You Won’t Understand Me - Chapter 91

Yul got discharged on the 14th day. He could walk but only with support. He was not allowed to join duty for another one month. As his intestines were not fully recovered, he could have meals which are only watery in consistency. No solid foods till fifteen days more.

Zeng had already taken leave for the entire day. He completed the formalities for Yul’s discharge and helped him with the travel. They got inside Yul’s apartment. Zeng made him rest on the couch and asked him to take a nap. Yul closed his eyes for a while trying to relax as walking till here had been a difficult task for him.

The apartment needed cleaning, so Zeng began tidying up the house which had been uninhabited for the past two weeks now. He opened all the windows for ventilation and cleaned up the fridge. Later, he dusted all the rooms and changed the bedsheets into new ones. He made as little noise as possible so as not to disturb the other guy. He washed all the clothes and hung them up for drying on the balcony. The cactus plant had managed to survive. Zeng watered it.

Yul’s parents would be coming tomorrow morning. Zeng would help him with the chores till then. He also stacked up the fridge with ingredients and lots of energy fluids since Yul would be surviving on them for a while.

The house which he once called home was kept the same way he had left it. Yul’s clothes occupied only half of the closet, the showcase was half empty while the other half was filled with medals from his previous accomplishments. There was an addition of one more medal since Zeng left. Nothing much has changed. It was like everything was waiting for him to come back.

The only thing that he observed had changed was the decrease in the number of photographs hung up on the wall. All those containing him were removed. He wasn’t surprised but an emptiness filled him.

What was he even hoping for?

He was about to turn when his eyes landed on the side table. A framed photograph was facing down. His heart picked up a rapid beat as the frame looked vaguely familiar. It was their photo together. Yul’s favourite one.

‘Why is it still here? He should have discarded it along with the others. So why…?’

His eyes started tearing up. He was thinking by himself when Yul hugged him from behind. Zeng didn’t even get a chance to breathe. His already distorted mind and broken heart wanted to cry even more. The contact was nothing intimate but it still took him back to the time when they were together.

Yul didn’t move as he kept his arms around Zeng. It had been months since he had held the man in his arms, felt his warmth or inhaled his scent. It had been so long since he had taken him in his embrace. It was something that made him feel at bliss. Something that made his world was complete. He had missed it…everything… he had missed Zeng a lot.

He didn’t want to leave the compelling warmth but this turmoil had to end today. It could not go on like this. Determined, he took a few steps back.

“Can we talk now?”

“Now?”

“Why can’t we? Do you want me to wait and see you run away from me again?”

Yul was being offensive. With what little patience he was left with, it was difficult to control his tone. Zeng wanted to protest. “I am not-… fine, go ahead.” He finally gave in.

Yul looked at him longingly before averting his eyes. He gulped, “We have been dealing with this for too long. Let’s end it, now.”

“End what?” Zeng was caught off-guard. Their relationship? Their love? Wasn’t that already broken off? What need did Yul feel to bring up the past again? “What do you want to end, huh? There is already nothing left between us.” It came out bitter than Zeng had intended.

“Zeng ge, you are impossible!” Yul scoffed. He raised his voice without knowing it, “Why are you so cruel to me? After what you did to me, don’t you even feel an ounce of pity?”

“Yul, what are you talking about? I don’t understand — ”

“I hate you!”

The ramble ended in dead silence. Zeng felt as if he was stabbed by a thousand swords. His heart fell to the deepest pit and he heard it shattering to a million pieces as Yul’s words reached him. The three words had so much power that he couldn’t even comprehend. And it broke him.

Yul took a step forward, “I hate you. You are a coward, a selfish person who doesn’t give a shit about how others feel. You run away when you can’t handle things. You only think about protecting yourself from pain even if that means stepping on others. You are the worst! You say that it was for my own good but you will never understand how I felt these months.”

The emotional rage wasn’t something his injured body could handle. It started signalling him through pain but he wouldn’t stop, not today. This had to end. All his resentment turned to rage which escaped out of his eyes as tears. He had too much of this…of Zeng.

“I hate you, Xiao Zeng. I hate you to my core.”

Zeng had anticipated it… all the hate and everything that came with it but this felt much worse now that he was actually hearing it from Yul.

‘He hates me now.’

But you deserve it, a voice in his head said. Yes, he deserved the hate.

“I am sorry.” That was all he could manage to say, his head hanging low, his eyes welling up with tears. He had messed everything up. He was at fault from the start.

“Sorry? That’s all you can say? You keep apologizing without ever meaning it!” Yul grabbed Zeng by his shoulders and pulled him closer. All his emotions made their way down his eyes, his tears had a different meaning today. Zeng could see it through his own teary eyes.

He had broken Yul.