Woman In Irish Linen Shirt - Chapter 151
Miss Pan De got close to me, her eyes filled with pity. She squeezed my hand, but said nothing.
I am grateful for her thoughtfulness, closed my eyes, and said, “If there is anything in my life that I feel regretful, it is this. I didn’t tell my mother. My mother may think that until now. I have no idea.”
“It’s not your fault.” Miss Pan De looked serious. “This is a matter between your parents and the two of them. Even if you encounter such a situation by chance, the person who should deal with this situation is your father. Yao. , This has nothing to do with you.”
“That person is in the same office as him, and he also has his own family. I regret it too much. My mother usually teaches in Beijing. She only discovered all this when I was in tenth grade, when my dad resigned and started a business.” I squinted. “If I told her earlier, maybe she could stay vigilant earlier, maybe she would not choose to stay in this marriage, she could focus her income and energy on the more important things, and It’s not my dad’s business, or I… and as a discoverer, I should have stood up. At least I should talk to him or ask him what he thinks.
“I can’t figure out why to this day. Why does my dad do such a thing, and what is my mom’s not good enough.” I looked at Miss Pan De, “You agree? There is nothing to say about my handling at the time. Perfect.”
Miss Pan De was extremely serious: “You were just a child at the time, and, Yao, I will stress once again-it is between them and has nothing to do with you.”
I leaned on the back of the sofa chair: “I know…”
“You don’t know.” Miss Pan De’s eyes were determined, “It’s not your fault.”
I was silent for a while: “What do you think of people cheating?”
“I don’t agree with that approach.” Miss Pan De said, “Maintaining honesty and respect for each other is a basic requirement in a romantic relationship.”
“Some people finally forgave their partners who couldn’t be sexually loyal.” I looked at her, “Do you think that’s fair?”
“I think it’s someone else’s business.”
“What if it was me?”
She squinted her eyes and slowly said, “Are you the one to forgive others, or the one who is forgiven?”
I thought about it and said, “I think I might be the first person to give up communication.”
“Will not.”
I moved my eyebrows.
Miss Pan De said: “At least it won’t happen in our relationship. You are better at maintaining a relationship than you think.”
“Do you think I have that gene?” I asked.
I regret it when I say it, Miss Pande will definitely be angry.
But she didn’t.
She just raised her right hand, gently squeezed my cheek, and then said: “My heart feels that you are doing your best to care for me.”
I paused: “Really? You don’t think I haven’t done enough?”
She touched my face, and her eyes melted, and gently brushed every inch of my corner: “All I can feel is that I was lucky to meet you.”
Miss Pan De is so gentle.
For a while, I couldn’t distinguish the true and false in her words. I just believed instinctively, as I wanted to believe, and as I couldn’t doubt her.
We approached slowly and quietly shared a long kiss.
In ancient times, Changdao Wenrouxiang, so many heroes were buried here, but I always felt that it was just a literati trying to excuse the men. My opinion was originally very firm, but at this moment I hesitate: Miss Pande’s kiss can always kill my will, dilute my memory and pain, soothe me, sink me, and bring me back to the wonderful reality.
Occasionally, I am overly competitive. She is strong when she is strong, and the more frustrated she is, and as long as I retreat, as long as I counterattack as defensive, she will turn into the sand of the wave bottom, dense and delicate, making my scalp numb.
Miss Pan De moved a little, fluttered her eyelashes and swept across the tip of my nose: “You are a little drunk.”
I was embarrassed. I heard about myself for a while, and found nothing. Instead, I moved my head too fast and felt a little dizzy. I looked at her quietly: “Do I smell bad? Do you want me to take a shower first?”
She opened my hair, pulled out the left ear, and said in a low voice, “Don’t worry about it all the time.”
Those who are not strong-willed use confidante as an excuse.
I have no time to introspect, but my mind diverges-I would like to share my life with Hongyan.
Under the wall lamp, the shadow engulfed a few minutes of fragments, and before my eyes, Miss Pande’s lips were slightly red.
I stroked her cheek, closed my eyelids, and whispered softly, “I’m really lucky.”
The thumb felt Miss Pan De’s vivid smile, and only heard her say: “Did you know it today?”
I shook my head and looked at her: “I only had enough courage to tell you today.”
“I really hope that there are more things in your life that make you feel lucky and happy.” Her eyes touched my lips, raised inch by inch, and looked at me again.
Miss Pan De hesitated for a moment: “I shouldn’t get involved in your affairs, but I hope you can gain peace and stop torturing yourself, both in terms of living habits and spirit.”
I frowned slightly: “I didn’t torture myself.”
She sighed, “Your house, Yao.”
“It’s just a little messy…”
“The messy room is also part of life.” Miss Pan De smiled slightly, but she was solemnly at once, “I mean, before I visited regularly, it looked more like a model room. You. There is not even a pot. All your green plants are made of plastic-the most like places for people to move around, beside the windows of the cloakroom and the living room. However, the cloakroom is a reproduction of your work. I have no doubt that it appears there. The high degree of organization that comes out is just a kind of coercive behavior of yours.”
I pursed my mouth: “Where is the window?”
“Speaking of the window in the living room,” Miss Pande looked at me, paused, and said, “Don’t you think it looks like a hotel desk? I even guess you look like you are on a business trip.”
I can’t refute it.
Miss Pan De patted the back of my hand: “Since I am now a part of your life, you also seem very satisfied with me—”
“I’m super satisfied.” I interjected.
She was amused by me, looking a little proud, and then said: “——I want you to have a better life. I hope that the restless part of your heart can find something to settle down, and I hope you can rest. “
“That sounds a lot like wishing me to sleep forever.” I looked at her.
Miss Pan De didn’t smile again this time, raised her eyebrows, her tone was calm: “I’m serious.”
“I’m sorry.” I looked back at her, hesitated for two or three seconds, and said, “Uh, you may find it a little hard to imagine, but this is actually the first time I mentioned my family affairs to someone. So, uh—I I don’t know what to do. I didn’t mean to interrupt you or lead the topic in other directions…”
“I know.” She nodded and held my hand. “When you deliberately change the subject, the technique is much smoother.”
I was silent: “That sounds like irony and praise me.”
Her eyebrows moved playfully: “Why can’t you have both?”
I looked at her for a while, but didn’t speak.
What is at work, the alcohol that has not been metabolized, the warm and cold light, or her under the light? I feel safer than ever before. Miss Pan De’s words easily left a trace in my heart. I chewed slowly, only wanting to avoid it on the one hand, and on the other side, I did not consciously fall into thinking.
I am safe.
I have someone who can entrust my back, so while protecting her, can I try to face the cracks that I have encountered when I stumbling and stumbling all the way?
“Where do you think I should start?” I raised my head and asked her seriously.
Miss Pande looked at me: “Why are you drinking today? I know you like to exercise restraint.”
“I just learned about one thing today.” I shook her hand gently, “The person I respect very much suffers from personal virtue.”
She just looked at me, neither surprised nor expressed any intention to examine, and asked, “Are you a person like your role model?”
I nodded.
“That’s why we mentioned your father today?” She slowed down when she saw me respond, and said, “They are not you. You are a different person, and you have the ability to control your own life.”
“They are all excellent…”
“But they are not saints.” Miss Pan De’s tone tonight was extraordinarily gentle. She was calm and determined, but her strength was nowhere to be seen.
I thought that self-exposure would put me in danger.
I am really safe.
“They are not perfect, I know. I didn’t ask myself to pursue perfection…”
Miss Pande interrupted me: “You do pursue perfection, you know it yourself.”
I took a breath. She was right.
I changed my words: “Okay. Do you think the problem is that I impose my own standards on others?”
She didn’t answer me casually. After thinking about it for a while, she said, “I don’t think that’s the case. At least, you didn’t give me that feeling. If you ask me, I will say that you have made a lot of packages.”
“Package?” I frowned slightly.
“Whenever you encounter something, it makes you feel powerless to solve or has no position to solve it, you pack them and store them in a certain location. Maybe you have forgotten their existence,” Pan Miss De pursed her lips, “It’s a pity that in the human mind, there is a space called the’subconscious’. Those packages will always be there. If no one does the cleaning work… Do you remember what happened before your second bedroom? Does it look like?”
I looked at her: “You mean, maybe I should open some packages.”
She touched my hair: “This is your freedom. I just hope you know, Yao—I will always be by your side.”