Your Love For Mine - 30 Estranged

That conversation with Rachael from last night is still lingering in the back of my head.

“It’s just an assumption on my part, but I’m almost one hundred percent certain that I’m right. Judging by our conversation at Smooters though, I don’t think she even realized it herself until whatever happened today.”

“Huh? Loves me? But we’ve only been… it’s only been a week!”

“And that’s perfectly normal for your age group. You might not realize it due to the weight of your responsibilities, but you’re both still kids. It’s perfectly normal to selfishly fall in love like that. Hell, even some adults do it. No shame in it really. Still though, I think she might have subconsciously been trying not to see you that way. Maybe it’s your eccentric friend circle? I can’t imagine they’d be good for her self-image if she really cares about it as much as you lead me to believe. Either way, while I understand that high school romances are usually whimsical, I don’t think you should break up with her until you confirm what’s really going on in that head of hers.”

Love, huh?

I was convinced that she’d thought I was a complete loser this entire time, so to hear something like that just confuses the situation even further.

I think I’d be genuinely happy if what Rachael said were true, at least. I don’t think I’ve ever had a girl crush on me before in my fourteen years of life. At least, not to my knowledge. But if it is true, then women are much more complicated than I thought.

I sigh aloud.

“Chase, I know you’re sad that we barely made it on the train, today but… can you, um, not sigh next to me, please? You’re getting my clothes dirty.”

“So depression’s a pollutant now, huh..?”

Sitting in the seat next to me is my eleven year-old sister Chloe. At the moment, she’s using her own reflection in the window to tie and groom her signature pigtails. Even if this is something she does every day, I still catch myself feeling impressed that she can so tediously straighten out every stray hair despite how fuzzy this “mirror” of hers is.

On the other side of Chloe is our three year-old brother Chad, who is currently dressed from head to toe in a cute, yellow raincoat. He’s currently kicking his feet out playfully while staring at his boots.

On this rainy Tuesday morning, the three of us are doing our usual 6 A.M. commute to school via the train.

Chloe might just barely be old enough to commute on her own, but little Chad unfortunately just doesn’t have that many years on him as of yet. Luckily, I managed to get him into a daycare just two blocks away from Chloe’s middle school, so she’s in charge of getting him to and from daycare as of right now.

My eyes shift around the interior of the train, but it seems like there’s only two other passengers today. One is a middle-aged woman who usually commutes to the city at this time, and the other, an old man who appears to already have dozed off. Other than that though, the scenery and atmosphere inside of this decrepit train, and even the surrounding area beyond the windows, is something that the three of us have gotten used to experiencing at this time of the day.

Like every other school day, we forced ourselves out of bed at 5:00 A.M. and rushed to get out of the house before we could miss the 6 A.M. ride to the city. Unfortunately, due to all of the stress I’d accumulated after yesterday, I ended up moving more slowly which made things a bit tighter than usual for us. I’d try to get some extra shut-eye in here much like this old guy, but you can never be too careful on public transport, even if the other passengers seem innocent enough.

Well in any case, this uncomfortable daily routine is just another part of our lives. For the past two years, we’ve had nothing but ourselves to depend upon. It’s all unfortunate enough as-is that our parents aren’t around, but leaving us with such little money just makes things that much worse for us.

Our neighborhood isn’t exactly the most bourgeois place of all time, so the nearby schools are generally pretty, uh, ghetto in nature. Even in spite of our financial circumstances, I simply can’t justify sending those two to school in that kind of environment. After scouting the places out two years ago, I’m inclined to believe that the general quality of life at the schools closer to the other side of the city justify the extra transportation money spent.

And money isn’t even the biggest worry I have either. Rachael warned me that if child protective services heard about our situation, they’d have a field day ruining our lives. That’s just one more thing I have to look forward to avoiding…

I lean back into my seat.

All of that aside though, what I’m most scared of at the moment is having Scarlet find out about all of this. If it’s true that she really does have feelings for me, then that truth might just ruin whatever image of me she’s managed to fall in love with. It’s probably not something I should be too concerned about, but I’d hate to ruin whatever it is she’s feeling before I even get the chance to understand it.

Anyway, it’s not just Scarlet’s opinion I’m worried about. My friends, and even the others at school who see me as just another geek might all take it badly. I’m aware of how much just one piece of information can warp someone’s entire perception of you. That’s essentially why I chose to keep it under wraps.

Maybe Momo was right after all. Maybe I am just a chicken.

I’m still so scared of owning up to who I really am.

The real Chase Masters.

I’m too scared to even tell Nick and Sig about it, after everything they’ve done to show how much they care about me.

Just how pathetic am I being about all of this…?

“Haha…”

“Chase… I know I said to stop sighing, but laughing is just as disgusting.”

Speaking of which, I wonder if Chloe’s been hiding it too? Well, even if she isn’t, she’s probably trying her best not to let it show. She goes out of her way to spend most of the allowance I give her on fancy clothes over more basic needs. I must have failed to teach her the value of our money somewhere along the way.

“Oh relax. If you hadn’t given me such an earful last night then maybe I wouldn’t be so tired right now.”

“Ohhhhhh, it’s MY fault huh? How DARE I yell at my brother for buying grown-up underwear for his little sister, right? Fucking disgusting.”

“Wha- don’t swear!”

“Oh, who cares? If you can do whatever you want then so can I.”

“F-f-fucking!”

“See! Now Chad’s saying it too!”

“A-ah! No! Bad Chad! Don’t say that word!”

Chloe nervously waves her hand in front of Chad’s face in a futile attempt at getting him to stop.

“Fucking! Fucking! Fucking misgustig!”

But it’s useless. Chad’s onslaught of swearing only gets worse the more she… wait, why did he only say the bad word so perfectly!?

“Noooo! Chad please!”

“Fucking!”

Thankfully the metro’s mostly empty at this hour so no one’s really here to witness this disaster. Though, the woman from before seems to be shooting us disappointed glances from across the train…

“Why is this happening?! Dammit Chase, this is your fault!”

“Dammit! Fucking dammit!”

“NO! CHAD PLEASE STOP!! I’M SORRY!”

“My fault, huh…?”

Chloe hangs her head in shame.

She seems to be a tad overwhelmed by the guilt of defiling Chad’s 3 year-old mind.

“This sucks, I’m the worst older sister ever…”

Just a tad though.

I pat her head gently while smiling peacefully.

“There there, Chloe. Don’t worry. When it comes to kids, you should just leave it to the baby whisperer.”

“Um, right… Isn’t he a toddler though…?”

She sounds mostly unconvinced, but that’s to be expected. Guess I’ll have to show off my skills after all. Try not to think too highly of your big brother now, Chloe.

I lower my head down to meet Chad’s face.

He stares back at me with an absent-minded smile.

“Hey Chad, you can say those words if you want, okay? Don’t listen to your sister.”

“Hey, Chase!?”

“Shh! Let the pro handle this.”

I turn back to Chad.

“Say them for your brother. Please?”

“… No!”

After a moment’s pause, he groans out his refusal while staring me straight in the eyes. As harsh as his tone is, his cute face makes it quite easy to forgive for some reason.

“Awwww. Well, if you say so.”

After completing my task, I move back into my previous position and glance at Chloe with a much earned smirk spread across my face.

Unsurprisingly, she appears both shocked and disappointed that it worked. Her mouth hangs as she shoots me a glare that pretty much screams “really?”

“Uh, how did…?”

“Rachael told me that reverse psychology works really well on three year olds. Apparently, when kids aren’t listening to you at that age, they’re just flexing the critical thinking part of their brain. The end result is that they’ll try to do the opposite of whatever you tell them to do.”

Which is why he only continued after she told him to stop. It’s not that he dislikes us, this is all just a fundamental part of his brain development as a toddler.

“So what you’re saying is, the baby whisperer just tricked a three year old child…”

“It was for the greater good dude, relax. We already have one too many potty mouths in this house with you running around.”

“O-oh shut up. I’m sorry, okay? I won’t say things like that around Chad anymore.”

“Haaa, I genuinely wish you’d stop completely though.”

“Whatever, you’re not my dad.”

“…”

“…”

The two of us go completely quiet at the sudden mention of that word.

Minutes go by, and neither of us even attempted to start up another conversation.

Instead, we sit down quietly and listen to the sound of the rain pelting against the roof of the train.

In fact, those sounds were so hypnotic that I almost found myself dozing off a few times during the ride. If it hadn’t been for Chad’s restless squirming then I would’ve passed quite a while back. I sure am glad he managed to get a good night’s sleep, at least.

“Hey Chase…”

Chloe suddenly speaks up after having done her hair. I guess she’s a little bored right now.

“Hmm? What’s up?

“Why are you always talking about Rachael?”

“Huh? Do I?”

“You do.”

I hadn’t noticed at all. I never mention her at school, so I just assumed that I never did it all that much.

“Ahaha, sorry about that. I guess since she helped me get the job I’ve been looking up to her as something like a mentor lately. I don’t know if I’d be able to handle everything that’s been going on if she weren’t always there to give me advice.”

Seriously, Rachael’s been a lifesaver for us. Between giving me advice and pitching in whenever we’re lacking in money, I really don’t know where we’d be without her.

“Oh, okay. Sorry for asking.”

“Huh? That’s strange. Usually our conversations end with you telling me to ‘shut up’ or something. You okay?”

“O-oh shut up… I’m just worried that you’re getting a little… too close to her.”

“Hmmm? If I didn’t know any better I’d say that someone sounds a little jealous right about now. Sad you won’t be able to spend as much time with your big bro?”

“Gross.”

“Sorry, bad joke.”

She looks away, still seeming intent on continuing with the subject.

“I mean yeah she’d be a great step-sister and all, but I don’t think you should get much closer to her.”

“Step-sister? Closer?”

“W-well, the thing is… I heard from a teacher of mine that stuff like that is kind of… bad? I-I mean, she’s a grown-up and you’re fourteen, so…”

Ahhh, that’s what she was thinking about?

Gosh, my little Chloe is growing up so fast. She’s such an innocent soul…

“Don’t worry, there’s nothing like that going on between us. I’m just getting advice, that’s all.”

I pat her head one more time, which seems to make her blush despite her pouting.

“Hmph. If that’s all…”

“Besides, until yesterday I was actually dating someone at my school.”

I guess it isn’t technically a lie so I’ll try to win some respect points from her here.

“Huh, really?! Wow, good job Chase. That’s my bro for you.”

She’s complimenting me, but…

“Dumped already though, that didn’t take long, huh…?”

“Wait. What’d you say?”

“Noooothing.”

What’s with that smug grin of yours?! I feel like an idiot for even trying to earn any respect from you.

“So tell me about your ex. Is she cute at least?”

“I’d say so. She’s one of the more popular kids in our year. That doesn’t really say much about her by itself though, does it? Let’s see…”

I scratch my chin.

“Mmmm… okay, I’ve got it. She’s loud-mouthed, kinda obsessed with her own image, and she wears her hair in a ponytail… wait that kinda sounds like you, doesn’t it?”

Though Chloe is wearing pigtails rather than just a single ponytail.

“Popular girls can drop dead.”

Huh?

Wait. Where did that come from?

“I hate them. They’re always trying to be cute and talking to boys and stuff, but they’re always mean to the girls they aren’t friends with. Drop dead, popular girls!”

Why does she sound like Nick right now?!

“I hate popular guys too! If I hear one more ‘yeet’ from them, if I see one more fortnite dance, then I’ll… I’ll… ugh! They’re all just sheep! If jumping off a bridge was cool I bet they’d all do it. I hate them! Drop dead, popular people!”

She folds her arms and pouts in frustration.

Ah right, I forgot about how much she hates trends. I shouldn’t be too surprised that she’s already thinking outside the box, though. Judging by her grades she’s already way too smart for her age. Gosh, what am I going to do once she reaches high school? She might end up being another weirdo like Momoka Kudo at this rate.

Come to think of it though, Scarlet brought up the Momo thing before she “broke up” with me, didn’t she? If Rachael’s right and she really does have romantic feelings for me, then doesn’t that mean…

The reason she broke up with me was because…

“…”

“Hey, Chase? This is our stop.”

“Huh? Ah, right…”

The sound of the train screeching to a halt fills the area as the other two passengers prepare to disembark.

So we’re already at the city, huh? I guess I got lost in thought again and didn’t realize it. Dammit, I can’t keep spacing out like that. If there had been someone shady on the train then things could have gotten scary.

In any case, the three of us finally disembark after a long ride to the city. This is the point where we usually say our goodbyes until I see them again after work.

I’ll be waiting here for another train since my school is outside of the city, but these two are just near here so they’ll be heading off on their own now.

“Okay Chase, we’re leaving now. Get to school safe, I guess…”

“Why do you sound like you really couldn’t care less?”

“Because I couldn’t.”

Seriously…?

“Oh well, just make sure Chad doesn’t get wet in the rain, okay? And don’t forget to pick him up from daycare again.”

“S-stop bringing that up, it only happened once! And I went back right away!”

“Yeah yeah, just don’t make it happen again, okay?”

I feel a light tugging at my pants.

“Ah, right.”

I kneel down next to Chad to face him.

“Bye-bye-bye Chase.”

“Goodbye Chad, I’ll see you tonight.”

I wrap my arms around him to give him a warm hug.

His body is small, but I can still feel his warmth through his coat as I hold him tightly.

“I love you, okay?”

“Bye-bye-bye…”

Once the hug is done, I stand up to face Chloe, and place my hand on her head.

“I love you too, sis.”

“S-shut up, idiot. You don’t have to embarrass me like this every day…”

“Haha, yeah yeah. Just get to school safe, okay?”

“W-whatever… geez.”

With the umbrella raised above her head in one hand and Chad’s small palm in the other, Chloe calmly takes off in the direction of the daycare.

It’s just about a two minute walk from here so it isn’t that big of a deal, but I can’t help but feel anxious leaving the two of them alone like that every day. I wonder if this is how parents feel when they send their kids off in the school bus.

“Ah well, I’m sure they’ll be fine. I can’t keep worrying about them like this.”

Seriously, last year I was basically praying that they’d make it home safely every day for about a month. I was so worried about it that I couldn’t even focus on my life at school. I can’t fall back into those obsessive patterns again. I need to be the strong, reliable brother that those two can rely on. And that includes handling my things at school.

“Phew.”

In any case, I can’t help but wonder what kind of day today will be.

After everything that happened yesterday, I can only hope that it’s at least a bit more peaceful.