Your Love For Mine - 32 Estranged

We arrived at our destination about ten minutes before the bell.

The class is somewhat filled up at this point, but not nearly to the extent that it should be. I guess a few people are running late thanks to the weather.

In any case, I’m currently sitting in class next to these two goons while trying to get some shut-eye before the teacher arrives.

It’s a bit harder than usual today, though.

For some reason, ever since I told them that Scarlet dumped me they’ve been unusually cheery.

Honestly, it’s kinda getting on my nerves.

“Y’know Chase-kun, you’re an alright guy.”

“For sure. I wasn’t too sure about you after we found out that you were dating that thot. But man, now? I think you’re a pretty cool guy.”

“Definitely a cool guy.”

“Right now? The coolest.”

“Y-yeah, thanks guys…”

But I suppose they’re only doing it because they mean well so I can’t really get angry at them for it. I don’t know how many kids in our class would actually go out of their way to cheer someone up like this after a breakup. If anything this is just more proof of how much they care about me as their friend.

It’s just that it’s kind of wasted on me since I’m not actually going through a break up…

When you think about it that way, I might actually be doing something really terrible right now by taking advantage of their kindness.

“Oh, I know. Hey Chase, why don’t we play the penis game?”

“The what, now?”

“What, you’ve never played it? Basically we go around in a circle saying the word ‘penis’ louder than the last guy. If you can’t say it louder then you just have to quit out.”

So it’s just a silly test of courage? Thank god, I thought these idiots were about to… Actually, let’s keep that thought buried deep inside of our minds.

“Sure, I guess. Who starts?”

“Since it’s your first time why don’t you start?”

“Uh, alright.”

I guess it’s just harmless fun. If they’re trying to be good friends by cheering me up then who am I to say no?

I clear my throat before taking a moment to estimate my voice range.

“Penis.”

I say it calmly.

But though I say it calmly, the two of them freeze up the moment the word leaves my mouth.

And for some reason, both of their faces turn bright red.

“What? Did I say something wrong?”

“N-no, it’s just… Coming from you it’s a bit…”

“Shut up Nick! We made a vow back then!”

Huh? A vow? What are these two on about?

I shift my eyes between the two of them, but neither of them seem to want to elaborate.

“I-it’s nothing. Let’s continue. It’s your turn Nick.”

“Okay, stand back fellas. I got this.”

He cracks both of his knuckles and smirks.

“PENIS!!”

“I quit.”

“Ehhh, already? What the hell, Chase-kun? We’re just getting started here.”

“Don’t tell me this is all you’re capable of? Don’t disappoint us like that, dude.”

Seriously, what was I thinking?

For normal people, this game might actually be test of courage in a social atmosphere. No one in their right mind would just yell that word in the middle of a classroom with other students present.

But for people like them with no shame, this is just…

“A shouting contest!?”

“Huh? What else would it be? Pay attention man. Sig’s supposed to be the airhead of the group.”

“I’ll let that one slide for now. If I called our leader an airhead it would reflect poorly on the misguided bakas who bother following him around every day.”

Sig rolls his eyes, then turns back to me.

“If you don’t wanna play that then how about we do something else?”

Something else?! Nick just shouted penis in the middle of a classroom! I think I’ve had my fill of excitement for the day.

“Uh, guys, I’m grateful and all but we can just act like this is a normal day?”

Nick sighs at my response.

“Haaa, you really don’t get us, do you Chase?”

“Nope not really.”

With a condescending grin on his face, he reaches into his bag.

“Even if you act like everything’s fine, it’s obvious to us that you aren’t your usual self right now.”

“…”

“He’s right, Chase-kun. You feel more… how should I put it…? Vulnerable right now. Like you could just fall apart if someone brushed against your shoulder the wrong way.”

Is that the impression they have of me right now? It’s probably because I’m tired more than anything else, isn’t it?

“Also, we feel kinda bad about following you yesterday, so yeah… Don’t worry about it man, just go with the flow.”

‘The flow’, huh?

Come to think of it, despite calling myself their friend, I’ve been too terrified of how I might look to outsiders to really go along with any of their childish antics. It might be hard for a normal person to keep up with their level of indifference to how the public views them, but in the end, the only thing I’ve really done to try and change that is actually befriending them.

Despite barricading myself off from their world, they’ve done so much already to accommodate me as a friend. It’d be wrong of me to not at least try to join in on a few of their silly games.

“Haaa…”

They’re doing all of this to help me feel better, so why not indulge them for a bit?

“Fine, fine. What else did you have in mind then, Nick?”

“This.”

He removes his hand slowly from his bag.

In his grasp is a round, red object made of rubber.

“You can’t be serious…”

“Behold! One of the forty-six secret weapons of the ‘Fated Ones’. Marvel at the divine glory of the GREAT MORTIFICATOR!”

“That’s a whoopee cushion.”

“No, it’s the GREAT MORTIFICATOR! Speaketh not of it in such plain terms!”

He passes it off to Sig who nods and begins blowing air into it.

“Uh, okay sure. So what are we doing with it? Teacher’s desk?”

“No way man, that’s free detention. We’re gonna settle for one of the students who haven’t made it to class yet.”

Is that really a good idea, though? These two aren’t exactly on friendly terms with the other students…

Besides, Scarlet’s in this class isn’t she?

Wouldn’t she want me to act sad since we ‘broke up’? It’d be weird if I was just playing pranks on people right after something like that.

“… Hey Nick. On second thought-”

“It’s done!”

Sig parts his lips from the ‘Great Mortificator’ and passes it back to Nick, who holds it out to me.

“Here Chase, I’ll let you do the honors of picking our target.”

“…”

No, no. This is just their way of getting my mind off of the ‘breakup’. I can’t focus on what Scarlet thinks, that’ll just have the opposite effect on them. This situation is between me and my friends now.

“Alright, alright man, geez.”

“Good man. Knew we could count on you.”

Yeah yeah, let’s just get this over with, okay?

I accept the ‘Great Mortificator’ and begin scanning the room for empty seats.

Though I decided to go along with it, just what kind of target should I be picking here?

Uhh, if I recall, there’s a huge jerk sitting at the window seat next to the door. He’s the kind of dude who gets all moody and violent with other guys his age for no reason at all. If I’m going to prank someone, I think someone like him would be fine on my conscience.

But actually picking him would just be idealistic and nothing else. Like, what if he makes a scene and then finds out that it was us? Then the reason I chose him might backfire in my face and we’d end up with bruises all over our bodies. That’s a bad idea.

Who else can I pick…?

Ah, what about that girl near the front of the class who’s really good at telling jokes? She’s taken up the role as the class clown at this point so I don’t think she’d mind that much if she got another chance at making people laugh. Though, I think it’d be a bit too easy for the other students to spot us if I dropped it at one of the front row seats.

In fact, there’s no room for interpretation here. It’d definitely be too obvious no matter how you cut it. There has to be a seat I can leave it at without drawing any attention.

Actually… there is.

I turn to my side.

The empty seat next to mine.

In truth, I had been avoiding looking at it when deciding on a target.

After all, the girl who sits there is the definition of innocent.

A shy, timid girl who barely ever says a word in this class.

It seems almost too cruel to play a prank like this on such a sweet kid.

BUT!!

With my eyes averted so as to avoid drawing any attention, I slip the ‘Great Mortificator’ onto the empty seat.

This is just something that I have to do.

For the sake of my friends who care so dearly about me… I’ll make this mission a success!

“Ohhh! Not a bad choice, Chase-kun!”

“Heh, indeed. Not bad at all for a normie such as yourself. Now we only need to wait.”

That normie word again…?

Oh well, at least I’ve done my part in this childish prank.

Now all I need to do is wait to see them enjoy the aftermath.

Except…

“Wait for what, exactly?”

I freeze up.

There was a miscalculation.

That voice, it came from behind me.

More accurately, it came from behind the seat I placed the ‘Great Mortificator’ on.

Dammit, I didn’t see her, there was another girl sitting right behind it the entire time!

What’s with her lack of presence?!

“Dammit! I didn’t notice her! Sig! Seize it before she grabs it!”

“Aye sir!”

After hearing Nick’s words, Sig leaps past me and throttles toward the seat with the object on it. With his arms stretched out and his entire body off the ground, it’s apparent enough that he cares nothing about his own well-being so long as he can recover the item.

“Huh?”

Which is kind of unfortunate, since he only just realized that the object had already been picked up by the girl who had asked the question in the first place.

And now that he’s missed the target, the only fate left for Sig is to crash into the empty desk after the one he was aiming at.

I avert my gaze just before he lands, but the sound of his crash still echoes throughout the entire room.

“Ow… Chikusho…”

I turn back to find him rubbing his temple as he lays against the leg of the desk.

Ahh, thank goodness. He doesn’t seem too hurt.

But now, all eyes are on us.

And the girl with the whoopee cushion in hand does not seem even remotely interested in simply dropping the conversation at all.

“So? What’s this all about?”

“…”

Despite the fact that Sig’s crash had turned everyone’s attention in this direction, the girl had completely ignored it and chose instead to ask me about the rubber item in her hand. There was a hint of animosity in both her eyes and her tone of voice. I get the feeling that we won’t be getting off so easily here.

But before I can offer a response, Nick steps in to defend me from her questioning.

“It’s none of your business thot! This mission is on a need-to-know basis only! Now, hand over the ‘Great Mortificator’ and maybe the ‘Fated Ones’ will let you off without giving you too much to cry about on twitter.”

“‘Great Mortificator’? ‘Fated Ones’? Not gonna lie, I’ve been sitting behind you three idiots in this class for a while now, and that whole make-believe thing you guys do has been getting on my last nerves.”

“… Make believe? Heh…”

Nick clenches his fists.

I don’t know what it is, but I’m beginning to get on edge.

No one has been this direct in challenging Nick and Sig’s antics before, so this whole situation is completely unnerving to me.

Like something invisible is about to get crushed to pieces right before my eyes.

“That kind of answer is just what I’d expect from…”

“From a thot like me, yeah yeah. Honestly Chase if you were going to pick a group of people to fake it up with then you could have at least chosen someone who wasn’t such a huge misogynist.”

Wait… Fake it up?

What is this girl saying right now?

“What? Don’t act surprised. Everyone in freshman year who’s been forced to look at you three make a scene everyday already knows. You’re nothing like those other two, are you? You’re just faking your friendship with them.”

“…”

“She’s right, you know.”

One of the other classmate who was listening in suddenly decides to speak up.

“Seeing you go along with those two felt so forced that it almost hurt to look at. Like shit dude, we get it. You don’t belong with them, quit sighing and looking all depressed. Just get some new friends already.”

“How dare you…”

Nick tries to speak up in anger, but the student who was already speaking just continues over him.

“But man, wasn’t everyone surprised when you started dating Scarlet. Like ‘oh, it makes sense now’. Turns out the kid was just trying to make himself look better by standing around a bunch of hopeless cases.”

“!?”

W-what?

What is he…

Is that…

Is that how people have seen me all this time?

“Haha, right?! You tell em, kid! Yeah, it’s so damn fake it makes me sick.”

What… what’s happening..?

I reflexively turn back to Nick.

“…”

He’s shocked.

Don’t tell me he believes this nonsense…

“That’s not even the worst part. After dating her, the kid goes after her friend, the Asian chick who’s always reading by herself.”

“Huh? Wait, seriously? I hadn’t heard that one!”

“Yeah, the two of them were playing hooky yesterday. I even heard that a senior caught them making out in an empty room.”

M-making out? What the hell?

And senior? Was it Ryan?! That bastard!

“Hell, I even saw the two of them walking to school together in the rain earlier.”

“Nooo wayyy. Hahahaha! Poor Scarlet!”

“…”

Everyone quickly joins in and starts gossiping.

But I still can’t believe that it’s happening.

Slowly, I turn to face Sig.

Surely he doesn’t believe these lies, right?

Surely, he wouldn’t believe that I’d do those kinds of things with Momo, right?

“…”

He’s standing up now, but…

I can’t see his face very well.

His bangs are still clearly covering up his eyes like they always are.

But for some reason, I can tell even in spite of it that he’s wearing a pained expression right now.

“And the best part?!”

Enough…

“Oh, you heard it too?!”

“It was fucking hilarious dude! What the hell is wrong with this kid?!”

Please leave my name out of your gossip…

“Hey hey, what are you guys talking about? Did I miss something?”

“Me too! I haven’t heard the new stuff yet either!”

Please…

“Yeah, hear this. Turns out, Chase is…”

Stop…!

“Actually just trailer trash that lives out in a ghetto neighborhood!”

“!?”

Suddenly…

Silence.

When I heard those words, the muffled pitter patter of the rain from outside the window was the only thing that remained constant in my mind.

The students’ voices, their faces, everything human had been phased out from reality.

All I could hear was the sound of the rain—

And my own heart beating violently against my chest.

Badump, badump, badump.

How…

Badump.

How do they know that…?

Badump.

Did someone see me…?

Badump.

No. That’s impossible.

Badump.

No one from this school should ever visit that kind of place.

Badump.

So how!? I hadn’t even told anyone!

My eyes shift around the classroom nervously.

They’re all looking at me.

Talking about it.

Laughing.

“…”

It hurts.

I’m being ridiculed again.

Dammit.

It hurts.

I can’t even turn around to face my friends.

At this point, they probably don’t even think a single moment that we’ve spent together was genuine.

I can’t even look at their faces.

I’m too scared.

Scared of what their expressions might be saying.

And more than that, the fear of their changing perception of me fills me with dread that I can’t possibly overcome.

God…

Goddammit!!!

I stand up.

And

I dash out of the door.

I run through the hallway as quickly as I can.

And yet, their laughter only increases in volume the further I get.

What the hell.

What the hell what the hell what the hell.

Is this a bad dream?

It has to be.

How could this have happened?

What did I do wrong?

Is this just how things are supposed to be?!

DAMMIT!!

“Ah-”

Before I realize it, I’d bumped into someone, and we both fall to the ground with a thud.

Dammit, I’m just all kinds of screwing up today, aren’t I?

I can’t even find it in myself to look up.

But somehow, I manage to get an apology out.

“S-sorry about that.”

“No, don’t be. It was my f…”

“…”

“…”

As if she’d just noticed who she bumped into, she stops speaking.

And hearing her voice, I suddenly find myself at a loss for words as well.

It was like music to my ears.

Scarlet Sterling.

She must’ve just finished chatting with Jennifer and was heading back to the classroom.

“…”

I pick myself back up from the fall and offer her a hand.

She looks at it for a moment then shakes her head.

“I can stand up on my own.”

“I see.”

But.

Without waiting to confirm that she really is okay, I quickly walk past her.

“In the end, you’re just a chicken who happened to luck out with Scarlet.”

“…”

I hate how right Momo was about me after just one simple game of chess.

I really am a chicken.

But really, what would being brave have done for me in that situation?

In the end, no matter what I do, my life is nothing but fodder for other people’s entertainment.

And now, I can’t even lean on my friends when I need them the most.

No matter how you look at it, I’ve already lost.

My high school career is now officially over.