You Won’t Understand Me - Chapter 85

The day arrived sooner than he thought as faint rays of the morning sun enter the small room through the window.

Zeng didn’t get a wink of sleep. It was not anything new to him. He hurried himself since they were allowed to meet Yul today.

Soon, Yul’s parents and Zeng were on their way to the ICU. Fanxing told Zeng that Yul was stable but didn’t wake up yet. However, his parents were alright with only seeing him from afar. They needed that reassurance.

“You can visit him now but please go one by one,” the intern said. He also informed Yul’s parents to maintain a distance of half a metre from the bed and not touch the patient when they go inside.

As soon as the intern left, Mr And Mrs Wang looked at Xiao Zeng.

“It’s okay. Mom, you should go first. Dad will go after you,” he said, giving his professional smile as if interacting with his patient’s relative. Mrs Wang didn’t notice it but it didn’t escape Mr Wang’s eyes.

Agreeing, Mrs Wang went in first. The other two males decided to sit on the bench outside, waiting. There were hardly any people in the waiting room this early in the morning. While they waited, Zeng began thinking once again. His thoughts would come rushing back in times like these and he had the urgency to sort them out however he could, for the sake of feeling better.

Everything that happened since yesterday morning had been a nightmare, an absolute torture for him. This was what he had been running away from. This was one of the reasons he had broken up. He did not want to feel this same pain and it was thrown at him, rendering him powerless.

The pain was very burdening and tormenting. He didn’t want to experience it ever again. He had tried to stay away but still was back to the same thing again. How was that even possible? He wanted to blame fate but he didn’t believe in it. Maybe he didn’t try hard enough. If he did, he would not have cared whatever happened to Yul. He would not have been here, waiting outside his ICU.

Now that Yul was alright, what was he supposed to do here? The police officer’s family was already there to cater to his needs. Zeng had no use staying there anymore. He and Yul had already broken up, hadn’t they? So, who was he to stay? He shouldn’t be here. He didn’t belong here.

“How have you been these past months?” Mr Wang asked out of the blue, causing Zeng to startle a bit.

“I have been well,” he answered, gaining back his composure.

“Good for you.” Mr Wang nodded. He pursed his lips, thinking about how he should put it forward. After a while, he said, “Thank you for everything that you did yesterday.”

Zeng gave a polite smile that appeared almost formal, “It’s alright. This is nothing compared to what you all have done for me. I cannot pay you back enough.”

Yul and his parents were great to Xiao Zeng since way before. After the initial fallout, Yul’s parents had taken their time to understand Zeng and the relationship he had with Yul. Once they had accepted it, Zeng received nothing but unconditional love and care from them and he had held them precious for the same.

However, given how things were now, he had to detach himself from the same affection. He had to conclude the situation. Staying up the whole night, he had made his decision to end things there, this time with Yul’s family.

Mr Wang might have sensed that. Being in the police department with a service of over 20 years, he could tell when a person was at his dead-end of thinking. He could decipher the tormenting storm brewing in Zeng’s heart from the way his contorted face.

He decided to speak his mind at that moment, “You know, the first time Yul told us about your relationship…” He paused for a moment. Gaining back his composure, he spoke, “… to be honest, I was disgusted out. I thought, where did I go wrong? I raised a son who had inherited most of my values. I taught him well, so when he confessed about you, I wondered, where did I go wrong? Why did Yul wander off the path? Why did he have to like a man? He had girlfriends before, so why? What would society think? Will they ridicule him? Why did he become like this? My son, gay? Impossible! Was it because of you that my normal son got manipulated? All sorts of questions ran through my mind with no answers. And then I thought maybe that was a phase and it would pass soon, rendering him normal again, something that this society didn’t point fingers at. But as time passed, I realised how wrong I was, about him and about you. I realised how much he loved you and how much you loved him back. He was the happiest when he was with you.” Mr Wang smiled, reminiscing his son’s smiling face whenever he talked about Zeng.

“Before meeting you, he was so cold and indifferent; always wearing the same stone face, same as me. I know he was kind at heart and always polite to his others but he wasn’t good at expressing his emotions. He got that part from his late grandfather. My old man was very strict and also had the same level of coldness in him. Yul was very close to my father. If he were alive, he would have loved to see his beloved grandson with the one he loved, no matter who the person is.

You are one of the very few people that he had opened up to, till now. After he met you, he became more lively and happy. I saw the change in him over these five years. You have made him a better person, Zeng. With you, he had been the happiest he ever was.”

Zeng didn’t speak a word, instead kept listening. Memories that he had closed off in the pits of his heart were trying to resurface their way up, and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to feel that again.

But then why was he longing for the same?