When My Wife Cheated On Me, I Went Back To My College Days! I’m A Sparkling Adolescent, Irresistible With My Married Life Experience! And Yet Somehow, My Young Wife Missed Me! - CH 107

Chapter 107: Such Titles Don’t Work

TL: Akabane

***

Apparently, I was the target of this raid. When I entered the men’s restroom for a bathroom break, I encountered a group of grinning hoodlums.

“You’re Kanahisa Tokiwa! You’re so unlucky! You’re such a fool to have the head of Takinose hold a grudge against you! But it really is the best job I’ve ever had! Even if I kill you, my client will take care of the rest! Spray your blood all over the place! Hebuu!

I slams my fist into the face of the chatty, stupid punk and knocks him out.

“How dare you! Get ’em all! Gubooooooo!”

The chimpillaz around me attacked, wielding bats and knives and such, but from my point of view, they all moved too slowly. I just kept dodging and dealing with them as I went along, and just as I was hitting them with counters, they all collapsed to the floor.

“M-Monster…”

“Huh? You guys are just too weak. I’m just an honest little citizen.”

I was just a small fry who had fought against Igarashi’s former Karez in the previous world. Or rather, the former Karez are just extraordinary. They were really strong. Looking back on it now, it’s a miracle that I survived and even got married. As I went outside to do my business, I found Igarashi sitting on a bench looking at a map of the amusement park. And when she noticed me, she looked kind of awkward.

“You’ve been in the bathroom a long time. I heard some groaning coming from the men’s restroom…. Is your stomach okay? Were you scared of the roller coaster after all? Is your poop loose?”

“No, I’m not. I don’t poop. I mean, stop it, I’m seriously not doing it.”

“Really? But tell me if you’re not okay with it! I have plenty of tissues!”

Please don’t do that. If I’m labeled as the guy who pooped on his date, I’m sure my mental health won’t stand for it! Well, the attacker turned out to be Takinose. And it seems she’s in league with the amusement park. Even if she kills me here, she seems to have made sure that the evidence will be destroyed and the police won’t be able to get a hold of it. I was slightly annoyed by the carefulness of the plot, like she was really Hagiri’s woman. And the attacks continued. For example, when Igarashi and I were racing in a go-cart at the go-cart track.

“Tokiwa! You’re late! You’re late! Haha!”

Igarashi is driving ahead of me, driving rather well. And that’s when the distance between her and me opened up a bit. There was a cart with a man in the car behind me who looked suspiciously out of place in an amusement park. The man pulled a bow gun out of his backpack and shot mercilessly at my head.

“Wow! But you better not aim too accurately!”

I swerved as hard as I could, turning the cart 180 degrees backwards and catching that arrow with my right hand.

“Oh, no! I caught the arrow!”

The guy is surprised at what I did, but it’s not quite like this yet. I drove my cart straight toward the guy’s cart and stuck the arrow through his tire as we passed each other.

“Uh-oh!”

The guy’s car went straight off the track and hit a wall, wrecking it. The man falls limp and unconscious beside his car from the impact.

“That’s what happens when you do something so unmanly as relying on a flying machine, idiot!”

I go straight back to racing Igarashi. But because of all this commotion, I lost the race to Igarashi.

“I was faster than you, so why don’t you let me drive you home?”

“No, that would hurt a man’s pride. I ain’t ever going to sit in the passenger seat.”

It seems I’ve been labeled as a poor driver by the girls. Takinose, I’ll never forgive her. I’ll make her pay for it somehow.

“This is the most terrifying haunted house!”

“Looks scary from the outside.”

Igarashi and I were standing in line at a haunted house that was apparently based on an abandoned school building. Inside the house, we could often hear the screams of girls. A couple came out of the retired door with smiles on their faces, looking scared but happy.

“That’s great. They said we’ll get a souvenir if we make it to the end! Let’s go for it! But if you get loose poop, just let me know! I’m a retiree, so don’t worry!”

“That’s why I’m not pooping! But the night school? I’ve never actually been to school at night, since I was in the go home club and didn’t stay in school.”

“Oh, you were in the go home club? I thought you were in the art club or something. Didn’t you take art school?”

“No, I’m a self-starter.”

“What kind of stuff do you paint?”

I displayed the recent paintings I’d done on my phone. Landscapes and abstracts. I’m quite an omnivore, so I write about anything.

“What is that? Is this Hamamatsu Castle? How cute! I like this picture. It’s cute.”

“I drew this picture at the GW camp last week. It’s pretty good and I like it.”

“I see. I see. It’s strange how pictures work. We didn’t go to Hamamatsu Castle together, but now I feel as if we did.”

Igarashi is smiling kindly. I might as well be proud of my painting skills since I made her smile this way. Igarashi swipes my phone and admires my paintings one after another.

“Fufu. You paint a lot of things, don’t you? Huh? This drawing…”

“Oh? That’s no good!”

I put my hand on the screen of my phone and hid the picture. But Igarashi said to me in a quiet but strong voice.

“Let me see it.”

I couldn’t resist the seriousness in her voice. So I took my hand off the phone.

“This is the pond at the Komaba campus, right? Who is this woman?”

The drawing was of a pond on the Komaba campus. It depicts the pale moonlight and the azure surface of the water. On the far left, I painted a naked woman wearing a white cloth, knee-deep in water. But it was still in the process of being created. Her hair was left blank and not filled in. I didn’t even draw her face.

“What was it?”

“Hmmm. I heard about the Arthurian legend the other day. That’s why I drew this picture. It’s like if the goddess was in a pond on the Komaba campus.”

I mean, it’s a nude painting, so I didn’t really want to show it to my female counterparts, which is pretty embarrassing.

“A goddess…? But you haven’t painted her hair or face yet, have you?”

“I just can’t think of what color they are. It’s on hold.”

“I see….yeah…. Then the color is…”

Igarashi is touching her own hair somewhat restlessly. But her hand suddenly stops. Her gaze left my picture.

“Hey, King Arthur died in the end, didn’t he?”

Igarashi said in a somewhat cold voice.

“Yeah, I think he died from a battle wound, and a woman came out of the lake, and she took him to heaven or something like that. Well, there’s a story about a resurrection in the future or something. I don’t know that much about it.”

After Mashiba told me about the legend of King Arthur, I looked it up, but there are so many things about King Arthur that I don’t understand: He went to heaven, he’s sleeping at the bottom of the lake, he will be resurrected in the future, and so on.

“Then, don’t make the goddess in that picture have gray hair.”

“Huh? What does that mean?”

I felt as if I had been struck by Igarashi’s words. Igarashi’s hair is grayish brown. An ashy color. A Cinderella color.

“…Uh, ah. Let’s see. Yeah. As expected, you see. If Tokiwa had drawn a picture of a naked girl with the same hair color as me, I would have been embarrassed. …That’s all. Yeah.”

“I see. Well, you’re right. Ahaha.”

I feel uncomfortable, as if some piece doesn’t fit. A sense of emptiness, as if there was a gaping hole. What in the world is this goddess Mashiba was talking about?

“Ah, Tokiwa! It looks like it’s our turn now!”

Before we knew it, our turn had come around. We followed the attendant’s lead and entered the haunted house. In the dim light, I stole a glance at Igarashi’s face. She was smiling happily. So I decided to laugh too. Let’s have fun. Let’s just enjoy this moment. That’s what I thought.

— “Ugh! I’m missing one piece of summer vacation homework! Sensei! I’m actually doing it right! Please believe me! Gyahahahaha!”

A voice that sounds like the ghost of a child echoes through the speakers. Isn’t it full of peculiarities? But the atmosphere is there. Igarashi next to me is enjoying it with an excited face.

— “Guaaaahhhh!!!!”

— “Gyuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!”

A ghostly female teacher dressed like a zombie appeared in front of me and Igarashi. The sudden appearance made us scream with joy.

“Oh no, now that’s bad! That was so real! That was super scary! Hahaha!”

Igarashi doesn’t seem scared at all, but she hugs me tightly. I’m a bit nervous about the softness of her breasts. I wonder what’s going on. It’s a proper amusement park. But you know what? This place is just in the middle of Hagiri’s schemes. If you listen carefully, you can clearly hear strange footsteps echoing from the ceiling. I pointed to the riddle-solving gimmick in front of me.

“Can you solve that one?”

“Huh? Isn’t that the kind of thing that boys solve with a smug look on their face?”

“It’s fun to let others solve these puzzles and see how upset they get.”

“Wow! Tokiwa looks like a very bad guy! But I like puzzle-solving games a lot! Woohoo!”

Igarashi happily faces the riddle-solving gimmick. While she was at it, I kicked the wall, jumped, and grabbed onto the duct doorway in the ceiling. I pry it open with a tool and enter the duct. Then there was a guy there dressed like a ninja with a sword.

“Huh? Ninjas are real…?!”

“Did you notice my presence?”

“Even the way you speak is ninja! Well, good! Outdated ninjas will fade into the shadows of history!”

The ninja pulled out the sword on his back and threw a thrust at my neck. But I took out my ten hands, which I had hidden behind my back, and intertwined them with the thrust.

“Ten hands? You, who is apparently a member of the anti-corporate, has ten hands?”

“Don’t call me anti-corporate, you bastard! I’m not anti-corporate!”

I put all my strength into my ten hands and strike the ninja’s sword.

“My sword!”

“I’m applying the principle of leverage! Oh, shit! F*ck you!”

I slammed my hand sword into the ninja’s temple. The ninja fainted on the spot. Thus, the ninja disappeared into the darkness of history. I quickly left the duct and returned to Igarashi’s place in the riddle-solving gimmick.

“Hmmm? I wonder if I can still solve it by reversing the alphabet?”

“Are you still having trouble? Fufu.”

I blow on Igarashi’s ear.

“Kyan! Already, Tokiwa! What are you doing?! You made a funny sound! Oh, God.”

Igarashi was so cute as she got angry.

“So, did you solve the problem?”

“Nah! I couldn’t solve it at all! I’ll leave it to Tokiwa!”

“Yeah. Well, that’s okay.”

I quickly disarm the gimmick. The door unlocks and a passageway appears.

“Wow! Tokiwa is so smart!”

“Huh? Well, I’m a smart guy by nature.”

She gave me a slightly smug look. It seemed like fun. We continue down the corridor. We ran into some ghosts along the way and tried to scare ourselves and have fun. And then we reached the goal. The souvenir we received was a special photo frame with the Fujiko Ultraland logo on it. As soon as Igarashi received it, he put in a picture taken during the roller coaster ride.

“What a gorgeous memory!”

“I wonder. Looking at it again, I’m a little embarrassed that I did it.”

“It was even more embarrassing for the person being done to, though! Ufufu. I’m going to hang this up for safekeeping.”

“Please feel free to do so.”

And we walked down the aisle toward the next attraction. At that moment, I saw something shining in the distance. It was the top of the observation tower. At that moment, I knew what the enemy was after. The attack up to that point was just a decoy. The real attack was coming!

[Suo’s POV]

The stupid and bad people like high places. I am sure this is no different in any country. When I heard that Mio Takinose was targeting Kanata, I considered various possibilities and concluded that she would attack here at Fujiko Ultraland. I hid myself at the top of the observation tower, which is the tallest building in this amusement park, and continued to watch Kanata and the others. And soon after Kanata and the others entered the haunted house, Mio Takinose appeared at the top of this tower. The top of this tower was reserved for today. Only Takinose could do such a thing, and for only one purpose. Takinose laid the long, thin bag she was carrying on her back on the floor and took out a large sniper rifle from it, assembling and adjusting it. She got down on the floor and held the sniper rifle up and aimed it at the exit of the haunted house. And just as Kanata and the others came out of the doorway, Takinose grinned and was about to pull the trigger. So I held my beloved gun to the back of Takinose’s head.

“Don’t move. If you move, I’ll kill you.”

“What?! Is that your voice, Suo?!”

Takinose turned to me. She looked terribly surprised.

“Why are you here?! And why are you interrupting me!!!!”

“Why? I am not your friend, companion, or comrade.”

“You’re the one following Hagiri-sama’s orders, aren’t you?! Pointing a gun at me is tantamount to betrayal!”

“Hagiri and I are only friends to repay debts. If he don’t owe me money, he don’t owe me anything.”

“You’re lying, aren’t you?! You were obeying such a horrible order just to repay a debt?! How could you do such a thing without the love and gratitude you owe Hagiri-sama?! I despise you!”

This woman seemed to think I was Hagiri’s mistress or something. Why do women of the world have such a naive and naive way of thinking?

“I rather despise you who try to do such a terrible thing just because of your love for a man. Well, that’s not going to happen since I’m here.”

I stomp on the sniper rifle as hard as I can. The gun can’t withstand the impact and breaks into pieces. Bullets scatter around the area, making a dry sound.

“Damn! I’ll have to do this myself!”

Takinose pulls her pistol from the holster on her waist, stands up, and runs by my side toward the stairs. Apparently, she intends to kill Kanata directly.

“I told you it wouldn’t come to that, didn’t I?”

I aim at Takinose’s left thigh and pull the trigger.

“Ugh! No! You shot me! Did you really shoot me?! I’m Hagiri-sama’s woman! You shot me! You shot me!”

Takinose, who had been shot in the thigh, collapsed on the spot and endured the pain.

“Don’t tell me you thought I was pointing a gun at you as a threat?”

I stepped beside Takinose and stomped on her thigh as hard as I could.

“Gyaaaaahhhh! Aaaaahhhh!!! Iyaaaaaaaaaa!”

“The title of ‘Hagiri’s woman’ doesn’t apply to me. All I fear is that I will repent of my sins and my punishment will disappear.”

“You are afraid of punishment too, aren’t you?! Then, you can be a comrade of Hagiri-sama and us! So stop hurting me! Let me kill that man! Otherwise this world can’t be saved! I want to save it! Save the world and save me too!”

“I don’t like it. Punishment is something you have to take alone. You have to bear it alone. But until that day, I lived comfortably in. Kanata will be by my side as I receive my punishment. That’s why I won’t let you kill him. Instead, you must die.”

I points the muzzle of the gun at Takinose’s forehead. And just as I was about to pull the trigger. My phone rang. The timing of this call was perfect. If such an opportune moment were to occur, it could only be that man. I picked up the phone while staring at the drone flying closest to me.