Your Love For Mine - 19 Truth

What a ridiculous turn of events.

In the doorway stands the scary senior who was assaulted by Momoka mere hours ago. He seems more than displeased that I’m also in the room, but there’s nothing I can really do about that.

As for Momoka, she’s…

“Wait, how the hell did you get behind me so quickly?!”

Momoka clings to my back and peers over at the well-built, six-foot tall sports athlete who is currently towering over the both of us.

“We had a deal. Protect me. Even if it kills you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! I’ll die! I’m definitely gonna die! If he so much as breathes on me I feel like I’ll be sent straight into the afterlife!”

Why did you open it if this was how things were going to turn out?! Are you an idiot?! And why am I the scapegoat?!

Ryan shuts the door behind him and makes sure to lock it with the key that was still seated tightly inside the knob.

“Huh, so you had a boyfriend huh?”

His deep voice echoes throughout the room and sends a shiver down my spine. I wish I was pretty much anywhere else in this building right now.

“No, he’s not my boyfriend. This spineless chicken is only here to protect me.”

“Stop calling me a chicken! And I’m definitely not going to protect you!”

“You won’t? But we had a deal chicken. Or would you prefer it if I downgraded you to maggot like that oversized man over there?”

“Are you trying to piss him off even more?!”

Ryan stretches his neck and shoulders as if to make it apparent that he’s here to do more than just talk.

“You two done?”

Ah dammit. This is the end, isn’t it?

But just as I was thinking that, he sits back into one of the chairs close to the door rather calmly.

“Haaa… This is annoying. Just to be clear with you two, I’m not gonna hit anyone. I’ll admit that I was pissed about it earlier, but I’m in senior year and you guys are freshman. Doing that’s like asking to be expelled. I think girlie is more aware of that than you think she is.”

“Huh? She is?”

Momoka clears her throat.

“Well, it was obvious if you thought about it for more than two seconds.”

Then why are you still clinging to my back?

“As for why I was searching for you, I was just curious about why I had to get hit like that. It’s only fair that I know the truth of it, right? I think anyone would be confused if something like that happened to them. One minute I was picking your book off the ground like a good guy, and the next thing I knew I was lying on the ground in pain with a shoe stuck to my face. I think even Mr. Bodyguard here would agree with me on that.”

He makes a fair point. It does seem like he kind of got dismantled for absolutely no reason. I’m not surprised that he feels like slave to his confusion at the moment. Hell, even I wanna know what pushed her that far.

“I think I’m owed an explanation, don’t you girlie?”

At his words, Momoka sighs.

“I apologize for harming you earlier. It’s a bad habit of mine to blow things out of proportion like that. I promise you that I did not mean you any ill will and I’ll try my best not to let it happen again.”

“Look, I’m not asking for a half-assed apology or anything. I just want to know why you did it.”

“No.”

Ehhhh?!

“No? What does that mean?”

“My reason for going that far is a bit personal so I’d rather keep it to myself.”

“Girlie, maybe you don’t understand the situation you’re in. I’m giving you a chance to let yourself off the hook here.”

“Momoka let’s be real! This isn’t the time! Ryan, I think she was upset that you—”

“Chase.”

She says my name.

She doesn’t call me a chicken, but Chase.

Only this time, her voice trembled.

The normally cool and collected Momoka’s voice had trembled.

For the second time today, I was suddenly forced to confront the fact that she was a human being like everyone else. The sudden shock had knocked me off balance.

“If you tell him anything about it then I will hate you for the rest of my life.”

“T-that’s…”

But in that case, who knows what he’ll do to you?

I wanted to say that to her. Even knowing how close it was to her heart, she doesn’t deserve to get hurt over it.

Inside of what she’d shared with me earlier, there was most likely a secret. I don’t know why her books are so important to her, but I have absolutely no right to divulge that information.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

I really am a chicken after all. I was about to throw her under the bus just to escape from this terrifying atmosphere.

Didn’t I make a deal to protect her?

In this scenario I shouldn’t be siding with Ryan.

A bet’s a bet. Even if Momoka might be wrong here, I still have no choice but to protect her from this person.

“Yeah, it’s no good if she doesn’t say it herself.”

He smiles, looking rather full of himself.

“So? Got anything to say?”

“Yes. Like I said before, I really am sorry. I regret the actions I took earlier today. I’ll do anything else to make it up to you. Please forgive me.”

“Anything, huh?”

He repeats her words while appearing unconvinced.

“Then, open those curtains over there and jump through the window.”

“…”

“What’s wrong? I thought you said you’d do anything?”

“You and I both know that’s going a bit overboard.”

“Maybe.”

He leans back.

“But you said that you’d do anything. You insisted, no. That’s not right. You pleaded with me. ‘Please. Forgive me, I’d do anything else’, right?”

“This room is on the third floor.”

“I don’t give a damn about that, girlie. What I care about is how you’re dressing your apology up all fancy-like just to get me off your back. It makes the whole thing sound fake.”

“…”

She offers no response.

It probably sounds like he’s being rough with her but the truth is, Ryan was handling the situation more calmly than he had to.

He was willing to drop the entire thing if she gave him a valid reason for why he was attacked like that. That’s certainly fair. Though I can’t speak for what he plans to do with that information, I think that just wanting to know why you were hurt is definitely understandable. He’s obviously just confused about it, that’s all.

But to Momoka who typically stays clear of such intimate social situations, to open up like that to someone who bears her so much hostility must feel impossible.

Now that we’re in this situation, I’m almost certain now that she only got me to stay here with her because she felt like she had no other choice in the matter.

But where does that leave us?

If she won’t answer him, then…

“…”

Wait a minute.

Is that what she was going for?

Is that the real reason I was chosen to be here with her in this room?

That’s…

Inhumane.

It’s cruel.

That she would try to resolve things this way is too much for my heart to bear.

But still. At least in that case then solving this is simple.

No, not exactly. The procedure is the only thing that’s simple. The actual results and cleaning up after it might be messy.

However, I don’t think I have another choice in this matter.

I take a deep breath to calm myself.

I’m going to have to stand up to such an intimidating guy, huh?

Seriously, getting involved with these girls is making high school the exact opposite of what I expected.

Once I exhale, I direct my attention towards him by meeting his gaze with mine. This was the first time I’d done this since he entered the room, so please understand when say that I am seriously nervous right now.

“Listen. I understand where you’re coming from, but I think you’re making this into a bigger deal that it has to be. What are you going to do if she doesn’t tell you? How can you guarantee that you’re not gonna hit her?”

“Huh? Is that what you think? No way, I promise you I wouldn’t hurt a cute girl like her. Besides, like I said. It’s impossible for me. That’s like asking to get expelled. Begging, even. That affects not only me, but the entire football team too. No way, I’d never do it. That said, if she doesn’t come clean soon then there are other ways to make her life a living hell.”

Her grip on my shoulder tightens.

Don’t worry Momoka, just hang in there.

“All I wanna know is why she did it, man. You’re the one making too big of a fuss about this. She just has to tell me the truth. It’s that simple.”

Simple?

“Ha.”

I feel something snap in my brain.

What’s this idiot saying? It’s ‘simple’?

If telling the truth were simple, then there wouldn’t be any reason for lies to exist in the first place.

It’s because the truth is so hard to bear that we keep it bottled within ourselves. It’s because the truth is so revolting that we choose to live lies.

What’s this about telling the truth being simple?

I think back to Scarlet.

I think about all the hoops she had to jump through just to hide her phobia of males. Just to live the lie that says she’s capable of socializing with boys. Because if she didn’t, then her weakness would be exposed. And as a result of that, her high school career would fall to pieces.

Referring to the truth as “something simple” is the biggest lie I’ve ever heard.

“Ryan, just what kind of answer are you expecting? She knows she messed up and she apologized for it, and yet you’re choosing to pick at her words and probe for things she doesn’t want to say. You know that makes you the bad guy here, right?”

“Bad guy? Hey now, I’m the victim. Don’t get it twisted buddy.”

“Report her to the principal then… Ow.”

Her nails suddenly dug deeper into my skin to the point where I couldn’t hold back anymore. I guess she isn’t fond of being reported either.

“You sure you aren’t in love with her, kid? You’re being a bit overly-protective right now.”

“Are you jealous? Sorry, but I’ve already got a girlfriend.”

“Ah really? My bad then.”

He stands up and begins walking towards me.

Each stride feels more threatening than the last with how casually hes moving at us.

I straighten myself up in response.

I’m a bit scared, but I suppose I don’t have a choice in the matter. I mean, he’s already almost here.

And I can’t run because Momoka is still behind me.

He stops just short of my face.

As a boy just a little over five feet, his towering 6 feet-tall, well-built body was more than just a little intimidating. He’s completely different from Jack’s band mate. If he hits me it’ll then hurt for way longer than just throughout the lunch period.

“Move.”

“W-what’s going to happen if I do?

Fuck me, I almost bit my tongue.

“I’m going to talk to her directly without this roadblock in the way.”

I’m terrified.

My heart is racing.

My hands aren’t moving like they usually would.

High school is way too different from anything I’ve faced before…

I’ll just have to be direct then. If nothing else is going to work, then I’ll just have to tell the truth that he wants so badly.

“I’m sorry, but…”

I make a fist to prepare myself.

I don’t know what he’s going to do next, so at the very least I need to be mentally prepared for anything.

After my pause, I finally say the words he needed to hear.

“She doesn’t like you, Ryan.”

“Wha-”

I say it plainly.

I do it just as Momoka would. Without sugarcoating my words, without beating around the bush and without so much as a hint of modesty in my voice. I give him the “simple” truth that he had been begging for this entire time.

“I’m sorry you had to hear it from me. I didn’t want to be the one who said those words to you. The truth is, she should’ve been the one to say it. But I don’t think she can anymore. Not after today.”

After hurting him like that, how could she? She really would feel like the most devilish human being in the world. Maybe having me say it makes her worse, but I think that on some deeper level she might have needed this escape.

But…

“That’s, uh…”

He scratches his cheek, looking surprisingly timid despite his earlier demeanor.

“That’s kinda fucked, man…”

I had been looking away when I said it, so I didn’t manage to view his full reaction.

But after turning back to face him, I found myself reflexively reeling back into Momoka.

I almost gasped for air.

And that’s because in the eyes of Ryan, there was nothing but shock. The six-foot tall athlete before us widened his pupils in shock.

“It’s like… The whole getting rejected part isn’t that bad. It sucks, but I’ve been rejected a few times before so I get it. That’s a normal part of life and stuff. But having your friend, your male friend, reject me for you because you felt too guilty to do it yourself? Haha, seriously? Are all of this year’s freshmen this fucked up…?”

He’s right.

It’s ugly.

That’s the only word I can think of to describe the way things had unfolded.

But that’s just the way she felt it had to be.

“Is that why you attacked me back then? Did you just hate me that much?”

I turn back to Momoka. If there’s anything else she’s willing to say, then I can’t say it for her.

She looks up into my eyes and seems to understand.

“… It’s because of the book.”

“Ha!”

He claps loudly.

“That’s amazing. I’ve never felt like this before. Hahaha! Wow, what the fuck? I really do feel like a maggot right now!”

He’s smiling while he says this.

He’s smiling, but deep down it’s obvious.

“FUCK!”

He kicks his chair over.

With how profusely he’s swearing, it’s obvious that he’s upset.

And honestly, who could blame him?

A book was more important than his advances at her.

A book was more important than his well-being.

A book was the reason she had shown so much emotion.

There’s a saying that anger feels better than indifference from the person you love.

But in this case, her anger may as well have been indifference.

After all, she was angry not because of something he did, but because of the object he had done it to.

“This goes beyond just stupid, man.”

But the only thing I feel from watching him like this is agitation.

Agitation born from my pity.

“Dude… Just get out.”

I can’t bear to watch this anymore.

This tantrum of his.

Even if he is six-feet tall and three years older than I am, right now he feels like a child who didn’t get the toy he wanted for Christmas.

It’s unsightly.

I just want him to leave.

I want him to leave because deep down, I don’t want to admit that this is how Scarlet feels while looking at me with those eyes filled with pity.

Accepting that fact would probably hurt me more than I’d care to admit deep down.

“I just wanna know, man.”

He turns back toward us with a forced smile stretched across his face.

“Why’d she shut me down? What part of me wasn’t good enough?”

Closure. I suppose that’s it.

He needs a reason to accept his rejection.

But… does he really not know?

After all, even if neither of them had told me directly, it was rather obvious from the beginning.

I suppose he just needs to escape this cycle of denial.

And the only thing that’ll free him is the truth.

Why you were shut down?

I decide say the words to his face.

Without biting my tongue this time.

I open my mouth and the “simple” truth he had been asking for all this time finally comes out.

“It’s because you’re a weeaboo.”