The Color of the Sky I saw that Day was also Blue - Chapter 18

Chapter 18:

“Huh? That someone you know?” asked the man who was likely her husband

Minako smiled and nodded. “Could I have a minute?” she asked, and when her husband agreed, she crouched beside her daughter and said, “Something came up, so Mama will catch up with you later. Go on ahead with Papa and wait for me in the room, okay?”

The girl nodded, and Minako stood up and turned back towards Osakabe.

“It’s been a while, Kengo-kun. You’re free to chat for a minute, right?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He could only nod awestruck. Meanwhile Honoka must have sensed his tension, because she announced, “I’ll go on ahead inside.” She gave a slight bow in greeting as she passed Minako before entering the guest house.

“Do you want to go to the rest house, or…?” Osakabe gestured towards his scooter, but Minako turned down the offer.

“No, we can chat while we walk,” she said.

And so the two of them strolled side by side along the coastal road. Before their eyes, the sea wall towered over everything. On the other side of the dividing wall, several fishing boats were anchored in the port. This close to the ocean, the wind occasionally whipped up. The fickle breeze tousled their hair, carrying with it the scent of the sea.

“Why did you stop responding to my letters?”

Minako was the first to speak. She got straight to the point without attempting to feel him out, her expression reflexively turning bitter. Well, she was never the type to dance around the issue, he considered.

“I’m terribly sorry I never responded. I was too afraid to even open the very last letter you sent. I didn’t even read it until quite recently.”

He left it at a vague “recently,” omitting the fact he had only read it a few days ago.

“You’re kidding, right?” Minako’s eyes opened wide.

He wished he were joking. “Sadly, it’s the truth.”

“Why…” she started to say, then started to laugh at herself. “Sorry. I just keep asking you why, why, why. It’s not fair to keep grilling you like that, so I’ll tell you how I’ve really felt this whole time.”

Feeling a little trepidation, he nodded. “Yeah, go ahead.” He turned to face Minako as he listened.

“Just as I wrote in those letters, my whole life was hopeless back then. Through writing those letters to you, I think I just wanted to hide who I was and pretend I was the same sweet girl you remembered. But in the end, because of my own weakness, I confessed to you about the real me. I assumed that by showing you my weakness, I could depend on you to reach out and save me.”

“I did the exact same thing.”

“Huh…?” Minako’s eyes glistened as she turned to face him.

“I was just like you. In my letters, I was creating a completely false version of myself.”

Minako inhaled sharply.

“The real me was a little more boring, a little more gloomy, a guy with no one he could call a friend. But I didn’t have the courage you did to reveal who I really was. I was terrified of you finding out the truth about me, so I couldn’t respond to your letter. Even though you were the one who was truly suffering the whole time. …Now I truly regret what I did.”

He dropped his head in apology. At that Minako murmured, “I see…” and came to a stop.

She turned on her heel and faced the ocean and began speaking as if to herself.

“It’s my own fault I got hurt, you know? Don’t get the wrong idea.”

“Minako…?”

“I was the one to fall for you, and I chose to confess my feelings. I was the one who got their heart broken. If I truly wanted you to return my feelings, then I should have done something sooner. It’s what I always do. Because of my cowardice, I always end up all alone, realizing too late that no one picked me. I was truly miserable for those three years of high school, but because I didn’t have the courage to fight my destiny, I clung to my memories of you, Kengo-kun.”

She sighed once, then turned on her heel again, this time to face Osakabe directly.

“But you really did like me…?”

He instinctively turned away from her inquiring gaze, her feelings. Did he really have the right to say “I liked you” at this point…?

And yet right now he felt he must not lie. This may very well be the last time I ever speak to Minako. If this is the last memory we share together, then I should voice my feelings to fulfill this love.

“Yeah, I did like you. I don’t know what good it does to dare to admit that now, but I think I maybe even liked you from the first day I joined the photography club in junior high school.”

Hearing that, Minako murmured, “I knew it.” She suddenly started counting out on her fingers. “It’s already been eight years since the day I last wrote to you…” she said.

It’s ironic, Osakabe thought. It took us eight years before we could meet again like this and confirm our feelings for each other. Really, how did we end up like this?

“I had a vague suspicion you felt that way, Kengo-kun… Ahh, it’s kind of anti-climactic, to ask you ‘Did you like me?’ only to have you straight up answer ‘Yeah’… If it was that easy all along, I should have confessed ages ago. Don’t you think that would have saved us some trouble?”

“Yeah, it really would have. If only I had responded to your letter back then. If only I could have faced my own feelings sooner. I’ve thought that countless times, and I regret it every time. In the end, timing is everything.”

…timing, huh. As he spoke, he felt one more stone weigh down his heart.

It’s like my situation with Honoka now. We have even worse timing. Is it truly okay to continue this relationship with her if I truly liked her?

“It’s strange, isn’t it? We both liked each other and yet we still didn’t end up together.” Minako smiled painfully, and with her fingers wiped away the tears that spilled from her eyes.

It’s just like MInako said, he thought. Maybe we were actually destined to end up together. And Minako at least put forth the minimum amount of effort possible for that to happen. On the other hand, I ran away from it all, and turning my back on reality led to the worst possible outcome. The real culprit all along was my own weak heart.

Yet the opposite could also be true, right?

Suppose we had gotten together. I would be causing Minako a great deal of worry and suffering at this very moment. If I consider things from her point of view, I could even say this is the best case scenario. Because I did nothing, this may have become a pathetic story, but it’s a lucky break for her.

“However, I am relieved that things worked out for you in the end, Minako. Your husband and child are lucky to have you.”

“Thank you—I am so happy with my life right now. Kengo-kun… do you have someone in your life?”

He hesitated to answer her question.

He wanted to say, “I do,” but considering his own guilty circumstances, he was frustrated with himself for not being able to boast about Honoka being his girlfriend. He cringed at his miserable self, and after carefully considering his words, he finally spoke.

“I do… in a way. A wonderful girl that I don’t deserve. It’s confusing, I don’t even know if it’s okay for me to call her a girlfriend, or to even tell other people about her…”

A smile floated to Minako’s lips, and she said in a shocked tone, “As usual, you have no confidence in yourself. This girl, has she told you she likes you?”

“Well… yeah, she has.”

“I saw the news about the accident. It looks like you had a hard time. But I won’t tell you to do your best or anything. It’s only natural you’d be doing your best, and it would be hypocritical for me to tell you that when I am nowhere in your life. But this girl is choosing to be there for you, right? And she’s accepted you, and told you she loves you? Then you have to respond to her feelings. Don’t regret doing nothing, just like you did with me, okay?”

She paused there for a moment. “It’s enough if I’m your only regret.”

He was moved by Minako’s words. He could only nod and say, “Yeah, you’re exactly right.”

He considered his feelings once more. I love Shirakisawa Honoka.

I’m so glad I met her.

And I’m so glad I could meet Minako today.

After that, the two of them complained about the loneliness they felt for the past ten years. Meeting like this, they didn’t run out of things they wanted to share with each other. The happy memories, the sad memories. The painful memories. Although they avoided saying it directly, they conveyed to each other without words how difficult it had been without the other in their life, and how through all these years they had still longed to meet one another.

As they parted ways, Osakabe offered to exchange contact information with Minako, and she smiled in response.

He tossed aside his previous assumption that he may never meet Minako again after this. He now felt that she could become a close friend.

And, at the same time, he realized, I want to make Honoka happy.

And for that to happen, I need to first decide what I should do.