You Won’t Understand Me - Chapter 89

Dr Lee Kuan observed the paleness of Zeng’s face and the depth of his eyes. The man seemed more tired than he was supposed to be.

“Dr Xiao, I don’t mean to pry but your eyes look sleep-deprived. Are you not sleeping well?” He asked, seeing the growing eyebags under Zeng’s eyes.

“Oh… it’s nothing, Dr Lee. Just a bit of stress.” Zeng dismissed the matter. He didn’t want to make any excuses over his insomnia. Then two doctors resumed their discussion about Yul’s rehab and other complications that might occur.

About 15 minutes later, an emergency occurred and Dr Lee Kuan had to leave to attend it. He bid goodbye to Zeng as they left his office.

When Zeng glanced at his watch, he noticed that two hours were almost up. Yul must have woken up by now. Zeng had already informed Mr and Mrs Wang so they must have come. He went back to the ICU area and debated whether to go in or not.

Unlike the few other times, Yul would be in his right senses by now. ‘Would he hate me after everything I did? He should. I deserve it!’

His hand on the knob of the door stopped.

‘What if he doesn’t want to see my face?’

If that was the case, he should not be visiting at all. He still had a chance to back off and never come here again. Everything had been sorted out. He was not needed there anymore.

However, no matter what excuses he had, a part of him still wanted to see Yul; to hug him and cry in his arms, to make sure he was alright. Hence, keeping aside all the complicated thoughts, for now, he decided to listen to what his heart said.

He turned the knob.

As Zeng entered the room, he gulped in nervousness. Yul’s parents had arrived earlier and were by his side, crying tears of relief. Zeng slowly inched towards the bed. The moment Yul saw Zeng, he struggled to sit up. Zeng hastily got over and prevented it.

“Don’t strain yourself.” He told Yul to relax, holding his shoulders and gently pushing him back to lie on the bed and then turned to his parents.

“You two can go and have breakfast. I will stay here till then.” He knew the pair wouldn’t have even considered eating so as to meet their son as soon as possible.

Agreeing to it, Mr and Mrs Wang left for the canteen. Now that they both were alone in the room, Zeng sat on the stool near Yul’s bed. All along Yul’s eyes were focused only on Zeng. The sharp black orbs had questions swimming in them.

“You are not allowed to talk yet. Dr Lee Kuan said you can speak after two to three days.”

Yul only blinked as if he was in a dream and was rechecking himself if this was reality; if Zeng was really there.

He once again moved his fingers signalling Zeng to hold his hand and the latter did it. A familiar warmth filled Yul’s cold chest and his eyes began to prickle with tears. Before the tears could slide down to his temples, Zeng gently wiped them.

“Everything is alright now, don’t worry.” The doctor reassured the police officer.

Yul wanted to cry out aloud and ask a lot of questions, to demand why things turned out the way they were. However, his throat had this peculiar pain that made it difficult to utter clear words and he was starting to get a pulsating headache. His breathing became laboured and the area where the bullet made a shallow penetration on his chest was aching in a stabbing pain.

Zeng saw his discomfort and he immediately leaned in. “I already told you not to stress yourself,” he put a hand on his forehead, thumb caressing the skin, “Please relax. There’s nothing to worry about. Take some more rest, okay?”

Zeng caressed his hair soothingly, making Yul relax immediately. He kept looking at Zeng while the other too, was immersed in his eyes. His breathing normalised and the pain slowly faded away. Neither of them spoke a word but kept looking at each other as if they were the only people left on earth.

……..

That day Yul was shifted to the General Male Ward.

Zeng continued visiting him daily, on his scheduled night shifts as well as most part of the day. As the silence between them often became uncomfortable, Zeng would start talking about anything that came to his mind. He would also read him the newspaper or magazine. Yul didn’t speak for a few days as his throat was still not in good condition. He would only signal Zeng to hold his hand and then would fall asleep eventually while hearing Zeng talk about random things.

Three more days flew by in no time. Yul could now speak. And the very first thing he did was confront Zeng.

“I want to talk.” His voice was hoarse from refraining speech for many days.

“There’s no rush. We will talk after you get all well.” He said as he pushed away the strands of hair from Yul’s forehead and then caressed his cheek.

“But Zeng ge-”

“I am right here, Yul,” Zeng said, “We can talk later after you recover. I will listen to whatever you want to say. For now, just relax and focus on getting well soon.” He spoke in a low voice as it was night time and there were other beds, containing the sleeping patients, at a distance of a few metres.

“Sleep now.” Zeng held his hand and gently patted it.

“And you?” Yul wondered as Zeng had been with him the whole day and last night too. Even when he had regained consciousness after the surgery, he could remember Zeng being with him at odd times of the day when he should be sleeping. “You don’t sleep?”

Zeng pursed his lips in a smile. “After you,” he answered. “Good night.”

Sleep lured in Yul’s eyes soon and he drifted to his dreamland, a place where no one would hurt him and all his beloved people were with him.

Zeng was helplessly awake. After making sure that the younger one had fallen asleep, Zeng lifted up Yul’s hand which was securely holding on to his own. He kissed the back of his hand then rested it against his cheek. Yul had always had a body temperature lower than average. Zeng would often tease him of being a cold-blooded alien and in turn, Yul would press his cold hands to Zeng’s rosy cheeks in the heavily cold winters as an act of revenge, making the doctor yelp and hiss, swatting the younger’s hands playfully and feigning a frown which Yul would kiss away.

Even now as Zeng pressed Yul’s hand to his skin, it felt cold against his warm cheek. He had missed this touch; this cool, rough yet soothing touch. He had missed it. He had missed Yul a lot.

A tear rolled down from his eye. “I am sorry, Yul. I am sorry.” He whispered, holding back a sob in the darkness of the moonlit night which reflected on Yul’s peacefully sleeping face.

His apologies were left unheard in the silent night because he was too much of a coward to say them out when Yul could hear him.