Your Love For Mine - 17 Truth

The SF club room had fallen into silence after that incident.

It’s been an hour since then. Neither of us has said a word to one another the entire time.

As usual, Momoka is reading her book while listening to music through her earphones. It’s a picturesque scene that anyone who’s seen her in class is already used to by now.

Meanwhile, I’m reading through some gaming magazines that were left lying around in the club room. I’m not exactly the biggest gamer around, but it’s better for my sanity if I read this instead of mindlessly staring into space.

But also, more than that, I needed an escape from Momoka’s piercing gaze.

I may have decided to protect Scarlet’s image, but I’m not feeling too comfortable going up against that girl. If I’m allowed to be honest, her perceptiveness terrified me more than that outburst from this morning.

That isn’t to say that I’ve forgotten about it, as much as I’d like to. Simply put, being able to pick apart someone’s deepest insecurities so easily must be the most powerful ability in this world. I’m of the belief that the pain of words can damage a person more than any weapon ever could.

Whereas there are laws against violence and murder, there are no laws against telling the truth. Revealing the things about a person that even they might not want to hear about is nothing short of psychological torture. It’s plain evil.

But even still, I’ve already decided. I’m going to convince her that I’m more than just a coward. Yeah, I’m going to try to convince that devilish witch of a woman. Just what the hell is wrong with me, really? It turns out I might just be a masochist after all.

With those thoughts in mind, I decide to throw myself head first into the abyss one more time by starting up a new conversation.

“H-hey, what’re you reading?”

I’ve finally put my foot forward to get the conversation rolling. Just sitting here as I have been won’t get anything done after all.

But she doesn’t appear to have heard me. She keeps her head down and concentrates entirely on her book.

This is so nerve-wracking. I don’t really want to get scolded, but…

“Heeey, Momokaaaa.”

“…”

“Momoka!”

Ah, she’s glaring. She’s totally glaring.

She removes her earphones and sighs.

“What is it, chicken?”

“I’m not a chick… Nevermind.”

I really hope this doesn’t become a “thing” from now on.

“Say, what have you been reading all this time?”

She squints her eyes at me then lifts the cover of her book so that I can see.

“It’s called Norwegian Wood.”

“A-ah, I see. Sounds interesting.”

Not much for words all of a sudden…? She answered me so plainly that I can’t find anything else to say to her.

For a while the silence goes on between the two of us until she finally opens her mouth to speak once more.

“For reference, the song I was listening to before you completely ruined the mood was also called Norwegian Wood.”

“… Sorry.”

I give up. I can’t have a normal conversation with her

Why is she such an intense person?!

It feels like I’m in a prison cell trying to converse with the asshole guard outside who thinks I’m human garbage.

“By the way Chase.”

My hairs stand on edge the moment she lifts her voice.

“A-ah, uh, what is it?”

“I heard a rumor that this club lost fifteen members when the semester began. How true is that?”

Fifteen, huh?

“Umm, that number is a bit exaggerated since the senior members graduated last semester, but for the most part it’s true.”

“Why’s that?”

“Huh? Why?”

She shuts her book and places it on the desk.

“Well, the rumors did offer an explanation for it, but I’d like to hear your take as someone who was actually present.”

“Who was actually present..? Ah, you mean the first day of club this semester?”

The day that seven of the club’s older members, as well as every other potential new member, had turned away from the SF club. The day that left Nick, Sig, Chris, his girlfriend Reyna and myself as the only five members of this club.

“I wouldn’t say there’s much to talk about. Nick’s just… Well, if you’ve spoken to him you’d understand. He’s a bit…”

“Elitist?”

“I was going to say eccentric, but that works too. If your views don’t line up with his then more than likely he’s probably going to let you know why you should drop dead in a gutter somewhere. It can get a bit extreme sometimes and understandably not everyone can deal with that.”

Momoka giggles at what I say.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh no, I was just thinking. If that’s all it took to make them leave the club then maybe they weren’t all that passionate about it to begin with.”

“Yeah, that’s what Chris ended up saying when they left. I’m surprised though. I didn’t think you of all people would defend him like that.”

“Oh, I’m not defending him or anything. Please perish the thought. Nick was without a doubt in the wrong. That goes beyond merely coming off as pretentious. As a matter of fact, if you looked up the word pretentious in the dictionary you’d probably find his school ID photo.”

“You might say that, but don’t you come off as a bit pretentious yourself?”

I thought she’d lose her temper when I said it, but all she does is lean forward curiously.

“Oh, how do you figure?”

“Well, I just mean that there’s no reason to use colorful language like that in everyday conversation like you’re doing right now. In fact, Scarlet’s probably mentioned it at least once, right?”

At least, I hope she would.

She’s always telling me to simmer down but this girl is on a completely different level.

“What are you saying Chase? Of course my language should be at least this colorful.”

“Yeah? Why’s that?”

“Because it’s part of my character’s appeal.”

Huh? Is she some kind of mascot character?

She giggles once more. I guess this kind of conversation is amusing to her.

“Well in any case, I’m not exactly refuting your point, but it does raise an interesting question. Where does one draw the line between individuality and pretentiousness?”

“Individuality and… pretentiousness?”

“There’s a fine line somewhere, isn’t there? For example, let’s say a new film is released and you visit the movies with your friends. Once you’re out, all of your friends are screaming about how much they enjoyed the film. To them, it was an experience they’d probably never forget for a long time. However, for you it was different. You found the entire film to be messy. Sure, the CG effects were nice on your eyes, but when you get down to the nitty gritty of it, you found it difficult to praise that movie. The pacing was off, there were plot holes in every other scene, and you feel like the characters were as flat as cardboard. As someone who disliked almost everything about the film your friends had enjoyed so much, what should you do in that situation?”

“What should I do…? There’s no reason for me to spoil their fun, is there? I’ll just smile and enjoy chatting about it with them.”

“Yeah, and that’s what most good people would do. To you, the movie was merely an excuse to spend time with your friends so it isn’t worth putting a damper on the mood over your negative opinion of it. But Chase, isn’t that strange? You’re basically stifling your individuality to make the people around you happy. It’s as if you’re saying that having an opinion that goes against established norms is taboo. If you criticize something that other people enjoy, you’ll get labelled as pretentious simply because your opinion differs from that norm. Isn’t that cruel? Doesn’t that way of thinking dissuade human beings from critical thinking?”

I can only sigh.

It’s not that I don’t get what she’s saying. She does raise a valid point.

But there’s something fundamental being overlooked in the way she presented that scenario.

“I think it’s fine to give your opinion on something if you feel like it, but that isn’t really what Nick does at all. Deep down, I think he truly believes that being able to harshly criticize something that most people enjoy makes him an intelligent person. I can tell because I’ve been listening to him and Sig talk basically every day since the semester began. Don’t misunderstand, I think it’s an important part of him right now and I find it amusing, but I can see how that kind of negativity could upset a lot of people.”

“Well, it’s not like I disagree with that. There is something to be said about people who try to parade their pessimism around like some kind of Nobel Prize. But where do you draw the line? Are you not allowed to express disinterest in something if it means hurting others? Does my more colorful manner of speech imply that I am trying to appear important or superior to everyone else? Tell me, where should we draw that line?”

“…There’s nothing wrong with saying “I’m not a big fan of this thing,” you know. But doing it in a way that makes others feel inferior for liking it is definitely wrong. That almost goes beyond pretentious up to a point.”

I wanted to say it makes you seem like a jerk, but I didn’t feel like going that far.

“Besides, well… If I’m allowed to be honest, if this is how you speak to Scarlet, then it’s very possible that she sees you as a bit pretentious. I can’t say this with one hundred percent certainty, but knowing her, she’s probably at least a bit uncomfortable every time you speak to her that way. I know she’s like that with me at least.”

“…”

Momoka doesn’t respond.

She takes it all in.

Her eyes focused intently on me as if to absorb every word that had escaped my lips.

Silently, she broods over it.

Not like Nick who would instantly find a retort for the sake of defending his own ego. Momoka genuinely picks at my logic with an open mind before she responds. I could tell from this simple act that Momoka is different from him.

The fact that she’ll even consider the opinion of someone like me as valuable is definite proof of that.

“You might actually be right about Scarlet. I’d always wondered why it felt like I was slightly intimidating to her, but this just might be it.”

She sighs.

“I suppose I just couldn’t see it because this manner of speaking is completely natural to me. Though, I can’t help but wonder why she wouldn’t bring it up with me personally if that were the case.”

Well, that’s just how she is. She’s desperate to maintain the status quo so she’ll bite her tongue for the sake of keeping everyone around her happy.

Once Momoka is done thinking, she tucks her hair behind her ear and smiles.

“You told me something interesting today. I guess having you stay here with me was worthwhile after all.”

It seems that something’s been going on with the two of them. With that unusually straight-forward personality of hers, she’s bound to have one or two conflicts with someone like Scarlet, even if Scarlet herself doesn’t say anything.

Well, not that it has anything to do with me. I just hope this means that I look like more of a boyfriend to her.

She rests her chin on both arms then slants into the desk to stare at me.

“As a reward helping me, I’ll answer any question you might want to ask me.”

Anything I’d like to ask her, huh?

She must be dying of boredom to be this talkative. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her voice more than I have in this room.

“Well…”

There is something I’d like to ask. It should be obvious what it is, but I’m not sure if it’s a sour spot for her or not. Especially considering how she avoided the issue almost completely I spoke about it earlier.

Either way, it’s all that’s been on my mind so I’m going to give it a shot regardless. She offered to answer anything after all.

“There is something I’d like to know about you.”

I take a deep breath to calm myself before I ask.

“… Why’d you step over Ryan like you’re some kind of sick dominatrix?”

She stops to think for a moment before she looks back up to me.

“Well, I don’t mind answering that at the moment, but… dominatrix? I don’t understand what you’re trying to imply here Chase. Are you calling me a hopeless pervert who enjoys torturing defenseless men?”

I don’t think anyone would disagree with that if they saw what you did this morning.

She sighs and leans back into her chair.

“I’m not entirely sure if you know this, but… that Ryan person has been hitting on me for quite a while now.”

“A while?”

“This incident was not isolated. Ever since the school year began last month, I’d always ‘coincidentally’ meet up with him while walking through the hallways and he’d use it as a chance to attempt to get on my good side.”

“Hmm, I guess it could be a bit annoying if you aren’t into him, but… I’m surprised that you aren’t. He’s popular and pretty good looking, isn’t he?”

“If that’s all you think girls look for in men then I feel sorry for Scarlet for being stuck with such a dense guy.”

That’s exactly what Scarlet looks for in guys, though…

“Well, I’m not confident that I should give my reason. I’d rather not gossip about people after all. But in any case, despite constantly ignoring him, he still found himself bumping into me by “chance” quite often. He was rather persistent for someone who could have his pick of the cheerleading squad. It’s almost like he’s never been rejected in his life before and refused to accept it.”

She pauses.

“Come to think of it, that makes him the opposite of you doesn’t it? Mr. Spineless Chicken.”

“I’m spineless too, huh?”

“Anyway, that’s how it is. I think my frustration reached a boiling point when I saw the way he held my book earlier. He was acting like it was something dirty to him.”

“You really love your books huh?”

If her love for books is as great as she lets on, then she probably took great offense to that. I can kind of understand her frustrations, I guess.

“Hmmm… Well we can leave it at that for now. In any case–”

She tucks her hair behind her ear once more and grins at me.

“It’s almost time for lunch so let’s hurry this up.”

“Huh? Hurry what up?”

“What are you talking about? We’re going to play Chess again.”

Wait, chess? But didn’t she…

“Oh, and don’t even think about playing half-heartedly this time. I’ll walk over there and smack you myself if you do.”

“A-ah sure…”

I guess I managed to get on her good side again.

I move the chessboard back to the middle of the table and begin setting my pieces up on my side of the board.

“By the way Chase, did you know? In Chess, the person who uses the white pieces overall has a better chance of winning.”

“Wha- wait, why are you using them then?!”

“Why? Isn’t it obvious? It’s because I hate losing.”

This arrogant little…

“No, I’m definitely using white this time. You can’t make me not use white. I’d rather die than not use white.”

It might be a bit forward, but I have to aim for the win. I won’t repeat the same mistake as last time.

“Fine, how about this then? We’ll play rock paper scissors for the white pieces.”

“Heh, sure. Bring it on. I’ll make you regret that decision.”

“There’s the determination I was looking for. I’m somewhat excited to play with you now.”

She makes a fist with her hand.

“By the way Chase, did you know? In rock paper scissors, if you pick rock then you have the opportunity to react to paper if you stick your fingers out at the last possible moment.”

“No one has those kinds of reactions!!”

“Oh, are you testing me?”

She grins as if to challenge me.

As if to say her reactions truly are that good.

Well that’s fine. Because I’m definitely going to prove her wrong.

The two of us move our fists forward, eyeing each other down.

“Bring it then. I’ll test those reactions of yours.”

She smiles.

“Let’s make this more interesting then, shall we? How about this: if I win then not only do you have to forfeit your rights to white, but you’re also going to have to protect me from that annoying senior. Even if it kills you.”

“Upping the stakes, huh? Sure, but if I win then…”

You’ll go on a date with Sig.

Surely that’s what I had intended to say.

No, there’s nothing “surely” about it. Without a doubt, those were the words that should have escaped my lips.

So then, what was with this?

Why did I utter those words?

Was it the fact that we’d been alone together for about two hours now?

Was it because I felt a connection with her after she’d opened herself up to me a bit more?

Or was it simply that I hadn’t gotten the image out of my mind all this time?

Either way, my tongue somehow slipped and I ended up saying something disgraceful.

“Let me touch your boobs.”

The image of her breasts from when she stared down at me.

If I’m allowed to be honest, they’re all I’ve been thinking about since then. But please! Let me explain! A fourteen year old going through puberty can’t be expected to have complete control of his hormones yet! Of course I’m thinking about her tits! What else would I be thinking about right now?! I mean, they were so…

… No, I shouldn’t be trying to justify this. But I promise you, it really was a slip of the tongue. I naturally have no intention of actually going through with…

“How revolting. I had no idea you were this much of a breast-loving pervert. Well, it’s not like I’ll lose here so I don’t mind.”

Eh? Seriously? It’s that easy?

Wait wait. What exactly is simple about that? We’re talking about your breasts here, you know?

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t being serious. Here, let me think of something else.”

“No, it really doesn’t matter what you’d get when you win. My victory is all but decided with this strategy.”

Eh? She has that much confidence in it?

“We’re going on shoot. Ready?”

“…”

No no, focus. All I have to do is sink that confidence of hers. All I have to do is challenge her reactions. All I have to do is win. Win and those boobs will be yours, Chase!

Sorry for betraying you Sig. But I’m aiming to win.

There’s something extremely important on the line here.

And with that, we begin our countdown to the golden land.

“Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot!”

We unveil our weapons of choice the second the countdown ends.

And… Silence.

“…”

I had chosen paper, determined to test her reactions til the bitter end.

And she…

Picked scissors.

“I lost…”

Dammit!

I should have believed it!

I should have believed in her perfect coverage. There was something more important on the line than my pride! Goddammit!

Was this karma for losing myself to my hormones? I feel so dirty for even thinking about that now. I’m sorry Sig. When this is over I promise to tell you the truth over some ice cream. You don’t deserve a horrible friend like me.

But still, that was amazing. She somehow managed to pull it off.

“God dude, who knew there was such a cheap strategy in RPS.”

If you don’t see paper, then rock won’t lose. If you see paper, then scissors guarantees your win. It’s the perfect strategy for never losing at rock paper scissors every single time. Why has no one thought of it before now?!

“No, it was a bluff.”

Huh?

“I only deceived you into believing that nonsense and forced you to pick paper.”

I was tricked?!

“Honestly, you made it too easy for me by tunnel-visioning your prize instead of the actual game. Is Scarlet going to be okay when her boyfriend is such a lust-filled beast?”

“S-shutup! Tricking me into picking scissors like that is cheating! Let’s play again!”

“Again, huh? You know, I understand that you’re frustrated at how I played you like that, but it’s also important to show humility in defeat. We don’t have much time until lunch so hurry and set your second place pieces up.”

I roll my eyes.

Humility? Just what part of that loss deserves any form of humility?!

It seems like all three of these girls have got it out for me in their own ways.