WTF I Am In The Marvel Universe! - Chapter 27

The next morning Ray went to see Phil Coulson and Brock Rumlow to talk about the Thor issue. While looking at them pensively was Thor who had gotten funny looks all morning. All the male agents of Shield had avoided Thor or whenever they met him he would notice them unconsciously put their hands behind their buŧŧȯċks as if to protect it. As for Jane Foster after the manliest man competition with Butch, Jane Foster refused to talk to or even touch Thor. When Ray saw Thor, he had a smirk on his face. Thor didn’t know why, but he was irritated when he saw Ray smile at him, he felt like smashing Ray’s beautiful face in.

“Ahem, now that we are all here, Thor as the prince of Asgard, you are our welcome guest here on Earth. Shield and the World Security Council has agreed to protect you while you are on Earth.”, Phil Coulson said politely.

“Ahem…”, Ray said in a girlish voice.

“Do you have anything to add Ray ?”, Phil Coulson asked politely.

“I believe it will only be a matter of time before Loki takes action against his brother Thor. After all if Odin is in his Odin sleep…”, Ray said in a girlish voice.

“Then Loki is in charge of Asgard !”, Thor shouted out as he stood up from his seat.

“Yes. Sit down Thor. Loki will definitely send some one or something to kill you. If I am a betting man, I would bet he would send the most dangerous thing in Asgard after you.”, Ray said in a girlish voice with a smirk on his face.

“Something like the Destroyer… but my brother wouldn’t be crazy enough would he ?”, Thor asked in confusion.

“Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. That’s a saying on Earth that we have.”, Ray said in his girlish voice as he looked at Phil Coulson and Brock Rumlow’s nervous faces.

“What is the destroyer ?”, Phil Coulson asked nervously.

“The Destroyer is an object created by Odin to fight against cosmic beings. The Destroyer armour itself without Odin is powerful enough to destroy multiple worlds alone.”, Thor said with pride in his eyes.

“Yes, think of it as Earth’s nuclear bomb but worse because nuclear bombs cannot destroy it.”, Ray added.

“How do you know about the Destroyer ?”, Brock Rumlow asked curiously.

“Kamar Taj has an extensive library on Asgard, Mr. Brock.”, Ray said in a girlish voice.

“Yes. I have heard from Odin once he said he was good friends with the Ancient One of Kamar Taj.”, Thor said aloud.

“Then what do you suggest we do against the Destroyer, Thor, Ray ?”, Phil Coulson asked seriously.

“Run. Evacuate the town near here or it will be destroyed. Get the military and Shield ready to fight their first extraterrestrial threat.”, Ray said nonchalantly in his girlish voice.

“I would suggest the same on the running part. Your Earth military can never defeat the Destroyer.”, Thor said with a grim face.

“Might I suggest something, before we send the military to attack the coming Destroyer, I would like to send Butch to confront the Destroyer.”, Ray said in a girlish voice.

“Why ?!”, Phil Coulson and Brock Rumlow asked simultaneously.

“To unnerve Loki… Ha ! Ha ! Ha !”, Ray said in a girlish voice as he laughed happily.

Meanwhile somewhere on the Shield compound Butch was sneezing non-stop.

Just as in the Marvel movie Thor, the warriors three and lady Sif had descended onto Earth to look for Thor. But Thor which no longer had the love of Dr. Jane Foster, would not care too much about the Earth. Thor would not care about protecting the Earth if he had no one that loved him on Earth why would he protect it. Ray knew that as he was rubbing his throbbing forehead trying to figure out what to do. Suddenly Ray got an inspiration, rather than look at it as a problem, why not take advantage of it ? If Thor comes to Earth in Avengers, it was to get his brother, not to protect Jane Foster ! If Jane Foster gets hit by the reality Stone, sooner or later Asgard will send some one to retrieve the reality Stone. During that time Ray would have ample opportunity to see if he could extract the power of the reality Stone if there is no Thor ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Ray thought it was perfect if Jane Foster still did not like Thor !

“Boss ! You are making a disgustingly cute face. I don’t know what you are thinking but I like men not young boys…”, Butch said to Ray.

Ray’s face darkened.

“Butch you are going to face the Destroyer.”, Ray said in a girlish voice.

“What is a Destroyer ? Boss you are making that face again.”, Butch asked innocently.

Just as in the Marvel Movie Thor, the Warriors Three came with lady Sif to see Thor. Butch was looking at Thor and at two of the Warriors three. Butch was ignoring Volstagg which he considered a bit on the fat side. However Butch was looking intently at Fandral and Hogan like they were a piece of meat. The only change in the scenario of the Thor story was the towns around the hammer was evacuated and the military and Shield had set up their base around the hammer of Thor in preparation for an attack by Loki.

“Welcome my lady Sif and my Warriors three, what news do you bring from Asgard ?”, Thor asked curiously.

“Thor. You must go back with us, Loki has taken the throne of Asgard.”, Lady Sid said passionately.

“I would like to but Odin has sealed my powers. I am nothing more than a mortal now.”, Thor said sadly.

“Ahem…”, Butch said quietly.

“Yes, my good friend Butch. Do you have something to say ?”, Thor asked politely.

“Why don’t you ask if my boss Ray can help you. After all he’s studied at Kamar Taj and he knows a lot of magic.”, Butch said with a smile while wiping off the saliva drooling from his mouth.

“That’s a good idea Butch, I shall ask him.”, Thor said happily.

After Thor talked to Ray he came storming out of the room.

“Butch ! Butch ! Where the fuċk are you ?!”, Ray screamed in a girlish voice.

“Boss ! Boss ! Here I am …”, Butch said with a pale face.

“What were you doing, offering my help to strangers ?! Just because you kissed him a little now you are head over heels in love with him ?!”, Ray screamed in a girlish voice.

“Uh… no, I just thought we should help. Boss. I am sorry boss.”, Butch said politely.

“Hu… hu … hu…”, Ray said while he tried to calm down.

While lady Sif had a shocked look after hearing Ray say that Thor kissed Butch. The Warriors three too had their mouth opened in shock except for Volstagg who was eating something.

“Listen to me if you want to help Thor, you will talk to the Destroyer which surely Loki is controlling and get him to follow you to all the areas that have tanks and guns that Shield and the military has prepared beforehand. Will you do it ?”, Ray said in a girlish voice as he had that cute look again on his face.

“Boss, I will do it but that cute look that you have when you are having malicious thoughts is showing again.”, Butch said sadly.

“Gah ! Just do it, the Destroyer should arrive in these next few hours, I have a plan.”, Ray said in a girlish voice.

Just as Ray predicted the Destroyer arrived at the small town and started to tear it up with his laser beam eyes. The military’s weapons and Shield’s weapons were ineffective against the Destroyer.

Ray got Butch to jump up in front of the Destroyer, while the Warriors three and lady Sif lay in wait for an ambush against the Destroyer. Butch was suppose to lead the Destroyer to the Warriors three and Lady Sif, so they could ambush it.

Butch jumped out in front of the Destroyer which had been killing and destroying the military and Shield. Loki was shocked and amused that a mortal human being jumped out in front of the Destroyer and decided not to kill him immediately to see if he could amuse him.

“Hello ! Handsome ! Come here often ?!”, Butch shouted out to the Destroyer.

However the Destroyer seem to be ignoring Butch and was moving away from him.

Ray standing far away grabbed a loudspeaker from Phil Coulson and shouted, “God damn it ! Butch ! Show him the magazine that you always read in front of us every single day ! Show it to him now ! Do it now ! God damn it !”.

Butch was in shock upon hearing Ray’s voice and proceeded to pull out his x-rated gay magazine of two men mȧkɨnġ ŀȯvė and showed it to the Destroyer.

Loki upon seeing the x-rated gay magazine of two men mȧkɨnġ ŀȯvė, proceeded to vomit on the throne room. The Destroyer seem to stop for a while before collapsing down to the cheers of Shield and the military. The Destroyer however got up again and moved towards the direction of Butch.

Ray shouted in his girlish voice on the loudspeaker again, “Run Butch ! Run you fool ! Run !”.

Butch began to run towards the area where the Warriors three and lady Sif lay in preparation to ambush the Destroyer. The Destroyer used his eye beam to blast at Butch and started to chase after him. Loki in his throne room after vomiting was cursing like mad saying he will kill that mortal for sullying his eyes.

The Destroyer came to the exact ambush spot and the Warriors three and lady Sif jumped out to attack it. Thor looked at the CCTV in the safety of Shield tent with the hammer. Ray was shouting run Butch run. While Butch was shivering behind a wall after surviving the most dangerous situation in his life.

To be continued…