Your Love For Mine - 33 Estranged

…

It seems like before I knew it, everyone at Sunchester High had started talking about me in a negative light.

It’s strange.

There was almost no sign of this happening before today.

Sure, Jack did approach me about Scarlet last week, but he seemed more like an outlier who happened to be interested in Scarlet.

But today all of a sudden, I’ve somehow become the most ridiculed person at school.

Was I just wrong in thinking that things would be okay if I got involved with a popular girl for a little while?

…

I can’t wrap my head around how this happened.

Despite my attempts at laying low, despite choosing to spend time with less popular, more genuine friends over superficial ones, it still ended up like this.

I lay back onto one of the benches beside the indoor basketball court.

The gymnasium, which is usually quite bright thanks to the sunshine that filters in from the windows above, is now covered in a thick sheet of gray thanks to the dark rain clouds that are currently covering the sky. It’s not particularly hard to see in here or anything though. It’s just oddly dark compared to last week.

Last week, huh?

Come to think of it, Scarlet and I were sitting together in this exact spot around this time last week.

Back then, she could still hold a proper conversation with me. Though, she seemed obsessed with calling me a loser and a geek and all of that stuff. I remember finding her somewhat attractive before she’d opened her mouth to go in on me with her usual slew of insults.

Though we didn’t speak to one another all that often, I did appreciate those small conversations with her. At the very least, though my initial impression of who she was had been long gone, it was hard not to enjoy that conversation with her.

But then, that incident with Jack suddenly changed her.

I’d thought that she pitied me for going so far just for some girl who I was supposed to be dating only in name, but…

If she really does like me, then perhaps I was mistaken about all of this.

It’s funny how just one misunderstanding could change everything between us.

But… is any of that related to what’s happened today?

Could Scarlet have somehow learned about my situation and spread bad rumors about me at school thanks to the break up?

No, that’s impossible. That girl is way too timid for that kind of grand revenge ploy.

Her power moves so far have been more docile and innocent in nature. Perhaps even naïve.

Besides, I don’t think Rachael would open up to those three about that. I think I’ve made it apparent enough to her that I’d like this to be kept under wraps.

Was I followed home at one point, then?

Impossible. I don’t think a regular high school student would do that.

In the first place, I come off of work much too late for something like that. And even if they did happen to see me, they’d have to take a half-hour long train ride with me all the way back to my place. I don’t think even my worst enemy at this school would do something as ludicrous as that at such an hour.

But then, how could they have done it?

The more I think about it, the less it makes sense.

I heave a sigh of defeat and look up at the ceiling of the gymnasium.

Damn though, this place would look much better with the lights on.

It would also help keep me from falling asleep. Between my lack of shut-eye and the soothing sound of rainfall, it’s becoming more and more difficult by the second to keep conscious.

Maybe I should skip gym class…

I already skipped geography and most of yesterday’s classes, so another day of skipping couldn’t hurt.

Well, gym aside, it would be bad if I fell too far behind the other classes. In the first place, missing geography wasn’t so bad. I can always copy the notes from Nic…

…

“He seemed kind of upset, huh?”

I don’t know how much of those things those two ended up believing.

But either way, those words definitely had some type of an effect on them.

Neither of them have been much about caring for the public’s views of their behavior, but even in spite of that, it felt like those words cut deep enough to get to them. I mean, it stopped both of them in their tracks before they could really defend me like they initially wanted to. It kinda feels like with just a few words, I was stripped of two of the only people I had left in this school.

I don’t think it needs to be said, but most of the things our classmates were saying about me were blatant lies.

But by mixing some truth in there, I couldn’t find the strength to defend myself.

It was a perfect attack.

It’s crazy to think about how perfectly it played against me.

Almost as if the rumors had been perfectly orchestrated to bring about my fall.

“…”

Surprisingly enough though, having my reputation stripped from me isn’t all that bad.

After having thought about it for a while, what hurts me more than having my secret out is the possibility that those two won’t ever see me as friends again.

Funny how that works, huh?

I befriended them in order to avoid the invasive superficial world of the popular kids.

And yet now, I’m more bummed out about the possibility that those two won’t hang out with me anymore than the reason I befriended them to begin with.

I suppose it only makes sense, though.

No one likes being alone.

And now that those rumors are out, no one else will probably take their time of the day to befriend some friendless kid from the slums who works part-time at Smooters.

But even then, this feeling in my chest is more than just about feeling alone.

I’ve actually come to enjoy the time I’ve been spending with Nick and Sig.

That’s why, even in spite of what happened back there, I’m going to try my best to make up with them.

I absolutely have to.

“…”

Eventually, time goes by and the other students arrive for gym class.

But unfortunately, I slowly begin to realize the error of my ways.

Of all the activities our teacher could’ve picked for us today…

Once we changed into our gym clothes, the students were split into two teams and placed on each side of the court.

I’m not exactly the most popular guy at school today so gym was going to be rough enough as is, but…

Why on earth are we playing dodgeball?!

I’m obviously going to be the main target!

And what’s worse is that just one glance at the court is all I need to confirm that. Everyone seems to have their eyes set on me.

Great…

Though it’s upsetting, the logic behind all of this isn’t totally lost on me.

In their eyes, I’m just some manipulative womanizer from a bad neighborhood so I can’t exactly blame them for looking at me like that, but… This is still a bit much. I wouldn’t be surprised if my own teammates held me down and crucified me at this point.

That probably won’t happen, though. Not with our teacher standing out near the benches.

On my side of the court, both Nick and Sig are lined up and ready to play.

That’s a relief, that’s two less friendly fire shots to worry about.

Well, it’d be much more of a relief if they could at least look my way though.

Neither of them have so much as acknowledged my existence since they’ve arrived here for gym.

I guess I did run away earlier instead of explaining myself…

Haaa… This is going to end painfully either way.

Our instructor blows his whistle to bring our attention to the side of the court where he’s standing.

“Alright guys, everything’s set up. We’ll start the next time I blow the whistle. Remember to play fair and have fun, okay?”

“Yes sir!”

“Good! Now get into kickoff positions!”

“Don’t get in our way, nerd.”

The guy next to me spits those words my way before walking off to his position.

Talk about on edge… Is this how everyone’s going to treat me be from now on?

I sigh and relax my body, then get down into the starting position.

Any second now.

In any moment, he’s going to blow the whistle and the match will begin.

There are eight balls lined up in the middle of the court. The 16 male students who are a part of this class have been split between the two sides, meaning there are as many balls as there are people on one team. As soon as the countdown ends, there’s going to be a rush to see which team can claim more of those balls.

The question is, should I bother rushing in there with everyone else?

With all the attention I’ve gotten today, running straight to the front lines like that would just be a death sentence. Sure, if I don’t go I’ll be denying my side a ball, but… It’s better than just getting one slammed in the face right from the beginning, isn’t it?

I mean, it’s not like I’m as athletic as the rest of them, so…

But before I can finish those thoughts, Momo’s words flood my head.

“That’s why I said you’re a chicken.”

“…”

“The game hasn’t even begun and yet you’ve already accepted defeat. You’ve already acknowledged me as the untouchable, superior player. And as a result, your play suffers for it.”

“…”

“That’s it, isn’t it? You don’t want to lose after trying your heart out. Because it hurts to want something and lose it right before your eyes. It hurts to fail, doesn’t it?”

“…”

“It feels like the whole world will laugh at you if you fail.”

She really read me like a book, huh?

I bite my lip.

Yeah yeah, I know.

I know already.

Dammit…

I thought I took my first step forward yesterday, but everything’s just been getting worse ever since.

Whatever, screw this.

I’m tired of running away.

I’m tired of being a chicken.

Even if it means… Even if it means getting beat on by everyone on the other side of that court.

Even if it means becoming an even bigger laughing stock by failing, I…

I’ll…!!

Before I could finish my thought, it suddenly happens.

The sound of whistle being blown fills the court.

And before I knew it, my body had already sprung to action.

I doubt I’d survive for that much longer even if I do avoid the scuffle at the center. Besides, even if I do get eliminated immediately, just rolling the ball back to my team would make all of this worth it in the grand scheme of the game.

Which is why I’ll head straight for the ball right away.

It’s okay, I don’t mind being the sacrificial pawn. I don’t mind, but I also want to win. So I’ll do my best to survive.

“… Huh?”

But as it turns out, things go much better than I expected.

Surprisingly enough, I make it to the center of the court much quicker than my opponent.

I guess running away from all of your problems does come with its share of benefits, huh? Haha!

I grabbed the ball in front of me, then nervously twisted my head to scan the court.

“…”

And then, it hits me.

Another shocking revelation.

My evaluation of the field had left me in a state of disbelief.

Dammit, I messed up!

Something strange had happened between the time the whistle was blown and the time I ran off to the center of the court.

It was such a fundamental thing that you couldn’t miss it even if you weren’t familiar with the rules of dodge ball.

In fact, the only reason I missed it was probably because I was so focused on not being a coward.

The truth of it is…

Not a single one of my teammates had ran alongside me.

I scan the backlines.

They’re all just standing there.

Grinning.

Dammit, they planned this.

They’re planning on letting everyone on the other side grab the other seven balls so that they could end me right off the bat.

Shit, they really were planning to crucify me!

“Hup!”

Without turning back to the other side of the court, I drop the ball and leap away from the spot I was kneeling at.

A strong wind brushes past the side of my face.

A narrow miss.

If I’d moved even half a second later, it would have nailed me right in the face.

I quickly turn my gaze to get a quick glance of the situation.

“Damn man, it wasn’t your turn yet.”

“Ah, my bad my bad. He just has such a puncheable face that I couldn’t resist.”

From the other side of the white line that separates the teams, a lineup of male students holding dodge balls are all towering above my figure.

Gazing down at me like I’m a piece of garbage.

The sound of rainfall that still refuses to let up outside the gym fills the atmosphere with a sense of hopelessness.

They still have six left– seven if you count the one I just let go of.

But for some reason, they aren’t throwing them.

They’re just sizing me up as if deciding how to end me.

“Aight guys, let’s fuck this little shit up. I’m going first.”

“Man I’ve got dibs, remember? Don’t screw up the order.”

“… What the hell is going on…?”

I clench my fists.

First we just ‘happened’ to be playing dodgeball, then my teammates left me to die in complete unison, and now this.

Even this… Even gym class isn’t going my way.

It’s like everything that’s happened today has been carefully orchestrated with the intent of breaking my spirit.

Can this even be called a coincidence anymore?!

I slam my fist into the ground.

“GodDAMMIT!”

I’m barely awake. My body isn’t moving the way I want it to. I’ve been stressed out from the whole Scarlet situation, and I’m worried about how things between her and Momo are going. I’m hurt that Nick and Sig may not see me as their friend anymore.

And deep down, I’m still hoping that my brother and sister managed to make it to school safely today.

Adding this whole situation on top of that is just cruel.

It’s cruel, dammit!

“Hahahaha! He looks like he’s about to cry!”

“Relax bro, we’ll end it quickly. Then we’ll make sure your girlfriend knows aaaall about it later.”

“…”

These guys…

They’re so obsessed with this.

Even though the way I live my life has nothing to do with them.

They’re going this far just to inflict physical and emotional pain on me…

Am I really…

That bad of a human being…?

Do I really deserve all of this?

“…”

Regardless of how I feel, they all wind their arms back and aim carefully.

Whatever, just get it over with.

I close my eyes and tense my body up in order to lessen the damage.

Just get it over with.

Please.

…

After a brief moment, the sound of balls getting tossed through the air fills the court.

I clench my teeth and await the imminent pain.

I wait.

I wait.

I wait.

I wait for a while.

I wait, but…

That pain never comes.

“Huh..?”

I open my eyes.

And I almost can’t believe what I’m seeing.

“Nick…?”

It seems they focused most their fire on him instead, but…

Ah.

One of the members of the other team is walking away from the court.

Did Nick use the ball that missed me to launch a surprise attack?

That’s so… sneaky.

But unfortunately, he suffered for it.

He ended up taking the full fury of the barrage that was meant for me…

Nick, you really are…

“Ow!”

A ball nails the side of my head.

I lose consciousness for about a split second, but I manage to catch myself before I completely pass out.

“Haha, YEET!”

“Bro he got fucked up. I wish we didn’t waste all our shots on that other nerd though.”

“Yeah for sure. He almost ruined everything though so he kinda deserved it.”

“…”

Nick picks himself up from the ground and walks over in my direction.

His expression is still as empty as it was back in the classroom.

Despite getting assaulted by the entire enemy team, he doesn’t seem to care too much about the pain.

I want to talk to him and explain everything, but at this point I barely have any energy left.

Well, I suppose the least I can do is say something, right?

“Thanks for helping me out, Nick.”

Once he approaches me, I muster up the courage to say those words to him.

But he does not turn to face me.

He walks past me without acknowledging my existence more than necessary.

“It wasn’t for you. I was just playing the game.”

After adjusting his glasses, those were the only words he left me with.

“…”

Cold.

Somehow, it was even colder than when Scarlet ignored me earlier today.

After he left with those words, the loneliness, the hopelessness of the situation finally started to sink in.

“N-Nick!”

I yell from behind him.

“I’ll be waiting in the clubroom after school! I’ll tell you and Sig everything then, so please…”

“…”

Please don’t just let it end like this…

You two are all I have left…

Nick… Sig…

Please give me the chance I need to explain everything to you two…