WTF I Am In The Marvel Universe! - Chapter 35

Thanos was sitting in his chair on his flagship space ship as he watched the nuclear bomb from Earth hit and destroy part of his Chitauri space fleet. Ebony Maw a member of Thanos’s Black Order was standing next to Thanos. The rest of the Black Order were around Thanos.

“I don’t think Earth’s weapon are very effective, they could not even get past our shields.”, Ebony Maw said with pride.

“Hmm… however they did destroy quite a few of the Chitauri space fleets.”, Proxima Midnight said thoughtfully.

“Enough ! These Earth weapons may be effective against the Chitauri space fleet but they are ineffective against our space fleets ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha !”, Thanos said loudly.

“Yes master, I couldn’t agree more.”, Corvus Glaive said proudly.

What Thanos, the Black Order and Thanos space soldiers did not notice was a thin layer of golden space dust that seem to settle into their bodies. It was the curse magic that Ray had whispered onto the nuclear bomb.

(A few days later)

“Arghh !!!”, a loud angry voice of pain could be heard in Thanos flagship spacecraft. It was Thanos shouting out in pain and anger as it was the 10th time he had stubbed his toe today. It was not only happening to him but to the Black Order as well as every member of the crew that survived the nuclear bomb from Earth. Somehow the nuclear bomb contained more than just radioactive waste material Thanos thought.

A few days ago Thanos found a problem, his crew and anyone that survived the nuclear bomb kept on stubbing their toe. Thanos had let the infected crew spread out to other space ships but it only made things worse. Accidents kept on happening, one crew member that had stubbed his toe accidentally fired on another friendly space ship, another crew member that had stubbed his toe crashed his space ship onto another spaceship and another crew member broke something important when he stubbed his toe. This could not go on anymore, Thanos thought, he needed to find a solution.

Just then Corvus Glaive walked in to the deck of the space ship with Thanos.

“Thanos, this cannot go on anymore, no matter how many scientists we had looked into this matter… ahem… of us stubbing our toes all the time, no scientist can tell us what is wrong with us.”, Corvus Glaive said in a depressing tone.

“Corvus, perhaps we are looking at this wrongly. What I have heard is that Shamans and magicians that dabble in something… ahem… called magic can help us. Perhaps we should suspend our disbelief and look into it. I am sure the world’s we have been destroying will have one or two… ahem… magicians.”, Thanos said as he looked embarrassed talking about magic and curses.

“Meanwhile have all the affected soldiers sent to the Chitauri fleet. I don’t think we can use them anymore.”, Thanos added solemnly.

“But Master that’s about 80% of our soldiers and fleet you are talking about. With only 20% of our soldiers and fleet, we can’t even attack a small city.”, Corvus Glaive said in shock.

“Do it Corvus, we have to trim our fleet and soldiers. Argh !”, Thanos said as he stubbed his toe again.

“Very well Master. Argh !”, Corvus Glaive said as he stubbed his toe when he moved.

As Corvus Glaive left, Ebony Maw came in.

“Master ! Arghh ! I think I have the solution. I have found a Shaman that is well versed in magic in Knowhere. I think he can help us.”, Ebony Maw said as he stubbed his toe in front of Thanos.

“Good. Good. Bring him in and gather all the Black Order with us to remove this… ahem… curse.”, Thanos said in a dignified manner.

Ebony Maw brought in an old man with antennas on his head like Mantis in the Guardians of the Galaxy. The old man with antennas on his head looked like a Shaman.

“You can help us ?! You do know if you fail you will suffer a fate worse than death. But if you succeed I will grant you you whatever you want.”, Thanos asked as he looked at the old man with antennas on his head.

“Lord, my name is Freedom, I am an old Shaman well versed in magic. This little curse will be dispelled by me easily. All I ask is for the money you promised me so I can buy magical items that I need.”, Freedom said proudly after he bowed to Thanos.

Thanos and the Black Order stood by Freedom as he uttered jumbo jumbo and waved his hand. Thanos and the Black Order immediately felt a heavy burden lifted from their shoulders. While Ebony Maw led Freedom away to pay him after that.

“Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! So this little Earth magic can be lifted so easily.”, Thanos laughed loudly as he thought he will no longer stub his toe.

(A few days later)

“Arghh ! Shit !”, Thanos shouted out in anger and frustration as he stubbed his toe in his throne room in his space ship.

Corvus Glaive and Proxima Midnight was rushing towards him.

“Master, it has gotten worse, now not only do I stub my toe every single day but every single day my sėx organ gets smaller and smaller. My relationship with my wife Proxima Midnight is falling apart, we are no longer having any sėx at all. Argh !”, Corvus Glaive said as he stubbed his toe.

“I know Corvus, my own sėxuȧŀ organ has shrunk to the size of a peanut. If it shrinks anymore I think I might become a female. What about you Proxima, I think this new additional curse will not effect you ?”, Thanos said solemnly as he rubbed his fast disappearing sėxuȧŀ organ.

“Master, it’s even worse for me, ever single day my sėxuȧŀ organ, my hole gets bigger and bigger. I think right now master, I can fit my fist in my hole easily. It is killing my sėx life. My lord please help us. Argh !”, Proxima Midnight said as she stubbed her toe.

“Call Ebony Maw to bring that hack of a magician back again !”, Thanos shouted angrily.

Thanos and the Black Order minus Ebony Maw was gathered at his spaceship waiting for Freedom, the alien with antennas on his head to come again. Ebony Maw led the Shaman Freedom back again to see Thanos and the rest of the Black Order.

“Freedom ! What is this ?! I thought you said this curse was a little thing to you ?! How come we now have two curses on us ?! Solve it now or die and have your whole race exterminated !”, Thanos said angrily as he continued to touch his disappearing sėxuȧŀ organ.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. I am sorry milord, I did not think that this magician will be so tricky to set up this little simple magic trap. I can guarantee you this time will be the last time, if not you can have my head, milord.”, Freedom said proudly and arrogantly.

Freedom the old alien with antennas on his head began to utter jumbo jumbo around Thanos and the Black Order. Thanos and the Black Order instantly felt relieved as if a huge burden have been lifted from their shoulders.

“Freedom ! You will now stay aboard this ship to see if you have really managed to lift all the curses off us. Ebony Maw will show you to your room. The rest of you, go back to your station.”, Thanos said arrogantly.

“Trust me milord, I have definitely removed all the curses on your bodies. The person would have to be a god if your bodies still have curses on it. Trust me milord, you are now all clean and free from any curses.”, Freedom said proudly as he left with Ebony Maw.

(A few days later)

The detached dead head of Freedom is attached to a pike and displayed in Thanos throne room. Thanos is shouting in pain as his head is muddled. Ebony Maw has rushed in to Thanos throne room to stage a rebellion and kill Thanos. The rest of the Black Order are staging their own rebellions.

“Thanos ! It’s time for you to die. I can feel your mind and I can control you.”, Ebony Maw said as he faced a Thanos.

Thanos grimaced in pain as he felt Ebony Maw attack his mind, he did not know why his protective helmet is not shielding him from Ebony Maw’s attack. But suddenly Ebony Maw slipped and fell into Thanos’s sword which was resting next to a wall. Ebony Maw’s head was split into two like a melon. Thanos moved again as he looked at Ebony Maw’s dead body.

“Curse you Ebony Maw ! Argh !”, Thanos shouted as he stubbed his toe again.

“First officer, take us to the home of Freedom. We will bring our fleet to eliminate Freedom’s world and kill every damn single one of their species ! They will never exist again !”, Thanos shouted out his instructions to his officers. Thanos decided to take what remained of his fleet and the Chitauri fleet with those infected with curses to attack Freedom’s home world and eliminate their species.

“After which I swear on my name as Thanos, I will go to Earth to find you magician and wring your scrawny neck ! Argh !”, Thanos added as he stubbed his toe again.

Looks like the story of the Marvel Universe will change again. Thanos will not be going after the infinity stones but will go to Earth to kill one scrawny magician…