You Make Me..crazy - Chapter 2

2. Black Shade and Betrayal

Junghee’s visit unsettled his balance, forgetting his promise to Sunny, Jae took his bike and rode back home in a hurry. The scenery held no interest for him, instead his head filled with the past. Ghosts and painful memories of betrayal grated against old wounds. He winced as he reached home. Instead of entering the house, he decided to head to the cabbage patch he’d planted the day before.

Turning on the water, he took the hose and walked along the rows carefully watering the fragile seedlings. Moving from one plant to the next, the repetitive work soothed him, allowing the jumble of memories to tumble to the surface easier.

He’d always loved music and the rush of performance from a young age. His parents would always encourage him to pursue his dreams and reach the highest he could. Knowing a small town like Gong couldn’t give him the opportunities he wanted, he’d gone to Seoul at the age of sixteen.

Sixteen, he thought now with a sigh.

Amidst his parents’ protests, he’d decided to take the plunge and gone to Seoul for an audition call at the N-sang Entertainment agency. He’d passed the audition and been accepted into the training program, but his success had presented a new challenge: Life alone in Seoul.

Coming from a big family facing loneliness hadn’t been easy. Seoul was tough without someone to lean on. He’d ended up living in a small two-bedroom house, with a roommate who spent most of his time running a club. He’d worked an endless cycle of odd jobs, delivering ramen, and dishwashing at hotels, cleaning services, and singing at karaoke bars. It was an endless cycle to help him pay for his vocal and dance training fees, not to mention rent and food.

He’d worked his jobs and dealt with the long hours spent training his voice, and dancing until points of exhaustion. Surrounded by a school full of aspiring singers and dancers all wanting the same opportunity, he’d endured sleepless nights and sore muscles with determination. There were times he’d been sure he’d break, but he hadn’t.

One day, at the end of his second training year, he performed for the N-sang president for the chance to be part of a new N-sang band. A group of four young men they’d name Black Shade. The audition was tough, his nerves shot, he’d felt at the end of his wits.

When they’d announced his qualification, he’d almost collapsed in tears. At the time, he’d just been happy to make it in to a group. Glad to have the opportunity to work toward his dream, he’d accepted his role in Black Shade with a clean heart.

He was the oldest in the group of four. Park Jaesun was younger than he was by two months, Kang Junghee was six months younger than he was, and then there was Song Andre who was seventeen to their eighteen. They all called him hyung (older brother) and because of this, the agency considered him the leader of Black Shade.

When they’d signed their contracts, the terms and conditions had seemed right; none of them had thought to take the time to read the fine print. Instead, they’d all worked to make Black Shade a success.

Ambition was a punishing companion, Jae thought.

He’d worked so hard, harder than when he’d been training to be part of a group.

He remembered sleeping two hours a day, waking up to train his voice, or practice choreography for their endless shows. He’d taken extra care with his eating habits, attended endless venue activities as needed by N-sang Entertainment. They’d performed late into the night, going back to the Black Shade residence and doing it over again the next day.

Their day-offs had dwindled to three in a year and even then, they weren’t exactly guaranteed. He’d held on for the sake of the dream. Despite their restrictive lifestyle, to the nation, Black Shade became the ultimate successful boy band in Korea. Kim Jaehan became a role model to young people.

The leader of Black Shade, Jae sighed at the memory, he’d felt untouchable.

Four years later, Black Shade was successful.

Too successful, he thought sadly.

The band members became his family. He thought of them as his younger siblings. Their easy acceptance and shared goals had brought them together, given him a love he couldn’t describe.

Jae turned off the water and sat on a rock in the middle of the garden. He sometimes hated the moment he’d started asking questions. If he’d kept blindly following orders, Black Shade would have survived.

At first, he’d been content to take whatever N-sang gave him and keep living. But-, after a particularly successful tour, they’d come back home expecting a large pay-off only to be faced with disappointment.

Kang Junghee’s brother, Sang, had pointed out the discrepancies in their income hoping to get Junghee’s income adjusted. When Junghee brought up the issue with him, Jae had first accused him of trying to break Black Shade.

Later on though, he’d started thinking about Junghee’s questions and decided to pursue the matter as Black Shade’s leader.

N-sang had shut down any questions he’d asked with words like ‘increased costs and expenses’. N-sang Entertainment had withheld Black Shade’s profits and insisted the band wasn’t as successful as the world thought.

Shaking his head, Jae thought back to the documents they’d given him to explain the increased costs of production and expenses. Surely, even a child could count, one plus one, equals two. A band selling merchandise, albums, doing concerts and filling stadiums, their net profit hadn’t made sense.

According to N-sang, their continued success meant that their costs increased. N-sang charged all costs incurred during tours and promotion activities to Black Shade’s income. Though the band was drawing in large proceeds, the costs incurred through N-sang Management, dropped their pay to mere pocket money. He’d gotten angry when the N-sang C.E.O had shut down any attempts to discuss the matter further.

Reality had crashed in when Junghee had wanted to buy a house when his old lease expired. Junghee had to take a loan to buy the darned house. Black Shade had found itself in a unique situation.

Poor yet successful, Jaehan thought as he studied a struggling seedling beside him.

Kang Sang, Junghee’s brother, had taken a closer look at their contracts thinking that if they rode out the situation, in a year or two, Black Shade would be free to carry out its activities under a new agency.

It turned out that they’d signed twelve-year exclusive contracts with N-sang Entertainment. Being twenty-two at the time, his contract would have ended when he was thirty, not to mention the fact that he needed to meet his military obligations, which had meant N-sang would release him when he was thirty-two years old.

He’d counted those years and felt like the world was ending. Any attempts to break the contract terms would incur fines that were triple the amount of money N-sang Entertainment paid them. Since the contracts were exclusive, they couldn’t carry out any performances outside the agency without incurring more fines.

Kang Sang had advised them to ask for a contract revision. When they’d broached the topic to the N-sang executives, the situation had only gotten worse.

N-sang Entertainment had suspended Black Shade’s activities, claiming that the group members were in breach of contract. In response, Kang Sang had filed a complaint in court asking to suspend the Black Shade contracts with the claim that they were unfair.

Hell had broken lose after that.

N-sang Entertainment had taken the case against them as an attack and started a media battle that had made him want to hide in bed every day.

Jae buried his head in his hands remembering the day Park Jaesun, his lover and best friend, had betrayed him and Black Shade. He hadn’t slept for days terrified by the thought of losing everything. As it was, he hadn’t seen how they would escape from the lawsuit unscathed.

~~~

“Jaehan,” a soft voice interrupted his worried thoughts. He sat up on the bed to find his manager standing at the entrance. “Andre and Junghee want to talk to you.”

He’d closed his eyes and fought back the need to push them away. They were in trouble together, losing everything together.

His manger opened the door wider and in walked his two bandmates. The fact that Jaesun hadn’t been with them had made his heart ache even more.

Junghee strolled into the room carrying a newspaper. His red hair a stark contrast from his pale skin, dressed in black, Junghee looked like he was in mourning. Behind him, Andre looked shaken. He too was dressed in black, his eyes red, as though he’d been crying. Jae understood Andre’s sadness acutely.

Last night, Jaesun, one of them, had decided to give up on their fight and chosen to drop out of the lawsuit against N-sang Entertainment.

Jae knew N-sang had designed Jaesun’s choice to break away, but he couldn’t help being angry with Jaesun for giving up so easily. Jaesun’s betrayal felt like an open wound in his heart, mostly because he loved Jaesun, had given him everything. He didn’t know what Black Shade was without Jaesun?

“I’ll be outside,” his manager said closing the door when she left.

Andre came to lie on the bed beside him. Junghee handed Jae the newspaper.

Jae stared at Jaesun’s handsome face plastered on the front page with remorse. The headline read, “Black Shade loses Park Jaesun in the fight against N-sang.” He balled the paper and threw it to the floor as hard as he could. He didn’t need to read the article; no one could articulate Black Shade’s situation.

“Hyung,” Andre said quietly. “We should stop now.”

“And do what?” Jae asked digging fingers into his hair.

He leaned against the headboard and pushed the pain away.

“If we don’t fight, Andre, N-sang will win. We’ll end up working for them for the rest of our lives. What’s worse, we’ll come out of it without much to show for our work.”

“Maybe it’s better to have what we had than nothing,” Andre said quietly.

He’d heard the argument night before. It was the same argument Jaesun had given him before he’d capitulated to N-sang’s offer.

“Junghee,” Jae said looking at the redhead pacing along his bed. “What do you think? Can we save Black Shade?”

Junghee shook his head. “If we don’t fight, we’ll end up suffering under N-sang wordlessly. We go back to them and our schedules will worsen. We’ll pay for this embarrassment. Hyung, please don’t quit on this.”

“I’m not quitting. I’m afraid,” Jae said meeting Junghee’s gaze with sad eyes. “I don’t know if I can give up this life. Junghee, you have your brother and family to look after you. Andre, your family will also take you back, but me,” he shook his head.

What would become of him without Black Shade? Music was his life. He’d given up so much just to make it here.

“Hyung,” Andre said softly. “You can stay with me. I’d never abandon you.”

Jae sighed and closed his eyes.

“Jaesun made his decision,” he said. “I guess it’s our turn. Today’s the last day before we can go back on this.”

“I’m not going to live this way,” Junghee stated.

Jae looked at him and realized Junghee was the strongest of them all. Jae might be older but Junghee had more strength than he did.

“Even if I lose it all, I will start again,” Junghee said.

“I’m with Junghee,” Andre answered quietly. “I don’t want to live like a slave. I don’t even remember what it feels like to have a day-off. If I’m going to work this hard, I should at least have something to show for it.”

Sliding his feet over the bed, Jae stood and walked to the windows overlooking the Seoul City.

N-sang had asked them to move out and go home until this issue was resolved. He could imagine that meant losing anything N-sang had given them. The list sitting on his desk was astounding, even his car belonged to N-sang Entertainment. Turning to the two by the bed, Jae sighed as he realized they were right. They’d worked too hard for things to end up this way.

“I’ll call a cab in thirty minutes,” Jae said quietly. “We can go to the house I got by lake. No one will find us there.”

“What about Jaesun?” Andre asked.

He sighed.

Jaesun had decided his path, and there was no going back.

“There’s nothing to do about him,” Jae said quietly.

Junghee moved around the bed and came to hug him. His warmth seeped into Jae, giving him a small measure of comfort. Small because he knew what their decision was going to end up costing them in the near future.

~~~

Jae stood from the rock and dragged the hose back to its holder.

The Seoul District Court had accepted their argument to make the contracts with N-sang invalid four months after their initial filing. He’d felt hope. Hope that N-sang Entertainment would release them.

Needing to get back on stage Junghee, Andre and he had renamed their band Rebellion. Working in Japan through the Rand Agency, they’d continued singing without Park Jaesun. For seven amazing months, he’d woken up happy to be doing something he loved on his own terms. Rebellion had gained a following, their old fans, God love them, had followed them from their days as Black Shade and made Rebellion a success in mere months.

Until their final night, Jae closed his eyes remembering that day as if it was yesterday. The day Rand Entertainment had suspended all their activities claiming discrepancies with their representative agency in Korea. Unknown to them, N-sang Entertainment had filed an objection to the court injunction that invalidated their contracts with N-sang claiming that the contracts were still valid. The Rand Agency had claimed Rebellion had signed a double contract causing a strain on the company’s relationship with N-sang Entertainment. They’d lost everything after that.

No one would do business with them, book their shows, sell their albums; even television and radio programs blacklisted Rebellion. With nothing to hold on to, he’d packed a bag and moved back home to Gong.

Jae walked to the wooden platform he’d slept on the night before.

He was now twenty-three. In the space of seven years, he’d tasted unimaginable fame and equally unimaginable failure. Taking the folder Junghee had given him, he leafed through its contents. Old articles Junghee had collected in the past few months.

‘Kim Jaehan, Kang Junghee & Song Andre vs. N-sang Entertainment. Who is the real victim?’ ‘Park Jaesun tells the truth behind Black Shade’s End.’

He read the articles with a mixture of anger and guilt. Jaesun blamed him specifically for the end of Black Shade. Insisting Jaehan had forced the band members to file for the injunction.

‘Kim Jaehan’s greed caused the end. He should have endured. If he’d waited, taken the time to be reasonable, the situation would have been resolved’

Park Jaesun, he thought a knife stabbing into his heart.

Jaesun’s words hurt him deep. He’d tried his best to protect his bandmates, but Jaesun had chosen to hang to N-sang Entertainment. As far as Jae was concerned, Jaesun should have been the one who endured with them.

He turned to the next article and almost gasped when he saw a picture of his last night in Seoul. He’d gotten drunk, completely wasted at a club in Seoul. He had no recollection of how he’d gone home that night. When he’d woken up the next day, he’d decided the best solution was to leave the city. In the picture, two women he didn’t recognize were helping him into a taxi.

‘Kim Jaehan breaks under pressure.’

He didn’t read the article, instead, he moved to the next one.

‘Andre struggles after Black Shade ends.’

Andre’s picture in sweats, walking behind his brother graced the top of the article. Jae assumed they’d taken the picture while Andre was at home. The article implied that Andre was working as his brother’s manager because no one else would hire him.

‘Junghee disappears from Seoul.’

‘Kim Jaehan rumored to be in hiding.’

The speculation drove him crazy. Dropping the folder on the ground, he wondered if he could afford to give up this way.

“Jae,” his mother said coming to sit next to him. She dropped her handbag beside her and yawned. “What a long day. Did you water the plants?”

“Yes,” he said quietly.

She held out a frozen ice cream stick and he laughed. She’d divided it in half because it came with two sticks. He took the red treat and kissed her cheek in thanks.

“How was work?” he asked.

She was a teacher in the local kindergarten school.

“Good, same as always, and not,” Gae In smiled at him. “What about you?”

He shrugged.

“Same as always, and not,” he replied.

“I see why you like sitting here,” she said after a few minutes in silence. “The wind feels nice.”

“It really does,” he said, leaning back on the wooden platform, his body supported by his elbows. “The cool breeze washes away everything, leaves you fresh.”

Gae In shifted so that she sat looking at him.

“Is that what you want to do, Jae? Forget it all and live like this?”

He stared at the blue sky above.

“A small part of me wants to stay. I’d get married to a nice girl, give you grandkids to worry about, be Jae.”

Gae In touched his jaw with a finger, gently caressing his skin. She reached his ear and tugged on his earlobe, her thumb rubbing the empty holes where he wore his earrings.

“But you’re not just Jae,” she said quietly. “You’re my shining star, Kim Jaehan, and you won’t be happy living this way.”

He met her knowing gaze.

“Mum,” he started with a frown.

“Marriage with kids and a wife is not for you,” she said with a small smile. “I know, Jae. I know what Jaesun meant to you and what he cost you.”

His cheeks flamed red and he tried to turn away from her gaze. He’d hoped she wouldn’t understand why Jaesun’s betrayal had hurt him so much.

“Jaesun loved you, Jae. When you were in Japan, he came to visit me. He wanted to see you so badly, but-, you were gone.”

“That’s not why he came,” Jae said shaking his head bitterly.

Jaesun had wanted to appease his guilt.

“When you left Seoul, don’t you think you gave up on Junghee and Andre as well?” Gae In asked.

The articles at his feet were proof of that. He should have stayed and helped Andre deal with the negative press. Their case against Rand was still in court. Their objection case brought forward by N-sang had yet to be resolved. Hiding away made him look weak, and he didn’t appreciate that.

He wasn’t ashamed of his fight against N-sang.

“I might have to go back to Seoul,” he said quietly.

“I know.” Gae In smiled. “I’ll take care of your cabbages.”

He’d miss this place.

Gae In tugged his ear and sat back to enjoy her ice cream treat.

He loved his mother’s attitude. Being a musician hadn’t made his parents’ lives easier. His fame had forced on them enough troubles. They’d moved three times before they’d found Gong and this hideaway.

Having a relationship with Jaesun had to be hard for his mother to come to terms with. The fact that she hadn’t told his father was enough commentary on her state of mind. Yet she smiled and encouraged him to pursue his dreams, his heart.

“Mom, you’re my favorite person in the whole world. You know that, right?” he said turning on his side to look at her.

She laughed the sound carefree and comforting. It made him wish that at her age he’d laugh just like she did, and that his hard times would have ended.

****