Wild Young Princess: Mister, let’s sleep? - Chapter 200

Back when Devon was still in the hospital, recovering so she could get out discharged, there was a time that etched in her mind. While she watched the business news about the Qin Empire’s scandal, a knock from outside the door reached her ear.

“Come in,” she said without taking her eyes off the television, thinking it was just Dion. When she heard the door open and closed, her brows arched as her visitor just stood by the door. So, she finally turned her head in the door.

There, Quentin stood with a flower in his hand while the other was inside his pocket. He shrugged when their eyes locked.

“Sorry. Can’t help it,” he said, marching towards her slowly. He placed the flower on the bedside table, taking a seat on the chair near the bed. During all this, Devon kept quiet and just watched him.

She glanced at the flowers he brought before shifting her eyes to him. “You don’t have to do that, but thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” he replied calmly, leaning back, eyes on her. “How have you been?”

“Well, with a broken leg and my fiance’s company on a brink of bankruptcy, I’m fine, pretty much.” She rolled her eyes and raised her brows briefly.

“Well, I can’t do anything with your broken leg, but if you choose me, you will not become poor.”

“Thank you for the offer, Ken. But no thanks.” Devon clicked her tongue as she peeled her eyes away from him to the television. “My husband will kill you if he hears you say that.”

Quentin shrugged as he chuckled weakly. His eyes remained on her side profile as his chest moved in and out heavily. Lewis was generous. He didn’t forbid Quentin from visiting her, but every time he would, he would just leave flowers outside and not meet her. She knew this too, but Devon didn’t plan to bring up the topic.

“Why?” he asked under his breath after the long silence. “I’ve been thinking about it day and night, Dev. But I don’t understand and I feel like losing my mind. If you don’t love me anymore, can you at least tell me why were you with me and why did you embrace me back when you were a ghost?”

Devon’s expression remained aloof while staring ahead. “Why…? Because I feel responsible, Ken.” She pressed her lips together as she glanced down a bit.

“Why you turn out like that is partially my fault. I did love you before, but if love is enough, then we wouldn’t end up hurting each other and drive each other to madness.” She paused as she took a deep breath, feeling that this was the time to put a stop to this once and for all. “I forgive you for doing that to me, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we should get back together.”

She slowly turned her head to him, staring straight into his eyes. “It will never work even if we try over and over and over again.”

“Why won’t it work with me and it will with Qin Lewis?” he asked in disbelief as the space between his brows creased.

“I didn’t say it will work with him as well.” She shrugged calmly, resting the back of her head on the headboard. “What I’m saying is, my relationship with you, with my husband, or with anyone will not work. Do you know why?”

Devon paused once again as she chuckled bitterly. “Because I don’t even love myself. I don’t even see my worth, nor do I value life anymore. It will never work because I am not fine, Ken. That no matter how much I force myself to be fine, I can’t. My brain can’t, my heart can’t, I just can’t.

Loving myself felt like a choir. I feel broken, incomplete, empty. You will not understand, Ken. That every time I breathe, I feel suffocated — breathless. But I am still alive! Do you know the feeling, Ken? I am dying while I am still alive.”

Quentin wanted to argue with her and tell her he understood that well. But he couldn’t. He lost his voice while staring at her aloof expression.

“If you changed, that’s good. I am genuinely happy for you.” She set her eyes on him once again, nodding encouragingly. “But Us? You and me? It’s impossible. Please, Ken. Let me go. No, actually, free yourself from me. Use that energy to something else. Stop loving others if you can’t even love yourself, or know when to stop, or just… simply can’t move on from the past.”

Devon nearly choked as she uttered those words, as she couldn’t dodge those words meant for her. Deep down, she still loved him — even if it was just little, there was still that lingering feeling for this man. But she knew she would just end up hurting him as well.

Currently, she was emotionally unavailable. Forcing herself would not only hurt herself, but everyone she cared about. This didn’t mean she didn’t care about Lewis. But compare to Quentin and Lewis, the latter expected nothing from her aside from getting better.

He chuckled bitterly, shaking his head lightly. “Why… are you lying?” he raised his head, pained at the lies she was spewing.

“Ken.”

“It must be really nice to love someone who will let you break them over and over, hmm?” Quentin chuckled as he took a deep breath, looking away while tapping his fingers against the armrest. “Dev, I can accept it, you know? The truth, I mean. Just tell me the damn truth.”

“That is the damn truth. What the hell?” Devon clicked her tongue in irritation, glaring at Quentin, who was looking away from her. The more her eyes lingered on him, the more her blood boil at his stubbornness. Even Lewis wasn’t this stubborn or Dion.

“What sort of truth do you want to hear, huh? That I still love you but I can’t because the love you deserve is something I can’t ever give? That I’d rather use that energy — this remaining energy to cheer myself that I should live? That I should be grateful because hey, I am alive!” she scoffed and laughed, watching Quentin slowly turn his head to her. “Why are you so damn stubborn? Just what kind of benefit will you get by knowing all this?”

“I don’t know.” Quentin let out a shallow breath as he swallowed the building tension in his throat. “But if you can’t give me the love I also deserve, I deserve the truth, at least, don’t you think?”

Her lips parted, but no words came out when his eyes softened. Quentin dragged his seat closer to her side, sprawling his hand to reach hers. Devon furrowed her brows, staring at his hand as it squeezed her lightly.

“I told you, I will accept it,” he said, making her head turn to him once again. Quentin stared at her straight in the eye, nodding at her encouragingly.

“I still love you, Dev, but I don’t… I can’t let you break yourself because of me. It hurts, yes, that you prefer Qin Lewis and not me. But what else can I do?” he raised his hand, cupping her cheek as he reached his thumb near her eyes. “You already made up your mind the second you called him your husband.”

Devon bit her inner lower lip until it bleed, trying to carry the heaviness in her heart. She knew that already because she was aware that Quentin had become a better person. But why she spewed all that was because of the same reason. It was better if Quentin just hated her for being selfish. Obviously, he saw through her.

“Does hurting me hurt you too?” he asked, but she didn’t answer. Still, her silence was enough for an answer. That was, of course. Hurting him also hurt her — even more.

If Devon chose him, she knew he would break his heart in two to complete her. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want to drain him once again until there was nothing left in him. The difference between Lewis and Quentin was, the latter would try to fix things, while the former would rather take out the root of the problem.

Lewis knew what she needed. He wouldn’t break his heart to complete her. He would rather help her complete herself slowly, staying with her every step of the way. Instead of looking for a temporary solution.

“Then that’s all I need, Dev.” Quentin smiled weakly. “I will be flying back tonight. So I thought of finishing my unfinished business, you.”

He paused for a second, staring at her for the last time. “I wish you a fast recovery, Dev. And I’m sorry for everything until now. Once I walk out of this door, I will free myself from you, from us. But I want you to know that I never regret Dev. I never regretted us… even when it hurts so much.”

Devon didn’t speak anymore and just listened, afraid she would just cry if she did. She was close, but crying would make him want to stay.

“I’ll go now.” Quentin stood up, but instead of going, he bent over and planted a kiss on top of her head. “Don’t catch a cold.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before straightening his back. He offered her a subtle smile before going away. As he did, his steps felt heavy despite the sound of the invisible shackle around his ankle shattered ever so slowly.

‘I hope in our next life, there will be time for us. I will love you correctly…. for sure.’