Your Love For Mine - 36 Drafted

My popularity was a fluke.

There’s a small group of freshman girls who sometimes say things along those lines.

They’ll talk about how my popularity was just a coincidence. They’ll say I haven’t earned it on my own.

It’s not strange for that kind of thing to happen when you’ve found yourself in the limelight. After all, it’s the nature of success to inspire envy in those who are less fortunate.

It’s normal to feel like you’ve been treated unfairly when someone gets something you wanted. Especially when it feels like they got it with seemingly no effort.

And, the saddest part is,

I’d be lying if I said they were wrong.

Yeah, it really was all just dumb luck.

I mean, I wouldn’t be nearly as big as I am now if not for that girl.

She’d already made waves since before the first official day of school.

Being the go-getter that she was, she had already been recognized by her upperclassmen as amazing from day one. No one else would ever think about applying to join the cheer-leading summer camp before they’d even taken their first class.

That obsession with going the extra mile is what earned her a reputation as that ‘amazing freshman girl’.

And it’s true, she is amazing.

In fact, no other girl our age could possibly match her.

Her work ethic is inhuman.

Her charisma is unmatched.

Her looks are to die for.

The girl everyone came to know as Jennifer Swift quickly became a symbol of admiration among the boys and girls in freshman year. It was hard to not look up to her with everything she’s done. She was just so beautiful, so perfect. And from afar, it seemed like none of it was even getting to her head.

I quickly learned, however, that looks aren’t everything when it comes to people.

And unfortunately for me, it was a lesson I had learned far too late.

…

Our introduction happened moments before our second algebra class of the school year. There was a bit of time left over before the bell was scheduled to ring, so the students were still chatting it up with one another in the classroom.

That was when I was introduced to that girl.

“Hello Jen. You look as dreadfully positive as always.”

“Omigosh, hi Momo! Good to see you!”

The two greeted one another as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

I’ll be honest, I was at a loss for words.

That a bottled-up girl like Momo, who I coincidentally sat next to on the bus to school today, would happen to be friends with the most popular girl in our year was a completely foreign idea to me.

The self-absorbed, loner impression I had of her crumbled right before my eyes.

And apparently, I wasn’t the only person who was surprised.

“Hmm? What’s this? What’s this??? Momo, don’t tell me… you’ve actually made a friend? Whaaaat? No wayyyy!”

“There’s no need to make such a huge scene out of it, I don’t think it’s something worth emphasizing that much. In any case, allow me to introduce you two. Jen, this is Scarlet. She sat next to me on the bus ride to school today since you didn’t make it. Scarlet, this is…”

“Yeah, I know her.”

I interrupted while shifting my gaze between the two of them.

“Jennifer Swift, the only freshman student on the cheer-leading squad as of right now.”

And arguably the most popular girl of our year, I thought.

And, as I had only just realized, she also happened to be friends with Momoka Kudo, the quiet girl I’d casually become acquainted with on the school bus just earlier today.

“Aw geez. No need to flatter me. Nice to meet you!”

She stuck out her hand, and I hesitantly reached out to shake it.

“Sorry if I’m being a bit weird about this. It’s just… I would never have guessed that the two of you were friends. I mean, no offense, but you don’t look like you…”

Jen giggled.

“Yeahhh, I get it. Don’t worry though, I’m not the kinda gal who only hangs out with stuck-up cheerleaders all the time. Yuck, don’t have the patience for it. I’m actually reaaally down to earth once you get to know me! And yeah, Momo might not smile that often, but she’s way more fun to talk to than those other girls, wouldn’t you say?”

“Oh yeah, for sure.”

We both shifted our gazes back to Momo, who was still standing up while reading. She was really immersed in that book. It was the same red one she had been reading back on the bus: Norwegian Wood.

Jen however, seemed displeased by Momo’s sudden disconnection from the conversation.

“Heeeey Momo, take a seat already. You’re like, making us uncomfortable.”

“Huh? Oh, I’m taking advanced algebra, remember? I’m not in this class. I just stopped by to introduce the two of you since you had the same first period.”

“Oh riiiiight. Advanced algebra, eh? You must really think you’re hot stuff, huh Momo?”

“Oh, not at all. Everyone is different after all. Some girls have to use our brains to get by in life, and the others have big breasts.”

“Heh, I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Gosh, what am I going to do with you?”

With a giggle, the two of them waved farewell to one another as Momo departed for her class.

This was bad news for me, however, as Momo’s departure signaled my time alone with the most popular freshman girl at school.

I was sweating bullets.

The anxiety was so much that I couldn’t even blink for a while. Like, just what was I supposed to say or do here, you know?

And that anxiety only got worse when she turned back to face me.

“Sooo Scar, what kind of things are you into?”

“H-huh? Things?”

“Oh you know, like hobbies! If we’re gonna be friends then we should get to know each other, right? Do you read books like Momo? Is that why she likes you? I dunno why you’d read a book in the year 2019 though. Yuck! Don’t have the patience for it. If you can’t tell your story in 280 characters then it totally isn’t for me.”

“…”

“What? Do you want me to talk first? Or do you just like, not have any? Nah, that can’t be. Momo wouldn’t bring such a boring girl here.”

“Um, if you don’t mind going first…”

“Huh… Well fine, I don’t mind. I like shopping mostly. Clothes, accessories, snacks, you name it. Oh, but when I say snacks I don’t mean anything high in carbs or sugars. That stuff would like, really destroy my waist line. Just the healthy stuff. I guess I also like cheerleading too, but I’m doing that for clout more than anything else.”

“Uhuh…”

It might sound rude, but her hobbies seemed boring to me. Deep down, I couldn’t imagine what a girl like Momo, or even the rest of student body could have seen in such a shallow girl. I mean, she was just listing off things everyone else thought was cool, wasn’t she? What’s made her so special?

It didn’t really make sense to me.

And yet, the idea of getting close to someone so powerful was much too tempting for me to write any of it off as simply ‘boring’. Instead, I chose to see each of the things she listed off in a new light. Like, ‘what made this so interesting?’

“But more than any of that, I like guy hopping. I mean, guys are so stupid, right? You show a little cleavage and smile at them and they’ll drool all over you. It’s like, showing some skin and giving them attention makes you more important to them than the student body president himself. I dunno. I hate guys and their small brains, but I like how their attention feels, you know?”

“Uh, is there not a type of guy that you do like…?”

“I guess so? Hmm, let’s see… If I had to seriously date a guy, he’d have to be like, REALLY hot. He’d be tall and have muscles in all the right places. And rich, of course! If he doesn’t have money then he isn’t worth my time like, at all.”

Just like her hobbies, her taste in men also seemed rather shallow at first, but I quickly realized that it suited her go-getter personality.

Based on what I knew of Jennifer Swift at the time, she was a girl who would not settle for anything other than first place. She stopped at nothing to make a name for herself among the other students at this school, and she stood out above the rest of her year as a result.

For a girl like her, it’s only natural that she’d strive to date the best guy she could possibly find.

The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like the mentality of a winner.

But there was still something about it that bothered me.

“What about their personality?”

“Huuuuh?”

She seemed genuinely displeased by that question.

“Who cares about that? Guys are just arm accessories. I hate both them and their stupid personalities. They only care about sex without exception. All men are trash, Scarlet. You’d better remember that.”

Her words were so loud that I found myself cringing and looking around the room for any sign of glares from the guys in the class room.

But strangely enough, I couldn’t find anyone giving us the stink eye.

In fact, there were more guys sneaking longing glances at her than anything.

It felt almost like…

Like she was being worshiped by the boys in this class.

“Haha, I see…”

“Wait, what we were talking about? Oh, right. Hobbies!”

I tensed up in surprise.

I had completely forgotten that her question was originally intended for me.

“A-ah, um…”

I did have a few hobbies I could mention, but it felt embarrassing to open up about them to someone I’d never met before today, let alone someone like her.

Regardless, I had to at least try. It was my shot at popularity so I had to take it.

“W-well, I do watch movies frequently. I absolutely adore old films from the 90s like Diehard, Rush Hour and The Matrix. Tarantino movies are classics too! I mean, I could watch Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction on repeat all day! Oh, I don’t exclusively fangirl over movies though. TV shows are enjoyable too. In particular-”

“Stop.”

“H-huh?”

Her voice was like a bullet through my chest.

In the middle of opening up about the things I felt so passionately for, she suddenly shot me down without a moment’s hesitation.

“Why do you talk like that?”

“L-like what?”

“Like, with those words. You’re not doing a movie-site review. You don’t have to act like it. Just talk like a normal high school girl, why don’t you?”

“I-I see…”

“Haaa… whatever, this is boring. Let’s talk about your taste in guys instead. Go on, surprise me.”

“…”

I still hadn’t recovered from the shock of being silenced.

But… I interpreted this this as my chance at redemption.

“I guess… if I had to name a type… have you seen Snow White?”

“Uh, the old Disney movie? Sure, maybe once as a kid.”

“The thing is, my dad is a huge fan of things like that. Like, old animated films and stuff. Back when I was a kid I’d watch them with him all the time, and, I dunno… ever since I saw movies like Snow White and The Little Mermaid, I’ve always been in love with the idea of one day marrying a prince who would like… come to rescue me if I’m ever in trouble. Stuff like that just sounds so romantic, doesn’t it?”

“…”

The more I went on, the more Jen’s face turned into a scowl.

I hadn’t realized it until I was done speaking, but she looked visibly disturbed by everything I’d said.

As if her boredom after hearing about me ramble on about movies wasn’t bad enough…

Hearing what she had to say after that…

Broke my heart.

“You’re kind of a stupid bitch, aren’t you?”

My world came crashing down in an instant.

It was the second time I had let her into my world, and the second time she tore it down without remorse.

“That’s like, no good at all. You have sooo much to learn about guys. Didn’t I say it? All men are trash. Rescue you? No, girl. If they do something like that it’s only because they’re after your body as payment. That’s just how it is with them.”

“That’s…”

I couldn’t find the words to respond.

My world was completely shattered.

I won’t deny that it was an optimistic, childish wish. But to have it dismissed so harshly was too much for me.

“Oh you poor thing… Come here.”

She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly.

It was strangely comforting.

No sooner than she’d made me feel worthless with her words by striking me down, she took me into the comfort of her arms for warmth and security.

Looking back on it now, these actions were all calculated.

From the moment I met her, she was slowly attacking the very foundation of my self-esteem in order to rebuild it around her own existence.

From then on, I had become one of the many people who were ensnared in the spell of the girl named Jennifer Swift.

My thoughts, my ideas, my tastes.

Every single one of them slowly began to reflect the girl who I began to idolize as the perfect human being.

Because, as she had made me so painful aware of, Scarlet Sterling herself was nothing.

No, not nothing.

Scarlet Sterling was a stupid bitch.

Jen had said it herself.

And how could I argue against her?

She was the popular one. Surely she knew something that I didn’t, right?

That’s why I had to mold myself.

Mold myself into the kind of girl that she would respect.

But deep down, these changes to my lifestyle were hurting me more than I’d realized.

My sudden lack of individuality, forcing myself to do the things I didn’t want to do, listen to music I didn’t like, standing in front of a mirror doing make-up for an hour to make myself prettier…

That lack of freedom was killing me.

I think that’s probably why my eyes kept drifting over there.

To the back of that classroom.

To the boy who was always half-asleep.

I envied his freedom.

I envied how little he seemed to care about the world around him.

I envied how he could hang out with those geeks.

Those obnoxious losers.

He did it so carelessly.

Without worrying about his reputation or being ridiculed by others.

While I was slowly becoming wrapped up in the superficial world of the popular, constantly honing and refining my own image, attitude and opinions, he could just sit there with those two and act as he pleased without caring about the consequences.

I envied it.

Deep down, I envied it so much that I wanted to die.

And that’s why I decided to…