We Will Meet Again - Chapter 390

When people begin to treat you like dirt, like trash that is not supposed to exist, it does not take long before you see yourself this way.

How long did it take for her to have that mindset? She did not last as long as she would have liked.

It did not take her long before she thought of everything she did as useless, her likes and dislikes – all of it was nothing. In the end, everything she did was wrong. No matter what little improvements she made, everything was counted as nothing.

It isn’t enough; she has to do more… She has to do something.

But what good will it do? No matter what she does, it will be wrong. What can somebody as useless and filthy as her achieve? Does she even have the right to do anything?

To breathe, to live – at some point, it became exhausting. The never-ending nightmares that haunt her, her closed-off personality. Would it have helped if she was more open? If she pretended to be cheerful and outgoing? Would it have helped if she pretended to be somebody she wasn’t?

The answer is no, none of that would have helped her. It would remain unchanged since the route of the problem is her.

So exhausting, even thinking this stuff is exhausting. She is already so tired of everything. Why does she have to continue putting in any effort for nothing? There is no reason for her to try so hard when nobody would acknowledge her.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to sleep?” Akito’s words broke her thoughts.

“I’m afraid that sleeping now won’t help.”

If she were to fall asleep now, the nightmares would consume her again.

Akito brushed his fingers across her forehead. “Still getting nightmares?”

“…yes.”

There was no use hiding it from Akito, who knew everything about her.

“I see.” Akito bent down and kissed her forehead. “If you want to talk, I am here for you.”

“Previously, as in the case of a few months back, I said to you, didn’t I? ‘It’s too sad, and that’s why I don’t want you to go through with this. I was hoping to run into you before today and tell you my feelings on the matter. But after hearing you speak, I can’t possibly tell you not to. You know Akito, even if it may seem stupid and foolish in other people’s eyes.

It has always been easier to say you’ll do something for the sake of the one you love rather than the whole world. ‘Indeed, it really is easier to say that than say something grandiose like sacrificing yourself for the rest of the world, because even now what’s motivating me is ‘love’ rather than my dream. .” She trails off,

“You know, I always regretted not stopping you then. From going back home.”

A burst of bitter laughter passed Akito’s lips. “Even if you stopped me then, nothing would have changed.”

Setsura shook her head. “No, it would have been different. Akito, do you remember? When you first confessed your feelings for me?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“Back then, you told me you loved me, but you didn’t want to date me. When I heard that, I understood the reason why. Even though I was willing to accept your hand, you wouldn’t have let me since you were afraid of change. You were afraid that ‘love’ was something worth risking everything you’ve believed in until now. Although in your case, you were more afraid to take things seriously, because you were afraid to lose what was dear to you.”

“Oh my, if you ask me, you were like that too.”

“Indeed, I don’t think I can deny that fact.” She trails off. “Back then, you told me you loved me. But you couldn’t accept my hand. When I thought about it that way, I’ve always wondered if your feelings were as strong as you made them out to be.”

She noticed how nervous he seemed after she said those words.

Setsura quickly added. “Oh no, it’s not that I’m disregarding your feelings or anything like that. But, I just wondered whether they were as strong as you made them out to be.”

Akito laughed. “That’s harsh.”

“Well, mmm. I had such thoughts for a while.”

To think she can say this stuff easily now.

“Yes. . . . I’m sorry for being weak.”

She shook her head. It was the first time she had ever seen Akito this way. Akito, who could always see right through another person, show someone else feelings he wanted to hide.

‘I can imagine that he must feel torn up that he is showing this side of himself to me right now. Despite that, he is still willing to talk to me.’

He is showing his true feelings to her. The tears continued to stream down her face. She buried her face in her arms and turned around, so her back faced him.

It’s a good thing that she is laying down. ‘I don’t want him to see my face right now.’ It isn’t fair on him.

“Whenever I see you work hard despite your struggling. I end up feeling irritated; you’re pushing yourself so hard. Sometimes you do it and get nothing in return.”

That’s right, she has always made a pointless amount of effort on stupid things. Even though she knows it’s futile already.

“But that is you’re strength. You never seem to worry about hurting yourself while you protect others.”

“I–I am not that special, I am not that strong.”

That’s right; even she has her moments where she breaks down and falls apart. ‘I have way too many.’

“I am the same as you. I put up a front to try and handle things that I know I cannot control. When I fail, those around me get hurt.”

“Are you talking about Yang?”

Oh! Now that he mentions it, it would sound like it, huh?

“When you give it your all, a lot of emotions flow. It is hard to keep everything where it should be. Feelings of greed and attachment. I’ve been trying to contain my feelings of jealousy, but just the thought of you and Yang drives me crazy.”

“What are you talking about?”

“See, if I put in my all nothing good happens.”

That isn’t true at all. Sure Akito makes mistakes whenever he puts in a lot of effort. But that is normal. Nobody is perfect, and people make mistakes. How many mistakes has she made despite putting in the effort?