Your Love For Mine - 29 Estranged

“Why would you go out of your way to tease them like that?”

“Eh, who’s to say? Maybe I was just curious about the kind of friends you’ve made.”

“Uhuh… and what do you think then?”

“Hmm… they’re kinda perverse, but I’d say they’re all right in my book.”

“Wow, for you of all people to approve of them… I’m kinda worried about the kind of friends I’ve made.”

“And just what is that supposed to mean, punk?”

“Haha, I’m just joking.”

Once our shifts ended, Rachael and I began our walk over to the metro station together.

It’s something we’ve been doing ever since she helped me land this job. It’s probably scary for her to walk around alone at this time of night, so she ends up tagging along with me until she reaches her stop. Though, she seems intent on insisting that it’s for my own safety…

I wouldn’t blame her for it if that really were the case, though.

While the city is still bustling and full of life at this hour, it’s not unusual for us to spot a few unsavory characters hanging around in dark corners and alley-ways on our way home. Today of course, is no different.

That’s why as a countermeasure, she’s making sure to keep us walking through crowds and under streetlights so that we don’t end up taking some kind of wrong turn. As strange as it might be to admit, that doting part of her makes me feel strangely at ease.

“I have to say though, your girlfriend’s a real piece of work. Didn’t think you had it in you.”

“‘Had it in me’?”

“Had it in you, yes. You always came off as somewhat reserved to me, so cute and outgoing types like that feel way out of your league.”

She’s not wrong, but I really didn’t want to hear her say it so frankly. Her indifferent tone of voice coupled with her confident stride just strikes me as condescending.

“Well she only came here to break up with me, so in a way I guess you’re probably right.”

Wow. While it’s not exactly the entire truth of what happened, saying it so frankly still kinda hurt.

“Hmmm…”

Curious from my response, Rachael pulls in a bit closer to me to inspect my face carefully as we proceed. Having a girl stare at my face that closely is nerve-wracking as hell. This is kinda reminding me of that time in the SF clubroom with Momo.

“W-what? Did I say something wrong?”

“Sorry, just having a hard time believing it.”

She shrugs off my question.

“How come?”

“Dunno, it’s just that for someone who was just dumped you don’t seem all that sad about it.”

“T-that so? Guess I’m just really good at hiding it.”

Or that we weren’t really dating to begin with so there’s nothing to be sad about.

That said, Scarlet did seem a bit frantic about the whole thing. I guess she figured I could ruin her image if I decided to go rogue like that again. Her whole scheme relied on me going along with her every whim perfectly after all, she must have come to realize how much of a liability I was and panicked.

“I don’t know if I buy it, but I guess you’re not really in the mood to talk about it, eh? Seeing as it just happened and all.”

“It’s not that I’m not in the mood to talk about it, it’s just…”

I mean, how CAN I talk about it? The whole thing is so ridiculous that even I have trouble believing it. I’ve only been going along with it because I thought she was cute, but her attitude was a serious turn off. That aside, though…

“Why on earth are you so good at reading people?”

“Haha! If you deal with customers for a few years like I have, then you’re bound to learn a thing or two about reading people. A fourteen year-old kid like you is a piece of cake.”

She smiles, and I find myself resigning with a defeated smile of my own.

“I think every guy has wanted to date a girl like Scarlet at some point.”

“It’d be weirder to not want to date a cute girl, yes.”

“It’s not just that she’s cute, though. It’s her whole demeanor that really sells it. She tries her hardest to give people the impression that she’s just straight up better than everyone else, and it works. She really does seem like the kind of popular girl that guys like me could only ever dream of dating.”

In one of her usual shows of affection, Rachael playfully wraps an arm around my neck from beside me.

“And to think my little Chase actually went and did it. You’re such a cool kid! I really underestimated you!”

Boob… Her boob is rubbing against my cheek…

Ahhh, this is heaven…

It’s definitely heaven, but for some reason I can’t find it in myself to smile right now.

“…”

“The grass is always greener on the other side.”

Once she heard those words, her joyful demeanor quickly vanishes into thin air. The sudden change made her previous attitude feel like an act.

“What do you mean?”

“Like I said, she was only trying to give others that impression. She wasn’t actually better than everyone like I thought she was. Everything that felt so effortless and breathtaking to me was all tediously rehearsed and forged by her own hard work and resilience. Her own popularity was the result of her getting to know the right people and building up her reputation alongside that. It didn’t ‘just happen’, it was all…”

Fake.

An image, an illusion.

Everything about Scarlet Sterling that I’d known before she had spoken to me was just a carefully painted picture.

If I’d never gotten to know the real her, then perhaps I could have gone on admiring that picture alongside everyone else.

But now it’s all ruined.

She’s rambunctious, crude, and even bit narcissistic.

To learn that such a sweet girl could be so obsessed with her image like that is just a bit disappointing.

It’s not that I respect her less for it, but I suppose… I was intrigued by the idea of Scarlet Sterling rather than the actual girl. Once I’d gotten to know her for who she was, the ‘image’ crumbled along with those feelings of intrigue.

Perhaps I’m just trying to console myself over the fact that we may never speak again, but…

I can’t help but feel like it’s probably for the best that she ended it.

She just isn’t the girl I thought she was.

“Y’know…”

Taking my silence as permission to finally respond, Rachael finally releases my neck and speaks up.

“It’s not that I don’t get where you’re coming from, but I think you’re looking at all of this the wrong way.”

“The wrong… way?”

“Everyone works hard to maintain their image. That’s just the kind of superficial world we as people live in these days. It’s all about how well you present yourself while hiding the bad parts. I mean, you should know about that right? You didn’t even tell them you were working part-time at Smooters. You had a superficial reason for that too, right?”

“I, I guess, but…”

“Look, I don’t know how you feel about her right now, and I don’t really know why she decided to dump you either. But I think you should at least think things over before you just go on accepting this break up as is.”

“… What’s there to think about? I can’t just tell her not to dump me.”

“God, guys are such idiots.”

“…”

“Chase, why do you think she showed so much weakness to you? Why do you think she broke away from the image she tried so hard to maintain only in front of you?”

It’s because I’m just a loser to her, isn’t it? I’m just someone convenient that she could take advantage of. But when I got beat up rescuing her from Jack, it changed. She started pitying me. Me, the guy she tried taking advantage of to begin with. If that isn’t pathetic, then what is?

“Isn’t it because I’m just convenient for her status?”

“Idiot. No, try again.”

“Because I’m not worth hiding anything from?”

“Idiot. Try again.”

“Because she pitied me?”

“Idiot. Again.”

“Quit calling me an idiot, dude. I’m not used to hearing jokes like that from you.”

“I’m calling you an idiot because you don’t even realize how much she cares about you.”

Badump.

I barely caught it.

My heart skipped a beat and almost left for some fantasical world without me, but I barely caught it.

How much she cares? Don’t be ridiculous. How did Rachael ever get that misguided impression of her?

“That’s not a very good joke. I mean, you don’t even know her, how could you say that so casually without any proof?”

“Just think about it for a second. You said it was all hard work and resilience, right? Would you really risk losing everything you’ve worked so hard to build up over some convenient guy you were using to build your reputation with?”

“Uh, that is a bit weird, but… I kinda figured she just didn’t think it through enough.”

“And that’s why you’re an idiot. Such a calculating girl wouldn’t just ‘not think it through enough’. Hiding her weaknesses should be second nature to her, right? She wouldn’t risk revealing them to just anyone.”

Come to think of it, she’s right. She never really spoke about her anxiety around guys to just anyone. Jennifer aside, not even Momo seemed to have any idea about it. And yet she just casually brought it up the first time we spoke.

“S-so what are you saying? She thinks I’m trustworthy?”

“Idiot. Try again.”

“…”

“Nevermind, we’re almost at the metro station so I’ll just say it.”

She sighs.

“Chase, that girl is in love with you.”