Nanda was wearing a tracksuit.

We were at a basketball court a short way away from my place. It was a small court attached to the playground, but it was enough for the two of us to play. Fortunately, there was no one else here since it was so late.

“What’s up? You of all people inviting me to exercise.”

“Doing something like this with a friend sometimes isn’t that bad, is it? Were you busy?”

“No, I don’t have to go to my part-time job today, so I can play······.”

Nanda caught the ball I had tossed while he was in the middle of talking and propping up his bike. There was a slight glint of surprise in his eyes, but I ignored it and spoke.

“1 on 1. First to 30 points. You get 2 points if you get a shot during an offense switch. There are no 3 pointers or anything, only 1 point shots. We’re going with deuce rules. You have no complaints, right?”

“······Well, yeah, I have no complaints, but did something happen?”

Nanda finished propping his bike up while holding the basketball with one hand and bounced the ball two times while talking. He even showed off by spinning the ball on his finger.

“I gave you the ball, so you’re on the offense first.”

Once I answered him like that after he asked me if something had happened, Nanda didn’t pry any further. Nanda dribbled the ball as he went towards the offense position and I took my place in a defensive position a short distance away from him.

“Then I’ll start, okay?”

“Do it.”

After that short exchange, Nanda and I started to move.

I may not like exercising that much, but despite my appearance, I have a rather decent motor nerve. It might seem like I’m boasting, but I did run around a lot when I was little. I’m especially good at ball games.

“What’s wrong? Are you already out of breath?”

“Hah······. Hah······. Sh-shut up······.”

That’s why I thought I at least stood a fair chance.

With a grin on his face, Nanda tossed the ball at me while my upper body was lowered and I was trying to catch my breath. I was wiping the sweat off of my forehead, but Nanda was still breathing normally.

“With this, it’s 15 to 5. Try a little harder.”

“It starts, hah, now.”

I retorted while wiping off my flowing sweat and started to dribble the ball again. I won’t make an excuse like this is uncomfortable because I don’t have my glasses on.

My breathing was rough, but needless thoughts were disappearing from my head. This is why I like moving my body. It becomes comfier the more I struggle.

I examined Nanda’s face as I dribbled the ball. He looked serious but also relaxed. I’ve been putting my all into this since earlier, so that easy and composed smile annoyed me. I took a couple of steps while bouncing the ball.

I know. I know that my personality is a mess. I’m rough towards everyone, I get annoyed easily, and I’m not sure if I should say that I’m hot-tempered or not entirely human yet. I don’t know how to hide my emotions and don’t care whether I hurt someone or not. I prioritize myself the most.

I moved in while aiming for an opening. Without panicking, Nanda moved to block me like a wall as if he had expected me to do this. I can’t see a way around him.

Nanda stole the ball from me with ease. Nanda headed towards the outer corner as per the rule, so I chased after him, but my ragged breathing prevented me from moving my body freely. I stood in front of Nanda. Nanda looked at me with a serious gaze as he dribbled the ball.

“Jjaro, you sure you aren’t lacking exercise?”

“Shut, hah, up, hah.”

“I mean, I’ve been training my body through my lessons and stuff like that······. Yeah, how about playing basketball like this every now and then? If you think it’ll be boring by yourself, then you can bring Saeyeon, Jaim, or Jihye as well. Shouldn’t you have these sort of outings with your family?”

Calm breathing and a pleasant smile. He doesn’t look even remotely tired.

Even in a situation like this, he’s being considerate of others.

What does he mean by bringing Saeyeon or Jaim along? Does he simply think that Saeyeon and Jaim would like it if I invited them, or is it because he wants to see Saeyeon for even a second longer?

“⎯⎯⎯Kuh!”

My body moved faster than I could think. I moved so intensely that I couldn’t believe that I was barely able to move my body properly a second ago. I threw my body forward and reached my hand out.

And Nanda, as if he had predicted even this, pushed me aside and advanced forward. It wasn’t aggressive, but the sudden shock made my exhausted body fall over. Once I opened my eyes, which I had closed due to pain, the world was upside down. I watched as Nanda cleanly swished the ball into the basket.

“With this, that’s 30 points. Playing basketball is nice every now and then.”

Like usual, he had a refreshing grin on his face. Even the motion of him wiping the sweat off of his forehead looked refreshing.

“······Uaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

Due to that sight, I released the strength from my body and shouted towards the sky.

I thought I stood a chance, but even the deuce rule I set up as an assurance turned out to be useless. I wasn’t even a match for him. I breathed roughly.

“It’s unsightly if you get mad for losing. Hurry up and get up.”

With a wry smile on his face, Nanda extended his hand towards me. Yeah, he’s right. It’s unsightly if I get upset for losing.

But I lost. There’s nothing I can win against him with.

I have no other choice but to accept it. I have no other choice but to honestly accept this.

I’m jealous of Nanda.

How is he so good at everything?

He has a good personality. He’s always bright and treats everyone kindly. He smiles whether the other person shows him goodwill or malice. The fact that this guy calls a rotten person like myself his friend without any hesitation shows how good of a person he is.

He’s also handsome. A complete contrast with an average-looking person like me. He has an appearance which garners affection from anyone who looked at him. He has defined facial features and an eye-catching smile. His face was on the same level as most celebrities. Whether they be men or women, there’s probably no one out there who doesn’t show good will towards him. He instantly gained fans when he went on air last time.

He was talented, too. In a field he wanted, at that. He was also good at singing, making the fact that he was going to become a star in the future not seem like a lie. He was capable of even moving me with his singing despite the fact that I’m not particularly interested in these sort of things.

He has a lot of friends as well. It’s not immediately noticeable, but Nanda’s presence alone is capable of creating a pleasant atmosphere. He gains everyone’s affection. Nanda worries about me since he’s my one and only friend, but he definitely has numerous friends who are as close to him as I am.

He’s also good at sports. He has a good figure. Different from my half-curled hair that’s tangled here and there, he has nice, smooth hair despite being a guy.

No matter how much I try to find a fault in him, I can’t.

He’s perfect. To the point that I wonder if this sort of person could actually exist in the world.

I’m certain that even Saeyeon, if she hadn’t met me when she was little, if she hadn’t come to like me, if I hadn’t raised her weirdly, she would have probably fallen for Nanda at first sight. Similar to how Jaim likes Nanda now.

And if it were this guy, then he would definitely meet Saeyeon and Jaim’s expectations. He would probably accept Saeyeon’s goodwill and affection genuinely and dote on Jaim. If the three of them were together, then no matter who saw them, they would probably see an affectionate family.

I wanted to be like that as well.

But it’s impossible. I can’t do that.

Be it being friendly to everyone, receiving love, and prioritizing others over myself, these things were all impossible for me. I was born as a twisted human being, after all.

Even if Nanda and I were to switch places, nothing would have changed.

If Nanda was abandoned by his parents at a young age and had to live by himself? He would have still smiled pleasantly and treated everyone kindly. He would have thought about the other people out there who were struggling more than he was. If Saeyeon latched on to him and told him she liked him, he wouldn’t feel a sense of deprivation and loss because she had a family and he didn’t. He’s that sort of person, after all. He’s been like this since he was born.

If I had been in Nanda’s shoes? If I had lost my father after living normally for a while and was put in a situation where my mother and I couldn’t maintain our household unless I got a part-time job? I would have definitely complained about how I’m the only one who’s suffering this much and whine about it all the time. I would probably have lived hating everyone else who’s happy. I would have probably enjoyed the sight of seeing others suffer. Because I’m this sort of person. Because I’m this sort of twisted person.

How nice would it be if I were like him? I could only dream about this.

I know very well that the very fact I’m thinking like this means that I can’t become like Nanda.

“What are you doing? Grab my hand. Your clothes are going to get dirty. You can’t be like this just because you know Jihye is going to clean your clothes for you.”

Nanda chuckled and shook his hand as if he were urging me. I grabbed his hand and dusted my clothes after I got up. Nanda passed the ball to me and asked.

“So, what happened for you to be acting like this?”

I sometimes wonder if Nanda were in my shoes, if he knew that Saeyeon was going to die in 2 years, how would he act?

If it’s Nanda, then he probably wouldn’t suffer by himself.

I sometimes wonder if Nanda were in my shoes, if he knew that Saeyeon was going to die in 2 years, how would he act?

If it’s Nanda, then he probably wouldn’t suffer by himself.

Instead of distancing himself from Saeyeon, he would probably get much closer to her. He might even borrow the strength of everyone else and brainstorm together with everyone to come up with a solution. He would probably convince the daughter who knows the future but doesn’t cooperate come over to his side. Proficiently. Since Nanda can do anything.

“······It’s nothing. I’ve just been feeling a little frustrated recently.”

However, despite all this, I couldn’t tell him.

Because I don’t want to give up.

He may be great, but I couldn’t acknowledge it.

In the end, the thing that makes people suffer the most is hope.

“Is that so······?”

Nanda seemed disappointed by my response, and, as I expected, he didn’t pry any further because he’s a good guy.

Even that consideration hurt.

Ο

✿ΟΟ✿ΟΟ✿

Ο

As a way to compensate him for having called him out so late, I bought Nanda a drink and went home afterward. Naturally, all the lights in the house were off. Jayeon must have gone to sleep as well since the light in my room was also off. I felt a little relieved. I opened the front door and entered the house without a word.

“······Hm?”

That’s why I was slightly surprised when I saw the black shadow standing in the dark entrance. I probably managed to not scream because I had calmed down.

I only heard a loud ‘Slap—!’ after my vision went white for a second, my head had turned halfway around, and my cheek started to sting.

My body ended up being carried by that unexpected shock. I lost my balance in the darkness and bumped against the wall. My shoulder hurt as well. Due to all this, I had no other choice but to strike an awkward pose where I rubbed both my cheek and shoulder at the same time.

“W-What?!”

“······I apologize, Master.”

The dark shadow bowed courteously after calling me ‘Master’. I reached out and turned on the light for the entranceway. The dim yellow light revealed Jihye.

Jihye had struck my cheek. This was the thing that surprised me the most.

“However, I judged that, not as a housekeeper or a robot maid, but as your mistress and Miss Jin Jaim’s second mother, I had to give you a stern punishment.”

With an angered look on her face, Jihye spoke while frowning.

“Previously, I heard that you had learned the reason for the Missus’ death from someone, so I’ve been turning a blind eye towards how you’ve not been feeling well lately and the fact you’ve been distancing yourself from everyone since you most likely don’t want the Missus or the Miss to know about it.”

Even if we’re equally upset, there’s a difference between how Jaim and I get upset and how Saeyeon and Jihye get upset. If Jaim and I get upset, our voices get louder and we become fiercer. If Saeyeon and Jihye get upset, then they become calmer than usual. That’s why I could tell that Jihye was quite angry right now.

“Nevertheless, I don’t understand why one would get annoyed and upset at another family member, nor do I intend to understand this.”

Jihye put her fists against her hips and glared at me strongly, so I rubbed the back of my neck and asked.

“······Where’s Jayeon?”

“The older Miss went to bed after reactivating me. While crying. Rather than being hurt by your words and actions, the Miss was more worried that she had hurt you with what she said.”

Jihye glanced sadly at the room which Jayeon was sharing with Jaim before turning back to me. She spoke again in a stern tone.

“However, I believe that doesn’t compare to the pain you’ve caused her, Master.”

“······I know what I did was wrong, but I had a reason.”

“Is it the same reason as to why you started to distance yourself from everyone?”

I nodded. Jihye let out a sigh. I thought about whether I should tell her or not, but I did so anyway, albeit hesitantly.

“Actually, it’s the thing I asked you a long······.”

“I don’t want to know the reason why you’re ignoring your family and distancing yourself from them. Nor am I curious.”

Jihye cut me off sternly. I chuckled in response to those cold words.

“I wanted to tell you this before, but since we’re already on the topic, I’ll tell you now.”

Jihye spoke in a strict tone towards me while I was smiling bitterly and averting my gaze.

“I don’t understand your recent behaviors, Master.”

“······You don’t understand?”

I turned to her and asked back. Jihye should know that Saeyeon’s going to die, she should know the reason why Saeyeon dies, and that I also know the reason now.

Jihye nodded and continued.

“If I knew that Master was going to pass away in 2 years, ah, pardon me. Nevertheless, if I knew this, then I wouldn’t distance myself from you. If anything, I would get even closer to you.”

“······.”

“And I believe the Missus would do the same.”

Different from before, Jihye looked at me with a slightly disappointed, but warm gaze. Her angered expression changed into a worried one. She reached her hand out and softly stroked my cheek. The reddened cheek which she had struck earlier. I felt a warm sensation.

“Master.”

In times like this, it felt like Jihye was truly like Saeyeon, like the girl who liked me, so it felt weird.

“She’s been acting as if it hasn’t been bothering her, but the Missus has been feeling quite lonely as of late.”

“······Why are you the one to tell me that?”

Jihye smiled brightly in response to my complaint.

“Because I’m a good mistress who wants to see her man and his wife get along. That’s why I’m also upset right now.”

While touching my cheek gently and affectionately.

“Are you afraid to approach the Missus?”

“······Yeah.”

“Are you afraid of obtaining something that’s going to disappear?”

“······That’s right.”

I nodded. Jihye smiled slightly as if she expected this.

I thought I wouldn’t be able to obtain one. I hated that everyone had one but I didn’t. That’s why I disliked it. I did my best to convince myself that I didn’t need one, and yet, I ended up obtaining one anyway.

But I was told that it was going to disappear again. It’s so unfair that I sometimes wonder if the world had deliberately given this to me only to take it away later. I’m upset. I’m afraid.

“If I get any closer, I’m afraid of what will happen after it disappears.”

I suffered a lot when I didn’t have one, but if it were to disappear.

Even though I haven’t done anything for them until now.Even though there’s nothing I can do for them.

“That’s why I hit you.”

Jihye smiled and responded to my mumbling which I had said after dropping my head.

“The Missus most likely won’t hit you, the Miss doesn’t know anything, and the older Miss probably won’t hit you either, after all.”

Jihye smiled brightly and moved the hand which was touching my cheek to the back of my neck. She pulled me towards her and made me lean my head against her chest. Similar to how a mother embraces their child. Like that.

“Master, you’re a lot dumber than I thought you were.”

“······Yeah. I know.”

“I thought you had definitely figured it out last time, but you forgot.”

“······Yeah. That’s right.”

You can’t say that knowing the truth makes you happy. The problem might be the fact that I believed I could do something if I knew the truth.

Jihye stroked the back of my head and spoke.

“Master, what you can do for the Missus right now is be at her side. That’s it. Weren’t you already aware? The thing the Missus wants the most is for you to always be at her side to hold her hand.”

Yeah. That’s what Saeyeon had said.

To look towards the same place. To walk forward while holding hands.

“Even if you aren’t an amazing person, Master, even if you aren’t a hero who can accomplish anything, can’t you at least manage that much?”

My face was buried in her chest so I couldn’t see her face, but I knew she was smiling. Jihye spoke as if she were consoling a child.

“Do the simplest task first.”

Jihye shifted her tone into a slightly teasing one before continuing.

“You’re distancing yourself from the Missus right now so that you don’t get hurt, aren’t you? You’re not thinking of the Missus. You’re just doing that so you don’t suffer.”

“······But it’s excruciating. It’s painful.”

“Would you not suffer for having distanced yourself from the Missus right now?”

Jihye asked.

“If you keep your distance from the Missus right now, then wouldn’t you suffer after she’s gone? If you spend the remainder of the time distancing yourself from her, then would the feelings you have right now also disappear? I don’t think so.”

It’s just as she said.

Because I also want to be at Saeyeon’s side.

Because I want to look towards the same direction as her and hold her hand. Because I’m suffering over the fact that I won’t be able to do this forever.

Because I can’t leave Saeyeon’s side, I have to somehow find a way to change that reason while at her side.

“······Uk.”

A noise seeped out. Jihye pulled my head into her chest even tighter. As if trying to prevent that noise from seeping out. She rubbed my back with her other hand. She patted me, stroked me, and held me.

“······Uu, hk, uuu······! Uuuu······!”

My hands which had been dangling weakly came together. I inadvertently clasped my hands together.

As if I were praying.

“Why······?! Just why······?!”

Jihye’s clothes became wet. I felt something moist, however, I stayed like this for a while. My body trembled and I muffled my cries.

“······Yes. There you go.”

Jihye lowered her head while patting my back. Jihye’s hair touched my cheeks. With a small voice, Jihye spoke in a tone filled with sympathy.

“Just let it all out.”

It’s unfair.

I barely managed to obtain it.

I managed to get what I wanted, but I knew I was going to lose it.

“Right now, all you have to do is let it all out like this.”

I buried my face deeper into Jihye’s chest.

In order to prevent the sound from leaking out. In order to mute the sound of my crying.

So, at the very least, Saeyeon and Jaim couldn’t see my weak side.

“Uaauuuuuh! Uhuk······! Uhuuuu!”

I bit down on Jihye’s clothes, I bit down so hard that my teeth hurt as I cried.

We stayed like this, for who knows how long.

“······I’m sorry.”

I managed to raise my head after a while. I took off my glasses which had been pressing against my face and wiped the corners of my eyes with my sleeve. Jihye didn’t tidy her dress and instead asked me a question.

“Do you feel a little refreshed?”

“······Well, a bit. Thanks.”

Jihye smiled brightly in response.

“I’m a robot maid that was made for this purpose.”

Come to think of it, it’s been a long time since Jihye and I had a talk with just the two of us.

Jihye probably also has a lot she wants to say, considering there was a lot I wanted to say as well. About Jayeon, about how we’ve been disassembling her lately, and about how she was going to go back soon, these sort of things. There was a lot I wanted to ask as well.

Nevertheless, Jihye didn’t say anything, so I didn’t ask her anything either. As Jihye had said, this was enough, so I decided to leave it at that.

“Then go charge up and get some rest. I’ll get some sleep, too.”

“Yes. Oh, one moment, Master.”

Jihye stopped me from going to my room. She straightened out my wrinkled tracksuit, dust the dirt off of my clothes, and gave a satisfied nod after fixing my collar.

“All right, you’re good now.”

“······You know I’m going to take this off the instant I go in my room, right?”

Jihye beamed brightly at me.

“It’s normal to want the man you like to always look their best.”

“······.”

Now that I think about it, this might be my first time hearing from Jihye herself ‘the man she likes’. My cheeks reddened and I turned away. Jihye turned her head and spoke in a gentle tone.

“The festival is next week now. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Yeah. The festival is next week.”

This meant that Jayeon, Jihye, and Upperclassman Nabom were going to disappear from my side. However, I didn’t say this.

“Now then, sleep well, Master. Don’t forget to have a talk with the older Miss in the morning.”

“All right. You too, Jihye, sleep well.”

I closed the door while looking at Jihye courteously bow towards me.

“Oh my, why if it isn’t Jaro. What brings you here?”.

It was the afternoon. I ended up meeting Saeyeon’s mom while I was on a walk through the neighborhood. I feel like it’s been a really long time since I last met this person. At the very least, it has actually been a very long time since just the two of us had a talk..

How should I say it? After that day in the summer, when I found out about Saeyeon’s death, I had no idea how I should face this person. Nevertheless, it can’t be helped if we meet coincidentally like this..

“You got off work early today, huh?”.

“Work ended early for a change. Recently, I’ve been working overtime every day because of the amount of work that was piled up, so I haven’t been able to go on a vacation with my husband, so this is good.”.

Saeyeon’s mom grinned brightly as she got out of her car. Her body must have been feeling stiff as Saeyeon’s mom stretched before displaying her usual peculiar smile..

“In any case, it’s been a while since I last saw you, but you look terrible. Did something happen? You’re also just standing here by yourself.”.

“Well······. I was on a walk because I wanted to think about something.”.

“Is that so? That’s different from what Saeyeon and the two Jaims told me.”.

That teasing grin felt like it was pressuring me right now. I averted my gaze slightly. Saeyeon’s mom watched me as I did so and put her arm around my shoulder. It was the first time she’s done this, so I was surprised. This was similar to what Saeyeon’s mother used to do, after all..

“Then, since I have some free time for a change, how about we have a pleasant chat between a mother and her son-in-law?”.

“No, I······.”.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. This old lady will even buy you something to drink. You can use this opportunity to complain about your wife and your daughter to me. It’s not often that you can speak ill of your wife with your mother-in-law.”.

“I mean······.”.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry about it. Now then, let’s go. There’s a cafe nearby that makes really good cakes, so let’s go there.”.

I tried to refuse, but I couldn’t just flat out shake her offer off, so I wound up being dragged away. I thought this was weird as well. I wonder what’s different about Saeyeon’s mother and Saeyeon’s mom. I thought she was more of a deep thinker and not self-righteous like this..

In the end, I got dragged to a small cafe in the shopping district of the apartment complex. It was a place that middle-aged women would often gather in, so students would rarely show up. Should I call this place antique? The European-style interior decoration which is probably favored by middle-aged women was impressive..

“Did Saeyeon ask you to do this?”.

I asked that the instant an employee brought us a cake and gave me a cup of coffee..

“I wonder. Why do you think that, Jaro?”.

“Earlier, you said that that was different from what Saeyeon and Jaim told you, didn’t you? What? Did they say that I’ve been acting weird lately?”.

“You’ve been acting weird throughout the entire summer break, haven’t you, Jaro? Don’t underestimate this old lady too much. You also have a daughter.”.

She has a point. There’s no way that this person wouldn’t know. Saeyeon’s mom had a bite of her cake and glanced at me..

“Moreover, I felt like you were in quite the terrible state since you were taking a walk through the neighborhood in the afternoon and not spending time in your room or your club room.”.

“I know how to take walks as well, you know?”.

“Ahaha, that was a funny joke.”.

“······.”.

She’s even pointing at me as she laughs. I get what she means, though. Saeyeon’s mom raised the corners of her mouth once she noticed my frown..

“In any case, that’s why I thought it would be better if you were able to receive some counseling from this old lady. I’ve been wanting to talk to you anyway, so I decided to bring you here since we were able to meet coincidentally. Let’s talk while eating. This place makes some really delicious cakes. The coffee is nice as well. It almost feels like a waste that it’s a small cafe in the neighborhood.”.

Saeyeon’s mom spoke while pointing towards my share of the cheesecake she had recommended, but I didn’t really feel like it. I wasn’t really in the mood to eat something sweet, after all. Of course, I didn’t intend to receive counseling either..

“Are you not going to listen to me?”.

Saeyeon’s mom continued to smile brightly even though I hadn’t budged an inch. That overbearing posture was reminiscent of Saeyeon’s mother. However, I didn’t feel like being an obedient, good boy right now. Saeyeon’s mom put her chin on top of her clasped hands and spoke..

“Are you still worried about the fact that you’re going to break up with Saeyeon in the future?”.

“······.”.

Even if I told her she was right or wrong, it would be a lie either way, so I took a sip of my coffee instead. Saeyeon’s mom shrugged her shoulders..

“Jihye said so as well, and that’s probably why Jaim came to you, but······. It’s a bit hard to understand for this old lady. If you know it’s going to happen, then can’t you avoid it? You no longer hate Saeyeon, right? You’re even going out with her.”.

Those two words which she had strategically squeezed in nonchalantly. Saeyeon’s mom smiled slightly at me..

“Which part are you reacting to?”.

“······That I no longer hate her. You knew?”.

But, last time······..

“I told you earlier, you shouldn’t underestimate this old lady, you know?”.

Saeyeon’s mom winked in response to my stammering words. While my mouth wriggled as I couldn’t figure out what to say, Saeyeon’s mom smiled bitterly..

“Despite my looks, I’m Saeyeon’s mom. I can immediately tell if someone likes or dislikes my daughter. That’s why I know that you genuinely care about Saeyeon now, Jaro.”.

Her tone and gaze were serious, so my expression stiffened even more..

“Or is there something else bothering you? The fact that Saeyeon is a bit ditzy at times? I thought you would be understanding of that since you’ve known her longer than I have.”.

Saeyeon’s mom continued to smile brightly despite having seen my expression stiffened and narrowed her eyes slightly as she continued..

“If that isn’t it either, then······. Is there something more that I don’t know?”.

There is. There’s a lot. It isn’t just one or two things..

“You can talk to this old lady about anything······ would saying this be a bit irrational? You aren’t telling me because you aren’t able to do this, right?”.

A peculiar smile. A piercing gaze..

Saeyeon’s mom might have figured it out on her own. Even if I didn’t say anything, she knew that Saeyeon and I were going to break up. Moreover, she probably knows that I wouldn’t have crumpled down this much until now if that were the only reason. Because she’s an adult. Everyone says that my thoughts are written all over my face. Because I’m a kid. Because I’m simple. That’s why I’ve been trying to smile..

“······Why did you leave Saeyeon in my care?”.

That’s why I decided to ask this..

“Hm? What do you mean?”.

“Normally, people don’t leave their daughter in the hand of a boy who’s the same age as their daughter. For several years, at that. More so, when they know that the boy doesn’t like their daughter. Even if I’ve known her for a long time, you even went as far as to say that you had something up your sleeves······. What would you have done if I actually did something? ‘I believe in you’, is it something like that? Or is it just as you said a long time ago, when you said that you had a hard time dealing with Saeyeon, so you’ll leave her in my care?”.

I know that I was talking in a sharp tone. I also know that I sound as if I were blaming her. Nevertheless, as always, I can’t take back the words I’ve already said. It’s not like I said something that hasn’t been brewing inside of me..

Once I uttered those words, Saeyeon’s mom laughed out loud. I didn’t particularly like that reaction..

“Ah, sorry, sorry. It just seemed like you really have been having a hard time.”.

“You’re going to say that while laughing?”.

“That’s why I’m laughing. It felt like you were still a kid. Jaro, you simply want someone else to blame, right?”.

“······.”.

I’ve always felt this way before, but this person is really hard to deal with. Are all adults like this? Do you automatically know everything?.

“Jaro.”.

With a motherly smile on her face, Saeyeon’s mom looked at me and spoke..

“I told you before, but I’m truly grateful to you, Jaro. Certainly, this old lady used to have a hard time dealing with Saeyeon, and that also plays a role in why I left her in your care. I honestly admit this.”.

At first, Saeyeon didn’t welcome her new mom..

She missed her birth mother, and it got to the point that when she was told she was going to have a new mom, she declared that she’ll never refer to her as ‘mom’. If you consider the fact that it was the kind Saeyeon who had said that, I shouldn’t have to explain how much she didn’t want it..

Her beloved mom who would always welcome her..

Saeyeon believed that if she referred to her new mom as ‘mom’, then her birth mother would disappear..

And as this was during the time I was simply jealous of people who had a family, I didn’t want Saeyeon to think that way..

I wanted even that..

That’s why I told her that her new mom wasn’t taking her mother’s spot. She was just getting 2 moms. Isn’t it great that she was going to have two moms?.

Afterward, I referred to Saeyeon’s birth mother as ‘Saeyeon’s mother’, and called this person ‘Saeyeon’s mom’ in order to engrave the fact into Saeyeon that this person was her mom, her family..

I did this when I was little, but I still believe it was a cruel and twisted thing to do. There was probably a better way of handling it. However, I believe that it’s a good thing that Saeyeon started to call this person ‘mom’ later on. Because I’m a twisted human being..

“Nevertheless, I believe that’s what Saeyeon wanted. To spend time with the boy she likes as if the two of you were a family. That’s also why I gave you that job and left Saeyeon in your care.”.

Job. A long time ago, looking after Saeyeon was my job. A job to cover living expenses. A job I didn’t need any more or any less of..

“I messed up a bit, though. I’m glad that I was able to prevent you from escaping Saeyeon, but that also made it so that you couldn’t open yourself up to her.”.

“Prevented······ me from escaping?”.

Saeyeon’s mom smiled bitterly as she continued..

“This old lady is rather selfish. I want to do whatever my daughter wants. Even if that may have scarred you, Jaro.”.

It definitely scarred me..

The fact that Saeyeon had the family that I didn’t, the fact that Saeyeon had a family that worried about her, and the fact that despite all that, I had no other choice but to stay next to Saeyeon in order to get by..

And the fact that I was only able to think this way until now and that I had wasted my time when I could have been cherishing Saeyeon and being with her..

“But since you have a strong sense of responsibility, Jaro, I thought that you wouldn’t be able to get far away from Saeyeon if I did this. Also, Saeyeon has a bit of a dense side to her, so she needed a boy to be next to her in order to protect her.”.

“······In the end, it was all for Saeyeon and Saeyeon alone.”.

“That’s right. That’s why it’s fine for you to resent this old lady.”.

Saeyeon’s mom looked straight at me as she spoke..

“If you regret meeting Saeyeon, creating this deep of a relationship with her, and need someone to resent, then instead of resenting yourself or Saeyeon, you can resent me.”.

I wonder if this person knows that it becomes even harder to resent her when she says that with that expression and tells me to resent her. She probably does..

“Then why did you say you had something up your sleeve?”.

Once I let out a deep sigh and asked that, Saeyeon’s mom chuckled awkwardly..

“I had to say that to prevent you from doing something weird.”.

It must have been troubling to say as Saeyeon’s mom poked at her slice of cake with her fork and spoke with a sheepish look on her face..

“Mm, should I call it an insurance? Of course, I doubt you would ever do something weird to Saeyeon, but who knows what could happen if a boy in his prime is all alone with my daughter, right? That’s why I figured you definitely wouldn’t do something weird if I said that. You’re like a frog who never moves according to other people’s wills, after all.”.

“······.”.

“······Jaro?”.

I don’t move according to other people’s will, is it?.

Yeah. I’m someone who lives however they please, after all. I’m selfish, self-centered, and willful. That’s why I never move however others want me to. Whether it be maliciously or out of kindness. I was that sort of person, wasn’t I?.

Thus, therefore, I couldn’t resent anyone but myself..

“Jaro? What’s wrong? You have a grave look on your face all of a sudden.”.

I managed to shake my head once I heard the worried voice of Saeyeon’s mom. I didn’t want to drag this topic on any longer..

“It’s nothing. In any case, please understand if I’m a little under the weather lately. Some stuff happened, after all.”.

“······All right, I understand. Then it seems preparing this place to talk was needless.”.

You’re the one who dragged me here by force. Even though she probably knows why I’m behaving like this. Saeyeon’s mom spoke sort of regretfully..

“Did I choose my words badly······? Honestly, I half thought that you had done something, so I was going to tell you to take responsibility. I thought that if I said this, then you would immediately declare, ‘If you thought I wouldn’t, then I’ll go do it now!’.”.

“······What?”.

“If I look at Jaim and the older Jaim, then you and Saeyeon, mm······. Well, it’s already certain that you two do it when you grow up, but I guess it’s a mother’s intuition that it should be okay if you two did it a bit earlier? Saeyeon is dense, so I want to connect her with a reliable man.”.

“······I feel like your mother’s intuition is wrong.”.

“So what? She’s just getting a job early. There’s a saying: ‘It’s a girl’s job to get married as fast as possible and a boy’s job to get married as late as possible’.”.

“I’m a boy, you know?”.

“And this old lady is a girl and also Saeyeon’s mom. In any case, seeing as you aren’t refusing it, you really have opened up more, huh, Jaro? That’s good.”.

I didn’t say anything more towards Saeyeon’s mom as she nodded her head as if she truly thought this was a good thing. I did let out a sigh, though..

It’s better if she doesn’t know. It’s better if she only has a hunch. Hunches are fine. It’s fortuitous that she doesn’t know the truth. How much of a blessing is it to not know the future?.

I might be getting punished. For everything..

For being mean to Saeyeon, for learning about the future, for trying to turn back time in the future, everything..

I understood Upperclassman Nabom now..

This is how it felt, huh?.

She spent her entire time here feeling like this..

She spent her time watching Saeyeon, Jaim, and I like this..

Ο.

✿ΟΟ✿ΟΟ✿.

Ο.

“Ei! Ei! Why aren’t my combos working?!”.

“Fufu, this is why you’re still just a kid. You can’t win against me with just grappling moves. Now then, since my gauge is filled, this big sis will show you her power······.”.

“Ah! That’s the technique that was banned in official tournaments!”.

“If it hasn’t been patched yet, then I can still use it. It’s hard to pull off anyway.”.

“······.”.

The two of them really have gotten along now, haven’t they? Seeing them yell at each other as they play together definitely makes them appear like a pair of sisters..

“By the way, what game is that? It’s my first time seeing it.”.

There was an energetic-looking kid and a kid emanating a somewhat menacing atmosphere on the screen. I just saw the energetic kid get smacked by the menacing kid and shout ‘Unya!’ as she was sent flying. What’s up with this game? When I saw the character select screen earlier, I saw a character wearing a white china dress, a character with a talisman on her head, and a girl wearing stockings that suited her nicely. It was hard to believe that all of these characters were little girls. There was also a maid holding a pair of scissors. I have no idea what sort of concept this is. More importantly, I don’t recall ever buying this game. Once I asked that while watching blankly from the couch with my hand on my chin, the two Jaims turned away from their fighting game to look at me..

“Oh, this? It’s a new game called ‘Ultimate Clash, Noen Sisters’ that came out this month. It’s a game where the heroines from this company come together and clash. It’s quite the hit in the future. Its sequels are still coming out.”.

“I gathered my allowance and bought it. That’s why I haven’t been buying plastic models lately. Oh, do you want to play as well, Dad? It supports up to 4 players.”.

“I’ll pass.”.

“I thought you asked that because you wanted to play.”.

“It isn’t often that you can play a game with your two daughters, you know?”.

“I’m fine. Start wrapping up soon. Everyone will be here soon.”.

The two Jaims ignored me and went back to choosing their characters. I knew they would do this. I guess it’s fine as long as they stop insisting that I play with them. I turned my head and looked towards Saeyeon and Jihye who were whispering to one another. It seems to be something they planned to use during the festival, but they won’t tell me what it is. Though, I didn’t particularly want to ask either..

It was currently Saturday afternoon. The festival was going to be held next weekend. In order to make our final preparations and also wish for the success of our exhibition, we decided to hold a small party at our place. Of course, everyone was invited. Upperclassman Nabom’s single person room was too small and the school definitely wouldn’t allow us to do something like this on school grounds, so we, therefore, decided to do it at our place..

It can’t be helped. I felt like running away today as well, but if I did something like that, then everyone would start doubting me more. And they’ll have to live their lives with the memory that I had run away. I can’t run away all the time..

I can’t always run away from home, after all..

Ding dong—the sound of our doorbell ringing resonated. Saeyeon turned her head towards the sound. I also came back to my senses. Saeyeon and Jihye got up to get the door..

“Welcome. You sure came quickly, huh?”.

“It’d be better if the total amount of time we hang out for were longer, right? Here’s a gift.”.

With his usual, characteristic smile, Nanda handed the plastic bag in his hand to Saeyeon. Why’d he buy something like that? Jihye received the plastic bag and smiled after seeing its content..

“I see you’ve brought snacks. I did prepare some myself, but the more the merrier. Thank you very much, Mr. Shin Nanda.”.

“I wasn’t able to prepare any gifts. Pardon me.”.

Standing next to Nanda, Upperclassman Nabom smiled apologetically. She had a red scarf around her neck..

“You came early as well, Big Sis Nabom? That’s a pretty scarf! Did you come here together with Nanda?”.

“We met in front of the apartment. Although it was a bit hard to come up here together since Underclassman Shin Nanda had even brought a gift.”.

“Haha, I’m sorry. I may just be visiting a friend’s place, but I felt like I shouldn’t come here empty-handed, so I bought something simple.”.

A cordial conversation. It almost felt like they were here for a housewarming party. I’ve never experienced one, so I don’t know if I’m right..

For some reason, I felt like I was in an awkward place..

There were the two Jaims who had paused their game and stood up to greet the guests, and there was everyone else who was smiling and chatting as they went to see what the two Jaims were playing. I simply watched them in silence..

It felt like I was off in the distance by myself..

“Master?”.

“Ah, huh? What?”.

I turned my head in response to Jihye’s voice. Seeing her worried look, I must have been standing here with a blank look on my face. Jihye hesitated for a moment once I responded before shaking her head..

“No······. It’s nothing. In any case, since the two have arrived, let’s finish the preparations for the festival. We’ll be able to enjoy the party peacefully if we get the work done beforehand.”.

There’s no way that it was nothing, but I decided to simply nod my head. Jihye still looked a bit doubtful as she looked at me, but since I’ve already been receiving these sort of gazes until now, oh well..

Upperclassman Nabom’s eyes met with mine, but she quickly averted her gaze..

“Nanda Oppa just got here, didn’t he? How about resting for a bit first?”.

“Now then, don’t be like that. As Jihye had said, we gathered together like this to make preparations for the festival, so we can play a bit later. You can teach me how to play that game later. Okay?”.

“Okay! Ehehe······.”.

Jaim grinned happily. Jayeon pulled on my collar. Jayeon spoke with a bitter smile on her face..

“Be understanding, Dad. Don’t look so sulky.”.

“······I’m not particularly sulking. I understand as well.”.

I lightly pulled away and answered her after freeing my collar from her grip. Once I did that, Jayeon continued to smile bitterly at me..

We decided to first sit around the living room and have a meeting about our current progress. Upperclassman Nabom, Saeyeon, and I sat on the couch. Everyone else sat on the floor. The dining table wasn’t big enough for the number of people that were here. At any rate, we had a large group of 7 people, after all..

“Now then, I’ll tell everyone what was discussed at the meeting yesterday.”.

Upperclassman Nabom spoke while taking out a small notebook from her handbag. Yesterday, there was a meeting between the student council and the club leaders to discuss the preparations for the festival. Well, it was closer to being a meeting about attendances. Honestly, you can tell how much our school doesn’t care about the festival if you consider the fact that this meeting was held only a week before the festival itself..

“For starters, our club is not going to use our club room. It seems they want to handle everything within the school building if possible.”.

“Well, they always have. They normally borrow some classrooms.”.

We’re probably the only club that has a club room anyway. Other clubs usually borrow a classroom a day before their club activities and move the desks and chairs before setting things up. Upperclassman Nabom nodded in response to Nanda’s remark and continued..

“Here’s some bad news, though. We’ll be on the 2nd floor and not the 1st floor. Fortunately, we’re right next to the stairs, but this will definitely lower the number of people who come to us.”.

“People usually only look around the first floor before leaving, after all······.”.

Saeyeon smiled sadly. She’s right. There aren’t a lot of people who would willingly look around the festival properly, so on average, people would take a glimpse around the first floor before going home. They’ll probably gather somewhere else first and play before going home, though. That’s why the 2nd floor was an isolated place. There’s normally only uninteresting exhibitions there..

“We don’t really need a lot of people to come, but why were we pushed up?”.

“It seems that we were pushed up since we’re technically an ‘exhibition’ as well. I asked if we could be moved down since we have a lot to prepare, but they didn’t listen. I feel like it also has to do with our small number of club members.”.

Upperclassman Nabom smiled bitterly after I said that. It might have also been due to the fact that she had spoken while vaguely avoiding my gaze. Upperclassman Nabom shrugged her shoulders as if it couldn’t be helped and spoke..

“Well, it would be irrational to try and change something that has already been determined, so we have no other choice but to proceed like this. As Underclassman Jin Jaro had said, we actually don’t need a lot of people to show up.”.

“Still, everyone worked hard to prepare for this, so I feel like it would be disappointing if that happens. If we have a lot of people show up, then the school would probably also leave the club alone next year.”.

Once Nanda said that with a wry smile, Upperclassman Nabom chuckled lightly..

“Actually, I have something in mind for that.”.

“You have something in mind?”.

“Underclassman Ja Saeyeon, Miss Jihye, how are your preparations on your side?”.

Once I asked back about something I knew nothing about, Upperclassman Nabom spoke while looking back and forth between Saeyeon and Jihye. It seems it was related to what those two have been whispering to each other lately..

“Don’t worry. We’ll have it prepared before the festival.”.

“The Missus has excellent sewing skills, so she’s been a big help. We should be finished soon.”.

“······?”.

Sewing? Finished soon? It bothered me that the other two were reacting to those words as well as Jaim squirmed as if she were embarrassed and Jayeon giggled teasingly as she poked Jaim’s side. Upperclassman Nabom disregarded my confusion and continued..

“The good news is that the content of our exhibition has been accepted. It seems they had no problem with the demonstration of inventions and allowing people to try them out. Now we just have to proceed as we’ve planned.”.

“Then did they also allow us to take an entrance fee?”.

“I didn’t even bring that up.”.

Everyone gave me a weird look as Upperclassman Nabom tilted her head and replied. What? What’s so wrong about receiving money for displaying the inventions I worked so hard to create? Handling our living expenses has become even more of a struggle ever since the number of mouths to feed had increased by one..

Upperclassman Nabom closed her notebook and spoke..

“This was everything that was discussed at the meeting. Do you have any questions?”.

It’s highly unlikely that anyone would have any questions. Once Upperclassman Nabom confirmed that no one had anything to ask, she nodded her head..

“Now then, let’s start. I told everyone before, but I’ll be returning to the future after this festival.”.

I was the one surprised by that news. She already told everyone before? When? Saeyeon might have been informed, but did Nanda even know that Upperclassman Nabom was from the future? However, she must have been telling the truth about having already told everyone, as they all simply looked at her with sad eyes..

“I’m sorry for having hidden this for so long. It was fun being with everyone until now. There’s probably a lot you all want to say to me, and you may have these and those sort of emotions, but I would like it if you continued to treat me as you always have until the end of the festival. I won’t be here afterward, so you can say anything about me then.”.

Upperclassman Nabom glanced at me for an instant as she smiled widely. It seems she was directing half of that to me. How could she want me to treat her normally despite having told me that? Although I thought she was brazen, I didn’t let it show on my face. In the end, it was my fault this time as well..

“Now then, since this will be my last memory here, I would be grateful if you all did your best to make this a pleasant festival. Okay, let’s begin.”.

Upperclassman Nabom looked, a bit like a club leader, as she said that..

Ο.

✿ΟΟ✿ΟΟ✿.

Ο.

“Are you not going to reveal your true identity in the end?”.

Once I asked this while aiming for a moment where we were alone, Upperclassman Nabom smiled brightly and responded..

“I still haven’t gone back to the future yet. You already agreed that you would let me do as I please, so please wait patiently.”.

I sat on the other side of the table where Upperclassman Nabom was sitting. Upperclassman Nabom turned her head and looked at the two Jaims and Nanda who were playing video games, and Saeyeon and Jihye who were watching them play from behind. I gazed at Upperclassman Nabom..

Not a lot of time had passed since we finished our preparations for the festival. After we finished, it was simply time for everyone to play. In truth, we didn’t have much to prepare in the first place..

Honestly, it just feels like they came over to play, but since we had snacks, drinks, and the simple food which Jihye had prepared, and since we’re also going to play games and watch a movie together, this might be a party. Although it’s hard to tell since I’ve never been to a party before..

“It’s troubling if you keep looking at my neck like that.”.

Upperclassman Nabom smiled furtively as she gently shook the end of her scarf which she had continued to wear this entire time. It was autumn so it didn’t appear that weird, but..

“Or what? Do you intend to kiss my neck?”.

“······Don’t say weird things. You’re making it harder for me to respond.”.

A long time ago, these sort of passes would have sounded like teasing or flirting, but they didn’t feel like that anymore. Upperclassman Nabom chuckled at my remark..

“······Is there still a mark left?”.

Upperclassman Nabom smiled wryly in response to my cautious question..

“I already knew that Underclassman Jin Jaro had a good grip. Well, it isn’t severe. A week has passed, so it’s only slightly red. I put this on anyway, just in case.”.

“······.”.

“Don’t make that face. I know that you aren’t sorry.”.

“I’m not that much of a piece of trash.”.

I snapped back at her chuckling remark, but I realized that I had rebuked myself the instant I said that because of what I had done. Upperclassman Nabom had a regretful look on her face as she looked at me clench my teeth together..

“······I don’t know if this will give you any sort of solace, but I understand.”.

“Don’t tell me you understand. This isn’t something that I want to be understood.”.

“Is that so?”.

Upperclassman Nabom then nodded her head as if it couldn’t be helped..

“Regardless, I still forgive you.”.

As if she wanted to make me feel better by even the smallest amount..

Even though she knows I can’t forgive her or myself..

Even though she knows that I’ll hate her even more for saying that..

“······Do you like being disliked by me that much?”.

So I inadvertently wound up blurting out those words..

Upperclassman Nabom laughed while touching her nape..

“It’s easier for me like this.”.

“······.”.

I held my breath because of her somewhat doll-like, emotionless smile. Instead of getting upset at her, I averted my gaze. If she says something like this with that kind of smile and in a situation like this, then I can’t possibly say anything back..

“······I’m sorry. It seems like we won’t be able to make the time to go hang out somewhere with everyone like you requested before.”.

Once I managed to barely utter these words, Upperclassman Nabom smiled slightly..

“It’s fine. I simply wanted everyone to get together like this and spend time together. And this also counts as going somewhere to hang out.”.

Upperclassman Nabom turned her head and gazed at everyone else as they were happily chatting..

“It seems that side has gotten a lot closer. Though I remember Miss Jaim detesting the other girl quite a lot in the beginning.”.

“Jayeon doesn’t latch on to me as much as she did before. The two started getting along ever since they played together with Heyeong. Well, they’re still······.”.

Sure enough, while I was in the middle of talking, Jaim got upset because of something that happened in the game, Jayeon poked at Jaim’s cheek teasingly, Jaim got mad and tried to attack her, but Jayeon got on her back and pushed Jaim up with her feet and lifted her up into the air like an airplane as if she were treating Jaim like a baby, so I let out a sigh..

“······They play like that.”.

“Fufufu.”.

It seems Upperclassman Nabom found this scene to be humorous as she covered her mouth with her hand and laughed. It probably would be funny to see your young self and your even younger self messing around with each other like that. She probably wouldn’t find this to be fascinating all of a sudden..

“······If you wanted everyone to get together and spend time together, then why not go and play with them? You should know how to play that game as well, right?”.

A bitter smile appeared on Upperclassman Nabom’s face as she shook her head..

“Similar to how you’re acting like this here, it’s impossible for me as well.”.

“······Is that so?”.

I now understood what those words meant. Rather than understood, I was flat out in the same situation as Upperclassman Nabom..

That’s why I’ve been avoiding the house recently. Since I’ve declined their offer to play, even though I want to play with them, even though I don’t want to avoid them, it’s difficult for me right now. Furthermore, it’ll probably continue to be like this..

I thought that things would become a bit easier if I knew everything. Of course, I would feel tormented, but I thought that would be better than knowing nothing. The reality was the complete opposite. Of course, I would have probably regretted it no matter what I decided to do. People don’t know what could possibly happen next, after all. They don’t know what paths haven’t been treaded..

“······Can nothing really be done?”.

Excluding her rubbing her neck over her scarf, Upperclassman Nabom answered my frustrated question without showing any agitation..

“You should know the answer, Underclassman Jin Jaro.”.

“But, if we can change things little by little, then surely······.”.

“Underclassman Jin Jaro, think about it.”.

Upperclassman Nabom spoke while looking straight at me..

“If you could truly travel back in time and change the future, then why has no one been able to do so until now?”.

Without getting worked up, she spoke in a calm voice..

“Some time has passed since time machines were commercialized. It’s also been a long time since the Time Defence Force was established. A countless number of people have attempted to change the past until now. Similar to you, Underclassman Jin Jaro, there have been people who traveled back in time for the sake of their own personal desires, and there have also been people who traveled back in time under the pretext and aspiration to prevent a tragedy. They all failed.”.

“Then why was something like a Time Defence Force established? If you can’t change the past, then what purpose do they have?”.

But I was slightly worked up. I wanted to hear at least a single word of hope..

“Were they not established since you can change the past a tiny bit? Have they not been protecting all of time in order to prevent that?”.

And Upperclassman Nabom gave me an answer which I didn’t want..

“The Time Defense Force’s main task is the withdrawal of people who are afflicted with information contamination.”.

“······People with information contamination?”.

“As I told you before, information contamination occurs when one’s memories are different from the past. If you try to change the past, then there’d obviously be a difference between it and your memories. You can think of it as a byproduct of that.”.

Upperclassman Nabom continued to talk in a calm tone..

“Between an individual’s actions and the overall progress of the world, the world’s progress obviously has a larger influence. Therefore, a lot less energy is required to adjust the smaller side. This is the concept we’ve been working around.”.

“······So you’re saying it’s an individual time paradox.”.

Yeah. She said this before as well. Time paradoxes only happen to the individuals. The world doesn’t change, the individual does..

“In comparison to changing the entire world, a smaller amount of energy is required to change a single person’s memory.”.

“······You’re talking as if the world has a will of its own.”.

Upperclassman Nabom chuckled at my mumblings..

“There’s no way it would. You’ve read too many manga. Does gravity put everyone’s situations into consideration first before taking effect? The world has no interest in you, Underclassman Jin Jaro, myself, or anyone else. It’s simply that sort of system.”.

Probably. I don’t believe in things like God or an absolute being with a will..

However, nevertheless······..

“······There’s definitely something out there that’s tormenting me.”.

If this weren’t the case, then it’s impossible to explain everything..

“······I see. There probably is something that’s tormenting Underclassman Jin Jaro.”.

Upperclassman Nabom smiled bitterly..

“However, even if that were the case, you can’t do anything about it, Underclassman Jin Jaro. Or will you choose only one side?”.

“There’s no way I would······!”.

I managed to hold down my voice in the middle of my outburst. Before I knew it, everyone was looking at me. They were all looking at me with wide opened eyes. My mouth moved as I tried to give an excuse, but no words came out..

“Is something the matter, Jjaro?”.

Saeyeon looked at me and asked that with blinking eyes..

That gaze made me feel even tenser. I wanted to get up and run away. I don’t know why I had continued trying to stay here. The desire to talk and the desire to stay silent collided against one another in my head..

The instant Saeyeon was about to say something, Jayeon shrugged her shoulders and smiled wryly..

“Are you playing a weird prank on Dad again, Big Sis Nabom? That’s mean. Everyone is watching, you know? More importantly, since when have the two of you been alone over there?”.

“What do you mean by a weird prank? I was simply speaking with Underclassman Jin Jaro as I normally do. We were talking about how people may gather if Underclassman Jin Jaro were to crossdress for the festival.”.

“There’s no way I would do something like that! What exactly is going through your head?!”.

I instinctively shouted in response to Upperclassman Nabom’s joke which she had said while glancing at me. This was a normal reaction, but this was a bit too much to simply play along. In any case, that was an appropriate selection of words. She isn’t actually planning on making me do this, right?.

Fortunately, Saeyeon simply giggled at our exchange..

“Ah, that might be fun too. Why not give it a try, Jjaro?”.

“No! Do you guys want to see makeup on my face? Who would even want to see that?!”.

“I would. I feel like it would suit you, Jjaro. Also, it’s the festival, so everyone will probably enjoy it.”.

Due to my usual retort and Saeyeon’s remark, the worry on Jihye and Jaim’s faces also disappeared as they smiled..

“That’s right, Dad. What’s so bad about it? Think of it as a good memory. Ah, I’ll even take a picture!”.

“Then since Master likes maids, should I lend you my backup maid uniform? I’ll also help you with your makeup.”.

“Put those away! Also, why are you laughing like that, Nanda? It’s creepy, you know?!”.

Whatever. I finally laughed. I can laugh if it’s like this. I can laugh even while seeing Upperclassman Nabom and Jayeon’s bitter smiles..

Of course, it’s hard to endure this and I wanted to run away, but if I did that, then everyone would start to worry. If they worry, then I might end up confessing..

However, as I thought, this might be difficult and risky..

Because of Saeyeon’s happy face as she saw me genuinely laugh and chat with everyone for the first time in a long while, I······..

Ding dong⎯⎯⎯..

I barely managed to hold it back thanks to the sudden chime of the doorbell. I quickly turned my head and hid the glow that was in my eyes..

“Who is it?”.

“Ah, I invited another guest.”.

Saeyeon answered my question. Another guest? Did we know anyone else we could invite to our place? Did Saeyeon invite her mom? While I was tilting my head and trying my best to push back my tears, Saeyeon went past me and opened the door. I couldn’t see anyone in the spot I expected to see someone. I discovered who the guest was after I lowered my gaze very slightly..

“Hello······.”.

“Welcome to our home, Heyeong. I’m glad you could come. Now then, come on in.”.

Saeyeon welcomed Heyeong with a bright grin on her face. Once Jaim saw Heyeong come in, Jaim proudly held out the package of the game which she had recently bought..

“You’re here? Heyeong, look at this! It’s the new game that came out!”.

“Wow, you bought it? I also wanted to get it!”.

Seeing as Heyeong smiled brightly the instant she saw the game must mean that it’s very popular with the kids. Nanda and Jihye also welcomed Heyeong who was staring at the game package with sparkling eyes. Saeyeon and I met eyes as she followed behind Heyeong and Jayeon came over to me and Upperclassman Nabom as if she were trading places with Saeyeon. Jayeon grinned as she watched Heyeong stare intently at the TV with the controller in her hand and Jaim who was sitting next to her and teaching her how to play..

“As I expected, it was a good idea to invite her. It seems both Heyeong and Jaim are having fun.”.

“You invited her?”.

“It wouldn’t be fair if only you and Mom invited your friends, right? Jaim and I need a friend as well. What, do you not approve?”.

“I didn’t say that.”.

I genuinely have no reason to disapprove this, and, if anything, I was grateful to her because she came at the perfect timing and removed everyone’s attention from me..

Jayeon chuckled as if she expected I would react this way and turned to look at Upperclassman Nabom..

“Then let’s go, Big Sis. You know how to play the game as well, right?”.

“······Me?”.

Upperclassman Nabom asked back with blinking eyes..

“Do you think I’d call Dad, ‘Big Sis’? Heyeong is also your friend, isn’t she? She may be a childhood friend, but wouldn’t it be fun for you as well if you we all played together? That’s also why we bought a 4-player game.”.

Jayeon grinned at Upperclassman Nabom whose eyes were wide open in surprise and stuck her hand out towards her..

“I honestly don’t like you and I know you don’t like me either. Nevertheless, we’re going back to our own time frames after the festival, so, as you said before, I don’t mind if we have a temporary cease-fire until then. What do you think?”.

However, Upperclassman Nabom couldn’t grab that hand and hesitated. While simply staring at Jayeon’s hand waveringly, falteringly, and fearfully..

“All right.”.

So I grabbed Upperclassman Nabom’s hand and put it in Jayeon’s. I pushed Upperclassman Nabom’s back as she turned to look at me. There must have been no strength in her body as she took a staggering step towards Jayeon and everyone else..

“Go play with them. Your eyes have been overflowing with yearning since a while ago.”.

“But······.”.

Despite this, Upperclassman Nabom didn’t take another step forward. Instead of telling her off, Jayeon simply stared at Upperclassman Nabom. I let out a small sigh and did my best to smile..

“I’ll allow it as your dad. Go play with them, the two of you.”.

Numerous emotions brushed past Upperclassman Nabom’s face the instant I said that, but I decided to ignore them all..

Honestly speaking, I’m a failure as a dad, a failure as a human being, and I don’t want to watch them have fun. It can’t be helped, I’m this sort of person, after all..

Regardless, it couldn’t be helped right now..

There’s that scarf she won’t take off even while indoors..

So I decided that I would be the only one to suffer right now..

“Now then, let’s go.”.

Jayeon took the weak Upperclassman Nabom and went to the others. Upperclassman Nabom looked at me for a moment, but she smiled bitterly and sat in front of the game console in the end..

This might seem cruel if you think about it. Similar to how I didn’t intend to join them till the bitter end, Upperclassman Nabom must have also wanted to stay here..

Should I call this a small revenge?.

This thought went through my head while I observed the three Jaims start the game with the blissfully ignorant Heyeong next to them and Saeyeon, Jihye, and Nanda watching them from behind..

Ο.

✿ΟΟ✿ΟΟ✿.

Ο.

It was the night after everyone had gone home. Only Jayeon and I were working on the repairs today. Jaim must have played too much today as she went to her room saying that she was going to sleep. Upperclassman Nabom offered to stay and help, but I refused..

“She acted as if she didn’t want to play at first, but she became a completely different person the instant the controller was in her hand. Of course, I figured she would be better than me since she’s older, but I didn’t think I would be that outmatched.”.

She sounded as if she were complaining, but there were some satisfaction and happiness mixed in there as well. I simply chuckled..

“Ah, what’s up with that reaction? Are you unable to praise your middle daughter who paid attention to this and that so that your three daughters could play together happily?”.

“Yeah yeah, good job, good job.”.

“Ehehe······.”.

It wasn’t until I stroked her head did Jayeon narrow her eyes and smile in satisfaction. This might be my first time hearing this girl do this laugh..

“So, how’s the repair progress?”.

“Mm, I should be able to go back around the same time Big Sis Nabom leaves. You’re going to be so sad, Dad. Two of your daughters will be leaving you soon.”.

Jayeon gazed at me as she laughed teasingly. I wonder. I may feel sad, but I’ll also feel refreshed. I’m not going to tell her this, though. I don’t know how she interpreted my bitter smile, but Jayeon furtively held on to my arm. She hasn’t done this lately..

“Are you that sad? Because your adorable and charming daughter is leaving?”.

“I’m planning to definitely raise Jaim No. 1 in a different way from Jaim No. 2 so that she doesn’t have a father complex.”.

“Ei, even though you like this. You also prefer an adorable daughter like me over a daughter who always complains, right?”.

“Don’t say that while poking my cheek. Don’t take my glasses off and wear them yourself either. Why can’t you ever stay still? Are you mentally unstable or something?”.

“That’s because I like you when you’re younger, I mean, your childhood self. We don’t have a huge gap in age either. Isn’t it interesting to have a dad who’s only 3 years older than you?”.

“I have a daughter who’s 3 years older than me, but it isn’t really interesting.”.

“As I thought, you prefer larger breasts, don’t you? I don’t really like a dad who lusts over their own daughter. Aren’t you being a bit too devious?”.

“Seriously, you say whatever you want.”.

I grabbed Jaim’s head as she was pressing her chest against my arm and pushed her away. Jaim let out a grunt because I had pushed her by her forehead. I do admit she’s cute, though..

“Didn’t you say that I treat you well in the future? Latch on to him once you get back to the future. Stop latching on to me as if you’re emotionally deprived.”.

I could tell that my voice sounded annoyed, but what can I do about it?.

“······Seriously, there aren’t a lot of daughters who actively stick to their dads out of affection like this, but why do you keep kicking your own luck away?”.

“······I wonder about that myself.”.

Those words which I had uttered without much thought stabbed into my chest. After rubbing her forehead, Jayeon let out a small sigh and spoke..

“I don’t know if I should be happy about your single-minded devotion towards Mom, or be sad······.”.

Those words struck another nerve. This girl should already know. I wonder if she’s acting like this because she thinks I don’t know. Even still..

I turned my gaze towards Jihye who was on top of the worktable. As usual, Jihye’s eyes were closed and she didn’t budge an inch as if she were lifeless. Her cover was open, there were cables sticking out of her, and I had been looking through her insides, so you could immediately tell that she wasn’t a living thing and was simply a machine. Jihye made me feel that sense of difference..

Since when did I start becoming unphased about seeing Jihye like this? Since when was I able to joke around like this? It hasn’t been that long since then..

Jayeon distanced her chair slightly from mine as if she weren’t going to latch on to me anymore and asked a question..

“More importantly, what about on your side, Dad? Do you understand it a bit?”.

“Understand what?”.

“What do you mean ‘what’? I’m talking about the principle and structure of time machines and robot maids.”.

Jayeon looked at me with blinking eyes as if she were asking me something obvious. She looked somewhat hopeful..

“You were able to understand it a bit since I explained it to you, right?”.

“I don’t know······.”.

I smiled wryly and shook my head. There’s no way I would know..

Robot maids and time machines..

Both things were a scientist’s dream. They were dreams because they were hard to accomplish. Existences which people could only dream of. There’s no way that a high school student like myself would be able to comprehend these sort of things. Honestly, the fact that I was going to make these things in the future still felt like a lie..

Robot maids which looked human, thought like a human, and could replace humans. This was an achievement that was at the level of ‘creating man’. This was different from a simple mannequin. Not only could they move around like a human, but different from a normal, simple computer, they could think for themselves and make their own decisions. An achievement which modern science says is impossible..

Do I even have to talk about time machines? Being able to travel back in time means that you’ve conquered time itself. Something that has never happened since the creation of the universe itself. An act the world had restricted and everyone believed was impossible. An achievement that was only possible in one’s imaginations..

However, it seems my future self manages to achieve these two things. The three Jaims and Jihye had assured me this. How impressive..

“Work a little harder, Dad. The faster you invent a time machine, the more opportunities we’ll have. I’m cheering for you.”.

Jayeon sent me a wink. Jayeon brought her hands together and continued..

“I’ve been praying almost every day for you to save Mom, Dad. For the day we’re able to live happily like this again as a family.”.

“Praying, huh······? Is there a religion you believe in?”.

“No, I don’t have anything like that. But there are times people pray for something anyway, right? Have you never done it, Dad?”.

“I don’t do things like praying.”.

Jayeon grinned in response to my remark and spoke..

“Why? Does it go against your chuunibyou tendencies? Or are you an atheist because you’re a man of science?”.

I shook my head in response to her somewhat teasing tone..

“If you bring your hands together to pray, then both of your hands aren’t able to do anything. There’s no problem out there that can be resolved if you yourself don’t do anything. A problem like that shouldn’t exist either. I’d rather move my hands instead of wasting time like that. In order to make the situation even a tiny bit better. There’s nothing you can achieve by praying.”.

“What, so you’re just an atheist in the end.”.

Jayeon shrugged, but she soon grinned again..

“Nevertheless, I believe that’s a good mentality to have. Mhm, you’re cool, Dad.”.

Whenever I heard these sort of words, previously, I would feel uplifted and my heart would feel warm. It felt like I had been acknowledged, after all..

Past tense, because this was no longer the case..

When you can’t do anything other than pray, and praying doesn’t achieve anything, then what else can you do?.

“······Dad?”.

Jayeon called out to me cautiously as my head was lowered..

“If possible, I didn’t want to ask this, but······. Did something happen recently, Dad?”.

I heard the sound of Jayeon approaching me. She rubbed my back and shoulder while my head was still down. Her hand was soft and warm..

“You know, what happens, don’t you?”.

I wanted to hold it back, but the touch of her hand on my back coerced the words out of me..

“The previous me found out around this time, didn’t he?”.

“Did Big Sis Nabom tell you something again?”.

She only sounded worried, as if she didn’t know what I was talking about. I see, is that how it is? If I think about it, then there’s no way the previous me would have told everyone the truth. If Jayeon doesn’t know, if she doesn’t know that I know the truth right now, then is there a reason for me to go out of my way to tell her? Wouldn’t it be better to just keep it hidden? Even the fact that I knew the truth..

Jayeon spoke in a gentle voice that resembled Saeyeon’s..

“Tell me, Dad. I know everything that you’ve heard and are worrying about. It’s fine. No matter what it is, I understand everything you’re going through, Dad.”.

And those last words, stabbed at my chest..

She knows everything? She understands everything?.

What’s making her so confident?.

Is it because she’s my daughter? Is it because she resembles me?.

.

I took in a deep breath, raised my head, and spoke while looking at Jayeon..

“Upperclassman Nabom told me the reason why Saeyeon dies.”.

“⎯⎯⎯······.”.

Only the sound of breathing came out of Jayeon’s mouth. I turned my head..

A momentary stillness fell over us. I couldn’t hear anything..

“She, told you······?”.

Jayeon barely managed to stammeringly say those words. I nodded my head silently. Jayeon made the same expression which Jaim and Upperclassman Nabom had once made before. The same look that appeared as if she had lost all hope. However, it didn’t end with that. After clenching her teeth together, she did her best to smile. Her smile was similar to the way I’ve been smiling recently..

“I-It’s okay, Dad! We’re working hard like this now and in the future in order to change that future, aren’t we?”.

“But the previous me wasn’t able to avoid it in the end, right?”.

Once I said that, Jaim No. 2’s smiling face stiffened again..

Yeah, it’s probably like that. That’s probably why Jaim No. 2 is here acting like this after coming here while testing the time machine. I know. Jaim No. 2, Upperclassman Nabom, and I know that the future can’t be changed. We’re forcing ourselves like this because we don’t want to admit it..

“······Regardless, we can’t give up.”.

So Jayeon raised her head again. She wasn’t smiling anymore, but she was staring at me with an undaunting gaze instead..

“Because you didn’t give up and fall into despair, I was able to come here like this on the time machine you made. In order to change the future. There must definitely be a way.”.

Jayeon continued while rubbing my shoulder..

“Dad, you’re the prodigy scientist of this era, a mad scientist who’s going to conquer the world one day, aren’t you? You’re smart enough to create a time machine like this, right? So······.”.

“I’m not a genius!”.

Jayeon must have no expected me to shout as she flinched and backed away. However, I couldn’t stop my mouth which had already opened once..

“The prodigy scientist of this era? A mad scientist? Those are all concepts! A chuunibyou delusion! I’m well aware of this! I’m better aware of this than anyone else!”.

I’ve admitted this several times already. I didn’t want to admit this, to admit something like this, but I did. I had no other choice..

But even though I’ve given up, even though I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not what I’ve constantly said I was, why?.

“There’s nothing impressive about me! There’s nothing special or great about me! I’m just your average Joe! I don’t have the power to change the future! I’m just······ a normal person······!”.

I couldn’t endure the trembling in my hand and my boiling emotions that I wound up throwing the spanner which had been in my hand. A pure metallic clang resounded the instant it hit the wall. The unexpected loud noise made Jayeon flinch in surprise..

“You know as well, don’t you?! That there’s nothing amazing about me!”.

Jayeon stammered as she tried to calm me down as best as she could..

“B-But, you really are amazing, Dad, aren’t you······? You already have several patents at that age, and in the future, you create robot maids and time machines······.”.

“You’re talking about that other guy! The guy who isn’t dense and is capable of those things! I can’t do that! I don’t know anything! It’ll be the same no matter how many years pass! My abilities aren’t that impressive! I’m dense and I’m only all talk!”.

I have no idea how time machines work and how to change the future. I don’t know what I should even do to figure that out..

“If I were a genius, if I were truly a genius, then I would have figured something out by now! But I’m not! I, I just······!”.

My head dropped as Jayeon gazed at me blankly..

“I just wanted to believe that I was a genius, that I was an impressive person······.”.

I simply wanted to be something special..

Someone that people couldn’t disregard. Not an existence whose presence was trivial, but a unique existence. A special existence who everyone needed..

The world is overflowing with people and people have no interest in the majority. People with fleeting presences who no one would miss if they were gone. There were only trivial people..

Like me..

Even my family didn’t need me. Since no one liked me..

That’s why I needed an assurance. That I wasn’t like that. That I had to be here. That I was special. That it was all right for me to be in the world. That there’s a significance to my existence..

The protagonists I would see in the manga, games, and animations I would play and watch when I was a child had those types of reasons. A hero to save the world. Someone with a special ability. Someone needed by someone else and is liked by everyone..

I envied them. I wanted to be like them..

That’s why I started to copy them. I imitated them. I mimicked them. I acted as if I were a special existence. That I was a genius. I went around saying that I was amazing..

Because I wasn’t confident about myself, about the words I’d say, about my actions..

And, because I was lonely..

People with the same interest are able to talk to each other. They would utter, ‘Oh, that!’ as they talk. Even if it’s nothing major, they simply hope that the other had seen the same thing as they did..

I’m not an uninteresting person. I’m not a person who you should show no interest in. Similar to how I would purposely do exaggerated things in order to not let others know that I was lonely, I would pretend to be cheerful in order to prevent others from knowing that I wanted to be alone and that being alone also made me lonely. I went around bluffing..

While not hoping for the attention of others, while wanting the attention of others..

Even though I would only despair the more I did this..

Even though I knew this, this was all that I could do..

Eventually, I gradually stopped caring about this. Because I found out that there was someone who liked me and needed me. Because I found out there was someone who was looking towards the same place as me. I no longer had to imitate others. I no longer had to work hard to obtain the comfort of talking to someone who understood me. I had Saeyeon, Jaim, Nanda, Jihye, and Upperclassman Nabom. It wasn’t a lot of people, it was a number you could count on one hand, but finally..

But for me to lose the most important person..

If I truly were a genius, an amazing person like this girl had said, then..

I stood up. I opened the door. Jayeon reached her hand out to grab my sleeve, but I shook her off. I closed the door behind me. At the very least, I didn’t want to face her right now..

I took out my cellphone instead. I pressed in a number. I was soon connected..

“······Do you want to play basketball?”.

Ο.

✿ΟΟ✿ΟΟ✿.

Ο.

He must have made his way here the instant he told me he would be here soon as Nanda arrived before much time could pass. The nights have been starting to get chilly as of late, so Nanda was wearing a tracksuit..

We were at a basketball court a short way away from my place. It was a small court attached to the playground, but it was enough for the two of us to play. Fortunately, there was no one else here since it was so late..

“What’s up? You of all people inviting me to exercise.”.

“Doing something like this with a friend sometimes isn’t that bad, is it? Were you busy?”.

“No, I don’t have to go to my part-time job today, so I can play······.”.

Nanda caught the ball I had tossed while he was in the middle of talking and propping up his bike. There was a slight glint of surprise in his eyes, but I ignored it and spoke..

“1 on 1. First to 30 points. You get 2 points if you get a shot during an offense switch. There are no 3 pointers or anything, only 1 point shots. We’re going with deuce rules. You have no complaints, right?”.

“······Well, yeah, I have no complaints, but did something happen?”.

Nanda finished propping his bike up while holding the basketball with one hand and bounced the ball two times while talking. He even showed off by spinning the ball on his finger..

“I gave you the ball, so you’re on the offense first.”.

Once I answered him like that after he asked me if something had happened, Nanda didn’t pry any further. Nanda dribbled the ball as he went towards the offense position and I took my place in a defensive position a short distance away from him..

“Then I’ll start, okay?”.

“Do it.”.

After that short exchange, Nanda and I started to move..

I may not like exercising that much, but despite my appearance, I have a rather decent motor nerve. It might seem like I’m boasting, but I did run around a lot when I was little. I’m especially good at ball games..

“What’s wrong? Are you already out of breath?”.

“Hah······. Hah······. Sh-shut up······.”.

That’s why I thought I at least stood a fair chance..

With a grin on his face, Nanda tossed the ball at me while my upper body was lowered and I was trying to catch my breath. I was wiping the sweat off of my forehead, but Nanda was still breathing normally..

“With this, it’s 15 to 5. Try a little harder.”.

“It starts, hah, now.”.

I retorted while wiping off my flowing sweat and started to dribble the ball again. I won’t make an excuse like this is uncomfortable because I don’t have my glasses on..

My breathing was rough, but needless thoughts were disappearing from my head. This is why I like moving my body. It becomes comfier the more I struggle..

I examined Nanda’s face as I dribbled the ball. He looked serious but also relaxed. I’ve been putting my all into this since earlier, so that easy and composed smile annoyed me. I took a couple of steps while bouncing the ball..

I know. I know that my personality is a mess. I’m rough towards everyone, I get annoyed easily, and I’m not sure if I should say that I’m hot-tempered or not entirely human yet. I don’t know how to hide my emotions and don’t care whether I hurt someone or not. I prioritize myself the most..

I moved in while aiming for an opening. Without panicking, Nanda moved to block me like a wall as if he had expected me to do this. I can’t see a way around him..

Nanda stole the ball from me with ease. Nanda headed towards the outer corner as per the rule, so I chased after him, but my ragged breathing prevented me from moving my body freely. I stood in front of Nanda. Nanda looked at me with a serious gaze as he dribbled the ball..

“Jjaro, you sure you aren’t lacking exercise?”.

“Shut, hah, up, hah.”.

“I mean, I’ve been training my body through my lessons and stuff like that······. Yeah, how about playing basketball like this every now and then? If you think it’ll be boring by yourself, then you can bring Saeyeon, Jaim, or Jihye as well. Shouldn’t you have these sort of outings with your family?”.

Calm breathing and a pleasant smile. He doesn’t look even remotely tired..

Even in a situation like this, he’s being considerate of others..

What does he mean by bringing Saeyeon or Jaim along? Does he simply think that Saeyeon and Jaim would like it if I invited them, or is it because he wants to see Saeyeon for even a second longer?.

“⎯⎯⎯Kuh!”.

My body moved faster than I could think. I moved so intensely that I couldn’t believe that I was barely able to move my body properly a second ago. I threw my body forward and reached my hand out..

And Nanda, as if he had predicted even this, pushed me aside and advanced forward. It wasn’t aggressive, but the sudden shock made my exhausted body fall over. Once I opened my eyes, which I had closed due to pain, the world was upside down. I watched as Nanda cleanly swished the ball into the basket..

“With this, that’s 30 points. Playing basketball is nice every now and then.”.

Like usual, he had a refreshing grin on his face. Even the motion of him wiping the sweat off of his forehead looked refreshing..

“······Uaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”.

Due to that sight, I released the strength from my body and shouted towards the sky..

.

I thought I stood a chance, but even the deuce rule I set up as an assurance turned out to be useless. I wasn’t even a match for him. I breathed roughly..

“It’s unsightly if you get mad for losing. Hurry up and get up.”.

With a wry smile on his face, Nanda extended his hand towards me. Yeah, he’s right. It’s unsightly if I get upset for losing..

But I lost. There’s nothing I can win against him with..

I have no other choice but to accept it. I have no other choice but to honestly accept this..

I’m jealous of Nanda..

How is he so good at everything?.

He has a good personality. He’s always bright and treats everyone kindly. He smiles whether the other person shows him goodwill or malice. The fact that this guy calls a rotten person like myself his friend without any hesitation shows how good of a person he is..

He’s also handsome. A complete contrast with an average-looking person like me. He has an appearance which garners affection from anyone who looked at him. He has defined facial features and an eye-catching smile. His face was on the same level as most celebrities. Whether they be men or women, there’s probably no one out there who doesn’t show good will towards him. He instantly gained fans when he went on air last time..

He was talented, too. In a field he wanted, at that. He was also good at singing, making the fact that he was going to become a star in the future not seem like a lie. He was capable of even moving me with his singing despite the fact that I’m not particularly interested in these sort of things..

He has a lot of friends as well. It’s not immediately noticeable, but Nanda’s presence alone is capable of creating a pleasant atmosphere. He gains everyone’s affection. Nanda worries about me since he’s my one and only friend, but he definitely has numerous friends who are as close to him as I am..

He’s also good at sports. He has a good figure. Different from my half-curled hair that’s tangled here and there, he has nice, smooth hair despite being a guy..

No matter how much I try to find a fault in him, I can’t..

He’s perfect. To the point that I wonder if this sort of person could actually exist in the world..

I’m certain that even Saeyeon, if she hadn’t met me when she was little, if she hadn’t come to like me, if I hadn’t raised her weirdly, she would have probably fallen for Nanda at first sight. Similar to how Jaim likes Nanda now..

And if it were this guy, then he would definitely meet Saeyeon and Jaim’s expectations. He would probably accept Saeyeon’s goodwill and affection genuinely and dote on Jaim. If the three of them were together, then no matter who saw them, they would probably see an affectionate family..

I wanted to be like that as well..

But it’s impossible. I can’t do that..

Be it being friendly to everyone, receiving love, and prioritizing others over myself, these things were all impossible for me. I was born as a twisted human being, after all..

Even if Nanda and I were to switch places, nothing would have changed..

If Nanda was abandoned by his parents at a young age and had to live by himself? He would have still smiled pleasantly and treated everyone kindly. He would have thought about the other people out there who were struggling more than he was. If Saeyeon latched on to him and told him she liked him, he wouldn’t feel a sense of deprivation and loss because she had a family and he didn’t. He’s that sort of person, after all. He’s been like this since he was born..

If I had been in Nanda’s shoes? If I had lost my father after living normally for a while and was put in a situation where my mother and I couldn’t maintain our household unless I got a part-time job? I would have definitely complained about how I’m the only one who’s suffering this much and whine about it all the time. I would probably have lived hating everyone else who’s happy. I would have probably enjoyed the sight of seeing others suffer. Because I’m this sort of person. Because I’m this sort of twisted person..

How nice would it be if I were like him? I could only dream about this..

I know very well that the very fact I’m thinking like this means that I can’t become like Nanda..

“What are you doing? Grab my hand. Your clothes are going to get dirty. You can’t be like this just because you know Jihye is going to clean your clothes for you.”.

Nanda chuckled and shook his hand as if he were urging me. I grabbed his hand and dusted my clothes after I got up. Nanda passed the ball to me and asked..

“So, what happened for you to be acting like this?”.

I sometimes wonder if Nanda were in my shoes, if he knew that Saeyeon was going to die in 2 years, how would he act?.

If it’s Nanda, then he probably wouldn’t suffer by himself..

Instead of distancing himself from Saeyeon, he would probably get much closer to her. He might even borrow the strength of everyone else and brainstorm together with everyone to come up with a solution. He would probably convince the daughter who knows the future but doesn’t cooperate come over to his side. Proficiently. Since Nanda can do anything..

“······It’s nothing. I’ve just been feeling a little frustrated recently.”.

However, despite all this, I couldn’t tell him..

Because I don’t want to give up..

He may be great, but I couldn’t acknowledge it..

In the end, the thing that makes people suffer the most is hope..

“Is that so······?”.

Nanda seemed disappointed by my response, and, as I expected, he didn’t pry any further because he’s a good guy..

Even that consideration hurt..

Ο.

✿ΟΟ✿ΟΟ✿.

Ο.

As a way to compensate him for having called him out so late, I bought Nanda a drink and went home afterward. Naturally, all the lights in the house were off. Jayeon must have gone to sleep as well since the light in my room was also off. I felt a little relieved. I opened the front door and entered the house without a word..

“······Hm?”.

That’s why I was slightly surprised when I saw the black shadow standing in the dark entrance. I probably managed to not scream because I had calmed down..

I only heard a loud ‘Slap—!’ after my vision went white for a second, my head had turned halfway around, and my cheek started to sting..

My body ended up being carried by that unexpected shock. I lost my balance in the darkness and bumped against the wall. My shoulder hurt as well. Due to all this, I had no other choice but to strike an awkward pose where I rubbed both my cheek and shoulder at the same time..

“W-What?!”.

“······I apologize, Master.”.

The dark shadow bowed courteously after calling me ‘Master’. I reached out and turned on the light for the entranceway. The dim yellow light revealed Jihye..

Jihye had struck my cheek. This was the thing that surprised me the most..

“However, I judged that, not as a housekeeper or a robot maid, but as your mistress and Miss Jin Jaim’s second mother, I had to give you a stern punishment.”.

With an angered look on her face, Jihye spoke while frowning..

“Previously, I heard that you had learned the reason for the Missus’ death from someone, so I’ve been turning a blind eye towards how you’ve not been feeling well lately and the fact you’ve been distancing yourself from everyone since you most likely don’t want the Missus or the Miss to know about it.”.

Even if we’re equally upset, there’s a difference between how Jaim and I get upset and how Saeyeon and Jihye get upset. If Jaim and I get upset, our voices get louder and we become fiercer. If Saeyeon and Jihye get upset, then they become calmer than usual. That’s why I could tell that Jihye was quite angry right now..

“Nevertheless, I don’t understand why one would get annoyed and upset at another family member, nor do I intend to understand this.”.

Jihye put her fists against her hips and glared at me strongly, so I rubbed the back of my neck and asked..

“······Where’s Jayeon?”.

“The older Miss went to bed after reactivating me. While crying. Rather than being hurt by your words and actions, the Miss was more worried that she had hurt you with what she said.”.

Jihye glanced sadly at the room which Jayeon was sharing with Jaim before turning back to me. She spoke again in a stern tone..

“However, I believe that doesn’t compare to the pain you’ve caused her, Master.”.

“······I know what I did was wrong, but I had a reason.”.

“Is it the same reason as to why you started to distance yourself from everyone?”.

I nodded. Jihye let out a sigh. I thought about whether I should tell her or not, but I did so anyway, albeit hesitantly..

“Actually, it’s the thing I asked you a long······.”.

“I don’t want to know the reason why you’re ignoring your family and distancing yourself from them. Nor am I curious.”.

Jihye cut me off sternly. I chuckled in response to those cold words..

“I wanted to tell you this before, but since we’re already on the topic, I’ll tell you now.”.

Jihye spoke in a strict tone towards me while I was smiling bitterly and averting my gaze..

“I don’t understand your recent behaviors, Master.”.

“······You don’t understand?”.

I turned to her and asked back. Jihye should know that Saeyeon’s going to die, she should know the reason why Saeyeon dies, and that I also know the reason now..

Jihye nodded and continued..

“If I knew that Master was going to pass away in 2 years, ah, pardon me. Nevertheless, if I knew this, then I wouldn’t distance myself from you. If anything, I would get even closer to you.”.

“······.”.

“And I believe the Missus would do the same.”.

Different from before, Jihye looked at me with a slightly disappointed, but warm gaze. Her angered expression changed into a worried one. She reached her hand out and softly stroked my cheek. The reddened cheek which she had struck earlier. I felt a warm sensation..

“Master.”.

In times like this, it felt like Jihye was truly like Saeyeon, like the girl who liked me, so it felt weird..

“She’s been acting as if it hasn’t been bothering her, but the Missus has been feeling quite lonely as of late.”.

“······Why are you the one to tell me that?”.

Jihye smiled brightly in response to my complaint..

“Because I’m a good mistress who wants to see her man and his wife get along. That’s why I’m also upset right now.”.

While touching my cheek gently and affectionately..

“Are you afraid to approach the Missus?”.

“······Yeah.”.

“Are you afraid of obtaining something that’s going to disappear?”.

“······That’s right.”.

I nodded. Jihye smiled slightly as if she expected this..

I thought I wouldn’t be able to obtain one. I hated that everyone had one but I didn’t. That’s why I disliked it. I did my best to convince myself that I didn’t need one, and yet, I ended up obtaining one anyway..

But I was told that it was going to disappear again. It’s so unfair that I sometimes wonder if the world had deliberately given this to me only to take it away later. I’m upset. I’m afraid..

“If I get any closer, I’m afraid of what will happen after it disappears.”.

I suffered a lot when I didn’t have one, but if it were to disappear..

Even though I haven’t done anything for them until now.Even though there’s nothing I can do for them..

“That’s why I hit you.”.

Jihye smiled and responded to my mumbling which I had said after dropping my head..

“The Missus most likely won’t hit you, the Miss doesn’t know anything, and the older Miss probably won’t hit you either, after all.”.

Jihye smiled brightly and moved the hand which was touching my cheek to the back of my neck. She pulled me towards her and made me lean my head against her chest. Similar to how a mother embraces their child. Like that..

“Master, you’re a lot dumber than I thought you were.”.

“······Yeah. I know.”.

“I thought you had definitely figured it out last time, but you forgot.”.

“······Yeah. That’s right.”.

You can’t say that knowing the truth makes you happy. The problem might be the fact that I believed I could do something if I knew the truth..

Jihye stroked the back of my head and spoke..

“Master, what you can do for the Missus right now is be at her side. That’s it. Weren’t you already aware? The thing the Missus wants the most is for you to always be at her side to hold her hand.”.

Yeah. That’s what Saeyeon had said..

To look towards the same place. To walk forward while holding hands..

“Even if you aren’t an amazing person, Master, even if you aren’t a hero who can accomplish anything, can’t you at least manage that much?”.

My face was buried in her chest so I couldn’t see her face, but I knew she was smiling. Jihye spoke as if she were consoling a child..

“Do the simplest task first.”.

Jihye shifted her tone into a slightly teasing one before continuing..

“You’re distancing yourself from the Missus right now so that you don’t get hurt, aren’t you? You’re not thinking of the Missus. You’re just doing that so you don’t suffer.”.

“······But it’s excruciating. It’s painful.”.

“Would you not suffer for having distanced yourself from the Missus right now?”.

Jihye asked..

“If you keep your distance from the Missus right now, then wouldn’t you suffer after she’s gone? If you spend the remainder of the time distancing yourself from her, then would the feelings you have right now also disappear? I don’t think so.”.

It’s just as she said..

Because I also want to be at Saeyeon’s side..

Because I want to look towards the same direction as her and hold her hand. Because I’m suffering over the fact that I won’t be able to do this forever..

Because I can’t leave Saeyeon’s side, I have to somehow find a way to change that reason while at her side..

“······Uk.”.

A noise seeped out. Jihye pulled my head into her chest even tighter. As if trying to prevent that noise from seeping out. She rubbed my back with her other hand. She patted me, stroked me, and held me..

“······Uu, hk, uuu······! Uuuu······!”.

My hands which had been dangling weakly came together. I inadvertently clasped my hands together..

As if I were praying..

“Why······?! Just why······?!”.

Jihye’s clothes became wet. I felt something moist, however, I stayed like this for a while. My body trembled and I muffled my cries..

“······Yes. There you go.”.

Jihye lowered her head while patting my back. Jihye’s hair touched my cheeks. With a small voice, Jihye spoke in a tone filled with sympathy..

“Just let it all out.”.

It’s unfair..

I barely managed to obtain it..

I managed to get what I wanted, but I knew I was going to lose it..

“Right now, all you have to do is let it all out like this.”.

I buried my face deeper into Jihye’s chest..

In order to prevent the sound from leaking out. In order to mute the sound of my crying..

So, at the very least, Saeyeon and Jaim couldn’t see my weak side..

“Uaauuuuuh! Uhuk······! Uhuuuu!”.

I bit down on Jihye’s clothes, I bit down so hard that my teeth hurt as I cried..

.

We stayed like this, for who knows how long..

“······I’m sorry.”.

I managed to raise my head after a while. I took off my glasses which had been pressing against my face and wiped the corners of my eyes with my sleeve. Jihye didn’t tidy her dress and instead asked me a question..

“Do you feel a little refreshed?”.

“······Well, a bit. Thanks.”.

Jihye smiled brightly in response..

“I’m a robot maid that was made for this purpose.”.

Come to think of it, it’s been a long time since Jihye and I had a talk with just the two of us..

Jihye probably also has a lot she wants to say, considering there was a lot I wanted to say as well. About Jayeon, about how we’ve been disassembling her lately, and about how she was going to go back soon, these sort of things. There was a lot I wanted to ask as well..

Nevertheless, Jihye didn’t say anything, so I didn’t ask her anything either. As Jihye had said, this was enough, so I decided to leave it at that..

“Then go charge up and get some rest. I’ll get some sleep, too.”.

“Yes. Oh, one moment, Master.”.

Jihye stopped me from going to my room. She straightened out my wrinkled tracksuit, dust the dirt off of my clothes, and gave a satisfied nod after fixing my collar..

“All right, you’re good now.”.

“······You know I’m going to take this off the instant I go in my room, right?”.

Jihye beamed brightly at me..

“It’s normal to want the man you like to always look their best.”.

“······.”.

Now that I think about it, this might be my first time hearing from Jihye herself ‘the man she likes’. My cheeks reddened and I turned away. Jihye turned her head and spoke in a gentle tone..

“The festival is next week now. I’m looking forward to it.”.

“Yeah. The festival is next week.”.

This meant that Jayeon, Jihye, and Upperclassman Nabom were going to disappear from my side. However, I didn’t say this..

“Now then, sleep well, Master. Don’t forget to have a talk with the older Miss in the morning.”.

“All right. You too, Jihye, sleep well.”.

I closed the door while looking at Jihye courteously bow towards me..

Chapter end