World Record - Chapter 94. Lament

94. Lament

As if walking in the dark without being able to see whats in front.
During the time when I kept killing Unknowns, its just like living in an uncomfortable darkness.
However, I feel that now Im further inside the darkness.
h.e.l.lno, its like the abyss.

Haa

I throw myself to the bed, and breathe out deeply.
Whats the best thing to do?
I killed a person, met with his daughter, and being resented by her.
For the time being, Im sheltering her.
The perpetratorand the victim.
Normally, these two can never be together, but the fact is that were both living under the same roof.

What exactly should I do?

I feel disheartened.
My heart hurts. It hurts. It feels like its going to burst.
But I cant run away.
I cant run away from sinsfrom the feelings of guilt.
It will follow around me forever.
It cant be settled by saying I dont know.
No matter how ignorant I am, even if its not intentional, it doesnt change the fact that I killed him. The weight of the sin doesnt change.

What to do

Gongon
The toll of a bell resounds.
I looked at the clock in surprise, and the clock hands are pointing at the number 12, and the moonlight shine through the window.

Night?

I feel that I was afternoon just nowbut it looks like it became night while Im thinking of what to do.
Guu. My stomach sounded softly.
I dont remember, butdid she eat lunch?
I feel that she hasnt. I certainly placed the plate in front of her room. The food made by meis probably left as it is.

I guess, I should eat

Muttering that, I move my heavy body and rise from the bed.
I walk several steps to the doorand suddenly, my vision distorts.

Ugu

I unintentionally fall to one knee, and place my hand on my head.
Sugin! A dull pain runs through my head.
By the overwhelming pain, I unintentionally wrinkled my eyebrows.

Dammit

If Im not mistaken, the doctor said it.

Something like not being able to use superpower due to stressis an unprecedented abnormal condition up until now. In other words, the stress you are carrying is abnormal. If, if you feel any abnormality in your body, please visit the hospital immediately. If it is lateyou might die by stress

I recalled, and smiled wryly.

Dieby stress, huh

What an unsightly way to die.
However, I dont desire such way of dying.
I, one day

I mustlet that girlkill me

Thats why, I cant die yet.
I wont accept death unless Im killed by her.
I place my hand on my knee, and stand up, but then, my head hurts even more.
However, this much is nothing.
Compared to her pain, this is nothing.

Haa, haa Fuu

I manage to stand up somehow.
Hospitalis no good.
If by any chance, the doctor order me to stop, then, an observer will be placed in this house for sure. Kaa-san or Nee-san, or maybe someone with a stubborn personality. At any rate, her existence will be exposed.
Thats why, I wont go to the hospital.

Ineed to, make food

Im hungry.
Im sure that shes the same.
Thats why, I must cook.
No matter how many times she rejects me.
No matter how much she hates me.
In order to kill me, I need her to live.

Guu

I start walking unsteadily, and I push open the door with my body.
I continue moving to the stairs.
On this occasion, her room which is located in front of the stairs.
I dont feel her presence there.
However, the food placed in front of the room, is left untouched.

I feel her presence coming from the first floor.
Shes probably the same.
When thinking thatmy legs stopped.
I wonder why.
I cant think of an answer.
My legs just wont move forward.

My legs shake.
I dont want to go.
I dont wantto go any further.
While my instinct shouting frantically inside, I can hear the footsteps coming upstairs.
I instinctively back off.
I think after backing offWhy did I back off?

She show up from the first floor.
When I see her holding a vegetable with the trace of bite, I feel a little relief.

Thank G.o.d. It looks like shes eating more or less

She glares at me in silence.
Probably meaning not to speak to her.
Then, I dont mind.
I wont speak to her if she tells me so.
I pa.s.s through her, and start walking down to the first floor.
On that moment.

I absolutelywont let you run away

I heard a cracking sound.
I turn around instinctively.
Whats there is just the usual long blue haired girl. Her icy cold eyes peek through her long bangs.

I thinkall this time. About what you wantedto do

Thats also the answer Im looking for.
The answer which disappeared somewhere just when I tried look for it.

Whyyou made food for me. Whyyou try to go to fight. Why are youtrying to die

I gulped by her final words.
Why am I trying so hard to die?
I dont know.

If I said thatit will be a lie.

You try to go to fightbecause you want to die. The reason you try to get involve with meis because you want me to kill you

I realized after she said that.
Iam trying to die.
I try to go to the battlefield even if Im allowed to, is because I want to die.
I get involve with her is because I want her to kill me.
I didnt try to go to the hospital is because I dont want her to die.
I realized after thinking this far that this is the most suitable answer.
After all, I dont want to die.
Although I dont want to die, I want to die.
Thats contradicting.
Thats why, I

From me. You want toescape from the sins

Ah. Yeah, youre right.
I can hear the sound of something crumbling inside my head.
I wonder what crumbled?
My heart or my mind.
Or perhaps, my bluff.

I want to run away right now.

I want to run away from the sins. Thats why, I seek death by getting involve with her.
I want to run away from her, from this house, and go to the battlefield.

I laughed unintentionally.
Kuku.
Kuhaha.
An extremely mad laugh.

I killed a person.
The sin is too heavy for me.
Thats why, I bluffed. I pretend as if Im enduring it easily.
However, thats just the outward appearance.
In my heart, Im already

crushed because I cant endure it anymore.

I wont letyou run away. Ill torment you, hurt you, and at the end, kill you. I wont make you feel comfortable. I wont let you escape by dying. If you still try to escape, youre a murderer andthe worst

I started running without hearing her until the end.
I go down the stairs quickly, kick open the door, and run outside.
The full moon in the night sky.
I feel the cold feeling of being barefooted on snow, and the coldness attacks my entire body.
Its cold, and cold.
But still, a broken heart is colder.

Ah-Aah

A soundless voice leaked out from my mouth.
I know, I know it.
Im a murderer, and a person who ma.s.sacre a lot.

Above all, I know that Im just a s.h.i.tty b.a.s.t.a.r.d.

However, I cant helped but to run away.
I cant endure the coldness of my heart.
As if Im the only one whos savoring h.e.l.l in this world. Theres something colder than my heart.

I want to feel relief by thinking that theres an even worst misfortune than this.

I started running in order to search for it under the winter night sky.

I dont know where did I run to.
My legs that continued running through the snow raise a scream. It has already lost the senses, and its becoming white.
However, I dont care of such thing.
Anymore. I dont care anymore.

Haa, haa, haa

When I realized, I came to here.
The ground with the ruins of fire.
The trees around are completely withered, and there are no living things that approach here.
Only me standing there.

Haahaa

I look downwards.
Its probably considered dangerous to approach.
His property is still here.
The katana tempered with the pattern of flames.
The small white cloak.
The large leather belt.
His clothes disappeared with him. He died.
Thats why, only these things remained.

Only these.

d.a.m.n

I fall to my knees unintentionally.
Why Why
WhyI.

Why Ihave to go through all these

I just wanted to protect everyone.
Thats why, I defeated the enemy desperately.
I continued defeating the invading enemies.
NoI continued killing.
Everyone thanked me. Regarded me as a hero.
I was lionized as the humanitys protector.

And, resentedby only one girl.

I was scorned countless times.
I was. .h.i.t countless times as her fathers enemy.
I made her cry countless times.
Overand over again

Why Why

Why is it always mewho go through this.
I want to protect.
In fact, I protect.
Putting more efforts than other people.
I did my best to make the originally hard-to-use superpower into something usable.
Without sparing time for sleep.
Without going to school. Without any friends. Without knowing youth.
I put efforts into the worlds peace even if I have to throw everything away.

At the end, what awaits isthis

I felt my heart crumbling more.
My efforts up until now were pointless.
As a result, I only robbed the special person of a little girl.
I only degraded into a person who ma.s.sacre a lot.
Bathed in blood and countless resentments.
When thinking sotears shed.
Up until now, the tears which I hold back, shed.

Uukuu

Sobbing leaks.
I want to run away.
I want to start running away right now.
I want to feel free by dying.

Ahaah

My tears wont stop.
My true intention begins to overflow.
Lamentation resounds in the night sky.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

Shedding tears, distorting my vision.
While lamenting as if crying to the sky.
As if sneering at my own h.e.l.l.

The snow fell brilliantly.