Why Are You So Obsessed With Rejecting Affection? - Chapter 71

Chapter 71

Lucas’ face became puzzled when I said that I wanted to go to see the West side of the Imperial Palace.

“Shuelina, I don’t know much, but there is nothing to see on the west side of the Imperial Palace. There are only servants coming and going from there….”

The west side of the imperial castle was usually inhabited by those of low rank. It is the living quarters of servants and maids, who are commoners, people who have a lower status than the noble servants and maids.

If I wanted to see the beautiful scenery and decorations expected of the Imperial Palace, I should’ve gone to the East wing. Lucas seemed to think I wanted to go see the West wing because I didn’t know that.

‘According to the original story, this is the place where Shuelina, who became the Imperial Princess’ exclusive maid, stayed.’

It wasn’t because I didn’t have any idea about it, but I wanted to check it for some unexplainable reason. I wanted to see the place where Shuelina lived her life in pain, not just accepting the few details in the written version of the story.

“It’s fine. I want to go to that place first.”

I answered patiently with a determined face. Then Lucas nodded and hummed an answer. It was probably a place he didn’t go to frequently.

Because it was a place that exists in the shadows, but doesn’t exist inside the shining main sections of the Imperial Palace.

In the end, the attendant next to Lucas agreed to give us an explanation of the things we passed as we moved towards the west building.

“By the way, Your Highness, I wanted to ask you a question…. Did my younger sister allow you to call her by her name?”

The four of us were walking together, and Wyndert, who had a somewhat sullen face, suddenly asked Lucas a bold question. He spoke politely, but his voice was so sharp that anyone could feel his hostility.

Name? Come to think of it, Lucas kept calling me by my first name!! I was so immersed in my other thoughts that I didn’t notice it at all.

“My apologies Grand Princess for the rudeness of the Crown Prince….”

“Stop it, I definitely received Shuelina’s permission.”

As Lucas’ attendant thought it was unfair, he carefully tried to stop Wyndert. Lucas himself, stopped him from continuing his words.

But what’s he talking about? When did I give him permission?

‘Once a Grand Princess, forever a Grand Princess! You call me Grand Princess!’

‘That’s fine. Once I call you my younger sister will always be my younger sister. I should’ve called you younger sister first.’

Oh, when I think about it, that time in the garden! I didn’t reply back then! I groaned inwardly and looked at Lucas’ face. But still, it’s too arbitrary to call it giving him permission!

“Really?”

“Uh…….”

Wyndert asked with a slight frown. I saw Lucas’ slightly bitter smile as I was about to shake my head.

‘Strange. I was reluctant, and it was strange how my heart weakened when I saw his sad figure.’

Even though I have been thinking: I hate both Lucas and the Emperor!… I was also worried when he had that kind of expression. I finally nodded to Wyndert. Anyway, it was also my fault that I didn’t stop him from calling me Shuelina in the first place….

“I am worried about my younger sister who is very kind-hearted.”

Wyndert shook his head and muttered. Seeing my response, the boy who was standing next to Wyndert, Lucas’ eyes twinkled as if he was somehow moved.

‘If you say something, I will take it back!’

Lucas licked his lips as he stared at me with meaningful eyes. I nodded. Shortly thereafter, Wyndert stood in between us so our conversation was cut off immediately. We eventually walked towards the west building in complete silence.

“By the way, did you not like any of the clothes I prepared?”

“Yes?”

“I worked hard with Father Emperor… but women’s items are difficult.”

After walking for a while, Lucas suddenly smiled bitterly and asked me carefully. It was a voice that came out full of concern and it sounded quite conflicted.

I was thinking about what he was talking about then I looked down at my clothes when I realized that he was also looking down at it. I didn’t know the clothes in the dressing room were picked out by them….

『“This is a present?”

“Are you crazy, offering this kind of wild grass to His Majesty?”』

A scene from the original story came to my mind. The scene where the Emperor threw away the wreath of flowers Shuelina carefully made and picked, was vivid to my mind as if I’ve seen it myself. The cold eyes of Lucas looking at her were full of disdain.

The face I previously imagined as a blur image was more painful when I met him in reality. So I definitely thought that it served him right, so I had to reject him, and I still wanted to taste the victory of my revenge….

‘Why do I feel so bad like this?’

It just made me sad, somehow. Was it because of this outfit that made him look a little defeated earlier when he saw me?

Knowing that the Grand Duke and Wyndert gave me clothes with meaning, I didn’t even think that Lucas would get hurt by it. I didn’t even know that he and the Emperor chose those things for me… because their image of being cold-blooded people is burned into my mind.

I bit my lip and turned to look at Lucas.

“Shushu has the freedom to wear whatever she likes to wear, and she also has the freedom to not accept gifts she doesn’t like.”

Again, it was Wyndert who cut off our conversation. Lucas, who looked at me intently at his words, nodded helplessly. Then, he had the attendant describe the history and importance of the west wing.

“This place is called the Bridge of Glory. It’s a place where maids and servants always pass by on their way to work.”

I crossed the bridge connecting the west and main building, and looked around. As our lavishly dressed group passed by, we could see the other servants kneeling on one side, unable to cross the bridge.

Nobles, even royals, would not come to the area of ​​commoners who usually do chores, so it was a terrifying experience for them. I should’ve seen it coming, but I was getting more and more upset the closer we got.

‘I’m somehow used to this road.’

Like déjà vu, I had places that should be unfamiliar to me appear familiar to my eyes. My heart was beating painfully and I felt suffocated as if I was sinking below the surface of deep water. I had to bite my lip and stop walking.

“Shushu, are you okay? Would you like to rest?”

It seems that my complexion had deteriorated quite noticeably. Wyndert looked at my face and asked in a worried voice. When I shook my head, he lifted me up and hugged me this time.

“Are your leg sore? I’ll give you a lift.”

“It’s okay……”

“Shh. Nope.”

Wyndert picked me up and wrapped me around him like a little koala against his chest, so my arms were around his neck and my legs were wrapped around his torso. He hoped that carrying me this way my body would shake less and I wouldn’t feel even more sick.

When I put my head on Wyndert’s neck, I felt his cool body temperature, and I could tell I was getting a little feverish. I could feel the burning heat in the corners of my eyes.

“Your complexion has turned pale. We’d better go back and call an Imperial Physician.”

Lucas looked at me with a worried face and grabbed Wyndert’s arm to make him stop.

No, that can’t be done. I have to see this place with my own eyes.

I naturally knew that I had to let a physician get a look at my condition and get a good rest, but I felt the urge to go further this time – to check the miserable memories Shuelina had in that place….

I shook my head and jumped down onto the floor.

“No. I will keep going.”

“But, Shuelina, your face doesn’t look better now.”

“It’s a little hot for a walk, yes that must be it, I guess that’s why.”

I shrugged him off and took Wyndert’s hand as I strode forward. Contrary to my original purpose, I couldn’t see my surroundings clearly at this point. I continued toward the end of the west building as if my legs were walking on their own.

And I arrived at the place, just like in the past.

‘Black door.’

It was the last room on the top floor of the west building. As I entered the room, I saw a small side door on the side wall. The black side door looked very sturdy. I opened the door after a moment’s hesitation.

“Cough….”

It was full of dust. It was so dirty that it was hard to breathe.

“…what’s this place?”

“Was there always a place like this in the Imperial Palace?”

Lucas asked back, surprised. It seemed that he had no idea this room existed.

“It looks like an abandoned warehouse.”

The attendant also looked around with a bewildered face and muttered in a puzzled voice. Looking around, the room was packed with junk that had been neglected for decades. It was all things that looked shabby, they were either useless things or they were used by the commoner maids and servants.

It hadn’t been cleaned for a long time already so I could even see dust floating in the air. We all held our breath as we looked around the room. It was such a small room that it was hard to fit a group with only three children and a small number of attendants.

Even the Crown Prince who lived in this Palace didn’t know about the existence of this place, and it was even his first time seeing this. I asked the attendant, recalling the pieces of furniture in this room.

“…Do maids live in places like this?”

“This is a warehouse, Princess. It is not a place for people to live.”

The attendant shook his head as if my question made no sense. Then even if this place was cleaned up, I muttered how would a person live in this small place and chuckled. It was as if I was asking because I had no idea.

“I see…….”

I nodded my head and muttered.

‘I guess Shuelina wasn’t a person.’

This is where Shuelina lived until just before she died in the original story. She was kicked out of the Palace as there were many talks that she shouldn’t be a princess.

It was a very unfavorable environment, similar to the secret room of the Marquis’ estate in which Shuelina lived throughout her childhood.

It was a cold, airless room with no windows. The most remote place in the Imperial Palace where no one visits.

Shuelina had to endure the cold and dark nights with a small candle every day in such a poorly lit place. No one was interested in how Shuelina lived. It must’ve been the Empress who had intentionally given this room to her, since it was the Empress who managed the Inner Palace’s affairs.

‘To receive the most miserable room in this fancy imperial castle.’

It was to ridicule the stupid Shuelina who was trying to become a family member with them without knowing the subject.

“ha…….”

I clenched my fists to hold back my tears, then let out a long sigh. My eyes and nose were stinging in an instant as my head started to ache.

“I want to leave now. My eyes are aching and I am about to cry.”

I whispered as I grabbed Wyndert’s sleeve. He grabbed my hand and hurriedly left the room. He took out a handkerchief and put it around my mouth when I coughed because I somehow inhaled some dust.

“Shuelina, how are you feeling?”

After that, I didn’t know how I managed to walk properly. I moved around and sat in a small chair in the hallway for a while, Lucas carefully asked.

He looked worriedly at me, who wasn’t feeling well. At the same time, he was throwing Wyndert jealous gazes for having the ability to take care of me.

‘Before, he didn’t even notice how miserable Shuelina was.’

He didn’t take good care of Shuelina properly when they were still living together, but I couldn’t understand why he suddenly changed his mind now even if things have changed a little bit. It would be unfair for me to act distant from Lucas’ point of view because what happened in the original story was a future that had not happened yet.

But then… what about the original Shuelina who had already gone through that time? I can remember it vividly as if everything that happened in the original story was engraved into my body.

‘Has the miserable Shuelina in this memory just become a thing of the past?’

Since it was only me who could remember, should I think of everything as if it never happened at all?

‘No, I can’t. The Empress… is still looking for me now, just like in my memories.’

Given that the dangers I was facing were real, I’ve already come too far to just give up like this. I don’t know what the right answer is, but I didn’t come all this way to just forget.