You Plus Me Equals - Chapter 30

He wanted an escape.

The stress and shock of what he had seen made him feel like his whole world was falling in on him. His chest was tight, and his breathing was ragged. The large pit in his stomach made him feel nauseated, that warm, acrid feeling of bile in the back of his throat was as off-putting as the blurry, beautiful world around him. That blurry world’s beauty shone at him as if mocking the tears that streamed down his face, and the hurt in his heart. And he ran blindly, not caring about his surroundings or where he was currently heading. Because his world was hopelessly shattered.

‘He had been tricked. He had thought Max was nice.’

‘He had thought his doubts were unfounded and that there had been a spark there between them. But Max had someone else already. He was being led on.’

‘There was no Max and Leo.’

‘There was nothing there.’

His chest heaved in the cooler air and he took a second to look around him. To his left were the stands for the running track, far off in the distance. He groaned he had been running the opposite way from anything.

The nearest part of the parking lot was full of cars and just beyond that to the back right of him back the way he came was the indoor soccer stadium. It was the closest thing to him out of everything. And he needed an escape, an escape from the cold. From Max… from everything.

Leo heard behind him the one thing he didn’t want to hear. The one thing that would take his already broken heart and grind those shattered pieces to dust.

Heavy footsteps, and Max’s voice calling out to him behind him.

“Leo WAIT!! … WAIT!!

Leo winced as Max’s slightly cold hands wrapped around his wrist.

Before that touch would have left him excited, made his heart skip a beat. Made his entire world focus on those dark pair of enticing eyes. But now he couldn’t even force himself to turn around and look at him..

“Leo please stop for a second… It’s not what you think”

Leo winced and held himself defensively. Just wishing Max had the brains to know he wasn’t wanted here without Leo having to say anything. But he also knew Max wouldn’t let go. He wouldn’t risk him running away again, because Max knew he had hurt him. Knew he didn’t understand. And he was adamant to explain. Leo also knew he didn’t want to hear any of it.

Leo froze. A part of him too scared to tell him to let go…

But that was a lie. A part of him really didn’t want Max to let go. He wanted to hear that it was nothing. Even if it was a lie. He wanted Max to tell him there was nothing there. That it had just been a trick, that it wasn’t real.

Deep down, he knew he wanted Max to catch him.

So when he did and he finally had slid his hand to wrap around Leo’s wrist and held him firmly from running anymore. He felt a huge sense of relief wash over him even though he knew inside that what Max might have to say could hurt him worse than he was already feeling. His brain reminded him in a last ditch effort to run, but he was too tired to even try and run away, or fight and he knew Max was barely holding him at all.

But Leo realized that even now, they were still close enough to the stands, they were not so far away that they had become invisible. Anyone could come out and see them, or hear him yell for help if he wanted to. But he didn’t care. He wasn’t ready to let go of Max, to give up. He wanted to feel his touch this time, this one last time, even if it was like this. Even if Max decided to let go of him, he couldn’t let go of him back. He didn’t want to…

Leo only had a moment to register Max’s movement, before Max’s second arm reached out, grabbed Leo’s arms and restrained them at Leo’s sides. Max’s strength pressed his arms forward so that they lay in front of him, before Max took his own arms and wrapped him tightly in a back cuddle. His back lay squarely against Max’s chest and Leo felt the warmth radiate from him slowly. Max shivered slightly in the now picking up wind in the field. But still held Leo in his arms, hugging him tight to his body in a close bear hug cradling him into his body like a shield.

Leo’s back firmly pressed into his stomach and he felt a shiver run through his own body, and he couldn’t tell if it was from the cooler air or from the feeling of being surrounded and held so tightly he could feel Max’s heartbeat in his own chest. Max braced him even tighter. Their arms linked together cuddling into his chest while Max’s face rested gently on his shoulder, He found himself sniffling a little and realized his face was a red bloated mess from crying. His nose stuffed and his throat raw. He felt horrible. He was suddenly very glad Max could only see his back now and he sniffled again. His nose cleared a little and with it the strong scent of Max’s shampoo, the smell of his sweat, the cologne he had put on this morning. The smell of the detergent he used on his clothes. The sillage of them all tickled his nose and worked together to bring the wonderful scent that made Max smell like… Max.

It was delectable.

And it made him melt.

Melt into the warm embrace being offered to him. Slowly, ever so slowly, he found his mind slowing down, stopping thinking a million wrong things and just anticipating what Max might have to say instead. So as his mind slowed so did his racing heart. And after what seemed like forever he started to feel like he might not be losing his mind after all.

He remembered why he should run. But it was mute, he was even trying so hard to remain angry. But he could feel the increased pace of Max’s heartbeat thump against him. The strong but gentle, firm hold that pressed him to his body. And then Max’s chin nuzzled against his neck gently and Leo heard a gentle content sigh escape from Max’s lips. Felt the tickle of Max’s warm breath right on his ear.

As if he were happy he had caught him as if he really didn’t want to ever leave. Maybe he would rather just stay here with Leo wrapped in his arms despite what the whole world around them was doing.

That softness pulled at Leo’s heart and despite the anger and betrayal he was feeling, he stopped thinking about it and thought about, the gentleness with which Max embraced him.

Leo sighed in defeat.

He was too weak in spirit.